"God is cold"

After Chan had interrupted him, Woozi kind of lost his focus on the song. But, thankfully, he thinks he found what his song was missing. It is an old work of his, at the time he composed he never thought he would ever use it. A small piece, one that holds so many memories that somehow make him hesitant about using it. Because it is so precious he is scared to expose it to the world, scared that it will lose his value in the critical eyes of the others. But somehow it’s exactly what’s missing, and he knows that it will upgrade his song. More than that, the back vocals, he recorded a long time ago will blend perfectly on the bridge. He is not sure about using it yet, but for now he just copies the musical notes on his worksheet. 

“Hyung!” Chan cuts him off once again and he lifts his head to stare questioningly at the younger.
“I have to go home and grab Seungkwan’s sweater before we meet them at 3. He said he’ll kill me if I forget about it again.” He slightly pouts and Woozi may feel a little amused by how Seungkwan kind of abuses the kid. 

“Go and take it, then.” He says and Chan pouts some more.
“Can’t you come with me, hyung?” he asks, voice cute all of sudden. Woozi lifts his eyes once more. Even though the younger acts like the usual brat he is, there is still something in Chan’s eyes that make him think twice before rejecting. For some reason the kid seems nervous and Woozi finds himself saying yes as he gathers his things. Why would Chan be nervous about going to his own house? 

As they get out of the library and start walking the short path to the younger house he recalls the small things he didn’t put much thought until now. Like how the kid never talks about his family, and when he did, on the night they played that stupid game, he said that his father is moving out. Or how Seungkwan seems to always be at Chan’s house or the other way around. Or how the youngest always spends his day out, from the morning until late at night, even if kids of his age should stay at home and study. There’s also the small, almost not noticeable, tremor in Chan’s hands as they approach the front door of a big house.

From the outside it looks like a normal house, that kind of house that everyone wishes they’ll have when they’ll be rich. It’s big, with two floors, cream-colored, with dark windows and a big front door. It seems homey, and the first thing you’ll though of is how lucky the family living there must be. Also happy.

But when the front door opens this façade is broken. Inside is dark, so dark Woozi has trouble of seeing anything at the beginning. As Chan closes the door and they take off their shoes his eyes get used to the new environment. There’s some small light that makes its way at the corners of the dark, heavy curtains. There’s also the chill that runs down his arms. It’s so cold inside, even though outside the weather is quite pleasant. 

“Let’s go to my room.” Chan says, voice low, like he’s whispering, and makes his way to some big stairs that Woozi just now notices.  Their footsteps, in spite of being muffled by the thick carpet on the stairs, are still too loud in the silence in the house, resounding around the walls. It raises Woozi’s uncertainty to another level. 

The second floor is even darker than the first one, but fortunately somebody left on a small lamp in the middle of the hallway. It looks pretty much as a haunted house and Woozi looks around, paranoiac that some creepy stuff may appear from nowhere. For a second he thoughts that maybe Chan and the others planned to trick him, but then the younger stops in front of a door and presses the knob, silently advising Woozi to cover his eyes.

It is a well welcomed advice since the light in the room they enter is so bright it hurts their eyes even if they are barely open. 

It takes Woozi one full minute to be able to open his eyes. In the meantime, Chan already closed the door after them. When he is finally able to see without any white spots, Woozi notices that they are in a bedroom, most probably Chan’s, if he is to judge by the Michael Jackson huge poster that is hanging on a wall. Unlike the rest of the house this room doesn’t even have curtains, the afternoon light slipping inside trough the huge window. The room is slightly messy, but a glance around and Woozi can see that other than the poster on the wall there’s no sign of any personal belongings. Actually, if you ignore the clothes thrown around and the small laptop on the unmade bed the room is bare, like no one is living in it.  

As he turns around, he sees the younger boy frantically searching in his closet, only to show up a gray sweater moments later.
“I found it.” He says, voice still low. He then proceeds to throw the mini-laptop in a bag together with a gray sweater, most probably Seungkwan’s.
“Let’s go.”

