우리 사랑하지 말아요

Jihoon succeeds in getting himself a free scar removal from one of the doctors his father mentioned in his agenda. Now he doesn’t have to cringe every time he sees his own hand. It’s the first success with that agenda and it gives him courage.

Jisoo scolds him once again, he says Jihoon shouldn’t use others to achieve his dreams, that it will lose its meaning. But Jihoon knows this is bull. Someone as Jisoo, who always got what he wanted and was always supported in his decisions, won’t ever understand him. Jihoon doesn’t blame him though, after all it’s not Jisoo’s fault. But there is something Jisoo says and it makes him think twice if what he’s doing is right.

“Even though you covered that scar, it doesn’t make the past go away and you know it. Someday this blackmail will bite back.”

Seungcheol takes him out on a date that day. They walk around the park near the dorm, just talking. Seungcheol complains about his exams, Woozi talks about his song that is mostly finished now. He doesn’t ask where Seungcheol was the past week and the other doesn’t mention it.

Maybe Woozi should ask, maybe he should try to invest more in this relationship. But if Seungcheol wanted to share it with him, he would have said something, right? After all, he always did it before. This past week, Woozi realized how fragile their relationship actually is. And with Seungcheol not giving any sign for a whole week it made him doubt it even more. Maybe he thinks too much, but something still stops him from asking.

The meeting with the headmaster of the music academy ended in less than half an hour. Mr Kim hadn’t even tried to fight back, agreeing on everything that Jihoon asked for with one condition: to receive some of the boy’s songs later that day. It surprised Jihoon that the man was actually glad to give him a scholarship and even a dorm room as long as he finds Jihoon’s work good enough for his school. Maybe luck is finally on his side.

He makes sure to send his best pieces as soon as he gets home. This time Jisoo isn’t as mad as before.

“At least your work counts too on this one.” He said as he shoved Woozi off the couch. The cat hissed angrily and moved to sit on Jihoon’s lap. It seemed to become his favourite spot these days. Jihoon must admit that he will miss the grumpy cat when he moves to the dorm.

“Can I ask you something?” Seungcheol says. The other hums in response. It’s past midnight now, but Seungcheol asked if he can stay the night and Woozi couldn’t refuse. He tries to ignore the happiness that filled him when he heard the question. Now they are laying on Woozi’s bed. The shorter must admit that Seungcheol’s chest is the most comfortable pillow he ever owned.

“Did it hurt?” The taller asks and Woozi wants to bang his head on a wall.

“Please don’t.” he says instead, already cringing at the bad pick up line. Seungcheol chuckles lowly. The vibrations on his chest feel nice too, Woozi decides.

“Answer me.” The other requests.

“What hurt?” the pink haired boy asks with a deep sigh.

“When you climbed up from hell?”

It takes a moment for Woozi to actually understand that this is not the stupid angel thing, quite the opposite. Another minute until he actually gets the joke.

“Yah!” he angrily pouts as he raises himself from the other’s chest. Seungcheol offers him a big smile, laughter barely contented.

“What? Don’t you want to be my demon?” he asks, letting out an airy laugh. Woozi gives him a hard glare and hits him lightly on the chest.

“Don’t be mean.” He says as he places his head back on its’ previous place. Seungcheol laughs some more but he brings one of his hands up to run his fingers through Woozi’s hair. The other purrs in content.

“You’re adorable, you know?” Seungcheol says, his smile evident in his voice. Normally Woozi will argue that he is not adorable, at all, but this time it actually feels nice to hear it.

“Seungcheol?” the smaller asks a few minutes later, voice drowsy.

“Mmm?” Seungcheol must be almost asleep as well. Woozi just hugs him closer.

“Let’s remain like this. Let’s not fall in love.” Silence is his only answer but right now he’s too sleepy to think about it.

Jisoo helps him move his things once again, this time to the university's dorm. The year hasn’t started yet, but Jihoon wants to move as soon as possible and the headmaster said it was okay. Jihoon wonders if the man is just a good person or plainly stupid. Either way, he’ll just get the best out of it.

“Just be careful.” Jisoo say when he prepares to leave. “The world is not an amazing place and you know it better than anyone.”

“I know.” Jihoon answers. He’d always been awkward with goodbyes, never knowing how he should react. In the short time he lived with Jisoo he came to care about the older and he knows that Jisoo worries about him too. His saviour became the closest thing to a friend he had in a long time.

“Don’t worry too much, I’ll come visit you.” He says. When the other doesn’t respond in any way he lifts his head. Jisoo’s eyes are full of concern, forehead wrinkled.

“I’ll be leaving for a while.” The news surprise Jihoon.

“Where to?”

