Tao's POV

 

"Ma? Can I go to the grocery store? We're out of eggs." I asked, peeking my head out of her office door.

 

"We'll go tomorrow.. I still have some unfinished work to do." She said, keeping her eyes down and focusing on the mess of papers on her desk.

 

"B-but I kinda need it.. today."

 

"Well.. then you have to wait till tomorrow!!" she looked at me with an irritated face, "Now please leave and let me finish this."

 

I can't wait till tomorrow. Today is Yifan's birthday, and I really wanted to bake him a cake cause I have nothing else I could give.

 

"Mom it's okay I'll just go get it on my own.."

 

"What's wrong with you? Are you going to die without eating eggs today?" She started to yell at me.

 

"I don't wanna eat it!! I'm just gonna b-bake something.."

 

"Then your baking can wait!! Leave now and close the door behind you!" Her voice was sort of mocking me.

 

I closed the door and went downstairs into the kitchen. I checked the refrigerator again in hopes of finding any egg that's stashed somewhere, but to no avail the refrigerator was almost empty.

 

I know that I cannot bake without the most important key ingredient. I was feeling really upset and disappointed but then it hit me, I remember I once watched that cooking show with my Mom, their topic was about how to substitute eggs in baking. I wanted to go ask her if she still remembers any of the tips we watched that day but I know all she's gonna do is yell at me again and maybe ground me for a couple of days.

 

I had no one to talk to or seek an advice from, I felt so lonely and depressed. I wanted to text Luhan and ask him for help but he's spending the day tutoring some of our classmates.

 

With my cell phone in my hand, I thought I would search the web for some solutions. I was surprised with the amount of results, some of the substitutes ingredients weren't so familiar to me, I felt so confused. But there was an interesting side suggested topic, with a small picture of a tasty looking cookies and a tittle that says 'Egg-free Peanut Butter Cookies’.

 

 

3rd person POV

 

Tao was standing in front of Yifan's house with a small yellow box in his hands, he has been waiting for more than an hour. The lights were off so he figured that no one is home. It was cold and windy, but the night is still young and he really wanted to see Yifan.

 

"Oh, hello Tao.. What are you doing here?" Luhan's Mom said as she walked towards the almost frozen boy, she was carrying lots of plastic bags filled with groceries.

 

"Hi Mrs. Lu.." Tao bowed respectfully "I'm just waiting for Yifan.."

 

"You poor thing, it's really cold and you look so pale.. Come inside I'll make you something warm." She said as she walked towards her house.

 

"N-no.. It's okay! I'll just wait here a little bit longer.."

 

"Ugh Tao.. I really hate to break it to you but is that thing for his birthday?" She said pointing at the small box Tao was holding.

 

He nodded not knowing what was the problem with giving his "friend" a birthday gift.

 

"Oh dear, I don't want to upset you but Yifan hates to celebrate his birthday or even be reminded of it, it's a 'bad day' as he calls it. He stopped receiving any gifts long time ago."

 

Her words left Tao astounded.. All this time and efforts Tao has spent to make Yifan something just went down the drain.. 'Would he throw the box in trash? Is he going to get mad at me?' These thoughts ran through Tao's head.

 

"I'm so sorry.." She said again as she looked at the hurt expression printed all over Tao's face.

 

"No, it's okay.. It's my fault, I didn't know about this.." He faked a smile. "I'll get going then before he's here.. Thank you Mrs. Lu." he bowed again and his heels.

 

Tao ran as fast as he could but he has barely rounded the corner before he bumped into someone's shoulder with enough force that almost sent him to the ground.

 

"I'm so sorry.." Tao bowed without even looking at the taller man standing in front of him.

 

"Hey, are you okay? Did I hurt you somewhere?"

 

Tao's eyes widened as he recognized the low deep voice and thick accent, he looked up at Yifan who's carrying a guitar over his back and looking more handsome than ever. The concern was very evident in his voice and the worried look in his eyes was indicating Tao that it's time for him to answer.

