CHAPTER TEN

goodbye

Dear Yoongi,

         Now that I finally know you’re gone, it’s time to say goodbye. It’s actually been a few months since I came to terms and the realization of it all, but tomorrow is a big and special day for me, and I will no longer be writing you after now.

         Tomorrow is my wedding with Taehyung, and then we can devote our entire lives to each other, and so that means I can’t hold onto you any longer. Taehyung has been patient with me, and has helped me move on almost entirely, but knowing about what really happened with you again has kicked me away from the last bit of attachment I felt with you.

         I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if not for that awful accident. Would we have kids already? Would we have actually gotten married right away or waited? I know I’ve thought this a million times, but you have to remember that I hung onto you for over a decade because my mind had tricked me into thinking you were still alive.

         I’m going to take this to your grave after I write this and leave it for you to have. Though you can’t read it, just know that you’ll always be in my heart a little bit, as I’ve carried you as a whole there for almost sixteen years. Just know you’ll be sharing that space with Taehyung, who will hold most of my heart from now on.

         I hope to see you again someday, maybe not here, but somewhere far more peaceful.

Farewell,

Jung Sunbi

The car was silent, even though there were three people in total occupying it at the time. Sunbi sat in the back seat, while her mother and brother sat in the front seats, her mother driving. The radio wasn’t even on. The only sound that was heard was the traffic.

The first year of university just ended, and Sunbi was going back home, of course. Earlier in the day, she dreaded going home, and she did still dread it even now. The day before was a different story.

Yesterday, she was beyond excited, and she had even talked to Yoongi, making her even happier. Yoongi told her that he loved her and missed her so much that he was coming home early, and would be taking the subway back instead of waiting for his father to pick him up in two days. Sunbi was grateful that he would do that, so she let him know that she loved him just as much and would be so happy to have him in her arms and vice versa.

That was yesterday, though. Earlier in the morning, Yoongi took the subway. He was supposed to get back early enough to where he could go with Sunbi’s mother and her brother to pick her up.

He was supposed to.

Around seven in the morning, Sunbi’s phone woke her up. It was Yoongi’s mother calling. Being in a tired state, she was really confused and it didn’t register to her that something could be seriously wrong, until the words left the woman’s mouth.

“Sunbi, I think you should come back soon. Yoongi is in the hospital.” The moment the words made sense to her, Sunbi got up immediately, and started getting dressed to leave for the nearest bus, the nearest train. Whatever could get her there first. She had to see Yoongi.

“What happened?” She managed to get out clear enough through the tears and the struggles to breathe.

“His train derailed. He’s seriously hurt, Sunbi. I know he needs us, but he really needs you here, too. His father and I want you here. Please come as soon as you can.”

Sunbi gave her the promise before she hung up and gathered what she could. She knew that she would need to call her mother and tell her to come get her stuff later, but for now she needed to get to the hospital and see Yoongi without anything dragging her on.

She had managed to make it all the way to a bus stop where she could hopefully get to another subway so she could make it to where Yoongi was staying. Every step of the way, she was whispering to herself.

“Please be okay. Please be okay. Please be okay. Yoongi, please.”

It was a difficult thing for her to do because she knew that an accident like that never went well for those involved. And to imagine, oh she didn’t even want to think about how many people were even on the subway. What if there was barely anyone, so Yoongi took a lot of impact? She hated to think this way; hoping there were a lot more people involved with the bigger chance that Yoongi would survive this. Wouldn’t anyone do the same?

For the longest time, Sunbi waited for the bus, or at least that’s what it felt like. Time seemed to be going by slower when the bus actually came and she boarded it.

Around halfway to the nearest subway, she got another call. This time, it was from her brother. That’s when she remembered that she was supposed to tell her mother that she needed to just grab her stuff and that she wouldn’t be accompanying them on the trip back.

She talked the moment she picked up the call, “Hansun, I forgot to tell you that I won’t be able to go back with you. Yoongi’s in the hospital.”

“Yoongi’s dead, Sunbi.”

Everything went quiet, or at least that’s what her mind made her believe. In reality, there were honking horns, talking people, and a lot of car noises going on inside and outside the bus. To Sunbi, it was silent. She couldn’t see for a moment because everything went blurry. They were tears. She didn’t blink, so they took their time to fall, but when they did, Sunbi leaned over, taking her jacket off and burying her face in it. She didn’t want them to hear; she didn’t want her brother to hear.

She didn’t want them to hear her cry.

Her brother continued on, “He died about twenty minutes ago, but it took a while for his mother and father to text us to tell you. They couldn’t do it because they were grieving.”

Twenty minutes ago? Does that mean there’s no chance for him to come back?

“Sunbi, you need to stop where you are. We’re coming to get you.”

She wasn’t sure how, but she was able to answer, “I’m on the bus. I’ll get off at the next stop and let you know where I am.”

She hung up. She didn’t want to hear it because she knew he was going to say it. He was going to say he was sorry, but she didn’t want to hear it.

She received a text soon after.

The Min’s would like for you to see them later.

Then another.

I’m sorry.

When Sunbi had gotten back to her mother and brother, they decided to go straight to the Min family’s apartment where Yoongi’s parents were. Sunbi didn’t want to go, she desperately didn’t want to go. She knew it was for the best, though she didn’t know why.