05

Siwon chocked on his coffee, coughing before he found a way to settle down. He didn´t know why. It was just like Kyuhyun to spit it out like that.

“Dammit! I´m scared like hell that I still might want you, man…that I have for a while now, and…I don´t know what it means. I had a dream about you, Siwon…I even jerked off thinking of you…I have never wanted a man before”

Am I hearing it all well?

“H-how do you feel about it?” – Siwon asked but as soon as the question came out of his mouth, he wished he could take it back.

“Confused. How do you think I feel? – Kyuhyun closed his eyes for a while and then opened them again– I´ve never trusted a friend the way I do you. I have never talked to anyone the way I talk to you. Now, I´m all ed up because you´re the one who has me turned inside out, yet you´re the only person I can open up about it to”

God! Was there anyone as honest as Kyuhyun? He always was like that. He always said what he thought without barriers. And Siwon always respected that about him.

“You can still talk to me. You always can. I have to admit, I don´t know what I´m doing here either, Kyu. I´m not in your head, and don´t know what you´re thinking or feeling. Usually if I want someone and they want me, even if the world doesn´t know about it, we and deal with the rest later…I have never wanted someone who wasn´t gay before…I…” – Siwon couldn´t continue. He wasn´t sure if he should confess he wanted Kyuhyun as well.

“Eh? Do you want me too?” – Kyuhyun´s voice was soft…so soft that Siwon hardly heard him. He sounded unsure as he asked Siwon that question. Damn! If Siwon´s wasn´t hard because of that now.

“I don´t know what the best thing to say is, Kyu…I don´t want to screw up and lose your friendship, but I can´t lie to you either…Of course, I want you! I have never wanted anyone as badly as I want you. I can´t control it. I can´t stop…I don´t know if I want to stop it” – his brain knew he should. He tried but he just couldn´t.

Kyuhyun´s hands were shaking on the table. He stared at Siwon, as if shocked by his words. He struggled a minute before he finally spoke:

“I don´t know if I want to stop either…but I feel like I should. This isn´t something I should want, but never experiencing it, you, that scares the hell out of me, too”

Lust like Siwon had never felt, exploded inside him. But it was more than that too. Every little thing inside Siwon fought for the chance to have Kyuhyun.

“Kyu…”

“I have never even touched a man, Siwon. I wouldn´t know what to do. I don´t know how I would react, but I crave it from you at the same time. All last night, I remember what it felt like to see your hand on me. Oh God! I´m getting all sappy here”

Kyuhyun laughed but Siwon couldn´t bring himself to do the same. His ached. His skin felt too tight. His hands itched to reach for Kyuhyun. To show him exactly how another man liked to be touched.

“You are not alone in this…I couldn´t get you out of my head last night, Kyu”

Kyuhyun´s eyes met Siwon´s. His skin glistened with nervous sweat.

“Try it again…not a lot…just like last night. Go slow…just…just…touch” – Kyuhyun begged softly and Siwon almost came right there. His pulsed in his jeans as fear increased to all levels inside him as well.

“No. I can´t do that, Kyu. I don´t want you to hate me for it”

Kyuhyun sighed deeply.

“I…I´m asking you to do it. I need you to do it. I have to know, Siwon. I have to feel it to make sense of it…you know I´d never hate you for anything”

Even if he wanted to, nothing would hold him back now. Slowly Siwon stood up. His legs were weak but nothing was going to hold him back from going to Kyuhyun. Nothing.

Siwon couldn´t explain how his body felt as he moved. Adrenaline and excitement ripping through him. It was only a touch. He knew that and no matter how much he wanted it, he would never take more than that today, but God! He did want his hands on Kyuhyun.

When he stood in front of his friend, Kyuhyun looked up at him. He was nervous. It was written all over his face. Siwon almost backed up, but then he saw it. Kyuhyun´s eyes skating over his bare chest. A chest he had seen hundreds of times before, but never looked with the blaze of desire that he had right now.

“God! You are so brave, Kyu!”

“You know why” – Kyuhyun managed to reply.

“Don´t do that. If you tell me to walk away right now, you´re not running…not in the way you were running the night when your parents died”

Kyuhyun ignored the part about his parents and the fire when he spoke.

“I´m not telling you to walk away”

Siwon´s desire increased even more. He went down to his knees in front of Kyuhyun, kneeling between his spread legs.

“Where?” – his voice actually trembling as he spoke.

“I don´t know. My arms. My chest. Like last night, just go slow” – Kyuhyun closed his eyes.

“No. Open them. I need you to look at me. I need you see who´s touching you. Or if you want me to stop”

Slowly, Kyuhyun´s brown eyes opened. Siwon didn´t waste any time after that. He reached out, and let his fingers trail over Kyuhyun´s right shoulder. His skin was smooth and soft and pale but all about Kyuhyun was beautiful. They both watched his hand as he did it. Siwon savored the heat of Kyuhyun´s hot and bare skin.

“Both hands” – Kyuhyun whispered, so he did. His hands ghosted down each shoulder, to his chest. Siwon wanted to run his thumbs over each . To get them hard, and see if Kyuhyun liked it, but he held back.

Siwon explored his stomach, his sides, traced every curve of his upper body slowly, very slowly as Kyuhyun wanted.

Kyuhyun hissed.

“Your hands are rough”

That was one of Siwon´s favorite parts about being with a man, the roughness.

“Do you like it?”

Kyuhyun´s eyes left Siwon´s hands and met his eyes.

“I like knowing it´s you”

Siwon´s already hard swelled even more.

“You are testing me. I don´t know how much I can handle” – Siwon said and moved away and stood up.

“Where are…”

“I´m not leaving” – Siwon stepped around the back of Kyuhyun, knowing he would lose it if he didn´t try. Siwon started by massaging Kyuhyun´s shoulders, digging his fingers into his soft skin, as Kyuhyun sat in the chair.

“Mmm…that feels good”

Siwon wanted more. He ran his hands over Kyuhyun´s chest. He brushed his thumbs over each . When Kyuhyun froze, so did he, but when his friend moaned out No. don´t stop, he started moving again. He alternated between massaging his shoulders and playing with his hardening s. Siwon breathed deeply, and so did Kyuhyun.

He rubbed each between his thumb and finger, making Kyuhyun groan a y groan, before his head dropped back against Siwon´s bare stomach. He had to fight everything inside him not to take Kyuhyun´s mouth. That´s when he knew to break the limits.

“No more. Not right now – Siwon told him, even though he thought the words could kill him – if you decide you want to try more, I don´t want it to be a rash decision”

“I know it wasn´t much…but I liked it. I fe