CONFUSING.

Taehyung’s POV

        I drop my chin heavily into my palm as the cold wind caressing my hair. The sun has gone to rest, the moon takes his place as the darkness begins to surround me. I like the night, it hides my flaws and my imperfections. The moon guides me through the night. That calming presence makes me slowly close my eyes, my body quietly switching off; but it lets my soul run free. I can do the things I would never be allowed to do when the sun is out. I can do whatever I want…as my worries, my thoughts, silently burn into smoke as they wonder through the endless night once more.

        “Why you look so blue lately?”

        I caught off guards once lifting up my head,  having no idea since when the oldest member of BTS, Jin has been sitting in the opposite chair.

        “I don't think so. I completely fine.”

        He takes the pot flower on the table of balcony, and making the fake sign to throw it right on my face.”Fine my ! you often daydreaming and letting out a heavy sigh as if you have to think so hard to decide something big between saving the world or continue being villain. Okay forget my blabbering, now tell me what's bothering you?”

        “Nothing, hyung. Seriously!” I chuckled. This hyung is talkative, curious, and sensitive as always. He knows immediately if the members hide something. You couldn't believe whoever he asked would end up telling him all. I got goosebump sometimes.

        Speaking of which, it reminds me about Jiyeon. For the first time in my life, I found someone who is scarier than Jin hyung. It's not surprising if Jin hyung know me and others members so well because we have been together for years, but Jiyeon? we are strangers, or just classmate to be exact yet I feel she can see through me.

        Oh!

        I remember something.

        Jiyeon said that she is close with Jungkook. Did he tell her all about me, perhaps?

        “Omo, omo, omo. It's less than a minutes since you said you're okay but look at you who suddenly gawking with open mouth!”

        I snapped, pressing my lips together. While avoiding eye contact, I look around the veranda in order to hide my embarrassment.

        “You can't fv.cking fool me!” From the corner of my eyes, I saw his smirk clearly.

        I inhale then exhale before giving up,”Okay, you caught me.”

        “You wanna tell me?” Geez, how can I refuse when hyung ask with his eyes full of sparkling.

        “It's about Jungkook,” I started to tell.

        Jin hyung rolled his eyes.”Again? I thought you already moving on, or should I say your guilty feeling still there, blaming yourself for just using him in the end like others.”

        I throw my back against the armchair.”I guess so. We're buddies back then. It's my fault to taint his innocent and disrespected his believe, uphold the true love. I used him, just because I was feeling lonely and think it would be fun if we're beyond friend, I hurt him deeply.”

        “I'm glad Jungkook keep his mind,” Upon hearing that, I baffled.“If he let you in for second time, do you think you would able to make him happy? Look Taehyung-ah, you even cannot let off the old man who you called father so how could he accept you?”

        “I know, I just wanna make up with him, fix our broken friendship, being buddies once more.” I admitted.

        I looked up, seeing hyung face become more serious.”Then, get your off here and tell him you wanna start all over again. You deserve to spend your teenager life freely instead of being cage here.”

        “I can't,” I reply with low voice.”I can't abandon my father.”

        “Dude, what in the would you call him father while he didn't even write your name on the list of his family!”

        Years of hanging out together, this is the first time Jin hyung seems so frightening. I know he cares, the other members care for me yet I covered both my ears and eyes, pretending to know nothing.”He raised me, hyung. And I didn't agree about what were you saying that I'm being caged, I'm not.”

        He sighs in disbelief.“You are. He bought you cage, this house, your motorcycle, your sport car and tied you with his money and authority. I'm sorry to said this but you're more like a than a son.”

        My blood boiling up after hearing each words which came out of his mouth. I feel offended.” Hyung, how can you utter such word!”

        “Because we're friend and I cannot see you like this for the rest of your life!” He raised his voice.

        “I noticed it long time ago, you and other members DO know what I'm trying to hold onto and why I have NO other choice than do this, so make sure to NEVER ask me again about this!” I stated while emphasizing some words.

        Hyung jumps off the chair.”I rather sleep on the cold the street than on the comfortable bed, and I'm sure the others have the same thought as me!”

        I massage my temple, knowing exactly this time would come. Times make they realize that I do this for them, giving them place they can come back─everyone usually called it home─anytime. They are homeless when the first time I meet them. Gradually, we share our interest, belief, and experience so that we could build strong relationship we have till today.

        The best buddies I've ever had, BTS. It stands for Bangtan Sonyeondan/ Bulletproof Boy Scouts that has meaning to block out the world’s bullets, hoping we would not broken even if we're being shot by a lot of cruel thing in this earth. I asked my father to create my own gang and he agreed before giving me a territory in Mapo. For our gang which is just a branch, we run loan shark.