“America. I got an offer there and mom wants me to try. It’s quite a good one, maybe one in a life time… I can’t really say no.” Jihoon nods, but his eyes fall on the ground once again. For some reason he thought that Jisoo will be by his side from now on, even if the older doesn’t agree with what he does. How childish of himself. Jisoo has his own life after all. Of course he would leave Jihoon at some point. He just didn’t expect it to happen now. It’s way too soon, he thinks.

“But I still need you.” He regrets the words the moment he lets them out. Childish, selfish. He hears the long breath Jisoo exhales and can almost picture the frown on the other’s face.

“You don’t need me, Jihoon.” The words should be assuring, but why does Jihoon feel like he just got slapped? “You are stronger than you think.” He says as he comes closer. Jihoon never knew how to answer to hugs, so when Jisoo gathers his small body between his arms, Jihoon’s remain hanging low. The other doesn’t seem to be bothered by it, one hand coming up to pet Jihoon’s hair like he is a kid. And for a moment, Jihoon feels like one.

“In the last weeks I came to realize than you don’t need me. That’s why I can leave without regrets. And I know that it’s a horrible thing to say, but I think that you don’t need anyone at this point in your life. You can do everything you want by yourself and that shows how strong you really are.” It is a horrible thing to say. Jihoon can feel tears prickling at the back of his eyes. Why do Jisoo’s words feel more like a curse to loneliness than a reassurance?

“When are you leaving?” he asks, glad that his voice doesn’t waver. Jisoo sighs.

“In two weeks.”

“What about Woozi?” Jihoon is sure that if he asks, the headmaster will let him keep the cat at the dorm. At least he won’t be completely alone.

“He’s coming with me.” Of course. It’s Jisoo’s cat after all. Jihoon sighs deeply.

“I’m scared.” It starts to sound like he is begging but he really is afraid. He’s terrified that if he’ll be alone again, if the burning nightmares would come back, he’ll jump again. And there won’t be anyone to stop him this time. Not with Jisoo on the other side of the planet.

“Now, Jihoon. Listen to me, okay?” Jisoo retracts from the hug to cup Jihoon’s cheeks within his palms. It makes it harder for the other to avoid eye contact and suddenly Jihoon feels more ashamed of his tears than anything else.

“You can do this, yeah? Your life is finally going in the right direction. And even though I don’t approve all your decisions I’m proud that you are trying your best.” Jihoon just nods once, trying himself to believe in this. “I don’t know what happened the night we met, but now your life is different. You won’t do the same mistake, will you? You won’t lose what you have now. You have the chance to become a singer and you have to do your best. After all, you promised it to that kid, didn’t you? You have to live your dream for both of you.”

A tear finally leaves Jihoon’s eye and he steps back, wiping it quickly.

“You are right.” He says, voice a little groggy. “I can’t screw this. I promised Jihoon.” It makes Jisoo smile, but even though he tries, Jihoon can’t put his own lips to do it.

“You better be famous when I get back.” The older jokes, slightly pushing Jihoon’s shoulder. It makes the boy smile a bit. He blinks away the rest of his tears and as his vision becomes clearer so do his thoughts. His smile enlarges, a familiar one, the one he practiced for years when he lived back with his family.

“Of course. Good luck in America.” He says as he lifts his eyes to finally meet Jisoo’s. If the older noticed the sudden change he doesn’t show it.

“Thanks. I’ll text you.” He promises as he finally turns around to leave. Jihoon nods, same calculated smile on his lips. It actually starts to hurt, he’s way out of practice. Jisoo frowns for a second, but keeps on walking away.

“Pet Woozi for me.” Jihoon says before he turns as well to enter his dorm room. His smile fades, pain crumbling his face. He closes the door behind him, welcoming the empty room. His things are so few that the room still looks unhabited. Abandoned. Just like him.

Jisoo texts him two weeks later, asking if he can go to the airport to say goodbye. Jihoon says he is busy with school.

Woozi wakes up a few hours later alone in his bed. When he recalls what he said before he fell asleep, he wants to punch himself. He doesn’t remember if Seungcheol said anything, but the empty spot beside him is enough of an answer. Sighing, he tries to fall asleep again, but after some time he gives up. He prefers to remain in bed, eyes open to scan the room. Even after two years it still looks empty, like it has no soul. Seungkwan once said that he should personalize his room, but Woozi thinks it looks perfect like this. A perfect mirror of himself. Empty, lonely, sad, abandoned. Again.

A.N ... Oookay.. Sorry for not writing the A.N last night.. I was way too tired. 

Now.. hope that you guys are not as confused as before. There was only one Woozi all the time. The parts where I called him Jihoon were his past. What he did since he left home untill he mets Seungcheol. 

Now, the past scenes are over. And to spare you of future confusion I will start to write some scenes from the future. Since some of you already read this chapter and probably won't see the a.n I will also put this at the begining of the next chapter.

Another note: I will start to use Jihoon for Woozi now, since you guys know who he really is.

Oook..that was it. See you guys soon ;)