[Noh's Point Of View]

After Pang's unexpected visit, the time started to slow down again as I was consumed by doubt and uncertainty. If I said that the hours were long before then, after that day the hours became an agonizing eternity. I became a useless piece of . Excuse my language, but it's the truth. I couldn't concentrate on anything other than my own thoughts. Mr Shiro even gave me the day off as he saw that I wasn't being useful with my mind somewhere else. I have never felt as conflicted as I felt back then. I could either learn to live without Phun or have some guts and fight for him. There were only two options and yet, it was so hard to choose one. Okay, I did know what I wanted. What I wanted was to go back to Phun without a doubt. But if I went back, was I going to be able to withstand whatever obstacle that were to head our way? That question tormented me day and night. I knew better to know that we weren't a normal couple. Actually, we were far from being "normal". We were what many called an "abomination". Something that shouldn't be and something was morally unacceptable. I've never been religious but I knew well enough that what we had was wrong and against the laws of god. If he really existed, we were going to be punished one day. But that didn't realy matter to me as I am a person that lives in the present. What worried me was other human beings. I knew that although many would be accepting of us, there would always be those who would be opposed of us. And choosing this path would only bind me to their judgment. I also knew that if I went back to him, there would be no turning back. If I went back to him it would be to establish our relationship once and for all. Was I really ready to take that step? I didn't know back then.

The days passed and Sunday arrived but I still had no idea of what to do. I remember waking up that day feeling more anxious than ever. I couldn't stop pacing back and forth throughout the house. My breathing was unsteady and my heart was beating uncontrollably. It looked as if I was hyperventilating and about to have a heart attack. And it seems it was contagious as my mother even left the house. She said that she had an "errand" to do but I knew that she just couldn't stand seeing me like that. Should I stay or should I go? I was going out of my mind, unable to make a decision. I was dying to go back to Phun but I was way too scared. I was way too scared to lose Phun but at the same time, I was way too scared to face the future beside him. The hours passed and I still had no answer to the turmoil that was going on inside of me.

I remember seeing the clock hands point at 5 and finally stopping in the middle of the living room. It was already too late to make a decision. The wedding was possibly about to start and I didn't even know its location. Once I realized that it was too late, it felt as if the world crushed. "Damn it!", I cursed as I punched the wall over and over again until my knuckles hurt. Tears rolled down my cheeks like a cascade as I felt so hopeless. It felt as if I was getting by a black hole from where I wouldn't be able to come out. Because that was exactly what my life without Phun was. A black hole where every hour that went by drove you insane as it lacked color and sound. But perhaps, his life without me was brighter, or at least, less complicated. After half an hour crying, I finally dropped my shoulders and let out a sigh of defeat. It was already too late, I had lost him. All that was left to do was to wish him a good life and turn around. 

Taking a step towards the kitchen, I decided that I was going to forget about it with food. (See? Food was my best friend!) Opening the freezer, I took out the box of strawberry ice cream (that belonged to my father), and began stuffing myself as I cried some more. Pathetic, isn't it? I even think so when I reminisce those memories. My eyes were swollen and my whole face was red like a tomato. My hair was greasy as I hadn't taken a shower in days and my clothes smelled of dirty laundry. I was a complete mess and I couldn't even feel embarrassed. No one will see me, anyways. Or that's what I thought.

As I was eating my ice cream, someone knocked on the door. "Argh?! Who ing dares to disturb my dramatic moment?! Can't you see that I'm busy crying here!", I screamed, feeling annoyed. But despite my attempts on ignoring it, they kept on knocking. Did my mom forget her keys?! I thought to myself after a while and decided to open for her. Standing up from the floor, I started to make my way towards the wooden door. When I opened the door though, I found a different face from the one I was expecting. Waiting on the other side was someone who I hadn't seen in a long time. The girl who loved me unconditionally and who I still dared to hurt badly. Like you might have already guessed, standing on the other side was my ex girlfriend, Yuri. Wearing an elegant party dress and with her hair done in a neat bun, she looked stunning. I stared at her in disbelief and with my mouth agape, causing the girl in front of me to raise an eyebrow as she waited for me to invite her in. But I couldn't even mutter a word as I couldn't believe that she was standing in front of me. I hadn't seen her since we had graduated. Actually, I hadn't heard from her since Pharma Camp. So her sudden appearance had me shocked. What was she doing there?!

Getting tired of waiting, she pushed me aside and made her way inside. "Save your words for later. We need to talk right now!", She said in a demanding tone of voice. I remember feeling confused by her tone of voice. It wasn't the usual sweet girlish tone that she reserved for me. This one was angry, as if she was about to stab someone. I wondered why but didn't even dare to ask as I felt very intimidated. After making herself comfortable in the couch she signaled me to seat beside her. Gulping down the fear, I followed her command, seating a few feet away from her. Looking down, I waited for her to speak. After long seconds of silence, she finally spoke. "I can't believe you are doing this, Noh.", She said sounding disappointed as she massaged her temples. I looked at her puzzled, not understanding anything. What had I done wrong? Especially to her, who I hadn't seen in two years. 

