~*~무한대 (mu-han-dae) n: the state or quality of being infinite~*~

Infinity (symbolically represented by a ∞) is a concept in mathematics and philosophy that refers to a quantity without bound or end. People have developed various ideas thoughout history about the nature of infinity. The word comes from the Latin word ‘infinitas’ or ‘unboundless’

Chapter 7

바다 (ba-da) n. sea or ocean

Woohyun was a light sleeper and recently he hadn’t had the best sleep ever, a combination of stress and someone waking him up to check that he didn’t slip into a coma from the concussion.  So one morning, he woke up to the sounds of someone shuffling around in the kitchen.  With a glance at the clock – 6:07 – Woohyun shuffled out of his bedroom and looked over the banister from the second floor loft, just as Sungjong walked out of the kitchen area, fully dressed and looking like he was going to go somewhere. 

Recenlty, Woohyun didn’t want to talk as much as he could, not wanting to sound like a child, so to get someone’s attention, Woohyun usually knocked on a surface or went up to them to tap their shoulder. From one floor up, Woohyun couldn’t do either. Without hesitating, Woohyun pulled off his shirt and balled it up, throwing it at the back of Sungjong’s head. 

“Hey,” Sungjong complained, rubbing the back of his head as he turned around to see who threw it. 

Woohyun smiled widely at Sungjong’s face as he glared at him. “Wear your shirt,” Sungjong said, a little loudly for 6 in the morning, as he threw Woohyun’s shirt back at him. 

Laughing, Woohyun walked down the stairs, shrugging on his shirt. “Why awake?”

“I’m going out,” Sungjong said simply, not looking at Woohyun as he returned to the kitchen. “I made lunch for everyone. I’ll be back by super, but don't wait up for me.”

“Me going.”

Sungjong raised his eyebrows as he closed the lid to the final container. “Where are you going?”

“With you,” Woohyun insisted. 

“No, I don’t want you to come.”

“Going,” Woohyun said, grabbing Sungjong’s things and headed to the door. 

Groaning, Sungjong burried his face in his hands, ruffling his hair in frustration. “Fine!” he said, throwing his hands in the air. “At least get dressed. I’m not going out with you especially if you’re wearing pajamas.”

A less than a hour later, Woohyun and Sungjong were sitting on bus stop bench, wating for a bus that would take them to the ferry. Sungjong still wouldn’t tell Woohyun where they were going, but he seemed confident enough so Woohyun didn’t say anything, just following Sungjong. Strangely, Sungjong kept on checking his bag as if he was forgetting something, every time, relaxing right away when he found what he was missing. 

“Where?” Woohyun asked as he looked over the railing of the ferry. 

Sungjong mumbled something in answer, only staring at the far away mainland. 

“How there get?” Woohyun asked instead, figuring that Sungjong wouldn’t give him a straight answer. 

“The KTX won’t take us long to get there,” Sungjong replied quietly. “Then we’ll have to get on a different train to get there...”

Woohyun hummed in agreement, his fingers finding a spot in Sungjong’s hair to play with. The rest of the ferry ride passed in silence. Neither of them said anything as Sungjong bought the tickets for the KTX. It wasn’t until they were heading out of the city and were rushing through the contry side when Sungjong finally spoke. 

“Why did you want to come with me?” Sungjong asked, tracing circles on the tray in front of him. 

“Not alone,” Woohyun said simply. 

“I don’t mind being alone,” Sungjong said, waving his hand in dismissal. 

Placing a hand at the back of Sungjong’s neck, Woohyun carefully massaged his shoulders, making him relax a bit. Even though Sungjong said that he was okay with being alone, Woohyun could see the same scared loneliness that he saw in Sungyeol’s eyes the day before on the beach, the same fear that constantly hung around Sunggyu, and the same lonliness that spilt from Myungsoo’s eyes when he cried over the loss of Sookyung and Nabi. A scared loneliness that meant no matter what, he didn’t want to be alone. Woohyun couldn’t find the words to express this to him, all he could do as smile and stay by his side. 

“Together,” Woohyun said.  “Do like that.”

“Do what together?”

“Everything.  Struggles, smiles.  Together.  Not be alone.”

