Dear Kimmy,

I know you saw what happened today. Continuing from yesterday, after the rest of B2ST showed up I quietly hung back as they entertained the kids. I decided to play your favorite song in order to inspire them. I strummed the chords to 'ROAR' by Katy Perry.  When I was finished they all cheered loudly and I felt happy. The guys seemed stunned but I smiled smuggly as I passed them.  The day was pretty uneventful after that. Which brings be to today, presently.  I recently got in contact with my former best friend, Jae. We used to be penpals, but he got really busy and then I barely heard from him. You remember him, right?  He was about 17 when he started writing me, after I came across a Korean Penpal exchange.  I was 9. So he's really old now, probably around 31 or 32. He didn't treat me like a kid. We talked family, told me that he was adopted into a large one with lots of sisters. I told him I was an only child and I wish I had a sibling, though you came pretty close to a sister as I could ever get. We didn't share our last names, until I hit 16 and he was 24. His name was Han Jejun. Up until yesterday Kimmy, I suppose I was a bit clueless, but the fact that I didn't click together all the pieces, I felt like an idiot. Who do we know ,that is adopted  , has eight sisters and pretty looks like the real life Kyouya from Ouran High School Host Club. That's right, Kim Jaejoong. I have been best friends with Kim Jaejoong of TVXQ, well formerly....its JYJ now and I loathe it.  

I remembered he told me he was going through some problems at work, but to say that all the facts match up and I am crying. You know I was a big Cassie fan Kimmy. It hurts way worse since he has been my bias for the past 10 years. I'll never get that back but knowing the guy I basically admired for majority of my childhood is my penpal/childhood pen bestie. I feel cheated. It's getting ridiculous now Kimmy, do you have a betting pool with the big guy up there? Why am I running into so many idols, is this your subtle way of saying, I need a boyfriend?

Or just a really good friend who has the face of a greek god?

Onto other matters Kimmy.....today I felt extremely depressed. Not because of the news I had discovered but ....because I had a sudden stint of depression .I woke up with the urge to go back to bed, to not eat but curl up and cry. I cried for absolutely no reason. I spent two additional hours crying.

I was a glass case of emotion. 

I hate depression. I hate feeling like I can never be happy and that all the happiness is right our of my soul .I feel like no one in the world is going to understand my plight. I know it has others who go through the same things kimmy, but you were my rock. How am I going to get a grasp on reality when you're not here. I feel like you took a little piece of me with you.

I hate you for that. 

Well not really...I can never really hate you ...I love you...you're my sister...but I miss you. 

I really want to hug someone right now. 

I needed to fight this feeling. I had a resolve to try something. I knew I should've taken my medication for this stint, but I needed to try to beat this. For safety, I kept my bottle of meds in my satchel. 

I was on top of Namsun Tower. 

It was around 1 p.m. 

I was hungry but I loved the feeling of the wind caressing my face. I saw the multitude of locks and little messages. It felt like I was intruding on intimate memories of lovers, past and present. Who were sending messages for a possible future. 

Maybe one day I could have someone who would want to lock our love. 

I tittered to the edge as I began to treck back to the the elevator but my sight began to wane. I hadn't eaten for the entire day and I was dehydated. 

This wasn't going to end well. 

I tried to grasp the railing to keep myself steady, my hand slipped but something caught my balance.

I glanced up and saw a stranger slightly kneeling towards me. 

''Gwenchaneyo? ''He whispered.

''Ani...yo.. ''I replied before I passed out. 

When I woke up, I was in this stranger's arms and I was being carried into an ambulence which was ironically Baa-chan's hospital. 

 He removed  the shades and hat as the door closed. 

It was Jaejoong. 

Why of all the places....?

Why of all the people?

This was the worst time for a reunion.

'Ja..a....je...junaaa...''I smiled weakly. 

His eyes widened and I grinned. 

Success. Recognition.

'Ai?'  my nickname sounded so strange in his mouth...

I nodded meekly and tried not to look at him, but I could feel the piercing stare. 

Shouldn't he be in the army right now?

'It was a dayoff..'' He answered. 

I said that outloud.   I sighed softly. 

Cue mental slow clapping. Idiot!

Then I remembered how my day started...and what led to all this in the first place and then I glared at him.

'You....you...lied to me.'' I struggled to say as my mouth was parched. 

His gaze flickered from my mine but I caught the look of regret and sadness they held. 

''I understand..if it means anything...but you were...are my bestfriend...Jae...'' I rasped out. 

A small smile formed on his face.

I liked  his smile then I drifted off.

When I woke up, he was gone, I was discharged after a couple of hours.Baa-chan made sure I was fed and watered , had the car drive me back to the condo.

It was a long day...I the piece of paper, he left me. 

' Call me , I'm here for you'

-Always Keep the Faith. -Jejun

x-xxxx-xxx-xxx

I called him and we talked for hours. It was bliss.

God I missed talking to him.

Thank the big guy for me will you Kim?

~Love Ai

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~CT