BACK TO NOTHING

***

Home it's not a place...

it's a feeling.

***

Home. A word many of us take for granted. But what is home? As the cliché saying goes, a place where your heart is? Then does it equal a place with your family? Or at least a place you can call your own, even if you are there alone? Woohyun didn’t have a home. Or maybe he had too many. It’s hard to tell but finally after all the years, he was going back. Maybe it was not his home but Woohyun couldn’t help it. After all the places, this one was the closest to his heart. South Korea. Seoul. His birth mother and step father. And HIM.

To say he was unwelcomed would be an understatement. They loathed him and Woohyun couldn’t figure out why. His mother remarried when he was a kid and his step father didn’t want him around so he was send to America for adoption. However, his “new” dad also had a son and his mother had no problems accepting him as her own child so Woohyun was confused why was he the only one ousted out. Why couldn’t he stay with them? And HIM.

It didn’t matter how long was Woohyun gone. How many people has he met. How many has he dated. For him, the one and only, that always remained in his memory was the cute child from before. The one, that seemed cold and kept hurting him but at the same time, he was radiating something that pulled Woohyun in. There was something about him, that Woohyun just loved. No reason. No deep purpose. Only plain love. Pretty simple, right? Wrong.  The one, that had all of his attention, seemed not to care about Woohyun at all. Back then, Woohyun was convinced,  the older boy was only pretending, that the hurtful words were only an act, that deep down he also liked Woohyun but with the years, he started to doubt it. Maybe it was only his wishful thinking. Maybe he just didn’t want to accept the truth. He will find out soon, though. Because he is going to meet HIM again.

***

after coming to the apartment

“Sunggyu, get here! We are back with Woohyun.”

“And why should I bother to greet him? You took him, you take care of him.”

“He will be staying in your room with you.”

“WHAT?”

“Why do I need to share a room with him?”

“Sunggyu, I am deeply sorry but we just don’t have any other place where he could sleep.”

Woohyun stood in the corridor, his head down. So it was really only his misunderstanding back then. Sunggyu hated him.

“I will be quiet.”

“You bet you will be. I don’t want to know you exist.”

Sunggyu stormed off, obviously angry. Woohyun sighed and put his things in the room. He didn’t have much. He then quietly sat on the bed, fighting back the tears. So nothing changed. He knew what to expect but he still hoped … He wiped the tears away, ashamed. Tears are for the weak. He couldn’t afford to cry. Just two years. Well… more like a year and 5 months… then he would be 18 and could go tend for himself. It will pass quickly. He just needs to endure a bit more. Just a little bit.

***

next morning

“You gotta be kidding me. We are going to the same school too?”

“It’s the only one that would accept transfers during the semester.”

Woohyun kept quiet. He figured the best way how to live with his family, would be to pretend he is not even here. He followed Sunggyu, trying hard to remember the way, fully knowing Sunggyu will not take him twice.

Once, he used to be popular. He could crack jokes, laugh and play with others but that was a long forgotten history. This could be his new beginning. Nobody knew him here. Well, except Sunggyu, but it didn’t even cross his mind to start over. He wasn’t seeking attention. At least, not from anybody. He decided to stay low in the school too. However, this was not the U.S. This was South Korea and people either loved you or hated you or ignored you. With Woohyun’s looks it was impossible for him to be ignored. So to his own surprise, even without doing anything, he had become the star as soon as he entered the classroom. His perfect English, athletic skills and overall good academic results only added to his immense popularity. The more attention he got, the more he noticed how much was Sunggyu ignored. He didn’t talk to anybody. He always sat alone during lunch. He didn’t go to any clubs. He had no friends. Woohyun wanted to cry. 

Sunggyu hated Woohyun more and more with each passing day. How could that guy get everything so easily? How could he attract people's eyes by just sitting still? How could he understand everything just by listening to the teacher? He didn't study half as much as Sunggyu and while he was not the very best student (Sunggyu was), he was still pretty high in the rankings and Sunggyu would kill for such ability, for the feeling of not trying too hard and yet, still being good. And P.E. How could he run so fast? How could he score a goal so easily? Everything Woohyun did, he did it with ease, effortlessly and yet, elegant and graceful. Sunggyu worked so hard but failed many times. Woohyun didn't try at all and still achieved everything easily. It was pissing Sunggyu off. Very much so. 

However, what Sunggyu didn't know was, that Woohyun would trade all of it if Sunggyu would look at him. That Woohyun didn't care about the rest of the students or the teachers but he strived for the love from his family,because he never got any. That, to Woohyun, noone was more important than Sunggyu. Even if he couldn't be accepted at home, if just Sunggyu would open his heart to him, it would have been enough.
 

But people always want what others have without first appreciating what is already theirs.

***

to be continued