Sungjong smiled faintly, his eyes closing.  Woohyun pretended not to notice the tear running down Sungjong’s cheek. 

Before Woohyun could break the ice, the female autmoated voice announced their arrival to Gwangju.  He wasn’t surprised when Sungjong stood up, beckoning Woohyun to follow him.  It didn’t take them very long to get to their destination.  Woohyun followed Sungjong quietly as they reached a cemetary as he did, he realized why Sungjong was here. 

“Could you wait here?” Sungjong finally whispered as they stopped at a end of a row of gravestones.  Woohyu nodded, taking a step back as Sungjong walked to one of the headstones.  Kneeling down, Sungjong bowed before looking at the gravestone.  “Umma.  I’m back again.

“I wanted to come talk to you... I’m here again.  I miss you so much.”  Sungjong’s voice was barely a whisper, Woohyun nearly missed what Sungjong was saying.  “Last time I came here, it was with Daeun.  We told you that... she was pregnant.”

Sungjong’s voice was breaking and trembling with every syllable. “You have a granddaughter, Umma. Her name is – was – Mihee. You know that, right? You must be... you must be holding Mihee’s hand. You must be with her, right? 

Woohyun wanted to run forward and hug him tightly, but he just waited. Sungjong was crying, sobbing into his hands as he continued to talk to his mother. “Daeun came to join you first, then Mihee... Are you taking good care of them? Are they happy? Umma... I need you to love her and Daeun so much.”

His breath was jerking out of his body in heavy gasps, but still, Sungjong continued, “I love her so much. Please... she’s my daughter. She’s my beautiful love, take care of her. Take care of Mihee. She’s your granddaughter... she’s my daughter.” Sungjong was sobbing loudly, his body rocking back and forth with the force of the sobs. “I loved her so much and now she joined you...  I can’t believe she’s gone. Umma. I miss her so much. I miss them so much. I miss you too. I love all of you. I love all of you.”

Listening to Sungjong’s desperate cries that soon turned into screams as if he was trying to scream all the way up to the heavens, Woohyun rushed forward and hugged him tightly, brushing away his tears.  Sungjong’s body was limp against Woohyun’s, only sobs tearing their way through his body.  Woohyun hummed confortingly into Sungjong’s ear, holding Sungjong even tighter as his sobs continued.  The scent of Sungjong’s shampoo filled Woohyun’s senses as Woohyun pulled Sungjong closer to him, rubbing his arms as shivers started to rack their way through his body. 

They sat there together in front of Sungjong’s mother’s grave for the longest time, Sungjong barely able to stop his crying. Woohyun stayed beside him every second, not daring to let go of the maknae, scared that Sungjong would crumble if he let go of him. 

He wasn’t sure how long had passed by the time that Sungjong calmed down enough to wipe away his tears, leaning against Woohyun for support.  Woohyun carefully wipped away Sungjong’s tears, gently pressing a small kiss on his temple, still humming gently into his ear. 

“Home?” Woohyun whispered. Sungjong nodded slowly, too tired to argue. Before either of them stood up, Woohyu looked towards the headstone. “Eomeoni. You take care of M-M-Mihee and Eun. I care for Jjong. Promise?”

Sungjong laughed shakily, burrying his face into Woohyun’s shoulder. “Hyung...”

Woohyun smiled as he finally managed to get a reaction out of Sungjong. “Promise?” he asked Sungjong’s mother again. Even though there was no reply, Woohyun turned to Sungjong and said, “See, Jjong? Promised.”

With a weak chuckle, Sungjong punched Woohyun’s shoulder lightly. Woohyun preteded to gasp and hold his shoulder in pain, only to make Sungjong smile even wider. “Thanks, hyung.”

Standing up, Woohyun offered his hand to Sungjong. “Home,” he said quietly. 

Accepting Woohyun’s hand, Sungjong nodded. “Let’s go home.”

Waking up in the morning, Dongwoo rolled over sleepily, finding the other side of the bed empty and cold. Sighing, he got out of bed to find everyone else in the kitchen eating lunch. “Good morning,” Dongwoo said cheerfully, taking Haneul from Sungyeol. 