 

"N-no, I'm fine."

 

"Good." Yifan smiled to himself with contentment "Why're you running so fast? What's that?" his eyes motioning towards the small bright box.

 

"Ah.. th-that.. it's cookies.. for Luhan." Tao was almost panicking, he didn't want to upset Yifan and didn't want to lie to him at the same time.

 

"Oh.. He's not home right? You want me to give it to him? I'm not sure if I'll deliver it untouched tho.." Yifan cracked a joke. 

 

"You can have it.." Tao offered, bringing the box in his hands forward for Yifan to take. "I just t-tried something n-new and wanted Luhan to taste it."

 

"Really? Thanks Tao. You wanna come over? We can share this and wait for Luhan."

 

Tao agreed and went back with Yifan to his house. He was welcomed with his wolf-dog thing waiting next to the door and he tried his best to ignore him and run to the living room.

 

"Hey Tao, coffee or tae?" Yifan called over the kitchen. 

 

"Eh, tea maybe?"

 

"Maybe?" Yifan repeated.

 

"I mean.. I like coffee but.. it's late and too much caffeine won't let me sleep." Tao explained. 

 

Yifan came back with two cups of tea that he placed on the table, he stretched out his arm to reach the box but then looked at his dog excitedly waving his tail and waiting for the box to be opened.

 

"oh nuh-uh! You're not eating that big boy!" Yifan said cutely to his dog, "there's some chocolate in it and that's a no no!"

 

Tao was smiling at the scene playing in front of him, Yifan was talking to his dog as if he was capable of understanding him. And that's what actually happened when Yifan went back to the kitchen and his dog followed him in tow.

 

"What's that you gave him?" Tao asked when Yifan came back sitting next to him.

 

"It's a carob treat.." Tao pouted not knowing what it actually meant "something like fake chocolate to the overly obsessed dogs like him"

 

Tao let out a laugh as he proceeded to ask Yifan more and more about his dog.

 

"How old is he?"

 

"Hmm, he's almost 3." Yifan answered with his mouth filled with the delicious cookies.

 

"Dose he have a name?"

 

"His name is actually buddy.." Yifan answered as he stuffed the whole cookie in his mouth and grabbed another. "He was a stray dog before I took him in.. he lived in our neighbor for a while and everyone called him buddy.. he seems to like it so I don't wanna take that name away from him." 

 

"He's cute.. but I'm still scared of him." Tao said smiling.

 

"He'll never attack you Tao, trust me!" Yifan promised as he sipped on his tea.

 

Tao smiled to himself and lowered his head, he really does trust Yifan. Something about the older boy makes him feel safe and protected, something he has never felt with his mother or father who was never there for him.

 

Tao looked up so suddenly at the wall clock as he thought about his mother. It's getting late and she must be really annoyed by now.

 

"Y-yifan.. I gotta g-go back.." Tao said already standing up. "It's getting late."

 

"I'll drive you!!" Yifan jumped from the couch anticipatingly.

 

"N-no.. thank you, it's not that far I can walk." Walk? the poor boy would be running home as if he has entered a race.

 

"Oh, okay!"

 

"See you tomorrow." Tao waved his hand then quickly slipped out of the front door.

 

 

Tao was gasping for breath the moment he has reached their driveway. His Mom was waiting in the living room, she was watching an action movie but she paused the movie and turned around when the door was opened.

 

"What took you so long? You said you're just borrowing a book from a classmate? And I don't see any book in your hand." She asked accusingly as she glared at him.

 

"I-I was.. I mean he didn't come home and I was waiting." Tao struggled to continue with his little white lie. 

 

"What kind of a 17 years old boy who stays out this late?" she asked again with a horrific expression on her face.

 

"N-noo! he's the class president, he gives tutoring classes to some students."

