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Wendy

“Why are you in such a sour mood?”

I ignored my sister’s question. Why am I in such a sour mood? Can Mark answer that question for me? It’s such a shame that even though my family went to visit Cali for the very first time—they even spent their Christmas here—as crazy as it sounds, it’s not enough to make me happy.

Well I am happy. But not happy!—damn, I hope mom didn’t noticed.

“Will you be okay here, Wendy? Go visit some friend on New Year’s Eve so you won’t be alone.” She advised. As if, mom. My friends aren’t here. Jackson’s still in Shanghai and Irene is still in Seattle enjoying her sweet, sweet time.

“Yup. Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” I smiled at Dad. I feel bad for, uh, ditching them. They’ll be heading to Seoul to visit our relatives and I’ve already made my decision: that I’m not coming with them. Aside from the fact that I forgot how to speak Korean, it has always been my dream to spend my New Year’s Eve alone. Ever since fifth grade I’ve been dreaming of doing that and this is the first time that my parents allowed me to do things my way.

“Just… take care of yourself. Don’t get in trouble.” Mom hugged me and I returned it. I’m going to miss them.

Dad also gave me a hug and when it’s my sister’s turn, she pulled me away from our parents and eyed me like she’s a hawk and I’m a poor, little bird. “Are you like that because of a guy?”

I laughed almost instantly that it sounds so fake. “What are you talking about?” I tried to act like she’s being ridiculous but a sister is a sister and you can’t escape her.

“You were sleep talking! You keep on saying Mark! Mark! Mark!” My eyes grew wide and I can feel my cheeks burning from embarrassment. “Are you…” she grinned and enveloped me into a hug, “in love?”

I shook my head but I guess I’m pretty obvious. “Do you think mom and dad will get mad?”

“Are you crazy?” she asked, “of course not! But don’t tell them yet. You are their little baby.”

“Elder siblings always say that,” I rolled my eyes, “It’s annoying! And I’m not a baby.”

“You are to them, though.”

“Yeah right.”

“Go tell him! Man up, woman!” She put her arm around my shoulders, like she’s reassuring me that everything will be okay. “Unless you already did and it didn’t go well.” My shoulder’s slump because what she said hit me right on my heart.

“That’s what happened.”

“Ah, so that explains your face,” I figured out quite a long time ago that having a sister is both a blessing and a curse, “good luck with that.”

“I think he likes me too but—”

“Then what’s your problem?”

“He just can’t seem to admit it.”

“It’s really hard for others, one day he’ll grow balls and he’ll tell you things you want to hear. Just make sure he’s not going to break your heart or I’ll break his face.”

“You’re so sweet!” I said it with my most annoying voice that she hates. “Really!”

“Stop. You’re hurting my ears.” She pushed me away and then pulled me towards her again to hug her. “You’ve grown up.”

“I’m not even sure what you’re talking about.”

“I’m not sure what I’m talking about, either.” She’s crazy. But if she isn’t, she’s not my sister.

“You should go. They’ll be calling your flight number in no time.”

“Mom, Wendy needs to go.” She announced. I do?

“Where are you going, sweetie?”

“She’s going to visit a… friend.” I pinched her arm because she’s being stupid.

“That’s great!” mom grinned and gave me thumbs up, “Don’t go spending so much time alone. It gets lonely.” She’s the best. I gave the three of them another hug before actually going.

I know I should’ve waited but I think it’s a great idea that my sister made me go. I think it makes her sad that I’m not coming with them so she wants me to go because seeing my face makes her sad. Hah.

Sometimes I’m such a daughter and sister.

Well of course I’m happy that I get to spend my Christmas with them but I’m still feeling a little bit empty and stressed and frustrated.

No exchange of Merry Christmases or gifts or anything like that. We’ve practically ignored each other throughout Christmas season.

I’m still a little mad but I guess I don’t have the right to be though I’m finding it hard not to be. I understand that we all have our own phases but I’m not blind and he isn’t blind and all that’s left for him to do is to admit it not just to himself but to me also.

It’s a given fact that I’m not going to turn him down so there’s nothing to be scared of.

And if he’s scared of his own feelings, even though I’m not the one to say this, he has to let himself do things that scare the out of him. He has to let himself fall and fall deeper. After all, are there other ways to live life when you’ve already fallen aside from letting