“Good morning, sleepy head,” she said, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. 

With a smile, Dongwoo asked, “Where’s Woohyun and Sungjong?”

Hoya shrugged.  “They left earlier,” he answered. “They just made us food and left before any of us woke up.”

“Oh okay, what are the rest of you planning to do this afternoon?”

“Surfing!” Sungyeol sang cheerfully.  “Or falling in the water multiple times.”

Everyone laughed as Yejin added, “Hoya and I were talking about going into town today.  There were some stores that I saw last night that I would like to go to.”

“Great!” Dongwoo said happily. “Going shopping! Isn’t that great, Haneul?” His son gurgled in repsonse and clapped his hands, grabbing onto Dongwoo’s fingers happily. 

The day was a beautiful summer day. The crystal blue sky was scattered with soft clouds and the heat was blown away by a soft summer breeze.That afternoon, Yejin, Dongwoo, Hoya and the twins were heading into town. The town they were staying in was a combination between modern stores surrounded by the old town with traditional stores.   

“Hello,” a elderly grandmother greeted them, her voice gentle and kind.  “I’m Mrs. Jung, you can call me Halmeoni.”

“Hello Halmeoni,” Dongwoo said with a bow.  “I’m Jang Dongwoo and this is my wife, Lee Yejin.”

“What brings you to this town?”

“We’re vacationing with our friends,” Dongwoo said with a smile.  “But we wanted to have a little family outing together.”

“How old are your children?”

“They’re 10 months old,” Dongwoo said proudly.  “Haneul and Sora.”

“Ahh, such beautiful names,” she said.  “May I hold her?”

Dongwoo nodded and carefully handed over Sora into his arms. 

“Hello, little one,” Mrs. Jung said, gently bouncing her. Sora gave her a tooth gapped smile, looking around happily.  “Oh, poor dear, she can’t see, can she?”

Yejin and Dongwoo exchanged glances. “Halmeoni, what do you mean?” Dongwoo asked politely. 

“She’s deaf,” she explained. “My own son was born blind.”

“What?” Yejin asked, her eyes wide. “Deaf? Like she can’t hear?”

“Nobody has told you?”

Dongwoo and Yejin exchanged glances.  “I... We... No?”

“It seems with all of the technology these days, they seem to miss the smallest of things,” Mrs. Jung said. “You don’t need to worry. They may be called disabilities, but the children are always the biggest blessing.”

Yejin took Sora back from her, kissing Sora’s cheek.  “Thank you, Halmeoni, but I think we need to get going...”

“I’m sorry for unloading that on you,” she said. “You are always welcome to come back if you need to talk.”

Dongwoo nodded numbly and left the store with Hoya and his family. As they left the store, the beautiful summer day seemed to lose some of its brilliance.

 “Hey, Haneul,” Hoya said suddenly. “Look over there. Don’t you think those shoes would be good for Uncle Gyu?  Do you want to go buy them for him?”

Haneul stared wide eyed at Hoya, then burst out into a stream of gurgles. Hoya smiled at Dongwoo and Yejin before walking into the store, leaving them alone. 

Dongwoo turned to the Yejin who was staring blankly at the ground. “Jagi?” he asked quietly. Yejin allowed him to hug her gently, kissing the top of her head. 

“How did we not know of this?” Yejin asked, against Dongwoo’s shoulder. “All of the doctors...”

Shaking his head, Dongwoo looked down at Sora who was amusing herself by trying to bite her foot. Reaching down, Dongwoo gently tickled Sora’s stomach. She excitedly squealed and gripped onto his fingers with her tiny fingers.

“How... we planned for us to be able to go back to schedules as soon as possible... we need to give Sora everything.”  

Yejin took in a deep breath, her breath catching in as she pushed back tears. “What are we going to do?”

For once, Dongwoo had no words.