 

"Hmm! Why don't you join them then? I don't think you're doing so well with your studies Tao! I haven't seen you carrying a book since we came here" she harshly criticized him when she was never there to look after him or keep up with his studies and grades.  

 

"Okay I'll talk to him." Tao lowered his head, feeling a little defeated. He had always been the disappointing child through his mother's eyes. "I'm off to bed.. Goodnight." 

 

 

Tao couldn't help but brood over what had happened with his Mom seconds ago. No matter how hard he tried he'll never be enough, and she'll never be proud of her only son. She has always called him "useless" or "a loser", she would always compare him to other kids at his age. Words such as "you're just like your father" left scars on his heart and formed patterns in his mind. He doesn't feel loved nor cared for, his mother completely ruined his self esteem just with simple like not paying attention to him when he speaks, neglecting him all the time and telling him that he'll never be good enough for anyone. And he slowly started to believe in it.

 

He changed into his sleepwear; a pair of grey sweats and an over-sized hoodie. It was that one hoodie he gave to Yifan when he was at his house, his scent still lingers there. It brought him back to that moment when he felt protected and safe in Yifan's arms. Oh how much he wanted to go back again! That feeling wasn't familiar to him, all his doubts and insecurities suddenly wash away when he is with the older boy, he always makes him feel good about himself with such a simple words and sweet smiles, unlike his mother whose words were like sharp points, making a hole into his heart where the love he has for her gradually seeps out till its finished.

 

Tao couldn't remember how he fell asleep with dried tears that streaked his cheeks, all he knows is that the last thought on his mind was about Yifan, and now he's being awaken by his cell phone that is violently vibrating on the nightstand. He squinted his eyes due to the brightness of the screen and looked at the caller id that says 'Luhan'. 'Strange Luhan never called me after midnight..' Tao thought.

 

"Hello?" Tao almost whispered not wanting his Mom to hear him talking on the phone at 2AM.

 

"Tao!! Tao? I'm.. at the h-hospital.." Luhan barely uttered a full sentence as his voice got chocked on a hysterical sob.

 

"Luhan! What's wrong? Are you okay?"

 

"It's Yifan.." His voice broke and died away in whimper "Tao? I don't know what to do."

 

"w-what do you m-mean? w-what's wrong with Yifan?" Tao was trembling and nearly panicking.

 

"I don't know.. I don't really know.. I was on my way home and I heard an excessive barking coming from his house.. It was late but the lights were still on! I went inside and I found him unconscious on the floor.. I tried to wake him and call for him but he..he didn't answer.... he wasn't breathing and his heart was barely beating. I called an ambulance.. and they.. they took so long.. I went home to wake up Mom and Dad. and they started to cry like if he was gone.. Tao he was dying in my arms and I couldn't do anything.." Luhan couldn't explain any further as he cried endlessly into the phone.

 

"Luhan? Which hospital?" Tao asked with strangled voice as he jumped out of the bed and went down stairs not caring about changing his cloths nor telling his Mom who would say 'NO' anyway.

 

Tao ran down the streets as fast as he could, he was crying and his heart was breaking into pieces. His mind was shutting off, he couldn't think or even function. He just followed the map of some app on his phone that leads him to his destination that was 4 miles away.

 

Luhan spotted Tao when he entered the hospital as he was waiting in the lobby, he called for him and the panting boy threw himself into his friend's arms.

 

"Where... is ... Yifan?" Tao asked while trying to catch his breath and fighting the painful burning sensation in his lungs.

 

"He's still in the ER.. Mom called moments ago and told me that the doctor said he's doing better.. I don't know what does that mean Tao. I'm scared.. I can't lose him.. He's not just my friend he's my brother." Luhan sobbed as he hugged Tao so tightly.

 

Soon enough Tao's legs gave out on him, he almost fell to the floor but Luhan kept his grip on him. He helped him sit down into one of the comfy chairs and went to bring water for him.

 

"Tao! Drink this." Luhan held the bottle to the wheezing boy.

