The days went on like this. I took care of the members and helped them, if needed.

But lately it seemed, that they were fine on their own. They seemed to have overcome their insecurities and fears, to have accepted Kris’ and Luhan’s decision to leave. The group was fine, everything seemed to be good. Our schedules were still exhausting which was OK since everyone could handle it quite well.

I still woke up the earliest to make breakfast for the others, but lately it took me more and more energy to leave my bed, to stand up at all. I was exhausted to no end and there didn’t seem to be enough sleep that I could regain my energy. There was no motivation for me to wake up, no need. Not like what I felt before, that I had to get up to help EXO. But now..

Everything was fine right, so my job was done and that meant I wasn’t needed anymore. There was no need for me to be here anymore. I would just drag the group down with my everything. My weight, my non existing talent, my ugly face. They should ban me from EXO, they surely would be better off without me. Wouldn’t they?

Those thoughts were always in my mind, even when we were having interviews or performing.

And every night my reflection in the mirror seemed to agree. It whispered with a sweet promising voice that had a strangely comforting effect, that my existence was worthless and uncalled-for. This sweet dark voice promised, that death was nice and beautiful and would grant my every wish.

With every night that passed it was harder and harder to withstand. With every bone that was slightly more visible on my body, every dropping number on the scale the voice became louder, sweeter and so caring.

Since EXO was fine, it would be OK, wouldn’t it?

It was the middle of the night. The room was pitch black as I dragged myself out of bed. The voice had called me, with its sweet comforting timbre.

I stood in front of the mirror, the reflection was blurry, but the voice was so clear. And there was a slight change in it, it became more and more demanding. Pushing me more and more.

It was like an order. I had to, there was no deciding or thinking about it, I had to do it.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down and trying to think about what I was doing and going to do. But my mind was foggy and messed up I couldn’t grasp a thought and my legs were wobbling, which made sense since I didn’t eat the last two days.

I sat on the toilet lid, closed my eyes and took deep breathes.

You are like a chalk drawing on a blackboard, with one hand sweeping it away and it’s gone, forever. There’s no trace of it ever having been there and anyone ever remembering it.

That’s what you are.

Whispered the voice in my head.

I stood again in front of the mirror and tears were streaming down my face.

I was true, so damn true.

I was nothing, and there was nothing worth living for.

It would be the best, wouldn’t it. No one would remember me, no one would care.

You’re going to be free and happy again. The voice whispered.

Long ago I had bought sleeping pills, because I got quite insomniac and being dead tired and having to dance and perform wouldn’t lead to a good outcome.

I took some of the pills, about ten, out and rolled them in my hand.

It would be the right decision.

Two arms wrapped about my body from behind and I felt a chest on my back. I flinched out of shock, not having expected that.

“Minseok don’t. Please.”, The voice whispered softly in my right ear.

“You are not alone, and you don’t have to go alone through this.” The arms hold me tighter and Joonmyeons voice had a slightly desperate undertone.

“I’m here for you, like you were here for me, Minseok.”

And through the mirror I saw his face, his pale skin and his dark brown eyes, who held so much fear that I couldn’t ignore it. And slowly I let the pills fall from my hand.

“OK.”

Author: Thx for everyone who subscribed and took the time to read it, I apreciate it.

Sorry again that it's so short and that it took so long for an update. I again wrote it in the middle of the night.. I'm sorry for all the mistakes and yeah..