“I’m sorry.”

“We’re done?”

“Yes. Thanks for covering up for me all this while Amber. I owed you a lot.” She bit her lips before she stared back at me with her beautiful eyes.

“Yup, you are. You have to buy me a tteokbokki next time or I’ll let all the boys chase after you!” I playfully poke her forehead a few times, taking the last chance to do it because I know, I can’t do it anymore.

“Hey!” She tried to pinched my hand but I managed to pull my hand quickly, earning a glare from her but I could only laugh. Soon, a smile appeared on her lips when a car pulls over in front of the cafe and a dashing looking man came out of it. All of the passerby glanced at him, mesmerized by his looks and charms. Kai. My sidekick in all basketball matches. The honor student in my school with a sweet personality. My family and I love him so much like our own family even though he is only our distant relative. However, this time, I could only feel bitterness in my heart, even though I tried to tuck it all away.

I smiled when he waved at me. I shouldn’t be feeling like this. He done nothing wrong and he is a nice guy. Krystal choose the right guy. I silently took a peek at Krystal and saw her waving at him shyly. Jealousy crept over me slowly. If only I could be like him, I wonder will Krystal look at me the same as how she looks at him? I quickly glanced away when she turned to look at me.

“You know…”

“Hmm?”

She leaned over and whispered in my ear, her breath tickling my ear. “Once again, thanks for helping me to get your cousin as my boyfriend. He is usually hard to approach when I tried to, but with you acting as my lover I managed to get him. Never knew he actually likes me back though. I thought he thinks me as an annoying creature.” She giggled. How cute she is. I can feel my body became weak all of sudden.

“You are an annoying creature. I wonder how Kai comes to like you.” I .

“Amber, you want to die?” She sends a piercing glare at me. Well, it did makes me feel scared but who cares?

“Try me.”

She quickly hit my chest. The sudden blow causes me to fall down. Such a fierce Jung or maybe my body is simply weak to her. I can feel liquid trickling down from my nose. Is it my snot? No. It’s blood.

“Oh my gosh, Amber! Your nose is bleeding! I’m sorry! I don’t mean to hit you that hard.” Krystal helped me up with a worried expression. I can see that Kai is worried too but I just signaled to him that I’m okay.

“It’s okay. Hahaha. Strong hand there.” I said as I wiped the blood from my nose. Damn. This is embarrassing. She slaps my arm lightly.

“Stop joking around. You should take a rest. You look so tired these few months. I’m worried okay. Please don’t eat too much junk food or sleeps too late.” I feel loved again when I saw her expression but I erased the thought. I don’t want to be hopeful of something that is not mine. I felt a tug on my beanie.

“Since when you wear this? You should take off this hideous beanie. I don’t like the colour.” She wanted to pulled it off my head but I quickly swat her hands away. She can’t take this off. She mustn’t. She questioningly looked at me. She must be surprised with my action.

“I won’t. It’s a precious gift from someone.” I protectively hold on the beanie, refusing to give it up. She put her hands on her waist and squinted her eyes. Here come her questions.

“Since when do you have someone special? You’re an otaku and no one likes you remember? Besides, I thought you’re always with me.”

“Well ouch Krystal for that sarcasm and by the way, we’re not 24/7 together.” I stick out my tongue at her.

“You should tell me though. Girl or boy? From which school? Do I know he/she?” She tapped her shoes on the floor repeatedly.

“I’ll rather keep it a secret.” I chuckled.

“How dare you keep a secret from the princess.”

“I dare to and your prince have waited for you too long my highness. You don’t want to miss your flight right.” I pointed at Kai who is looking at his watch. She sighed.

“Okay, but you will have to tell me who is that special person after I’m back from Canada. Promise.”

“Nope. Not gonna promise you anything.”

She wanted to disapprove but a honk interfered our conversation. We looked at Kai who is already in his car.

“Fine. I will make you tell me when I’m back. You hear me llama?” She pinched my ear but I just smiled.

“Yeah, yeah. Now go or else your boyfriend gonna blame me for disrupting his holiday trip with you. Shooo…” I pushed her towards the car.

“Bye Amber! Have a nice holiday with your precious person!” She waved happily at me as the car droves toward their destination. When the car finally out of my sight, my smile slowly faded. I quickly ran towards the nearby chair outside of the café and sit down. I can feel my breathing became ragged accompanied with a chest pain.  Thankfully I managed to composed myself the whole time having a conversation with Krystal. This pain is unbearable.

I hit the table to contain my pain and tears started falls. I hate this. I closed my eyes and my mind flashback to when me and Krystal met each other at the beginning of this year. When she is a somebody who met a nobody like me. The high sought girl in school threatening me to comply with her plans to be my cousin boyfriend. How she said we could use each other for our own benefits. She’s a conceited sly I thought that time. But…as times goes by, I started to see the real her. The insecurities she hides under her childish act makes me to think differently of her. That makes me feel protective towards her. That makes me fall in love with her. I wanted her to smile without any hesitation. Now, when I see her smile, I feel so happy. I’m happy that I managed to make her smile brightly even though it comes with a cost. My own happiness. I gritted my teeth when my chest pain hasn’t gone away.

Okay, but you will have to tell me who is that special person after I’m back from Canada. Promise.

Her words ringing back as I painfully breath.

“How could I make a promise to you when the precious person I meant is actually…”  

I carefully took of the beanie and look at the window next to me. I saw a reflection of myself with little hairs and red eyes from crying.

“Is-is actually Leukemia…” I don't have much time left and I don’t know if I will have another day to live. How I wish the day I will confess my love to you will ever come. For now, I can only suffer from this disease silently. I can’t let them know. Even my family. I don’t wan't to see their sympathetic nor crying face. God, hear me. Let me be selfish. Until I die. Let this love be buried with me.

I LOVE ANGST! HAHAHHAHAHA ;P