School for me was the most important thing in my life. I saw it as an escape from the brutal horrors of my house. A refuge and a safe haven where I could let my guard down a little bit and give myself a chance explore the world around me outside of the confides of that wretched place and into the space of a secured sanctuary.

I rested my back against the large stone pillar in the school’s large courtyard, closing my eyes and inhaling the fresh ocean mist being blown in by the breeze. Summer would be ending soon. Our school starts a few days in advance to the official school year because it lets the students settle down and bring all their books so that when the official school year begins, the students here get straight onto their work.

I sat with my science books in my lap, fiddling with a pen and sketching whatever my eyes happened to land on.

History this morning had passed rather slowly, Doojoon chattering away at my side while we worked. Odd thing was, Joon was quiet the entire lesson, looking down at his textbook and answering all the questions. When he was done with those questions, I thought he would talk to me, but instead he turned the page and started reading ahead and completing worksheets.

My mind once again filled with Joon. His smile, his strong arms, his lips…

But also the things that worried me.

I still don’t know how he knows so much about my life and about Seungho, his…er…cousin. How does he even know who I am? Why did he care so much to look after me? Why did he transfer to my school!?!?!? But the most worrying question of all…what did he want from me? Was he like Seungho? In any way at all?

I looked down at my sketchpad, now covered in grey and residue from the cheap, soft rubber. Surprising myself, i looked down to see Joon etched into the length of my sketch pad, the sharp line of his jaw and dark hair shown in detail.

I quickly flipped back a page, revealing a child playing on the swing in a park. I looked down with remorse.

I’d drawn this the day after Joon had left, when I was sitting out on the balcony…

*flashback*

I left the ring in its case, next to Seungho’s bracelet, sitting quietly on the corner of my dresser.

I sighed.

My thoughts were running wild right now.

After seeing the ring next to the bracelet, it had finally set in how much Joon was like his cousin. Seeing the gifts together also made me compare them, Joon and Seungho, the only real men in my life.

I gazed out at the serene park, fixing my gaze on a little boy playing on the swing set. He was being pushed by his appa while his umma tickled his feet whenever he swang up to her. The little boy’s giggles and laughter filled the park with joyful music, the sweet, innocent melody floating up to the balcony where I sat. I gazed at the family for a long time.

In a way, I envied them. I envied them so much because that’s how I wish my family was. I wish I was a toddler, an innocent little baby where I knew nothing of the evils and the cruelty of the harsh world. I wish I had loving parents to support me and be there to give me hope and guidance. I wish I had a simple family that stayed together and looked after me. More than ever, I wish I was free.

That little boy will grow up freely. He’ll cling to his parents on his first day of school. He’ll study hard to make his parents proud in high school. He’ll work in an office or outside while contributing to society. He’ll grow old with a beautiful wife and children and grandchildren…

I took out my worn sketchpad; the smooth leather crinkled from rough handling. I let the pencil glide and sweep up and down the page, trailing smooth, elegant lines on the thick paper. I sketched the family: their happy and smiling faces and their hair flying in the wind.

I looked at the finished product, taking my middle finger and smudging the shaded areas, making the drawing seamless.

I looked up at the family again and caught a glimpse of the umma’s ring glinting in the sunlight. I turned back to my room and fixed my eyes on the little box sitting in the corner. I put the sketchpad back down and walked to it, having to put all my will power into walking those few feet. Slowly, I opened the box.

The pearl was still in place and the crystals still twinkled in the light.

I caressed the black rose with my finger.

“That is what I can never have,” I said to the rose, putting it down and collapsing on the floor, crying silently.

*flashback end*

I felt warmth run down my cheek and I breathed in a big lungful of air.

Why was I crying here?

“Jae Hwa-sshi?” I heard a familiar voice say. I didn’t need to look up. I didn’t want to.

I wiped the tears clean off my face with the dark sleeves of my jumper and gripped the yellow HB pencil tightly in my hand, making my knuckles go white.

“Boh?” I asked flatly, not looking up from the smiling little boy on my paper.

I saw his fist tighten under the sleeves of his navy blazer and heard the sharp intake of air into his lungs. I kep my eyes on the paper, keeping my eyes trained on the happy little boy.

He sat down next to me rigidly, deafening silence erupting between us and we sat side by side in the small corner of the crowded courtyard.

“When did you take up draw-…?”

“Where have you been?” I asked without meaning to. I winced in frustration.

He chuckled a little.

“Where have I been?” Joon asked himself “Filling in the forms to move here of course, what? Did you think I could just show up here and ask to be in the school? Things like that take time you know”

“It takes 2 weeks to fill out forms?” Gosh, just shut up Jae Hwa!

“No, I had other…business…” I flicked my head to face him questioningly. He looked away.

“Class is starting soon” he said hastily, moving onto his feet and walking away. He didn’t look back.

I turned my attention to the rest of the courtyard.

Everyone was still going about their business: talking, laughing, and making out. I looked away towards the lockers in disgust, swivelling my head to the side to come face to face with a small, chubby face and bleached white-blonde hair.

I sat paralysed by his stare; every inch of by body froze on the spot. He leaned his head in closer to my face.

“Stay away from Joon, trust me”

And with that, he retracted, giving me one last of his intense stares before slowly turning and walking off the opposite direction that Joon had.

I looked back to the smiling boy on my paper, letting my mind thaw out again.

(A/N: sorry for the really really really really really really really really reeeeeeeeeeally late update guys, i promise ill try to update more frequently^^ thanks for sticking around this far!)