"Mwo?! You really wanna read?"

Annyeong! I'm HaeppyBubble and this is my third shot at writing a novel. I sincerely hope everyone will enjoy this story thoroughly because I really like making the reader feeled involved, as though they are actually the OC (thus why the OC doesn't actually have a name kkk~). Please support until the end, I'm planning to get this fanfic over 20 chapters so you'll have to bare with me!

Thank you xx

-HaeppyBubble

THE REVIEW CORNER

Review #1 (thanks to nytslyer03 @☺♫ Saranghae Review Shop ♫☺)

Title (4/5)

This was supposed to have a score of one but I decided to go past chapter 1 and read chapter 2. Good thing I did or else I’d make the worst review ever. Your score now is 4.

Total Score: 74/100%

Review #2 (thanks to ChelseyTeHe @ Superlative Top Shop)

Title: 4/5

I like the title! It makes me wonder what the person's waiting for, and who the person is. Though it is sort of cliché, so points off for that.

Appearance: 3/5

I really love the poster! It's so pretty! But what did the city have to do with anything? Like really, it's like just some pretty decoration to fill up place, and it doesn’t have the author name like it should, so I took off four points because of that.

Foreword and Description: 13/15

Asdfghjkl!!!! Loved the description!!! It made me anticipate exactly what waiting game you were talking about, and who the guy was, though it was obviously Eunhyuk. I also loved the quote you put in, it matches everything perfectly. Oh and foreword's can be a prologue, or acknowledgements, so I give that foreword my approval, but you really should’ve put an introduction to the story instead, but I guess it’s okay…

Originality/Plot: 25/25

I’ve never read a story where one of the protagonist’s father’s employees and the protagonist fall for each other, so I’d say this is quite original. There may be some stories like this, but not that I know of, so yup.

Flow: 1.5/5

The transition between scenes is too fast, not much is happening. All it is just dialogue, therefore the scene is rushed. This goes back to writing style, but really, there’s not much happening but dialogue, so you should be more descriptive in your writing and lengthen scenes.

Writing Mechanics (spelling, grammar, etc.): 14/20

I liked your wide variety of vocabulary. It annoys me when writers use short little kid words such as happy or sad, instead of words like ecstatic or poignant, though you did have few grammatical errors. Well some of them weren't really grammatical errors, but they didn't really sound right. I won’t do all of them, but here’s some I found in chapter one.

Incorrect: "I gasped and quickly slammed close my laptop before dumping my open textbooks on top. I leant back in the chair and into a stretch. "Okay! Then make sure you transfer the new songs into my uPod thing" she said, sitting down in the dining chair opposite."  

Correct: "I gasped and quickly slammed my laptop closed before dumping my open textbooks on top of the laptop. OR Gasping, I quickly slammed my laptop closed, then dumping my open textbooks on top of it. I leaned back in the chair into a stretch. “Okay! Make sure you transfer the new songs into my iPod thing,” she said, sitting down in the dining chair opposite of me."

Writing Style: 2/15

You really should've indented in the beginning of each paragraph, and you have way too much dialogue. Also, you made a new paragraph for every probably every two sentences, when you’re only supposed to when the subject changes, or when someone talks. If you look at the chapters at first glance, it looks more like a script with all those lines unlike an actual story. You also forgot the comma after someone finishes talking, and sometimes you use unnecessary commas. Here’s an example of what I mean. I’d show you all of them, but I’d just be showing you every single thing your characters have spoken. Sometimes, you also forget to make a new line for each dialogue. Oh, and you kind of use too many Korean words, and I would refrain from doing that. You can use it sometimes, but I’m seeing it here and there and….yeah.

[Chapter 1] Incorrect: “Yeobo ah~ please eat more, this kimchi is good for you” she encouraged gently, yet cautiously, like she was feeding a lion. "You sound like you've had that experience before, songsaenim" I said. "Mm...yes, both my children are currently studying overseas. My eldest son is studying law in England and my daughter is studying medicine" he answered.

Correct: “Yeobo ah~ please eat more, this kimchi is good for you,” she encouraged gently yet cautiously, like she was feeding a lion. "You sound like you've had that experience before, songsaenim" I said. "Mm...yes, both my children are currently studying overseas. My eldest son is studying law in England and my daughter is studying medicine" he answered.

The font is normal and I like that. I just HATE it when people make their fonts cursive or something, it irritates me. No matter how awesome the story is if the font is freakin' illegible I will certainly not read the story. Also, you never described the setting or anything. It’s just been dialogue all the way. You must be more descriptive.

Characters: 2/10

You barely described how the characters were feeling during moments with all that dialogue in the way. Seriously, there is just too much dialogue that you can’t really express the emotions of your characters so well, you can only display the words they speak, a little of what they’re doing, and a little of what they’re thinking and feeling.

Overall: 64/100

To me, I guess it’s okay…didn’t really enjoy so much… Sorry for the not passing score, I just added up all your points and that’s what you got.