FALLING APART  TOGETHER

***

I want to give you so many things but I leave you with only pain.

***

Sunggyu tried to again put some distance between them but Woohyun was the same as ever. He still followed him in school, still wanted to eat together and be partners in the projects. It was driving Sunggyu insane. After what happened... He couldn't risk his safety. Why didn't Woohyun understand? 

"Woohyun-ah, for the last time. Stay away from me."

"Hyung~"

"How many times should I repeat myself? I don't consider you my family nor my friend."

"I thought we got a little better recently."

"Well, you were mistaken."

"No. You were starting to accept me. I could see. You were happy someone was with you but you changed again... why?"

Sunggyu blinked.

"You are delusional."

"Is this because of what happened in the kitchen that night?"

Sunggyu flinched.

"I don't know what you are talking about. I simply don't want you around me."

"Are you afraid?"

"Woohyun!"

"I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm not scared. Of you."

"You should be."

Sunggyu cursed. He let that one slip but Woohyun just smiled sadly.

"Do you want to hurt me?"

"What?"

"You wouldn't be the first and probably not the last either."

Sunggyu only stared.

"What?"

Woohyun shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm not telling."

"Huh?"

"Well, you don't tell me how you feel or what you think so I am not telling you either."

"This is not a joke."

"I know."

"Tell me. Has someone... hurt you?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Will anything change if I tell you?"

Sunggyu kept staring at him.

"I've always thought I have a gift. Ever since I was child, I could understand people's feelings. Even if they were silent or lying, I could tell. I've always just knew. But you... You make me so confused. You act as if you hate me but I don't sense that in you. You keep pushing me away but when I come closer, I sense your happiness. Yet, you are not lying when you tell me to go away. Why?"

"Glad to hear I am not an open book to you."

"Hyung.... Please. How do you really feel?"

"Stop it. You didn't reply to my question, either."

"I will tell you."

"Huh?"

"I will tell you if you tell me."

"Woohyun-ah."

"I'm serious. I promise. I won't hide anything but you need to tell me first."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

"Gosh, you are so stubborn."

"This conversation got sidetracked. Actually... none of this matters. You don't have to tell me anything. Just do as I said and everything will be fine."

Sunggyu turned around and was about to leave when Woohyun grabbed his arm. His hands trembling.

"I will let you."

Sunggyu froze.

"What?"

"I will let you hurt me."

"You don't know what you are saying."

"No. I'm right, aren't I? You want to hurt me. That's why you are doing this."

"I desire no such thing."

"Liar."

"Woohyun!"

"Do you remember what you said to me when I was leaving as a kid?"

"I don't."

"You said you have a secret that you can't tell me about. A secret, you yourself don't understand and that is better for me to leave."

"Hah. Did I really?"

"You wanted to protect me."

"Are you on drugs? Why on earth, I would want to protect you?"

"Because as much as you claim to hate me, you actually care about me."

"Bull."

"Can't you... just this once... be honest?"

"What do you want from me, Woohyun?"

"Nothing. That's the whole point. You don't need to change anything. Do anything. I will be the one doing what needs to be done. I can bear it all. So just let me."

"I can't."

"Do you really want to know?"

"What?"

"If someone hurt me?"

Sunggyu nodded.

"Yes. A whole lot."

"Who?"

"My step family."

Sunggyu lost strenght in his legs. Oh God... Oh dear God... He wanted to protect him but he was actually the one who pushed him towards hell. Before he could fall down, arms wrappped around him. 

"I've got you."

Sunggyu trembled.

"See. I told you. You care about me."

"But... how?"

"That's why I had to return. After all the years, someone finally listened to me."

Sunggyu felt like crying. Woohyun continued to hold him.

"So... it's okay. Really. You can hurt me all you want. I am used to it anyway and... I like you. A lot. So if that's what you need... I don't care."

Sunggyu burrowed his head in Woohyun's chest.

"Liar. I saw how scared you were that night."

Woohyun chuckled.

"I was just surprised. It will be okay."

"Why do you keep liking me? After all I've done?"

"Then, why do you?"

Sunggyu shook his head. 

"I will never understand you."

"Does this mean, I can stay with you?"

Sunggyu just smiled. There was no way, he was winning this fight. Maybe, that's because he really didn't want to.

When skies are gray

And the rain may fall

Somehow through it all

You're always with me

to be continued