 

"Thanks.." Tao mumbled as he quickly gulped his water. "Lu please tell me what happened?"

 

"The ambulance arrived while we were carrying him to my father's car... they took him in and allowed me to go with them. Mom and Dad followed us in their car. They used those things and shock his heart.. they said it would help fasten his heartbeat but he still didn't wake up.." Luhan cried out helplessly again and buried his face in his small hands, Tao was there rubbing his back consolingly and letting his silent tears fall from his eyes.

 

"Luhan!!" They both stood up and turned around immediately after crying their eyes out to see Luhan's father running towards them.

 

"Dad what happened? How is he?" Luhan asked worriedly.

 

"It's his food allergy we know how bad it could get, he ate something which caused his asthma to get worse and then his throat started to swell, due to shortage of oxygen he became unconscious and they suppose that he wast left with no air for a long period of time. Now he's doing better they're waiting for him to wake up to check on him, but still they're gonna keep him here for a while till they make sure he's totally alright."

 

"w-what is he a-allergic t-to?" Tao asked weakly.

 

"He's allergic to many types of food, but he's been avoiding all sorts of dishes that may contain any source of the common triggers. I don't know why he did this! It's impossible that he just forgot about it!" Luhan answered loudly, his eyes glistening with tears and hands fisted in rage.

 

"Is h-he allergic to peanut butter?"

 

"Yes, but he.." Luhan couldn't continue with his sentence, he was tongue tied as his friend broke down crying on the floor.

 

"No, no, no, oh my god, no" Tao repeated over and over agian, tears running down his pale face. "It's all my fault! It's all my fault!"

 

Luhan kneeled down next to Tao, he held a supportive arm around his shoulder "What do you mean Tao? It's not your fault. He was born with it."

 

"I made him cookies that contains peanut butter.. I made it for his birthday but I almost killed him.."

 

Luhan couldn't blame Tao for it, not when the poor boy looked up to him with red eyes and swollen wet cheeks. Luhan held him closer and wrapped his both arms around his fragile frame, closing his eyes and listening to the younger's sobs of agony that shock his bones and filled the place.

 

"Luhan.. I'm so sorry.. I'm sorry I didn't know, you must hate me now.. It's all my fault but I'm sorry.. I only wanted to give him something on his birthday.. Luhan please I didn't mean it.. I didn't know.." He screamed and sobbed hysterically.

 

"Tao stop please! I don't hate you and it's not your fault.. stop crying no one is going to blame you." Luhan cried too as he patted his hair gently.

 

"Son, come on stand up. Let's get you back home so you could rest and you can comeback here tomorrow to check on him." Luhan's father said so calmly as helped Tao get back on his feet.

 

They brought him back to his house, his tears wouldn't stop falling no matter how hard he tried, he cried so silently in the backseat.

 

When he got back home he made sure not to make any sound that would wake his Mom up. He went through the back door and slowly made his way up to his room. He curled up in his bed and sobbed into his pillow, he pressed his face deeper and sniffled loudly. 

 

 

Early in the morning Tao rushed downstairs after wearing his school uniform and snatching his forgotten backpack from his bedroom floor.

 

"Good Morning." Tao said as he found his Mom in the kitchen making breakfast.

 

"Good morning Tao.. Why you're waking up so early?"

 

"Uh.. I have some work to do in school.. I'm really in a hurry.." Tao murmured, making his way to the front door.

 

"You can't skip breakfast!" She scolded " What kind of work you're having?"

 

"I'm sorry Mom.. I-I have this problem in math I don't seem to get it so my teacher said she'd help me before my first class is started." Yes that's Tao making up a story to support his little white lie.

 

"Alright then."

 

"Goodbye Mom." Tao flung the door wide open, he jogged down the porch stairs making his way to the nearest bus stop.

 

On the crowded bus filled with people Tao couldn't stop thinking about that certain one. He texted Luhan first thing when he opened his eyes in the morning, he asked if Yifan is doing fine and if everything went back to normal and hoped if the past 4 hours were only an awful nightmare.

