“I remember that,” he said to me, looking to the side of my face “when you two were together. He was so happy around others, and I saw that you were too”

I stared at my feet, wincing at the memories.

Usually, people smile or laugh at happy memories, relish them and miss them.

Not for me.

My happy memories add to the hurt I feel.

*flashback*

I stared out the window, watching the rain pour down the glass.

Why hasn’t he called yet?

Worriedly, I started cleaning my room, busying myself with organising my things and random thoughts.

Things have gotten better lately.

Umma and Appa don’t hit me as much now, since he came. He brings such a carefree aura around him.

I smiled. Just thinking about him brings me joy. It’s a feeling I’m not really accustomed to, but it’s a nice feeling.

While I was fluffing a pillow, I heard the doorbell ring.

My heart fluttered.

I skipped over to the door. Teeth: good, hair: pretty, breath: minty, pants: on.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

“I brought you a gift” he said slyly, leaning against the door frame with his arms folded. In one hand he held a small box about the size of his palm and extended it towards me. One corner of his mouth was pulled up and his chocolate brown eyes were crinkled up into one of his infamous eye smiles.  I beamed back at him.

“Seungho oppa!!” I sang as I leaped into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist, hiding my face in his chest. I felt his strong arms around me, leading me to the couch.

I sat on his lap, resting my head on his shoulder and taking the small purple box. It was pretty, with a woven silver pattern and a sleek black satin ribbon tied around it.

“Neomu yeppo-dah*” I whispered as I ran my fingers across the satin. He tightened his grip around me, pulling me closer towards him.

“Open it yeobo” he murmured into my hair, kissing the top of my head.

I pulled open the stiff little box, revealing more black satin material and something beautiful.

It was clear, silver and perfect. The crystals sparkled as I took it out and turned it around in my hands and the silver charms tinkled as they moved. The chain was intricately woven silver – I’m guessing – and the latch study but pretty.

I gasped and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“Saraghaeo oppa!! It’s beautiful!!!”

“Just like you~” he sang into my ear, pulling me closer and kissing me sweetly on the lips.

*end of flashback*

“Jae Hwa?” Joon’s voice brought me back to the present. Slowly, I turned to face him. He looked kindly back at me, as if nothing was wrong.

I fumed.

“What? Don’t you remember why he really was with me? Don’t you remember what he did to me? Do you even know what I had to go through because of him?” I yelled at him, upset because of his nonchalance.

I turned away from him, considering running back and forgetting all about him.

I was just about to get up and leave when I heard his reply.

“Yes, I do” he said under his breath, regret and anger seeming out of his voice.

I turned back to him, his expression no longer kind and his eyes no longer sympathetic. His jaw was taut as he shut his eyes tightly, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

“I do know what happened” he looked at me sadly, his anger still wading about behind the veil he tried so hard to control. His milky brown eyes now turned solid, no longer soft and welcoming.

“You were in the streets…and you were waiting for Seungho to come and get you, when a big guy in a ski mask grabbed you and took you to an old brick building. He tied you down and there were others too, in the building, am I right?”

He looked at me, his eyes blank and cold. I couldn’t respond.

How did he know all this? How did he know what happened? Is he one of those scary stalker people you see tracking down celebrities like BEAST in taxi cabs? I stared back at him.

He continued on without hesitation, looking directly forward and avoiding my gaze.

“No, I am not a stalker…I know because I know.” He said sharply, daring me to object. I stayed quiet, sensing how close he was to losing control. He went on.

“The guys pinned you down, Seungho was there, and…your appa’s associate was paying him, correct?”

I could do nothing but nod as all the trauma and anxiety from that night hit me again.

“The men strapped you down and…Seungho…” he clenched his fists.

Both of us knew what happened next.

*flashback to that night*

“It’s okay princess, I won’t hurt you too much” he snicked as he got on top of me.

“W-Why are you doing this? I thought you loved me!!” I yelled at him as I tried to kick him off.

He smirked. “Love? What is love to you? You ‘loved’ me didn’t you? Sorry yeobo but your appa’s rich, and I found myself an easy way of payment” he leaned in again.

“What did I do!? Why did appa do this?” I growled at him angrily “I did nothing wrong!”

“On the contrary, he said something about disobeying his orders by running away to the park one night…”

I stayed silent. I had done that, but was all this really necessary? Couldn’t just beat me like he usually does?

“He also said he needed a different way of punishing you. You were acting out of line he said to me”

And right at that moment, while Seungho was me, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything to stop him any longer.

I…loved…him…

*end of flashback*

I felt the tears running freely now as all the horrific details of that night came flooding back into my head.

Joon turned to me, reaching his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to his side.

“Mianheo” he whispered “I’m sorry for everything”

I looked up into his eyes and by the way they drooped with sorrow, I could tell he meant more than just the story.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried into this cold, dark night.