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Wendy

“Just ask him to go with you,” I pleaded, “Please?”

“How am I supposed to do that?” Jackson said from the other line, “He’s allergic of human interaction.”

“Just go and ask him. Annoy him until he agrees.”

“He’s going to kill me!”

“You always say that!” It’s not like Mark’s going to kill him. Well, at least not yet. “You’re still alive.”

“He might kill me for real this time.”

“For ’s sake, just ask him to go with you!”

“Hey! I’m giving you no right to yell at me. I’m doing you a favor here.”

“Sorry. But please—”

“Fine. But he’s going to roast me with questions for sure. It’s not like I regularly watch poetry slam. He’s going to have an idea, you know?”

“I don’t care. Just bring him with you.”

“You’ll have to pay me.”

“You know I’m broke.”

“That’s not what I meant!  Just pay for my food there or whatever.”

“Okay, okay. Just chill.”

“Between the two of us it’s you who have to chill.”

“I’m sorry about that! But… do everything, okay?”

“I can try.”

“You’re the best! See you later!”

I just asked Jackson to invite Mark to come over with him at The Club Poets because I’ll be performing my poetry for! the! very! first! time! And obviously, my poem is about him. Man, it’s for him.

I re-read what I wrote for about twenty times before throwing my phone away from me (my piece is saved there). Right. And after this, I’m not going to do anything stupid again. I swear.

After this I’m going to live my life like during my Pre-Mark Phase so I can focus on things that I should be focusing on instead of this confusing human named Mark Tuan.

Holiday season is over and school started two weeks ago and my subjects are making me extra busy this semester. I have to admit that being college student big time.

An All Time Low song is playing from downstairs and I’m trying my best not to bawl my eyes out—their show was cancelled due to some things so I wasn’t able to see them perform live. Shame.

Now I’m extra sad.

***

As I enter The Club Poets, I immediately want to strangle the person in charge of music. Not that the music is bad, in fact it’s really good, but it’s NeverShoutNever and… he listens to NSN so damn.

I’m trying so hard not to jam with Red Balloon but it’s my favorite! I don’t want to look crazy just in case he suddenly comes in and witness my not-so-beautiful-moment. I look crazy whenever I jam to my favorite music.

I’m not even sure why I’m trying to look good in front of him when I’ve already embarrassed myself in front of him for over a hundred times. Or thousand. I’m not really sure.

I recognized few kids from my department but I don’t really know them so I ignored them. And they’re ignoring me, too! Though, I really want to approach them just so I can get my mind off what’s about to happen. I’m pulling in my last card and after this, I’m not doing anything. I’ll focus on my life.

A girl has to focus on her life. Do whatever she wants to do because that’s all that matters. Never give a on what boys are going to say because they don’t really matter.

At the end of the day, our opinions about ourselves are the ones that are going to matter, not theirs.

The emcee claimed the stage and Jackson’s still not here. Jackson not being here means Mark not being here, too. If he’s not coming then this is going to be a waste. This is a nice experience but I’m only performing because of him. Say the words I’ll never really be able to tell him.

The first performer went to the stage and introduced herself as Black Cat. I think she heard NSN’s Black Cat a while ago. Or not.

I had always been the black cat in your eyes
quite rare for you, I guess
so the first time we’re next to each other
You grabbed me by my waist and pushed me on the wall
Bang, bang, bang,
that’s the sound when you banged me to the wall
Bang, bang, bang
that’s the sound when you banged me to the wall while you kissed me
Bang, bang, bang
that’s the sound when you banged me to the wall while you kissed me and while you remove my pants.
When we became one, the banging stopped
You pushed your pants up and it’s no longer a banging sound that I hear,
it was your hyena-like laughter,
Bang, bang, bang
Oh, I heard it again
Bang, bang, bang,
that’s the sound of your rifle
shooting me straight from my heart.
Bang, bang, bang
I learnt to love that sound in a matter of seconds.
Bang, bang, bang
I don’t want to hear that sound ever again.
Bang, bang, bang
now I am scared of it.

The girl’s face is streaked with tears when she left the stage. I had to clap as hard as I could because her poetry is beautiful. She’s beautiful. And strong. I admire her.

A guy performed about his love for In-N-Out. It was funny. And good. This place is beautiful but also terrifying. Maybe I should go here more often, not to perform but to see people expose their souls.

There are total of thirteen performers and seven people already performed when Jackson came.

“Where’s he?”

