CONTROL LOST, CONTROL GAINED

***

"Making mistakes is better than faking perfections."

***

"How are you feeling today?" asked Sunggyu.

"Better. Much better." Woohyun smiled.

They were looking at each other when they were interreputed by a knock on the door and the doctor entering.

"Good morning. I see, you are recovering well, Woohyun-shi."

"Yes, thank you."

"Do you think, I can call the police now?"

"Uhm.... Do we have to?"

"Huh?"

"If possible... I don't want to press charges."

"But you were beaten so badly! Are you sure you don't want to find the perpetrators?"

"Yeah."

"It wasn't a gunshot or a stab wound so I have no obligation to report it. If you really wish to, we don't have to call them but please reconsider. Your injuries were quite severe."

"Thank you, doctor."

"No problem."

The doctor checked Woohyun and then left. Sunggyu felt guilty again.

"Why do you always protect me? It's so frustrating... All you do, is save me. You give me everything I need and yet... I... What can I even offer you?"

Woohyun took Sunggyu's hand.

"It's okay. I am the happiest when I can do something for you anyway. And you give me many things. You just don't realize it."

"Like what?"

"Like your love and care. Even when you were mean to me... Even back then when we were kids and even now... I had my doubts but I could always sense it. You cared about me. You tried to hide it, it was burried deep down but it was there and for me... that means everything. Nobody ever truly cared about me. I don't remember my dad but my mom never really paid attention to me. The friends I had when I was a kid were fake. The families that adopted me were always horrible, so I had to move around a lot until they finally settled me with the ones, that were the most abusive. My popularity was lost in the U.S. I was the weird kid there. The Asian with funny accent. Small for a guy, considered as an orphan... They always picked on me. Nobody ever truly paid attention to me. Not the social services, not the teachers... But you did. You always did. And that is all I need."

Sunggyu hugged him tightly, tears streaming down his face.

"Ah what you do to me... I used to never cry but now... all I do is break down."

Woohyun hugged him back.

"Shhhh."

***

Woohyun got discharged two days later and was recovering well. However, he noticed how Sunggyu rarely touched him.

"Does it still bothers you?"

"What?"

"That you hurt me."

"Woohyn-ah."

"I'm sorry but you just don't hug me anymore... you don't kiss me... why?"

Sunggyu looked away. 

"I'm still scared. What if I get carried away again? You are not even completely healed yet."

"Try. You won't know until you try."

Sunggyu sighed.

"Why can't I never win against you, huh?"

"Because I am always right."

Woohyun chuckled and crossed the distance bettween them. The rest of the day was spend in bed, mostly cuddling and kissing. Mostly. But then again... Woohyun really had to take it easy. Afterall, his bones were broken. 

***

Months flew by and their relationship only got stronger. Woohyun healed but Sunggyu never attacked him again. They were pretty much a normal couple. Eating together, watching movies, going for walks... 

"Hyung~"

"Hmm?"

"Are you happy?"

"Of course, I am. Why are you asking?"

"Just... you didn't... uhm... we didn't... I mean... do what we used to."

"Huh?"

"You know... the beating part. Are you sure, you don't need it?"

Sunggyu rolled his eyes.

"No, Woohyun. I really really really don't need it."

"But how is that possible? It was the main reason why we couldn't be together for so long... How could it go aways just like that?"

Sunggyu looked to the ground.

"I don't know. I... when I made you cry as a kid, you looked so beautiful. I can't explain it but I was just so fascinated by it... I wanted to hurt you because I liked your vulnerable look. Possibly, because it felt like I was the only person in the world for you... I don't know... I never liked to hurt anybody else... I don't think I am a sadist or whatever... it was just you. As if I wanted to make sure, your life as mine, that I am the one in control... that I have that much power over you... Whatever... I am not sure myself. It was twisted and sick. I think... I... you know, I am terrible with people and emotions... What I felt for you... because I've tried to suppress it ... I might have accidentally made it worse. However, I've never wanted to seriously injure you, to put your life in danger so... when... uh... when that happened, I think something inside me broke. You are the most important person in my life. My everything and so just a thought of you being in the hospital again scares me so much, I don't think I will ever desire to hurt you again... and uh... we do now something else that allows me to see the look on your face I like so much."

Woohyun blinked.

"Huh?"

"You know... when you are completely at my mercy?"

Woohyun blushed.

"But I mean it, Woohyun-ah. I've never felt like this. Ever. I need you."

"Why do you love me so much?"

"Because you loved me when I couldn't love myself. Because you make me feel alive. Because it's you."

Woohyun smiled and hugged him.

"You know... I was always so scared of loosing control when I was with you. I didn't realize that it's not so bad to loose it if I give it to you."

THE END

***

What was the relationship between Woohyun and Sunggyu?

A reason?

A season?

Or a lifetime?

Was it a blessing?

Curse?

Or a lesson?

I will let you, my dear readers, to decide.