        “You don't even know what we feel when you couldn't sleep with nothing but your burning cigarette. You just know we're sleeping safe and sound, you punk! Don't be cocky, acting like a hero yourself! The hell grow up man like me is being taken care of eighteen years old boy!” He blurt it, I’m sure he is letting out everything he keeps all this time.

        I remain silent, too confuse with my own thought. But suddenly Jiyeon's words pop up ...

        “You just run in your circle. You just couldn't get your off from there. I know your loneliness, your emptiness that you can't escape. It eats you alive, making you feel like you have no one else you could hold onto in the world. But, Taehyung. At least ... you have yourself.”

        Yes, I'm scared to mess everything, yet in the same time I wanna run as far as I could. And in the end my mind always says NO ...I couldn't. I have to be responsible for BTS. That's how I could bear with everything all this time.

        “Kim Taehyung!” I frown, the heck her voice feel so real and clear in my ears.

        Hyung and I throwing our glance as if both of us asking-did you hear the voice? Out of curiosity, Hyung walks toward balcony railing, so do I.

        Down there, a girl whom I thought just now locks her eyes on mine as lifting up a white box in her hand. “Here, I brought you something!” There was sunshine in her smile and and her voice went right to my brain like a shot of single malt. Her clothes were so casual, the ubiquitous look all the young girls had: tight jeans, sleeveless shirt and cute brown boots.

        “But your friends insisted that I should've leave.” She added.

        I stare at her with disbelief. This girl has lost her mind, I mean ...how can she come here just after she knew this is BTS whereabouts. Is she not scared at all? is she thinking just because I'm her classmate, I or my friends wouldn't be possible to eat her alive?

        “Jimin-ah, let her in,” I gave the permission.

        “Are you sure?” He replied.

        “Yes,” I don't want to actually, but I wonder what she brought.

        “Alright. Don't too long okay because we have a race in thirty minutes.” He retorted before seeing he block off the entrance and Jiyeon walked in the house.

        I'm eyeing hyung for the last time, doesn't know what I supposed to say so I just turning to leave.

        “What is it?” I said to the point.”We even didn't win.”

        I recall the P.E class this morning when we almost got second place after Jungkook in every games; in piggyback race, chicken fight, protect the princess except in pepero game, we won. Well, I have to say that he is pretty good at sport, yet I feel sorry to his partner. She is panting until she looked she could passed out anytime. What makes he tried so hard? I wonder.

        I might not be able to forget his glare that gave the shiver to my whole body. I watched as the whites in his eyes turned a pure black, and as his iris glowered teal. Then, a moment later his eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. I was never afraid of his anger when it came as fire, for that burnt hot and fast before, but this morning was different. He was like a tiger who is ready to break my bones.

        Was he jealous of me? does he still have a feeling for me?

        “Taehyung!” I fixed my eyes at Jiyeon who already sat on the couch, bewildered.

        “Uhm sorry, what did you say?”

        “I said you've tried your best, so I think I have to give you something in return!” She raised her voice while I cover my ears automatically.

        “Gosh! No need to yell, Jiyeon-ssi!”

        She rolls her eyes,”Blame yourself who were daydreaming. I called you three times already but there you were just biting your bottom lip and playing with your eyes; up, down, left, right. What did you think actually?” She answered with demonstrating it.

        Man, I did it unconsciously.

        I cleared my throat, hiding my embarrassment before says,”As if I would tell you,”

        “If so, then I would just take my leave and have this cake which made by your Jiji for myself.” She stuck out her tongue.

        I find my eyes wide open,”Really? you aren't playing a prank on me, didn't you?”

        “Guess, I have to give you some evidence.” She lift up her upper lip, annoyed.”When you're kid, she promise to give you a chocolate cake right in your birth day which unfortunately came a week later after you disappeared. Am I right?”

        I nods,”Yeah, you're right.” She got the right point.

        She handed me the box as I throw myself on the couch opposite her. As soon as I saw the cake, the warm filled my veins. It's all chocolate with 'happy birthday my little taetae' written on it. What should I do? I miss her so badly. I wanna see her, the main reason I'm still alive today.

        “Oh!”

        God, thanks. That shouting, or should I say it's like more a gasp than anything else, rent the air. What was once peaceful became polluted with confusion. I'm glad because if it continues, I think I might be crying ...in front of girl, and the worst it's Jiyeon! Where should I put my face then if it really happen?

        I turn around and saw Jin hyung is standing beside Jiyeon with index finger pointing at her.”I think I've seen you somewhere,” He tilted his head after that.

        “Oh! the y lady in the bar!”

        I frown,”Hyung, don't put a bit.ch role to random girl. Even if she went to the pub, I'm sure the owner would kick her off.” I think someone has said this. Oh! Jimin did when Yoongi hyung accuse Jiyeon to be the person who beat him up.

        “Why?” He looked puzzled.

        “Because she is still eighteen!” I e