Yifan did not expect to have such a good time with Yixing, Minseok, Lu Han, Shixun and Zitao. He’s only been in the industry for quite some time, running around like crazy, accepting movies after movies after movies just to able to prove himself as an A-list actor. Such a short amount of time but he’s already forgotten when was the last time he laughed so much to the point that his stomach hurt. Sure he’s had dinners with his co-stars, he’s had a few good jokes with them but the laugh currently bubbling up in his chest is unlike those. It feels very different, like he’s home and he’s having a chat with his childhood friend. Yixing who is seated beside him, looks at him from time to time, peeling his gaze away from Lu Han animatedly sharing how Shixun fell off a tree with his basketball shorts getting caught on one of the branches. The author would just smile at him before turning his attention back to the middle of the conversation but in those short seconds of eye contact something light and calming passes between them. And even as the whole table erupts at Shixun’s outrage at his uncle’s best friend, the actor’s eyes are still trained on Yixing, watching his mouth open in pure joy, uncaring of how he might look like as he laughs his heart out.

As promised, Yifan foots the bill. Although the others try to tell him that they’ll pay for what they ordered, he insisted on paying for their meal. They didn’t really complain after the actor informed them that no such thing will happen again in the future. Yixing giggled behind his hand, his face a few shades of red darker than when they were outside; the effects of a few glasses of wine.

They all decide that it is already way past their bed time, checking their watches and seeing that it’s already close to one in the morning. Although the next day will be a free day for everyone as the production will take a break for the weekend before continuing again, the break is meant for them to relax and recharge and staying up late isn’t actually part of resting.

Yifan and Yixing are almost in step as their group goes to the parking lot. Minseok and Lu Han are up front exchanging banters, to Yixing’s delight, while Shixun and Zitao are in the middle huddled together as they look at something on the college student’s mobile device.

Yifan steals glances at Yixing every now and then, the younger looking preoccupied as he watches the people in front of them. The actor doesn’t mind though, since it gives him more opportunity to observe the way the fluorescent lights cast shadows on the younger’s face or how his lips quirk up every so often when he sees their companions do something the author thinks is funny.

The actor doesn’t even know why he’s watching Yixing with such interest.

Must be the wine. He reasons as his eyes flit back to his side where Yixing is giggling again, the sound floating around them as he sees Lu Han put Minseok in a friendly chokehold. Happy that the director is losing some of the tension he has built up for some unknown reason.

Yixing’s snickers die down after a while when he sees Zitao waving good bye to them to get to his car, everyone can see the evident frown in the young assistant’s brows even if he’s smiling at Shixun who’s standing behind his car. The university student then catches up to Lu Han, grabbing the elder’s car key before bolting to where he knows the director’s car is.

“Don’t you think Minseok and Lu Han are cute together?” Yixing suddenly blurts out, his brown orbs still trained to the two older men in front of them. Yifan wants to think that there’s a hint of jealousy in it, what does he know, Yixing might be harboring feelings for the director. But no matter how hard he tries finding even just a drop of it in the younger’s voice, he can’t deny that the author said it with nothing but fondness.

“Are you suggesting that they should be together?” Yifan finds himself asking, eyes travelling from the top of Yixing’s head to the topic of their conversation. Lu Han still has Minseok in a chokehold and the older of the two doesn’t seem to mind the awkward position he is in as they walk.

“No, I’m just saying they look cute together but that’s not such a bad thing if it ever happened, is it?”

Without even thinking, the actor replies: “But they’re both men.”

The silence that follows makes him realize what he just said and even if he wants to resurrect the conversation and put it down the right path, his brain is too muddled and he doesn’t think he can find the perfect answer to erase the frown on Yixing’s lips.

“Do you need a ride home?” Yifan suddenly asks out of the blue, trying to change the topic as he is sure he can’t resuscitate the previous conversation anymore, “I can drop you off at your place.”

“That’s okay,” Yixing answers, his earlier cheerfulness dimmed down, “Shixun and I are riding with Lu Han.” After giving the elder his reply, the author’s steps speeds up, easily catching up with Minseok and Lu Han with Yifan just a few steps behind, thanks to his long legs.