And in less than a minute Woozi finds himself back in the dark hall, trying to follow the younger’s steps to the first floor and then outside. The darkness seems blacker now, the silence giving Woozi chills. How does Chan live here? 

They are almost to the door when the silence is broken. Somewhere on the first floor a door must be opened, screeching loudly. Woozi can feel the hair on the back of his neck rising and he instinctively turns to the sound. The lack of light makes it hard to see where the door is.

“Hyung, let’s go.” Chan’s voice is more shushed now. He has to lean closer to the boy to understand, but the hand that drags him towards the exit makes everything quite clear. 

“Chan.” A woman's voice speaks and Woozi jumps a little in fear, not that he’ll ever admit.
“Where are you going?” the voice is coming from the same direction as the earlier sound and Woozi narrows his eyes to see a darker human figure a few meters away.
“Out with some classmates.” Chan answers. There’s something in his voice that Woozi never heard before. All the gentlest and the sweetness is gone, leaving place to an icy cold tone. It doesn’t suit the boy at all, sounding way too mature for a kid like Chan.

“You’re not going to meet that man, are you?” the woman's voice is lower now, dangerously filled with venom. The sigh Chan leaves is heavier than the previous silence.
“No, mother. I’m working on something for school.”
“Good. Good.” The figure says as it goes deeper into the dark.  “Make sure to come home tonight.” It says before the loud screech is heard again. 

Woozi lets the younger drag him out of the house, having to blink several times to adjust once again to the day light. Beside him Chan starts walking back towards the school and he has no choice but to follow him. There’s this grave mask placed on the kid’s face, looking so unnatural on him, that Woozi has to ask.
“You okay?” 

It seems to bring Chan back from his thoughts as he turns around, same old smile on his lips. It makes Woozi wonder if it’s fake or not. If it was fake all this time.
“I’m fine hyung, don’t worry.”

But there’s no way Woozi won’t worry. The kid is obviously not fine and how could he? Woozi got freaked out by only a few minutes in that house. He can’t imagine how it will be to live there. It’s definitely not the environment suitable for a bright childlike Chan. There are a lot of questions swirling in Woozi’s mind, but he doesn’t know if he should ask any of them. He knows the best how is feels when people ask personal questions. In spite of that he can’t help himself.

“Was she talking about your father?” he asks, remembering that Chan’s father moved out. There’s reluctance in the younger’s eyes and Woozi is prepared to back off. But Chan nods his head at the question and opens his mouth to explain.
“I am not allowed to see my father until the divorce process is over. They say it could influence my decision.” 

Woozi nods in understatement. “Are you going to stay with your mother or father?” he casually asks. They slowed their pace, now getting closer to the university.
“Neither.” The smile Chan sports now is nor happy or sad, but rather a strange combination between nostalgic and proud.
“In two months I turn 18 and I would be able to move on my own.” The determination is Chan’s eyes is almost scary and Woozi know why. Having to leave his home at the same age, he knows how much stress that puts you under. And even so, he wanted to leave while Chan is kind of forced to do it.

“Do you have where to go?” he asks while playing with his bag’s straps, mind lost in the past. Chan’s voice is more optimistic than he even could dream of being back then.  
“I’m moving with a friend. He already lives alone and he’s in need of a roommate.”
“A friend?” Woozi whispers. Back then he didn’t have the luxury of a friend. Maybe Chan’s situation is not that bad. He does have him, Seungkwan and Seungcheol. And also this ‘friend’.

“Yeah. Hansol and I know each other since the first year of high school. His parents moved to New York two years ago, but he remained here.”
“You never spoke of him.” Woozi teases trying to light the mood a bit. It seems to work.

“I did! Seungkwan even met him!” Chan defends himself with that half-offended, half spoiled voice of his. It slightly tugs a Woozi’s lips’ corners. But did he now? How preoccupied with his own problems was he that he never paid attention to Chan’s situation?
“Did you? I guess I’ll ask Seungkwan about him, then.” Chan’s small laugh takes him by surprise and he turns towards the other for an explanation. Seeing the kid smiling again makes him feel at ease, The serious, mature look really doesn’t fit Chan.
“Seungkwan can’t stand Hansol.” The boy says.
“Why?”
“Hansol may or may not have called him a little over-dramatic when they first met.” Chan laughs again at a memory Woozi can’t share. But given Seungkwan personality he probably felt extremely insulted by this Hansol.