 

From: Lu

 

He’s fine.. but he didn't wake up yet. Tao I need you to do me a favor please? There will be a meeting for the student council members today I can't skip it. Please Tao go to Yifan and text me when he finally wakes up.

 

Tao had his phone in his hand, reading the message Luhan sent this morning. He would go to check on Yifan even without being asked to. It's his fault after all as he thought, he's still feeling guilty and he'll never forgive himself. He will have to apologize to Yifan and beg for forgiveness. This is what his mind is telling him, and this is what he ought to do.

 

Tao was standing in front of the huge building, he doesn't remember it being this big last night when he came here. He went inside but he doesn't actually know where to go from here, Luhan didn't give him the room number. He looked around and spotted the front desk that says 'reception and customer service'. He walked there taking a hurried steps but was suddenly stopped by a hand on his wrist. 

 

"Mrs.Lu." Tao exclaimed.

 

"Tao! Why you're not in school?" She asked, knitting her eyebrows.

 

"I-I came to see him." Tao almost whispered. "I'm s-sorry Mrs.Lu.. It's m-my fault..." His eyes were getting wet and teary as he looked down on floor unable to continue speaking any further.

 

"No Tao don't say that! You didn't know about his allergy, we can't blame you." She said and hugged the sniffing boy. "Tao I want you to stay with him, he woke up an hour ago and he's doing absolutely fine, they're keeping him for a few more hours just to make sure." Tao nodded his head in understanding. "I'm going home now. I didn't get any sleep last night I was watching over him.. Go the that elevator on the left his room is number 304 on the 3rd floor." 

 

"Thank you Mrs.Lu."

 

"See you later." She smiled and waved at him.

 

Tao kept on repeating the room number in order not to forget it, he rode the elevator up to the 3rd floor, he looked at the rooms signs and located that one number.

 

Room 304

Wu Yifan

 

He was standing in front of the slightly opened door, he could hear some voices coming from the inside. He thought he would wait till that person leaves but then he heard Yifan talking, his voice sounded raspy, breathy and strained. Tao got so worried and without even thinking about it or knocking the door he pushed it open and walked in. Yifan was lying in the hospital bed, monitors and flashing lights were off to his left side as wires were attached to his body. Both Yifan and the nurse who was carrying a clipboard looked at Tao who's eyes were scanning Yifan and feeling guilty about himself. He looked at the IV line running in his arm and wires attached to monitors along side those drip lines of drugs and fluids. He caused this to Yifan it was all his fault.

 

"Oh here's the guy who poisoned me!"

 

"No one poisoned you Yifan.. It's allergy." The nurse said as she was laughing.

 

"No he did poison me.. Those tasteful cookies he made for me.. Ugh how could you do that to me?"

 

Tao was shocked his face was so pale and tears of guilt and shame were chocking him. 'He hates me now, he really hates me'. Tao couldn't hold it anymore he was shaking but he doesn't want to embarrass himself and cry here. So he did the only thing that came through his mind which is turn around and leave the room.

 

Tao wanted to leave the building and never show up again but he couldn't bring himself to do so. He was sobbing in an empty waiting room, he likes Yifan, he really does! And now the thought of Yifan hating him because of a mistake he has done was breaking his heart.

 

Many minutes passed. His tear ducts ran dry but felt the pressure of emotion just the same. He hugged his knees to his chest not knowing what to do next. He felt a hand on his shoulder and his eyes shot open.

 

"I'm sorry to bother you.. But can you please go back to him?" The same nurse that was with Yifan in the room looked at him with a pleading eyes and a weak smile.

 

"H-he hates me now.. He w-wouldn't be happy to see me.."

 

"No! He called for you and wanted to follow you.. He even took the IV out but I had to stop him. I promised him that I'll bring you back after I reattach the IV. I was searching for you the whole time."