By late afternoon, all of the members were back at the cabin on the beach. Myungsoo tried to teach Sungyeol, Sungjong and Hoya how to surf while Sunggyu sat on the beach with Woohyun who had fallen asleep in the warm sun. Sunggyu smiled as Woohyun unconsiously snuggled closer to him.  Dongwoo and Yejin had joined them again and were playing with their kids in the water.  Haneul was still struggling on his two legs, but still was laughing as his dad helped him walked through the ocean water. As Sora started to cry, most likely because she was hungry, Yejin took her back to the cabin as Dongwoo brought Haneul to sit next to Sunggyu and Woohyun. “Hey, hyung,” Dongwoo said cheerfully.

Sunggyu couldn’t help but nod and look down at Woohyun next to him.  “Sorry that I’m like this,” he mumbled. “I should trust you guys more.”

“You couldn’t trust Woohyun when he was eighteen, nothing much has changed since then,” Dongwoo said with a laugh. 

Sunggyu smiled too as Dongwoo rushed to stop Haneul from eating a handful of sand. “Have you figured out what to do?” he asked quietly.  “About Sora.”

Dongwoo’s shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “Our plan before was a really good plan. Both Yejin and I really want to get back to singing as soon as possible, but we don’t want to leave Sora and Haneul alone.”

“Maybe we can work out something for you,” Sunggyu mused. “We can just take the practicing more slowly so that you can spend more time with Sora.”

“I can’t ask you guys to do that,” Dongwoo said, his face filled with worry. 

“Of course you can!” Sunggyu replied. “That was the plan anyways, with Sungjong and Daeun expecting... but anyways, with everything going on... maybe it’s best that we take it slowly for a little while.”

Lifting Haneul up to save him from a crab, Dongwoo said, “Now you’re talking about Woohyun.”

With a sigh, Sunggyu shook his head. “Don’t try to change the subject.”

“Fine, but we’re coming back to that,” Dongwoo said firmly.  “The plans about Sungjong were only for the first few years. But Sora, I feel like I need to give her everything.  It isn’t just for the next year, but I want to be there for Sora every moment she needs me.”

Sunggyu took a moment to think about what Dongwoo said and finally he said, “Are you thinking of...”

“I’m sorry that I’m thinking about this,” Dongwoo said, looking down at Haneul in his lap, letting him play with one of the shells they had found.  “It’s just that... it’s that...” Laughing a little, to disguise the tears, Dongwoo shook his head. “I don’t know.  I’m not saying that this is my final descision, but... I really need you guys to be there for me.” 

Carefully, not to disturb sleeping Woohyun, Sunggyu reached out and put his hand on Dongwoo’s shoulder. “Anything you decide to do, we’re going to be right here for you.”

Dongwoo smiled at Sunggyu. “Thanks, hyung, you’re a really great leader.” He sighed and stood up with Haneul. “It’s time to find Umma, isn’t it?”

Haneul clapped his hands happily at the mention of Yejin and laughed as Dongwoo lifted him up above his head and hurried towards the beach house. Sunggyu smiled at Dongwoo’s retreating back and let out a small sigh. 

“Life is getting too complicated,” Sunggyu mumbled to sleeping Woohyun.  “Wouldn’t it be nicer if we were still young artists, like back when we just released The Chaser or when we finished One Great Step Tour... it was so much easier back then.”

Sunggyu looked over at the four out in the beach and smiled at the sight of the other members. “I guess if we stayed like it was back then, we wouldn’t be here. Who knows what would’ve happened if we had disbanded after Be Mine. I’m really glad we made it this far. If this is as far as we’re getting... I’m happy with that.”

A few hours later, Sungjong, Sungyeol and Myungsoo were still surfing as Woohyun, Hoya and Sunggyu prepared supper together. When dinner was ready, Sunggyu called out to the beach, “Guys! Come on! Or else Woohyun’s going to eat everything!”

“One last time!” Sungyeol yelled back. “Whoever gets this one, gets the best steak!”

At the mention of the challenge, Sungjong straightened up and replied, “You’re on.”

Sunggyu laughed as the three maknaes prepared to catch a wave. Almost immediately, Myungsoo lost his balance and disappeared under the waves as the waves lifted Sungjong and Sungyeol up. Sunggyu couldn’t help but laugh again as Sungyeol yelped and fell off his surf board. Sungjong was laughing happily as he rode out the wave until the end, jumping elegantly off the board.   

