24 | The Confusion
My Perfect Stranger
✗ Kim Rima ✗
I look around to find my seat, fixing my glasses position. When I have found it, I immediately sit and wear the seatbelt.
Three weeks have passed since the day I returned to my house. That night Yujin picked me at my apartment so I could return and talk to my father, heart to heart. You can say that everything is already settled down now.
Being the stubborn father and daughter, even though we had finally understood about each other, there was no such a thing as apology between us. He didn't even say 'welcome back' to me; it's a real serious conversation.
My father asked me whether if I wanted to study overseas if I was serious about music. After hesitated for a while, I refused the offer but willing to go to Seattle to meet a friend of my father who works as a music professor in a university.
I left to Seattle the next morning, meaning I never managed to meet Gikwang or Junhyung afterwards. I stayed at Seattle to receive the lesson to enhance my skill in music using my absolute pitch skill.
Honestly speaking I am really grateful that my father now acknowledges my skill. He even let me to stay without his care for three weeks. Thanks to my experience to stay at the apartment alone, I managed to live by my own at Seattle.
However I still feel apologetic towards Junhyung. During my days far from Seoul, I always check the news about BEAST everyday. Despite the fact that I've changed my number when I wasn't at Seoul, I never tried to contact them even though I could do it easily; I just need to ask my father to help me contact President Hong.
I still don't have any courage to meet Junhyung. The other reason why I agreed to go to Seattle is because I need time to adjust my heart after Junhyung's confession and my feeling for Gikwang.
In the end I never told Gikwang about my feeling for him. He did let me cry and hug me but nothing came out from me and it's irritating how clueless he was after everything I did in front of him.
I decided to forget about my feeling for him and live my life like how I supposed to do.
Unfortunately it's kind of impossible.
After my public announcement about my real identity, paparazzis are trying to dig further information about me. President Hong even helped me by giving official announcement that I only helped BEAST to compose songs for the new album. A strictly professional relation.
This is the biggest reason why I can't forget about Gikwang.
Around one week after my departure to Seattle, I read a news that Gikwang tweeted on his Twitter, telling his fans that I am an important friend for BEAST so he hoped the fans will understand and stop assuming things.
An important friend.
I guess I will never pass that line.
He also sent me an e-mail. I think he knew it from Yujin but I don't reply it. I just want to sort out my feeling before I meet him again, which is nearly difficult to happen due to our schedules.
I have another deal with my father. He will let me pursue my dream in music if I can find a way so someone can inherit his successful business one day.
Ironically this means if I want to focus a hundred percent in music, someone else must be involved between us. He gave an idea about looking for a husband or perhaps I can learn by myself.
Now I'm on a flight to Tokyo because I want to meet Eric in person. I haven't met him again after the engagement party. The same thing goes to Yoorin. I just want to talk with Eric, hoping he will understand about my situation.
I appreciate my father but forced engagement is out of my tolerance.
I stop daydreaming when someone takes a seat next to me. I look up to see the person and my eyes widen in surprise.
What a coincidence for me to meet her at this moment.
✗ Lee Gikwang ✗
My stylist fixes my hair carefully while my eyes sweep the room, trying to find my groupmates. All of them are busy talking with each other or checking their make ups except for one person.
Junhyung.
He has finished with his make ups and he only focuses on his phone. He does nothing, just staring blankly at the screen. I look at him sadly, feeling apologetic because I know exactly why he is acting this way.
For the last three weeks, Junhyung has been really distant from me. However he does his best in every single aspect, including finishing the new songs for our upcoming album.
Being the professional idol, he knows perfectly how to hide his emotion in front of the public. Let's say that he has his own tricks to fool everyone out there except from us, his own groupmates.
He wears his shades to hide the fact that the black circle under his eyes, the sign that he is lacking sleeping hours, are really obvious. This is his favorite trick but wearing the shades for three weeks has made our fans to speculate about what happened to him.
He overworks himself whenever we have training sessions, causing him to be the first one to be exhausted before the others. Doojoon has scolded him for this habit but looks like he is too stubborn to obey.
I can't blame him for being hurt. Actually I feel a little bit disappointed as well because Rima left without any explanation. She never told me about what she would tell me after the performance.
That night she cried in my hug, telling me to return to my apartment because she wanted to be alone. That night she left without telling me anything. When I tried to call her, she was unreachable and I found out that she went to Seattle from Yujin two days after her departure.
Yujin gave me her e-mail but she never replied it. The only thing I can do for her is to convince our fans that there is nothing happened between BEAST and Rima. I don't want anything bad to happen to her just because of silly rumors, do I?
