Author's Note

Here's the first chapter. This will just sort of ease into what will happen later. Think of it as an extended prologue.

SPOILER: KRIS APPEARS NEXT CHAPTER!

It had probably been ten minutes since I had arrived but it felt like forever. I think that going to the doctor has that effect. You arrive, you wait for five minutes but it feels like five hours. As an impatient person, I absolutely hated waiting at the doctor's. I looked at my sister desperately, hoping that we could play some kind of game but she gave the TV her full attention. All it was showing was a cooking show. Even though I like cooking shows, I'm just not in the mood for it. Then again, there's nothing else that is interesting to do. It is either watch the bloody cooking show or read outdated magazines.

I channelled my eyes to the screen and furrowed my brows, focusing solely on the man spreading a homemade tomato paste on the homemade pizza. The pizza, which was supposedly healthy, looked delicious. I was salivating and ready to eat. Yet, the nearest restaurant is at least 20 minutes away. What if I miss my appointment?

I growled in frustration and leant back into my chair. It must have been thirty minutes by now. I checked the time on my phone and sighed. No, only been 11 minutes. Only one minute has past. Time does not fly quickly.

To kill time, I decided to organise my week. Organisation is crucial to a procrastinator like me. If I organise my schedule, I will always find time to do last minute work. I will find time to do it at the last minute. Which brings me to another question: do I have homework? Is it worth doing? Will I get in trouble for not doing it? All the answers must be yes. But I've survived two years in this school as a procrastinator and sometimes I don't even do the work. But I can lie pretty well. For example:

"Why don't you have your visual art diary?" My art teacher said.

"I had a sleepover and I left it at her house. But it is all up to date. Can I give it to you tomorrow morning?" I replied. No, I lied.

"I'm not here tomorrow morning, give it to me on Wednesday." She said before walking off. I had just bought myself more time and I did not get in trouble at all. True story.

Everyone at the clinic was dull. The desk lady was dull. The TV was dull. The magazines were dull. No one wanted to wait this long.

"Sunhee? Kim Sunhee?" The doctor finally called after three hundred years. I got up and offered a small smile.

"Follow me." My family doctor said. Ever since I had become a teenager, I had switched to a lady doctor due to some 'lady issues'. One of those issues was the reason that I was here today- I found a lump in my left .

I found it last Christmas and of course, I panicked. The first thing that my sister and I did was to search it up which was really a stupid decision. So then, throughout the year I have had a series of appointments and missed several classes that may or may not have affected my grade. Mr Park and my Health and Phys.Ed teacher were the only ones who knew. Mr Park knew as a representative of the school and gave allowed me to have no detentions for missing out on classes. My HPE teacher, Mr Won, only knew so he could excuse me from doing any physical activity when it started to hurt. Then in after half a year of appointments, seeing a specialist and ultrasounds, I had a surgery to get it removed. There were two lumps that were both 5cm in diameter, stuck together. I was seeing my GP because the had started to hurt a lot more than usual since the surgery and we had begun to get worried. There was a chance that the lump could come back and there's already a disgusting purple scar imprinted.

"What can I do for you three today?" The doctor said. I haven't seen Doctor Geum since I was a child. It was so weird seeing him and yet at the same time I was amazed because he had not aged a bit. My sister immediately looked at me and I glared at her.

"This one," my mother pointed to me, "has been having pain in her left after her surgery." The doctor nodded in understanding as he scribbled down some notes. I noticed that all doctors have the same messy scrawl that no one can read. After a moments of awkward silence the doctor finally looked at me and smiled.

"Please get up, I will measure your height."

Insecurity No.1: My height.

I have always been insecure about my height. People will say that I am young and I will grow, but the truth is that I haven't even grown for a year now. Or more! I am staying short at 155cm and it is pissing me off to see everyone grow. People who were once shorter than me are now taller than me. Countless jokes have been made about my height and at first it was funny but now it just adds on to the insecurity. Every day I am treated as an arm rest, people keep patting my head and treat me like a ing child. I may be younger than them but I'm only younger than them by a few months! We're practically the same age! Even in heels, I am short.

It has been several months since I had last measured myself. Now I will be measured again and I am scared I haven't grown, or worse- shrunk. I walked up to the measuring tape and stood as tall as I could. I gave the doctor a worried glance and he chuckled in reply. He brought the tape down, measuring my height . Please be taller. Please, please be taller.

"155cm." Doctor Geum said simply and walked off. I whimpered and slouched as I sat. My sister giggled at my despair. I haven't grown at all! A heavy feeling grew in my heart and I pouted. But then knowing that I'd look weird rather than cute I in my puckered lip and pursed them.

"Let's check your weight." He then said. My heart stopped. I wanted to give my sister and my mother a mental message to get out of the room but they just stared at me, waiting to get on the scale.

Insecurity no.2: My weight

There had only been one time in my life that I was not overweight. We had come back from a holiday and after eating so much, I just was off food for a while. I don't know what happened but I knew that I didn't love food as much as I used to or as much as I do now. Also, it was around that time when I had found my SHINee oppas. My younger self somehow thought that she was okay with dancing. Oh my, how she was completely wrong. But I was able to lose weight. A lot of weight.

I took off my shoes and any other thing that could weigh me down and finally got on the scale. I watched the numbers rise until it came to a stop. 64.4kg. Overweight again. Of course I am. Some people may say that it is not too bad but overweight is overweight and my body looks ing awkward. I looked thick with these thighs, muffin top and the s did not help. I lacked curves especially because of all this fat.

All I confirmed today was that I was overweight and I hated how I look.