For only a moment, he could see a happy spark in Sungjong’s eyes as he splashed out of the waves, dragging his surf board with him and wiping away his bangs from his eyes. 

“Hey! Lee Sungjong! Come back here!” Sungyeol yelled from in the ocean as Myungsoo clapped his hands with laughter, sitting on top of his surfboard. 

With a mishchevious grin, Sungjong stuck his tounge out at the two in the water. “Hyung: 0. Maknae: 3.” 

Infinite members in car crash

Woohyun kept a notebook since the crash.  His speech therapist had given it to him to practice writing, even though Woohyun had his own tablet to work on his writing, with the reason that because Woohyun had learned writing with a pen and paper, the farmiliar mediums might help his brain.  In the back of the notebook, Woohyun had tucked away paper clippings of news articles about the car crash. 

Infinite members in car crash

No matter how many times Woohyun would repeated the title of the article in his head – Infinite members in car crash – and pronnounced each word carefully and correctly in his head, any time he tried to say it aloud – Infinite members in car crash – all of his letters would come out in a jumble. 

Infinite members in car crash

Woohyun sighed and looked at the title once more, mouthing the words silently to himself – Infinite. Members. In. Car. Crash. – thinking about each syllable – In. Fi. Ni. Te.  Mem. Bers.  In.  Car. Crash. – the moment that he opened his mouth, the words would come out jumbled.   The same letters that Woohyun had been writing since as long as he could remember – I-n-f-i-n-i-t-e m-e-m-b-e-r-s i-n c-a-r c-r-a-s-h – would come out in the wrong order, turning into a jumble of letters and scribbles. 

“Ni... Me... mem...”

“Just slowly,” Hoya instructed quietly beside him.  “Just a little bit at a time.”

Shaking his head, Woohyun cleared his throat and tried again.  “N... Eh-eh... Ifni...”

Woohyun played with his notebook, his fingers tracing the shaking letters.  “Not working,” he whispered to Hoya.  “It not.”

Hoya hesitated and looked towards the beach house where everyone else was talking.  “You know, you should tell Sung-“

“No!” Woohyun snapped.  “No...”

As he saw Hoya hesitated again, he pushed Hoya towards the beach house again.  “G-g-go.  Prac... pra... alone,” Woohyun mumbled. 

Hoya nodded and patted his shoulder before he left, just like he would before in the practice rooms when they wre trainees.  Blinking away a few teas, Woohyun turned the page of his notebook and tried again. 

I.

N.

F.

Woohyun’s hand flattered again at the next letter.  The next letter was clear in his head, but his hand froze, unable to write the next letter. 

Infinite members in car crash

Burrying his face in his hands, Woohyun tried to keep the tears in, but his hands became wet with tears.  He only looked up when someone placed their hand on Woohyun’s shoulder. 

“Woohyun-ah?” Sunggyu said quietly as Woohyun sat up, quickly wipping away his tears.  “Are you okay?  Do you need a painkiller?”

Shaking his head, Woohyun cleared his throat and looked away towards the ocean. 

“The therepist said that it’ll take a long time,” Sunggyu continued.  “It’s not something that you’ll be able to do over night.”

Looking back, Woohyun gave Sunggyu a tired smile.  “You k-k-k-k-now?”

“I know everything,” Sunggyu said with a small smile.  “I’m your hyung.  I know everything.”

“Hoya say you,” Woohyun said with a dry chuckle.  “Didn’t he?”

“Why did you try to do this?” Sunggyu asked, his hands playing with Woohyun’s soft hair. 

Woohyun didn’t answer for a moment, playing with the notebook in his lap.  “B-b-b-be... t-t-h...”

Tears were burning in his eyes as Sunggyu pulled Woohyun into his arms.  “Just one word at the time, Woohyun,” Sunggyu calmed, wipping away his tears with his thumb. 

“N... n... on word tiring...” Woohyun mumbled, his hands shaking as he clenched them into fists. 

Sunggyu gave him a soft smile and ran his hands over Woohyun’s hands that were clutching his notebook tightly.  “Woohyun, I promise you that I’ll always sing for you.”