“He’ll be a little late. But he’s definitely going to come.” I am starting to get worried. He should come. “At least he said that he will.”

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t worry, Wendy. I’m pretty sure he’ll come.”

“Now what do you want?”

“Do they sell alcohol here?”

“They sell cocktails. Do you want some?”

“Cocktails only? Damn. Just order me green tea with honey.”

“Yes sir!” I called the waiter and ordered his request, I ordered mojito for myself. I think I need some alcohol before I perform. Just to add fuel on my blood—and some courage, too. It’s not much of a help because the alcohol content is too low but it doesn’t matter.

“Now let’s welcome the tenth performer!” It’s my turn already?

When I reached the stage, I scan the crowd. Mark’s still MIA. I glared at Jackson but he’s pointing at the entrance door at the back so I had to look. At first it wasn’t clear to me but then I saw a familiar figure. I’m standing like a dumb girl here on the stage but I think I forgot to move?

He sat beside Jackson but what shocked me is that he’s with a girl. So the girl behind him when he entered is with him? Is she a date?

I cleared my throat.

“Good evening!” I had to take a large amount of oxygen. Man, I’m so nervous. “My piece is called Call Me.”

I know every line from my poem and yet, and yet, when I looked at him, I seemed to forget everything. I fished out my phone from my pocket to check the first line and muttered a quiet sorry. The crowd laughed and some muttered you can do it so maybe… I can.

You have no idea how much I want to choke you up
with I Love Yous that you won’t be able to breathe after.
How much I want to hug you and become one with you
just so I can penetrate your mind and teach you not to be scared to love me.
How much I want to kiss you until you pass out.
How much I’m willing to wait just to hear the three words from your mouth.

Listen carefully…
This thing that I feel in my heart scares the out of me, too.
This thing that I feel in my heart makes me so ing tired.
This thing that I feel in my heart, I’m also very unfamiliar with it.
But I want you to remember that even if I’m scared… I’ll still do it.
That even if it’s making me tired, I won’t give up.
That even if I’m unfamiliar with it, I’m willing to give it a shot.
You know why? Because it’s you.

It’s you that I will always love.
It’s you that I will always think of when I wake up in the morning until I go to bed at night.
It’s you that I will always try to understand because it’s you that I really want.
So I’m going to wait until you’re ready…
but for now I have to stop because I hate seeing you having a hard time because of me.
Just remember that when you finally made sense of things, you know my number and you can call me.

I literally run out of the stage when I finished.

My chest’s still pounding because of nervousness. It felt good—no—it feels good. So damn good that it’s making me crazy. He heard it. My job here is over. Over.

I sent Jackson a message and told him that I’m leaving. I’m not going wait for the announcement of winners because I know I’m not going to win. I already reached my goal and I don’t really care about winning. Besides, I’m pretty sure that the first performer is the one who’s going to win tonight.

Drew Greyson is throwing a party tonight so I hailed a cab and went to his house.

***

Mark

Mark, Jackson and Krystal fell silent after Wendy’s performance. They have no idea what was that all about. Or maybe they do and they’re just in denial. Wendy is a one brave woman.

“What was that?” The two boys looked at Krystal dumbly because they don’t know the answer to that question.

Jackson’s phone beeped yet again and of course it’s another message from Wendy saying that she’ll be out partying tonight at Drew Greyson’s house.

“Wow, she goes to parties?” Krystal never pegged Wendy as the partying type. She isn’t. But tonight, she truly needs it.

“I think this might be the first,” Jackson said “Or maybe not. I’m not really sure.”

“There’s a Starbucks nearby,” Mark interjected, “You guys coming with me?”

The three of them went to Starbucks and ordered the same thing—hot caramel macchiato but with additional three shots of espresso for Mark.

“Why are you guys together?” Jackson asked.

“We had to finish a research paper,” Krystal answered. “It’s a we have to do by pairs.”

“Did you finish it?”

“Of course!” Good thing that Krystal is with them or Jackson won’t be getting answers. “We’re good like that.”

“Don’t lie! You crammed!”

“Do you want me to rip your hair?” Krystal rolled her eyes at Jackson and kicked his shin under the table, “Because I will. The deadline’s next week but we want to pass it ahead of time. Our professor likes responsible students and she’s also known for giving extra credits.”

“So Mark…” Mark shot Jackson the look but Jackson is a brave soul, he won’t faze “What can you say about Wendy’s performance?”

“Don’t start.”

“But y