If You // BIGBANG
Album: D

그녀가 떠나가요/나는 아무것도 할 수 없어요/사랑이 떠나가요/나는 바보처럼 멍하니 서있네요/멀어지는 그 뒷모습만을 바라보다/작은 점이 되어 사라진다/시간이 지나면 또 무뎌질까/옛 생각이 나 니 생각이 나/IF YOU IF YOU/아직 너무 늦지 않았다면/우리 다시 돌아갈 수는 없을까/IF YOU IF YOU/너도 나와 같이 힘들다면/우리 조금 쉽게 갈 수는 없을까/있을 때 잘할 걸 그랬어/그대는 어떤가요/정말 아무렇지 않은 건가요/이별이 지나봐요/그댈 잊어야 하지만 쉽지가 않네요/멀어지는 그 뒷모습만을 바라보다/작은 점이 되어 사라진다/누군갈 만나면 위로가 될까/옛 생각이 나 니 생각이 나/오늘같이 가녀린 비가 내리는 날이면/너의 그림자가 떠오르고/서랍 속에 몰래 넣어둔 우리의 추억을/다시 꺼내 홀로 회상하고/헤어짐이란 슬픔의 무게를/난 왜 몰랐을까

POV: Mino
Genre: Drama, Romance

“Let’s break up.” I said sternly with a blank expression. Her face was peaceful, not a hint of shock nor sadness was shown.

“Is it me?” She said while looking at her knees.

“I don’t know.” I said stupidly. “Maybe. Or maybe it was me.”

“Where did we go wrong?” She looked at me, her face calculating mine. She chuckled a little bit. She always sees me as a child, since she was the older one in the relationship. And indeed there are times where I act like a kid or be completely immature.  I looked at her, feeling sorry and feeling guilty.

“I just don’t think it’ll work out between the two of us.”

“Ah…” she sighed and smiled, then she tapped my shoulder. She stood up from the bench and faced me. I looked up, it was always like this, me looking up to her. Somehow it crushed my ego, stupid ego. She stretched out her hands for a handshake. I stood up and took it. She hugged me tight, I can hear her heart beat and it will probably be the last time I will hear it close to mine.

“I’ll miss you Mino. I’m sorry.” She whispered before letting go.

“I will too...” I said in a whisper.

“Goodbye then.”

She waved her hands and slowly walked away. I watched her while her back slowly grow smaller and smaller. Despite being outdoors I was deaf from the silence and all I can hear is the early fall wind, and that is how our relationship ended.

It’s been months…

Christmas eve, I don’t even have the strength to stand up from my bed. 3 months ago I concluded that you can wake up and realize that you can fall out of love to the person you thought could be your world. 3 months ago, my stupid brain decided to look for all of her flaws and all of the things she did to make me feel small. 3 months ago, I realized how successful she is and how loser I am beside her, and it hurt my pride, it made me angry, hence making the rash decision to break up with her, and she didn’t even ask why. Maybe because she felt how distant I am during those days, and Irene being an amazing woman she can literally tell what is coming.

But lately, I also realized that you can badly miss the person you fall out of love with. I stirred in my sleep and reach out but realized how the bed feels so much bigger without her by my side. Winter is not helping at all. Lately, I wanted to go back and punch the 3 months younger me in the face for breaking up to a wonderful woman because of a petty excuse. The fact that I never treated her better than she did, is not helping at all.

A knock came from the other side of the door.

“Oppa, what are you doing? Get your up, it’s the day before Christmas you dweeb.” My sweet little sister said.

I stood up and the knocking was non-stop. It was annoying the hell out of me, I opened the door and leaned on the frame, eyes droopy and a frown on my face.

“Wow look at you, handsome as ever.” She said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes to my annoying sister, then pinched her cheeks.

“Good morning to you too, my sweet little pig.”

She pushed me and blew a raspberry before she walked away.

“What are you, 5?” I shouted and shut my door again. I looked outside the window it was snowing, great. It was winter break for us university students, but school works are piled up when I looked over my desk. Series of artworks and plates needed to be passed on the first day of term.

I was an aspiring artist, and she was on her way in being a doctor. When we’re together people around her always says that there are other people who are better than him for her. That being in a med school she should be dating someone from med school not a trashy wannabe artist like me. ‘He’s my first love, so what. And hey, he’s not a trashy artist, his artworks are the best in the country’ she will say with a smile, it flatters him but for some reason it started to get annoying.

She was a senior during high school and I always admired her, she was part of the school’s dance team, and I was a fan ever since I was still in junior high and she was in high school. In my first year in high school I finally decided to confess to her, ‘cute’ she said with a sweet smile and I started courting her, and before her graduation she said that I’ll be her boyfriend and I was the happiest guy on earth.

I always go to her university and wished to be in it as well. My parents wanted me to become either a lawyer or an engineer, me I just wanted to be with her. When I was already planning on what to take for university, ‘why not be an art student?’ she said over our lunch. She knew about my passion, she knew that drawing wasn’t just a ‘hobby’, just like what other says, but it was a passion for me. She saw how my eyes will go serious once there is a sketchpad and pencil in front of me, she loved my art works and she said that the world deserves to see what wonders I create with the of my pencil.

When finally I decided to follow my dreams no one supported me, they said being an artist is equivalent to being poor and stupid, even my parents says so. But she supported me, she said ‘just do it!’, and I did. It was the happiest decision in my life, second to dating Irene. When I draw I enter a different world, I see the world as a happy place, and the spiteful remarks did not bother me, until recently.

I shrug Irene off frequently, I didn’t want to see her most of the time, my fuse gets shorter and shorter, I snap at almost everything, and worse I was starting to see her flaws like an , then one day the rope that connects us finally broke.

“Let’s break up.” The stupidest three words I utt