Tears were burning his eyes as he looked into Sunggyu’s sincere eyes, holding all the love for his dongsaeng in his gaze.  “Thank you for being strong for us, Woohyun, but everything is over.  It can end now.”

Woohyun laughed shakily and looked down at his notebook, teardrops staining the letters. 

Infinite members in car crash

Finally, Woohyun gripped the first pages of the notebook and ripped it out of the bindings, throwing them into the fire. 

“Woohyun!” Sunggyu said surprised, grabbing onto his hands to stop him.  “What are you doing?”

Pulling his hands away, Woohyun smiled at Sunggyu and nodded once.  “I-it o-o-okay.  Ca-a-an do now.”

Smiling proudly, Sunggyu let go of Woohyun as Woohyun tore out another fist full of scribbles of Woohyun’s failed attempts of writing.  The fire sparked again as the papers hit the bonfire.  A trail of sparks floated up to the sky, joining the stars, as Woohyun threw all of his sadness and grief that he wrote in the lines of the notebook.  Even though tears were running down his cheeks, he was laughing, the feeling of exuberance filled his heart. 

Soon the whole notebook was thrown into the fire, the last cover of the notebook gone, curled into blackness from existence.  Woohyun let out a long sigh and smiled, looking up at the night sky. 

Sunggyu’s warm arm rested on his shoulder.  Not even the warmth of the fire or the humid sea air could be the same warm hug that Sunggyu gave.  “So... everything is going to change?”

Smiling, Woohyun shook his head.  “Everything same.  Everything differnce.” 

Sunggyu shifted and rested his chin against Woohyun’s shoulder as they watched the fire burning away Woohyun’s troubles even if it was just for a little bit.  “It’s getting better,” Sunggyu mumbled as if he was talking to himself.  “We’re going to be okay from here on out.”

Woohyun patted Sunggyu’s thigh with a small nod.  “Yeah.  Better.”

The last remains of “Infinite members in car crash” faded away into the fire and finally, Woohyun felt a little more free. 

As the sun went down, they built a bonfire on the beach and sat quietly to look up at the stars. After a moment, Myungsoo had wandered off to do something in the sand a little ways away and about 15 minutes later, he returned and tapped Sungjong on his shoulder.

“Sungjong-ah,” Myungsoo said soflty.  “I have something for you.”

Sungjong barely raised his eyes off the ground.  “I don’t want it, hyung,” he whispered. 

“No, trust me, you’ll feel better,” Myungsoo urged, taking Sungjong’s hands in his.  “Please?”

When he got a little nod in reply, Myungsoo lead him over to hwere he was playing with the sand earlier.  “See, Jjong?” he said softly, pointing down at the sand..

Sungjong’s lip quivered as he saw what Myungsoo had made for him.  It was a ‘birthday cake’ made from sand, decorated with sea shells and driftwood.  On the top, Myungsoo had carved in the words, “Happy 1 month Birthday, Mihee” in big letters.

Tears blurred his vision as Myungsoo light the end of a small sparkler and stuck it carefully into the ‘cake’.  “There were so many days when I couldn’t be there for the big moments for Nabi,” Myungsoo said softy.  “I missed her frst birthday because we were in Japan.  You and the hyungs made me feel better by buying a cake back then.  I know that what happened back then is so much different than what is happening now, but I just want you to be happy, Jjong.  So let’s celebrate Mihee’s birthday, okay?”

Sungjong didn’t reply, only looking down at the cake with tears silently running down his cheeks, so Myungsoo continued to talk, “It might not be much of a comfort, but I was going through my pictures and I found this picture of you and Daeun... and Mihee too. I thought you might want to have it.”

Myungsoo handed Sungjong a picture and Sungjong’s heart hurt at the farmiliar sight of Daeun.  He wished that he could still be there in the picture with his arms wrapped around Daeeun’s waist as he kissed her forehead.  Sungjong laughed shakily and wiped off his cheeks quickly.  “Thanks, hyung,” he whispered as the sparkler crackled happily away on top of Mihee’s cake.  “I-I-I didn’t realize that it’s been a month already.  It’s felt like so much longer.”

