It has been weeks.
Weeks since that incident that had scared him more than anyone else.
This was not him.
He was not himself.
Especially not after that incident...
Those eyes...looking at him in shock and pain.
What did he do? He knew that he had an intimidating aura. Many people told him that already. He knew that he seems cold and expressionless. But he also knew that this was not the problem...not his problem with Sanghyuk.
Something about this boy set free a side of him that he didn't want to see. That he didn't knew he had to begin with.

It has been weeks.
And Hakyeon was watching him more than ever.
Every step, every movement, every breath was accompanied with that empathetic look.
That I-am-here-you-just-have-to-say-something look and it drove him crazy.
Well...it would drive him crazy if he wasn't feeling so empty.
He stopped going to the therapy, although Hakyeon protested.



"I won't go to that therapy group anymore.", Taekwoon let himself fall on the sofa with a tired sigh.
Hakyeon's widened his eyes and stared at Taekwoon. "You what? No! You remember more things! And you get out and meet other people. And I think this really helps you! You need someone to talk to and since I am your boyfriend I'm not sure if I can do that properly. Because I am too involved."
A shrug was all Hakyeon got followed by a "Then don't. I don't need help. I survived before even without help."
These words stung more than Hakyeon was willing to admit. He looked down on his feet feeling lost and dumped. Was he not needed as well? He felt that his boyfriend was slowly slipping away from him but he didn't know how to stop it.
"Okay. I won't force you."


Taekwoon watched the raindrops falling on the gray world outside.
Lately it has been raining a lot. Or was he just looking outside every time it was raining?
What season was it now?
Fall?
Spring?
Weren't these seasons full of rain?
He totally lost any sense of time.
When was the last time he saw his face? Of that young man.
The man that caused so much trouble?
When did he see Hongbin and Wonshik the last time?
They came to visit him at first but stopped after a while.
There was no use.
Taekwoon was empty.
No touch, no word nothing could reach him.


                                                                                                                 ***

"Taekwoon?", Hakyeon approached his boyfriend slowly, wrapping his arms around the figure sitting at the window.
"Come to bed...it is late and you haven't slept properly for a long time already.", he picked up his boyfriend carrying him in his arms to their bed.
Taekwoon became so light. He lost weight at a frightening pace and wasn't even sleeping properly.
His Taekwoon became like...a doll.
How much longer would this last?
What happened?
He let him down on the bed and covered him with their blanket before getting under covers as well embracing his boyfriend tightly to reassure him that he is loved and needed.
Little did he know that Taekwoon, who already drifted into a light sleep, felt anything but loved by his boyfriend's touch.

Everything was dark, dark and cold.
So cold...unlike his other dreams. The cold was wrapping around his body giving him a suffocating feeling.
Cold arms wrapping around him and a soft whisper in his ear.
I was always there for you.
Why don't you trust me?
You are mine. My boyfriend.
Your little friend Sanghyuk hates you.
Why cant you love me. I love you. Why can't you be the man I love again? Why can't it be me? It was never me,right?

The voice became louder with every sentence until it was screaming, the person turned him around and he looked into the crying face of....Hakyeon.

IT WAS NEVER ME. WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME. LOVE ME TAEKWOON. BECOME YOURSELF AGAIN.

Taekwoon woke up, his shirt drenched in sweat.
When he looked beside him he felt nothing but disgust as he saw Hakyeon's sleeping figure.
He was not disgusted because of Hakyeon.
He was disgusted because...

He slowly got up and looked one last time at Hakyeon, whispering a soft 'I'm sorry'.
Then he grabbed some of his things and left their home.

'Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you'

He was alone. All by himself. And it was his own fault.
He was disgusted of himself.
Because everything the dream Hakyeon said was true.
It wasn't real love.
It never had been.
He was a disgusting person, playing with other people's feelings.


*************************************************************************
Gloomy gloomy update ;;
Please don't kill me! >w<
I hope you still like this fanfiction, despite me at updating at decent times ;w;

BUT!
YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY ;A;
50 Subscribers?!?!?!?!??!??!??!?!
I never thought that I would get so many subscribers to begin with ;w;
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It really gives me strength!
Me wuv chu all!