“Lu Han your car is over here,” Yixing yanks the director’s arm towards the right. The author smiles brightly at Minseok and uses his best friend’s hand to wave good bye to the manager before pulling said friend to where Shixun is already waiting for them in the car.

Minseok watches as Yixing drags Lu Han to the sedan, steps so hurried the older of the two almost trips. He hears the author telling the director that he’ll be the one to drive and that the elder should just stay at their place for the night. When Minseok hears Yifan’s footsteps nearing, he grumbles: “What did you do again?”

Yifan looks at him with his eyebrows high up on his forehead, a scandalized look written all over his face as he protests, “What? Nothing!” His manager doesn’t even look at him as he turns around and takes the other direction to stomp away to their van.

***

What was I expecting?

Yixing looks at the pristine white ceiling, the lights already switched off and only the sparse light of the moon coming in through his window being the only one illuminating his surroundings. He thought driving and a good long shower will help him forget about what happened just an hour ago.

Just because he’s doing a gay movie doesn’t mean he is open the idea as well.

Yixing rolls around on his stomach and screams to his pillow in frustration, at himself, at Yifan, at how so easily he is falling harder for the actor. This wasn’t part of the plan but then again he never had a plan.

“What the hell are you doing?” Lu Han pokes his head at the entrance of Yixing’s room, the door being slightly ajar as the author always leaves it at night. He turns around with his back on the mattress again, eyes trained to the ceiling once more.

“Screaming,” he answers vaguely, waiting for the elder to take the things he need in Yixing’s room before disappearing again into the living room and taking his spot on the couch.

“You’re really weird,” Lu Han finds one of Yixing’s stuffed sheep and takes it with him along with the blanket and pillows. At the door, he turns back around, his hair still wet from his shower, “But if you need to talk about it, I’ll just be on the couch.” He makes a show of pointing a gun at the author before shooting it twice then leaving.

Yixing tosses and turns in his bed. With alcohol in his system, he should be able to knock out quickly but sleep seems to be elusive to him tonight. Until he figures out what is wrong with him and does something about it. He considers taking his best friend’s offer, knowing Lu Han will probably be scrolling through Weibo or watching some cat video as the elder has been contemplating on getting one. With a final groan, Yixing sits up and makes his way to the living room where his best friend is already comfortable on the couch. He makes a detour to the kitchen first to fetch himself something to drink before plopping down on the floor in front of the sofa where Lu Han is unsurprisingly scrolling through his phone with his earphones on and a scary grin plastered on his face.

The author waits until his best friend takes notice of his form leaning on the couch. He hears the tell-tale sign of the ear buds hitting the phone screen before the creak of the couch. Then comes Lu Han’s voice, he can feel the elder’s body as he leans in to reach for the bottle in Yixing’s hand. Before he takes a few gulps he asks, “So what is troubling my little sheep? Got sick of counting enough of yourself jumping over fences?”

Yixing groans and hits the director with the pillow he has on his lap. Lu Han easily defends himself then he drinks from the younger’s bottle, “But what is it, really? You drank a lot today too, I would have thought you’d be halfway to dreamland by now if you’re not right in front of me.” The younger thinks about it for a second, if what he is about to say is really what’s bothering him or if there’s something deeper hidden within the words that troubles him more.

“Yixing, I don’t have all day,” Lu Han mutters, sounding bored as he waits for the younger to spill, “or in this case, night.”

“A while ago,” Yixing begins, hands clenching the ends of the throw pillow back on his lap, “Yifan said something that’s been bothering me.”

“No wonder you volunteered to drive,” Lu Han comments, finally having an answer to his best friend’s actions, “You hate driving.” Yixing snorts before humming in agreement, thanking the heavens that the traffic wasn’t too heavy on their way home or he would have passed the wheels to his best friend in the middle of the road. “So are you going to tell me or am I going to have to cut open your brain and find the answers myself?” The younger rolls his eyes at his best friend’s goading.

Expect Lu Han to exaggerate. He thinks as he turns his body to face the elder, placing his arm on the couch.