Sungyeol stood at the edge of the water, looking out over the ocean. Behind him, the group had drifted off into separate conversations, Sunggyu and Woohyun sitting beside the fire pit, Myungsoo and Sungjong talking together a little further away, and Dongwoo and Hoya were talking together before coming to stand next to Sungyeol.

“It feels like the Han River, doesn’t it?” Hoya commented, looking out at the water. 

“Yeah,” Sungyeol said quietly.  “Makes me want to run.”

“We used to run so much,” Dongwoo said.  “Ran to our dreams, ran to our future that we were so sure of.  We ran so much and now the finish line... is right there...”

Sungyeol turned to face Dongwoo and wasn’t surprised to see tears in his eyes.  “Hyung...” he whispered and hugged Dongwoo tightly.  “Once more... let’s run.”

With a little smile, Dongwoo wipped away his tears and nodded.  “Okay.”

The three stood at the edge of the beach, looking down the coast line that stretched as far as they could see before it disappeared behind a bend. “Ready?” Hoya asked. 

“Set,” Dongwoo replied, but before anyone could say go, Dongwoo took off down the beach.

“Hey!” Sungyeol protested as he ran after Dongwoo, the gap between them disappearing quickly. Sungyeol grinned as he heard Dongwoo’s laughter ringing through the air as they sprinted down the beach. 

“Where are you guys going?” Sunggyu called as they passed in a flash.

“I don’t know!” Sungyeol yelled back. 

“Let’s just run!” Dongwoo said with a whoop. “Let’s be free! Let’s run towards infinity!”

“Yah! Guys! Wait up!” When Sungyeol looked back, the other members were runnning to catch up with Dongwoo and Sungyeol. 

Dongwoo turned around, continuing to run as he called back, “Catch us if you can!” but even so, both Sungyeol and Dongwoo slowed their pace slightly to allow the other members to catch up before running as fast as they could towards the end of the dock.

Reaching the end of the dock, Sungyeol slowed down to a stop, and the others followed the speed.  The stars reflected over the ocean waves and the wind blew around them, chilling the air, but yet Sungyeol didn’t feel cold with the other members around him. 

Looking around at the other members, Sungyeol couldn't help but smile.  The four oldest members were laughing together about Sunggyu trying to catch his breath, Hoya making some old jokes about Grandpa Gyu as if the last ten years hadn’t happened.  At the end of the dock, Myungsoo and Sungjong sat side by side, Myungsoo resting his head on Sungjong’s shoulder.  With a “Scoot over,” to the two of them, Sungyeol squeezed himself next to Sungjong, sitting on the edge of the dock, his legs handing off the edge. The tide hadn’t risen enough for Sungyeol’s feet to touch the water, the water level still a couple of meters under Sungyeol’s feet. 

Sungyeol turned to smile at the two maknaes, but his smile soon turned bittersweet as he saw their faces. Instead, Sungyeol just hugged Sungjong with one arm and reached out to rest his hand on Myungsoo’s head, gently patting Myungsoo’s hair. Myungsoo smiled softly in response, but Sungjong didn’t even react, just staring down into the water. As Sungyeol watched Sungjong’s face, he knew that the maknae was slipping away from them. He couldn’t find any words to say. All he could do was hug Sungjong closer and hope that Sungjong wouldn’t leave them. 

The dock creeked as Sunggyu squatted down behind them, hugging the three youngest gently. Sungyeol smiled as he felt Dongwoo, Hoya and Woohyun gather around them. Tightening his grip around Sungjong, he tried to tell Sungjong without speaking how much they cared and loved him.

Even though their hug was warm, Sungjong started shaking in the middle of their hug as if he was cold and was soon gasping out, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” through his tears. 

“It’s okay, Jjong-ah,” Sungyeol whispered, pulling him up into his arms.  “We got you.”

It was 1:45am and the quiet of the night was only broken by the sounds of the waves on the beach and one of Dongwoo's babies that had started crying elsewhere in the house.

Scientists do say humans experience only 15 minutes of pure joy in their life time, and Sungjong knew he lived all fifteen.

“Daeun, make me the happiest person on earth and say yes. Will you marry me?”

1:48am.