"Thank you," I smile to my stylist and leave my seat, approaching Junhyung. He doesn't even look up at me when I take a seat next to him.
"Junhyung," I mumble, looking at him with concern. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need anything?"
He closes his eyes and heaves a sigh, "Gikwang, no more apologies. I have them enough from you."
Ever since Rima left, I kept apologizing to Junhyung. He must be really upset because I knew about her secret all along and hid it from him. He never said that he forgave me but he never talked about it either as if he didn't want to think about the problem.
"If this is about Rima, I-" I want to explain to him for the God-only-knows-times but he quickly cuts my words impatiently.
"Do you have any idea why she shared everything with you?" Junhyung gives me a deadly glare. "Do you have any idea why I told you to not treat her special if you don't like her?"
"Junhyung, what are you talking about?" I blink with confusion. Why is our conversation heading towards a different direction? I was going to cheer him, not make him mad like this.
Junhyung opens his mouth to say something but he quickly stops and shakes his head slowly, "Forget it. I don't even want to talk about it."
"Junhyung! Gikwang!" Doojoon calls us over. "Come on. Let's get ready."
Junhyung walks away without saying a word to me while I stand in silence, thinking of the only person who I want to meet right now.
Rima, if only we can talk now.
If only she can give me an answer of all this confusion.
✗ Yong Junhyung ✗
"Good job, everyone!" Doojoon pats my back and hugs Dongwoon. "Great job! We pulled out a great performance."
"Tokyo is really great!" Dongwoon blurts out with excitement. "We will return to Seoul in two days, right? It means we can enjoy a free day tomorrow, right?"
While the others are busy discussing about the destination to spend our free day tomorrow, I lean my back against the wall, letting my mind to wander somewhere else.
It's really tiring to pretend that everything is alright in front of everyone but I don't want my fans to worry about me either. I need to fake a smile and do my best regardless of my bad mood.
In the past three weeks my mood has been at the worst state. Everyone thinks I'm still mad because Rima hid her secret from me, using me to help him without me knowing a single thing.
It's not the reason why I act this way.
That night I locked myself in my room, letting anger and sadness to take over me. When I finally stepped out from my room, Yoseob told me that Rima had returned to her house.
He explained everything to me and handed over Rima's music book. I found her handwriting, telling me that she couldn't finish the last song and she was really sorry about hiding the secret from me.'
The whole day I tried to console myself just to find out that she left Seoul the next day from Gikwang. I was really mad, not because she told Gikwang and kept it as a secret from me.
Well, maybe a little. Of course I feel unfair that Gikwang knew the thing I didn't know.
I'm mad right until this moment because Rima left without giving me any answer. I confessed to her. I asked her to become my girlfriend. Doesn't it mean anything for her?
There is a part of me telling me that maybe she did all of these because she doesn't want to hurt me, because she thinks that leaving is the best option.
Having Gikwang apologizes to me most of the times doesn't make me feel any better. I really want to yell at him, telling him that I'm actually frustrated because I love Rima who falls in love with him.
Doesn't he know about it or he just pretends that he doesn't know?
Aish, everything is too confusing for me now.
Aish, everything is too confusing for me now.
"Let's go back to hotel," one of our managers announces. I straighten my body and quickly leave the room along with the others. "Is there anyone who wants to stop by to buy something first?"
"Me!" Hyunseung raises his hand. "I want to buy dorayaki! Anyone with me?"
"Can I return first to the hotel? Sora is supposed to be arrived soon and I told her to meet me at the hotel," Yoseob explains. "Just buy for me something to eat, okay?"
Hyunseung goes with Doojoon and Dongwoon to buy something while I return to the hotel with Yoseob and Gikwang. I'm not in the mood to have a walk anyway. I just want to lay myself on the bed and listen to music.
"I'm going to take a bath first," Yoseob tells me when we have arrived at the hotel. Both of us share a room together while Doojoon is in one room with Dongwoon and Hyunseung shares the room with Gikwang. "You look really tired, you know."
I just give him a gesture to go the bathroom while I turn on the television so I can watch something to distract my attention.
I change the channel randomly until a news catches my attention. Even though I don't understand a single thing about what the newscaster is saying because I'm not really good in Japanese, the headline is pretty easy to understand.
"KARA is going to perform in Tokyo!"
When I was going to increase the volume, someone knocks the door. I immediately stand up and open the door to find the familiar person in front of me.
"Junhyung," she greets me softly. "Good to see you again."
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