Without prolonging Lu Han’s wait any further, Yixing tells the director about what happened but only from when he told the actor about Minseok and Lu Han looking cute together. He didn’t think including that he felt Yifan stealing glances at him would be helpful in his problem. On the contrary, he thinks it will make things complicated especially with what the actor said hours ago.

The author waits until Lu Han says something and is surprised when the director places him in a chokehold, “Why the would you say that?” He shouts, appalled and uncaring of possibly waking Shixun up. “Now Yifan would think weird of me whenever he sees me with his manager.” The director only lets go of Yixing when the younger finally manages to breathe out a few apologies even if he’s not completely sorry for saying so. He is certainly convinced that Minseok and Lu Han would make a really cute couple.

“Can’t do anything about it anymore though.” Lu Han clicks his tongue in disapproval, “Now I really have to avoid Minseok and this is your doing, not mine.” The director huffs and crosses his arms over his chest, resting his back on the couch as he contemplates how he’s actually going to stay away from the manager when he directly converses with him regarding the schedule of filming. Without much to work on and no fuel to devise plans since his brain is already half asleep (thanks to all the liquor he had during dinner), the elder groans and waves a white flag in defeat.

“But I’m sure your problem about this whole situation is completely different with my concerns,” Lu Han says helpfully when the younger doesn’t say anything anymore, his patience running low as the hour hand of the clock slowly inches its way to number three.

“His reply when I told him it wouldn’t be bad if you and Minseok were really together is what bothers me,” Lu Han seems to think about it, sifting through his memory to remember what the actor said to Yixing. But before he can get past the part where Yixing said that he and the manager look cute together, the author cuts in, “He said but they’re both men.” The younger makes sure he does quotation marks in the air so Lu Han can distinguish which words the actor said.

“Hmmm,” Lu Han hums, taking in the meaning behind Yifan’s words, “So you’re thinking that he’s homophobic?” Yixing shrugs, a bit confused himself. He doesn’t really know what to think about it because he feels like the actor has been sending him mixed signals and the whole thing just threw him off-guard. “Were you thinking that because he’s doing a movie based on your book which is about the love of two men, that he actually swings that way?” The director presses him, his words piercing through Yixing because yes he might have at some point thought that the actor is open to such possibilities and taking on the role is not just for experience purposes.

“I don’t really know, ge,” Yixing sighs, deflating and giving up on the matter, “Maybe I was expecting him to be more accepting of the idea of two men being together?”

“Again,” Lu Han emphasizes, “just because he’s doing this movie doesn’t mean he is all for the concept behind it.”

“I know,” Yixing grumbles, placing the pillow over his face before spewing profanities at his overthinking mind.

“But seriously Yixing, you don’t need to worry yourself with this,” the elder places a hand over the author’s shoulder, squeezing it as a semblance of reassurance, “He’s probably as straight as a ruler and there might be no way to bend him.”

“Yeah,” the author agrees, even if there’s still a nagging feeling staying at the back of his mind. “Not that I want to,” he adds for good measure. Then the hand on his shoulder is gone, the couch creaks again and the blanket grazes his shoulders and back as Lu Han repositions himself on the furniture again.

“Go to sleep, Yixing.” The director mumbles as he closes his eyes, “Worrying will do you no good.” The younger agrees and with heavy footsteps he returns to his room, plopping face first on his mattress, trying to remove all thoughts of Yifan and their earlier conversation from his head as he tries to drift off to sleep.

***

Yifan paces in his room, hands buried in his locks as he his steps become heavier and heavier, his shoulder feeling the same every time he goes back to his and Yixing’s conversation in the parking lot. He had already slept, although it was a very uneasy one as he kept thinking of the author and how he looked hurt by the actor’s words.

He can still hear Yixing’s voice loud and clear every time he replays the scene, “No, I’m just saying they look cute together but that’s not such a bad thing if it ever happened, is it?”

“But they’re both men.” The actor hears his reply ringing in his ears, groaning for the nth time at his choice of words. He resents himself for his answer and he’s pretty sure Yixing does too.