“But I think he actually has a crush on Hansol.” Chan ends, a wide grin splitting his face. Woozi eyes sparkle with interest at this. Blackmail material for Seungkwan should never be ignored and a crush is the perfect revenge after all the remarks he got from the diva about his and Seungcheol’s relationship.  
Their conversation is cut sort when they enter the university’s small café, but he notes himself to stay updated about what’s going on with Chan. For now he lets himself be distracted by his boyfriend’s strong arms around his waist. The state of comfort he falls into it’s still kind of new to him, but he enjoys it more and more with each passing day.

Jihoon has watched enough movies and has read enough books to know that you should never befriend a hospital patient. He knows it almost never ends up well, especially when said person looks like little Jihoon does. But that strange kid keeps on showing up on the rest of the week, sometimes even twice, thrice a day. And Jihoon never liked kids, but this one is nothing like a child. Sometimes he even feels younger than the six year old. 

They spend their afternoons talking about music, older Jihoon writing it and the little one singing it. Slowly, Jihoon’s throat gets better and he starts teaching the kid some basic music theory once he finds out that he knows nothing more than reading the notes. He teaches him about scales, intervals and note duration and he is amazed to see how the boy assimilates what he learned in years in a few days. But then again, he knew that little Jihoon is not a normal kid from the start. 
They end up working with the four notes little Jihoon sang in the first day until they develop a whole verse out of it. They even record it. It’s nothing big since they didn’t have any professional equipment, just the small laptop Jisoo has left in the room, but the kid is so excited about his first recording session that it pays off.

Little Jihoon sings it in the same way he did the first time, not lyrics, just the music and Jihoon promises him that he will use it as backing vocals when he’ll record the song. He also states that when the time will come he will put the kid to sing the whole song, but the proposal is disposed with a small smile.

One day the kid enters the room smiling even more brightly than usual while waving a piece of paper. When he gets closer Jihoon can see that it’s a drawing and when the kid holds it up next to his face it is revealed to be a portrait. A very realistic one, like a mirror drawn in pencil, of the little Jihoon. 

“The girl who volunteers here made it for me!” the little one exclaims and for the first time he looks like the kid he is, eyes sparkling and lips widely stretched while he softly bounces on his heels. Jihoon smiles.
“It really looks like you.” He compliments.
“I know!” the child squeaks and he runs to the bed to place the drawing on Jihoon’s lap. From up close the resemblance is even more striking. The shadows give a 3D feeling, like the face drawn is almost moving, the eyes shining in the same manner they kid’s do at this exact moment.

“I want you to have it.” The kid states, voice serious for once and Jihoon looks back up to the original face.
“No way, kiddo. She drew it for you and you should keep it.” He scolds the kid, but little Jihoon seems to have made up his mind.

“What should I do with it? I can always look in the mirror. But this way you will always remember me.” He says as he takes the drawing and, with a last glance at it, he carefully places between the pages of Jihoon’s notebook.

They go back to their music talking and in the late afternoon, right before the kid leaves, he makes Jihoon promise that he will become a famous singer soon. The older one laughs at this, but does the childish pinky-promise. Little Jihoon smiles brightly before closing the door.

“I swear to God, hyung, Jinwoo is planning something!” Seungkwan tries for the fifth time this week to convince Woozi that he should watch his back.
“You already said that.” The older brushes him off, leaning into his boyfriend's arms as he sips from his ice coffee.
“I heard him today speaking with one of his friends and they looked really suspicious.” Seungkwan insists, eyebrows gathered in a frown. “They were hiding in that dark hallway near the sixth studio..”
“What were you doing there?” Chan interrupts, but Seungkwan ignores him.
“His friend seemed afraid of something and was trying to convince Jinwoo that it won’t work.”

“What won’t work?” Woozi asks, just for the sake of looking interested when all he wants is for Seungkwan to stop talking already.