 

After a couple of minutes spent in trying to convince him, and some more of him pacing back and forth in an empty hallway. Tao finally decided to go back even if his heart is still hurting him, and even if he's ashamed of seeing Yifan again, he still wanted to apologize. He was standing in front of the same room again. This time the door is closed and all he could hear is the beeping sound from the monitor. He knocked the door and slowly went in.

 

Yifan wasn't completely lying in the bed like the first time Tao has seen him, he was sitting on the edge of the bed with the wires and IV line still attached to him.

 

"Th-the nurse s-sent me.. She said.." Tao wasn't looking at Yifan instead his eyes burned holes on the hospital's floor.

 

"Come here!" Yifan said before Tao could finish his sentence.

 

Tao looked up and Yifan was patting the empty space next to him, he didn't look happy or content, as a matter of fact his looks seemed like he was ready to kill someone and somehow it reminded him of Kris' cold glares. Tao wasn't scared he knew Yifan would never hurt him but he had never seen this side of him. He slowly walked to where Yifan was sitting and took a seat next to him. Tao was clutching his hands very tightly together in his lap, he waited for Yifan to say something, he waited for him to yell at him and blame for everything that has happened to him, he knows that Yifan hates him now and Tao was ready to take it all in. But he wasn't ready for what actually happened, he wasn't ready to be forcefully drawn into the older's arms.

 

"You were crying.." Yifan stated while wrapping his arms around Tao's waist. "Because of me again.." He continued. "I was only joking but I made you cry again and I'm sorry."

 

Tao shock his head that was buried into Yifan's chest. "It's m-my fault... I'm th-the o-one to apologize.."

 

"No! Tao it's not your fault you didn't do anything wrong.. I'm aware of my allergy I should have stopped eating but those cookies were so good.. Mmm literally worth to die for." Yifan laughed as Tao brought his small fist up to beat at his chest. "Promise me you'll make me some after I get out of here?"

 

"Nooo! Never again"

 

"Ugh I want it so bad.." Yifan faked a cry as his grip on Tao got tighter. "Hey what is it?" Yifan asked as he felt the wetness on his chest, he looked down and the younger boy was silently crying all along.

 

"I.. I thought you h-hated me.." Tao whispered so brokenly.

 

"No Tao noo I'll never hate you I can't even put the blame on you.." Yifan pulled away but kept his hands on the shaking boy's shoulders. "It's okay, I'm fine. don't you ever feel guilty about it!"

 

Tao nodded as he brushed his tears away, he knew he looks ugly right now with his flushed cheeks, swollen lips and a dark halo under his eyes. He wanted to hide his face against Yifan's chest and go back to the addicting warmth enveloping him like a safe blanket.

 

The boys broke their staring contest as they heard some knocking on the door, and a doctor came in. "Hello, I am Dr.Kim. After reading your file I think you're ready to get discharged, but before that I want you to do this test just to make sure everything is alright.."

 

"What test?"

 

"Just a CT scans, I'm afraid you hit your head against something while falling unconscious.."

 

"But I'm fine, it doesn't hurt!"

 

"There might be bleeding inside your skull you don't feel it but it is very dangerous, I'll send you a nurse to go from her with you, and please try to rest, sitting like that is no good for your condition."

 

"Alright, thank you Dr.Kim"

 

The moment the doctor left the room Tao jumped to his feet looking weirdly down on Yifan.

 

"What is it?" Yifan said smiling at Tao.

 

"Yifan, y-you should lay down and rest.. I'll be waiting outside your room."

 

"Hey don't leave now.."

 

"The doctor said that it's not good for you to be sitting like this, please Yifan try to get some rest and I'll be here whenever you needed something." Tao promised as he looked pleadingly at Yifan.

 

"I need your company, so stay!" Yifan whined, not knowing what effect his words had on the younger.

 

 

 

A/n: omg I'm sorry guys for taking so long to update this:(