In the middle of chastising himself, by means of slapping the side of his head, Minseok enters his room with his freshly pressed clothes. The elder catches him mid-slap and coughs to inform his talent of his presence. After placing Yifan’s clothes inside the closet, Minseok comes back to find the actor now sitting at the edge of the bed still deep in thought.

“Am I going to have you sent to the hospital for harming yourself or are you going to tell me what you’re hurting yourself for?” Yifan knows that his manager has an idea as to what is causing him to pain himself. Minseok clearly saw how Yixing walked away from where he was walking beside Yifan, his feet carried him like the wind to where Lu Han was to get away from the actor.

“It’s Yixing again, isn’t it?” Minseok stands in front of his talent and even with him being heads shorter than Yifan, the actor feels smaller than an ant under his manager’s scrutinizing gaze.

“Okay, fine,” the actor throws his hands up in the air, in defeat and just to give his hands something to do other than smack himself, “yes, it’s Yixing.”

“I see,” Minseok places a hand under his chin as if he’s thinking of something clever to say, “Yixing’s been running around your mind a lot lately.”

“That’s not true,” to this Minseok snorts and gives Yifan a look that says Sure, buddy, if that’s what you think. The manager holds the words to himself though, giving up as he knows his talent will never admit to it.

"So what is it about Yixing this time?" Minseok chooses to sit on the desk chair, away from Yifan and his scarily large hands, just in case he says something that isn't pleasing to his talent.

"Something happened last night," Yifan sees his manager roll his eyes, courageous enough to do so because he's far from the actor. The elder doesn't say anything though, only gesturing with his hands for Yifan to continue, knowing that it doesn't end there. "I might have said something that I shouldn't have or I don't know," the actor shakes his head, still in disbelief of how his brain-to-mouth filter decided to abandon him at that every moment.

"I'm no psychic, Yifan," Minseok drawls out, "just tell it to me straight to the point."

"Well he said you and Lu Han looked cute together," to this his manager visibly perks up, the topic easily getting his attention as he sits up even straighter than before.

"Really? He said that?" If his manager didn't look really cute at that moment, Yifan would have broken all contracts with him and picked up a new manager. Minseok is clearly not here to help his talent but here for the side stories that involve him.

"As I was saying," Yifan's tone is stern as is his expression when he hears Minseok's dreamy sigh and sees the elder's eyes sparkle at the mere mention of the director's name, "I asked him if he meant you two being in a relationship," it seems his manager's eyes have grown ten times more and the sparkle seems to have become brighter, "I'm just going to stop here, you're clearly not paying attention to my problem here." Yifan huffs, arms finding each other over his front as his manager pouts at the shortened story.

"Oh come on Yifan, I'm listening," the actor rolls his eyes at how his manager cups his ears for show. Although he wants to keep the rest of his story for himself, he knows he needs help with it as well.

With a grumble the actor picks up where he left off, “He said he didn’t mean it that way,” he can see Minseok’s face immediately fall with this but he knows the next words will revive him, “but if it were, that it wasn’t a bad idea and he said it like he’s asking me.” Minseok nods and Yifan isn’t sure if he lost his manager again to the thoughts of having a prospective relationship with Lu Han or if the smaller man is just allowing every word to sink in.

“And your answer was?” The elder raises an eyebrow and Yifan can already see the judgment passing through his face even without hearing the actor’s response yet.

“I said but they’re both men.” Yifan puts emphasis on his answer to Yixing, watching Minseok’s face completely change from amused to ashen. That was clearly not how he expected his manager to react. Before the Korean man can even say anything that will hurt Yifan’s feelings, the actor places his hands up in a placating gesture and confesses, “I know, it’s a stupid answer. I think I’ve already hurt myself enough for it. Now I need your help,” his face speaks of how much the situation has become a burden for him, eyes sunken and cheeks hollow, “Do I apologize for it or pretend like nothing happened?”

Normally if Yifan slips and says something to a friend or an acquaintance that he later realizes might have offended them, he doesn’t do anything about it and plays it cool the next time he meets the person. But with Yixing, the thought of not facing the problem and coming clean to the author has him thinking twice of his humanity.