“I don’t know.” The younger sighs dejectedly. “But his friend asked him: “What if he doesn’t upload it?” the sentence is followed by some quote signs. Woozi frowns this time, interest suddenly sparkling.
“Jinwoo said that he should not worry, just to wait, and then they left.”
Woozi sighs. 

“Maye you are just paranoid, Seungkwan.” A deep voice speaks from behind him, vibrations tickling Woozi’s back. 
“Am not!” he diva argues back, clearly offended by Seungcheol. “You saw too how he looks at Woozi hyung since Minju was expelled. I bet he’ll try to revenge him and you,” he points at Woozi “should be careful.”
“He’s just bitter, of course he’ll glare at me. But I’m sure they’ve learnt their lesson and won’t try anything else.” The look Seungkwan throws him is mixed with concert and anger.

“Woozi!” Somebody calls from behind and the pink haired boy turns around, along with his groups of friends. 
“Oh, Joshua.” He salutes with a wave of hand. The arms around his waist tighten their  grip and Woozi smiles a little. The newcomer approaches their table and takes a seat uninvited.

“Oh my God! You are Joshua Hong!” Seungkwan breathes out, anger suddenly forgotten, and Joshua turns around surprised.
“Hi.” He awkwardly replies before studying the new face. “Boo Seungkwan, right?” he asks, leaving the said boy gaping like a fish. 
“Y-You know me?” he brokenly asks. 
“You are in my class of music theory. Mrs Kim said that you are one of the best students.” Joshua smiles softly. Woozi wants to laugh. He never thought he would meet the person to leave Seungkwan without words. He does notice the way Chan and Seungcheol look at the new face and decide to do the introduction.

“This is, as Seungkwan already said, Joshua Hong. He is an old friend of mine and a teacher assistant.” He says more for Chan since Seungcheol already knows who the person is. “Josh, these are Chan and Seungcheol.” 
“Oh! You are the boy from the other day.” Joshua exclaims to Seungcheol and then nods his head to Chan. His eyes stop on the arm that encircles Woozi and the small smile that grips his lips doesn’t go unnoticed. Woozi already prepares himself for the teasing that is going to come.  

But before any of them could say anything the barista stops at their table with a tray in his hands.
“Your coffee.” He states and Woozi sees him smiling shyly towards Joshua. What makes him tense up it’s the candle on the tray, the one that the barista slowly tries to place on the table, right in front of him.

“Thank you.” Joshua smiles back kindly. “But do you mind taking the candle away?”
The request must seem strange, as all the people at their table frown. The barista only nods, but the shaken hand shows that he is also taken aback by the request. Probably even feeling rejected by the look on his face. It’s not hard to figure it out by the looks he sends towards Joshua and Woozi feels a little guilty as he watches the pretty boy walk away.

“Why did you ask that?” Seungkwan says as soon as the long haired barista is behind the counter again. “Jeonghan hyung was trying to be nice.”
Joshua smile reflects his regret. “I’ll apologize when we leave.” He says before frowning. “Don’t you know that Woozi doesn’t like fire?” he asks after that, eyes searching for an answer on their faces. He gets it from the way Woozi stares back, eyes dark and lips gather in a frown.

“You’re afraid of fire?” a soft voice asks close to Woozi’s ear and he shivers. He turns around to stare into Seungcheol's big eyes.
“It’s not that I’m afraid of it… I just don’t like it.” He answers, trapped in those brown eyes. Seungcheol nods shortly and Woozi know that he will receive more questions later. 

Jihoon is released from the hospital today. Jisoo kind of forced him to stay at his house for a few days, to keep him under observation in the doctors’ place. He doesn’t really mind it, but he wonders what happened to his own place. He should have paid the rent more than a week ago and all he prays for is that the owner didn’t throw his things away while he was in the hospital. 

There’s one thing he has to do before he leaves so he asks Jisoo to wait for a few minutes. 

He doesn’t know the room number, but, as he stumbles across a nurse, he realises that he’s not the only one that knows little Jihoon. Just mentioning him and the nurse points to a door at the end of the hallway. Jihoon thanks her with a bow, failing to see the grim look on the woman’s face as he hurries towards the said door.