"I..I don't know what you are talking about.", After a moment, I finally brought myself to speak in a hushed voice. "What do you mean you don't know?! You're losing Phun and you're standing back like a ing coward!", She screamed at me, making me widen my eyes at her accusation. How did she know about that?! Phun and Yuri had never been close! He couldnt have told her about it, could he?!

"How do you know about that?!", I immediately asked, grabbing her by the shoulders to look at her in the eye. "Phun's bride to be is my best friend! She invited me to her wedding. I didn't know that she was getting married to Phun though. But then I saw him at the wedding hall. He told me what happened. He said that you gave him up.", She explained to me and I let go of her shoulders and dropped my head low at Phun's words. He was right, I gave him up. The fact that he was marrying another person was all my fault. 

"Noh? Are you really not going to do anything? Are you really going to stand back and watch as you lose him? You still love him, don't you?", She asked me as she looked at me with the same expression that Pang had worn days before. "I do.. I do love him with all my heart but.. I'm so scared, Yuri.", I confessed to her as I felt my vision become blurry again. "I don't know if holding onto him is the right decision. What if, what if I'm not strong enough to face the obstacles that might come? What if he is not ready to hold onto me once the judgment starts? Maybe his life without me is going to be brighter, and maybe mine will be better without him. Maybe letting him go is better for the two of us.", I opened my heart and allowed my tears to flow down my cheeks.

"So, you're saying that you are doing nothing because you're scared? Noh! Love is bravery. There's no love without making any sacrifices! I know that it might sound incensitive but, you knew that it was going to be hard when you started this. And yet, you still went for it and promised that you would stay no matter what. It's time for you to grow some guts and fulfill that promise. For you and for Phun.", I heard her speak to me with a soft voice as I sobbed inside of my hands. "But, but there's nothing I can do anymore., It's already too late.", I said as I dropped my shoulders and cried harder into my hands. When I think about it, I can't believe I was shameless enough to cry in front of Yuri but honestly, in that moment I didn't even care.

Suddenly, I was taken by surprise when she grabbed me by the collar and forced to look into her fierce eyes, "Listen you little piece of ! You're not going to stay here and do nothing! Do you know how much I cried because of the two of you?! You broke my heart and went after him, saying that you loved him! I believed you and let you go thinking that what you had was true! So you're going to get your there and prove it to me, you understand?!", I looked into her fierce eyes and gulped down in fear. I had never seen Yuri as angry as she was back then. She was boiling in anger that I felt that refusing to her would put my life in danger. I had no option but to silently agree because I was scared for my life. And also, because I knew she was right. I couldn't let her pain be in vain. I needed to prove that my love for Phun was real. I had to be brave for once and fight for him. Just like Phun had been able to proudly claim our love, I had to be brave and claim him.

Once she let go of me, I took a deep breath to calm my raced heart. But as I was doing, I remembered one small problem. "But what do we do?! The wedding is possibly about to start!", I told her as I felt my last hope leave me. "Dont worry about that. I told Phun to postpone it a little bit. He said he would try his best.", She said with a smile, making me let out a breath of relief. "But wait! I dont have an invitation!", I said as I felt the anxiety creep back into my body. How would I get inside of the wedding hall without an invitation? I was sure that by now Phun's mother had already forbidden my etrance.

Becoming silent for a moment, I saw a strange sparkle in her eyes as she looked at me. "But I do..", She said as she opened her purse (Seriously, what a enormous bag she had..) and handed me a purple envelope. Opening the envelope, I found a wedding letter inside. It was a very elegant and beautiful letter. I couldn't help but feel envious. I wondered how much money they invested in making them. After reading the greetings from the so called couple, I finally found Yuri's name at the end of the letter. "But it clearly it belong to you.", I said as I pointed at Yuri's name which has been printed in purple letters. 

"What's the problem? You just have to be Yuri.", Yuri told me as if she was making perfect sense. "Woah. How easy is that? If you don't remember, I'm a boy..", I stated the obvious and waited for her to understand. But instead, she raised her eyebrows and smirked. For some reason, I felt threatened by her expression. She wore the same expression that Pang would wear when she was up to no good. "So?", At first, I didn't understand what she was trying to tell me but after a moment in silence, I finally understood. Oh hold on. No way! "No! There's no way!", I exclaimed as I stood up from the couch and shook my head. "Oh yess!", She said cheerfully as she brought a plastic bag with a wig out of her bag and a small cosmetics bag. 

"Prepare yourself because we have a lot to do!", She warned me and I prepared myself for embarrassment.

Oh .

[Author's Note]

Hello everyone~! Finally I update~ Wohoo! Not much to say but thank all those for your support! hehe! I hope you keep on enjoying~