Sungjong’s mouth fell open as he saw Daeun round the corner, led in by her father.  He stared at her with wide eyes as she walked up the isle, smiling at the guests around her, but her eyes were only for Sungjong and he only had eyes for him. Without waiting for her to come to him, Sungjong ran forward and scooped her up in his arms, kissing happily and swinging her around in a circle.

As he placed her down back on her feet, Sungjong took Daeun’s hands.  “Moon Daeun, I love you so much,” he said, his eyes bright with tears. “You’re so beautiful. I love you so much.”

Daeun smiled, looking down shyly.  “I love you too.”

“I don’t need a preist to officiate us,” Sungjong said.  “I just promise that I’ll keep you happy forever.  Please keep on singing with me.  That’s all I need in this world.”

1:53am.

Sungjong held onto Daeun’s hand tightly.  “Even if it’s negitive, I’m going to love you just the same.” 

Daeun smiled and placed a kiss on Sungjong’s nose.  “I love you too.”

Sungjong smiled and held her closer, placing a kiss on her temple.  “Ready?”

Nodding, Daeun picked up the pregnancy test, still covering the test results.  “I don’t know about this,” she suddenly said.  “What if it’s still negitive?”

“Then I’m going to love you anyways,” Sungjong whispered.  He reached over and covered her hand in his.  “Together, okay?”

Daeun nodded and took a deep breath.  “One, two, three.”

Together, they flipped it over. 

“Positive...” Daeun whispered.  “Positive, Jjongie!  It’s positive!”  Her voice had risen to a high shriek as she threw herself into his arms, laughing happily.  “Oh my god, it’s positive!” 

Sungjong laughed to and hugged her as tightly as possible.  “It’s positive!  We’re going to be parents!”

Daeun looked back down at the pregnancy test.  “I can’t believe this.” 

Smiling, Sungjong ruffled her hair, kissing her on her forehead a couple of times.  “You’re going to be a mommy soon,” Sungjong whispered, his eyes filling with tears of joy.

“I can’t believe this,” Daeun repeated.  “You’re going to be a dad.  I’m going to be a mom.”

Sungjong smiled and gently pushed her back against the couch so that she was lying down and slid down so that he was by her abdomen.

“Hello,” Sungjong whispered, planting a kiss on her belly button.  “I’m your daddy and I’m the most luckiest man on Earth. Your mommy is the most beautiful lady on Earth and she’s my lovely girl.” 

Daeun laughed as Sungjong looked up at her with adoring eyes. 

“I’m so glad that she’s mine,” Sungjong whispered, reaching out to cover her hand with his.  “Appa loves Umma a lot and Appa loves you too.”

1:57am.

Carefully, Sungjong finished writing a letter for someone to find. Tears dropped down onto the paper, smearing his words. He owed them an explanation at the least. 

The house was quiet as Sungjong made his way down the stairs.  The moonlight illuminated his way as he made his way down the beach.  The ocean waves washed over the sands and for that one moment, the night felt peaceful.

As he made his way down the beach, the wind gently brushed against his skin and he could nearly hear Dongwoo and Sungyeol’s joyful yells from earlier that evening, hollering up to the heavens, “Let’s run towards infinity!”

The old wooden docks creaked under his feet as he made his way down to the end of the docks. Unlike a couple of hours before, the water had rose up again, just a meter under the bottom of the dock. He placed his jacket and shoes in a neat pile, tucking his note into the pocket of his jacket.  With one last look at Daeun’s smiling face in their wedding picture, Sungjong carefully placed his tablet on top of the pile. Quietly, Sungjong whispered the song he sang to Daeun before she died. 

Somewhere up there, there’s an angel,

Singing the same songs as I am.

Somwhere up there...

It’s you, isn’t it?

Somewhere up there...

She’s waiting.

Looking up at the sky, Sungjong mumbled, “I’m coming to you, Daeun.”

1:59am.

He glanced back once at the beach house where the other six members of Infinite were sleeping peacefully. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Closing his eyes, Sungjong took one more step. 

For one moment, he was alone in the air before the waters closed over his head, drowning him in silence. 

바다 (ba-da) where I throw all my pain into the waves, and where everything will end.