And Jihoon should have taken all those books and dramas seriously and never, never, even think of befriending a hospital patient, not one that looked the way his little friend does. But he always thought that those things happen only in movies, they are only for dramatic purpose. There’s no such thing as a perfect timing in real life. That’s what he thought.

The door that reads Min Jihoon is wide opened, maybe because there are so many people inside that they need air. Everyone is dressed in various shades of white and green, hospital clothes, and every single one of them stands near the wall, almost in a straight line. Everyone except on person. A woman dressed in black is sitting on a chair next to the hospital bed. Jihoon has to bend a little to see past her, but there he is. Little Jihoon is sleeping on said bed. And Jihoon should have run then. He should have ignored his curiosity and run back to Jisoo and out of this damned place. 

But he stayed.

The only sound in the room is the steady sound from a machine next to the bed and a voice. Jihoon eyes turn into slits as he tries to see the lines on the machine’s screen. They are, just as the beeping, irregular and small. The other sound that travels around the walls is the woman’s voice. Soft, so quiet that Jihoon must come closer so he can understand her. She’s praying. Silently, with her hands gripping on of the kid’s, she’s praying while tears fall on the already wet bed. 

“Please,” she begs voice so broken, strained by such a raw emotion, it cuts through Jihoon’s heart even if he doesn’t know her. “Please, God, don’t take him. He’s my only son, God. Please don’t take him from me. Please…”  

At this exact moment Jihoon’s soul drops to the ground and wishes he never stepped near this door. At this exact moment Jihoon realises what mistake, oh what a huge mistake, he made when he left the kid stay in his room two weeks ago. Because he knew that stories always start from a real life event. As his ears fill with the woman’s small cries he blames himself for being so ignorant.

“God, please let me be selfish only this time. Please leave Jihoon to me. He... he’s everything I have left…” the voice grows louder as the beeping slows down. She must have noticed as her head trashes towards the machine, hand gripping furiously at the small arm she holds.

“No! Please, no! God, please don’t take him!” she cries turning to gather the small body in her arms. Jihoon feels his own tears on his cheeks. He should have known…

God is cruel. He found this out years ago. But in this moment he realises God can be mocking too. As he hears the woman call out to Him, begging for her only child, Jihoon can only think how cold God is to take such an innocent, little soul. How cruel He can be when, as the woman begs louder the machine lets out a loud, steady sound and doctors rush to try to bring the kid back. Everyone knows it’s and useless effort. Even Jihoon.

He turns around and leaves the room. He’s seen enough.

He struggles to walk straight back to his room, his tears blocking his vision. He can’t breathe properly even though the doctors assured him that his lungs are healed. His heart starts aching as he struggles to gasp just a little air inside. But he only ends up choking on a sob.
Jisoo waits him outside his room. If he’s surprised by the mess Jihoon is he doesn’t show it. He just brings the smaller in his arms and hugs him tight, petting his hair. And for once Jihoon lets him.

As he leaves the hospital that day he knows that the image of that kid, of that bright smile, will haunt him all his life. The kid who shared the same name and dream with him. He carries his notebook, the only thing he had in the hospital and he feels it so heavy it hurts his arm. He can picture the drawing inside to the last detail of sparkling eyes and smile wrinkles and it tears his insides. He carries little Jihoon’s dreams in his hand and it burns his skin with pressure. That kid won’t ever be a singer and he knew it from the start. Thinking back to the last weeks Jihoon thinks how cruel he was, talking hours about something that the kid knew that he won’t ever experience. 

Jisoo’s car stops in front of a small, but classy looking house. The jingle of the keys snaps Jihoon out of his trance. The inside of the house is just as the outside, clean and expensive looking. He lets his shoes near the entrance and when lifts his head, he is welcomed by a pair of cold, dark eyes.

“Oh, that’s Woozi.” He hears Jisoo’s voice from behind. 

A.N.

Well... guess who finally managed to finish a chapter?

...

... Sorry guys :(