“I don’t think that’s the kind of question you should be asking,” Minseok replies, a knowing look already painted on his face. And Yifan knows, deep down, what the answer to his own question is. However, in reality he’s afraid and lost with how he should confront Yixing about it, how does one even start to explain themselves.

“Just be honest,” his manager supplies, already standing up from his chair and walking to Yifan’s nightstand to retrieve the actor’s mobile phone. “That’s what Yixing deserves.” The actor agrees but his hands still reluctantly take his smartphone and if not for Minseok shoving it into his hands, he would probably still be stalling and waiting for some miracle to happen again. “And please,” the elder turns around on his way to the door, “this time don’t leave him hanging.” Of course, his manager will never let him live that one down.

Once Minseok is completely out of the door, Yifan unlocks his phone and presses the green icon for the messages. He scrolls past the ones from his friends and other acquaintances who are trying to get him to do commercials for their brands, finding the chat box he has with the author, one that he never deleted even if he intended to. He’s starting to become impatient, grumbling I know it’s just here every now and then like he’s memorized where he should find the younger’s messages.

Then he spots it, Yixing♥, being the only one to have an emoji beside his name, it was easier to find than say Lu Han’s. He quickly taps on it so he can type a message to the author but when he finds his thumbs hovering over the keyboard, he realizes that he still doesn’t know what to say.

Minseok-ge wasn’t helpful at all, Yifan groans, wiping one hand down his face as he contemplates on what he should text to Yixing as an opener. Maybe a casual greeting? Some voice in his head tells him, which he knows is just himself but he indulges on the idea of having someone to coach him through it. Ask him how he’s doing? His little voice urges him on and with a smile he taps a simple hello to the message field. I can do that, he thinks to himself as he adds a very discreet how are you doing? before tapping send. Then all of his confidence disappears after that. He starts sweating, wondering if he did the right thing and if there are any ways for him to reverse that message, to take it back and pretend he never sent it. However, after a few seconds of his mental breakdown, he feels his device vibrate in his hands.

From: Yixing♥

Hi, doing well. And you?

The actor gulps and types a quick answer before he can back out and, in Minseok’s words, leave Yixing hanging again. He replies that he’s doing great as well and that he was just wondering how the author was feeling since he drank a lot the night before, conveying that he was afraid that it might have triggered whatever was causing his attacks. The younger replies just as quickly as he did to Yifan’s first message, telling him he’s doing really fine and fortunately did not have any attacks. What the author adds at the end of his message has the actor wondering if it applies well since he’s just trying to find ways to stall and prolong the conversation before he gets down to business.

I appreciate your concern.

Not wanting to make Yixing wait for long, he writes him back something about being concerned since they are friends and Yifan has witnessed what happened to the author before, warranting him the reason to be concerned of the younger. The reply he receives next makes him gulp, hating how perceptive Yixing is.

From: Yixing♥

You’re not really messaging me because of that, am I right? Or else we’ll just go back and forth with this same topic (laughing emoji)

Even if Yifan finds the author’s use of an emoji adorable, he can’t help but think of his words. Yixing obviously wants him to go straight to the point and stop beating around the bush any longer because it’s not working anymore.

The actor doesn’t know what demon possessed him, but he types in Is it alright if I call you? and hits send with one eye closed, as the green line swiftly passes through the top of his conversation with Yixing. He later reasons that a voice call would show his sincerity even better since texting seems a bit impersonal and lacks emotions even if he put all the emojis possible, it will not be able to replace the tone of his voice and his approach. The reply is immediate, he shouldn’t have even wondered, and it makes him sweat.

From: Yixing♥

Sure, whatever you’re comfortable with. (smiling emoji)

Yixing really needs to stop using those emojis and stop being adorable, even if it’s just for my sake. Yifan thinks as he taps the Details button beside Yixing’s name and with a trembling thumb he presses the phone icon. He counts to four rings, sweat beading on his forehead as the seconds tick by, until the sound stops, making way for a sweet, gentle voice that instantly calms him down.

“Hello?”

A/N: Oh wait, an update? Whuuuut? Cool hahahaha did you see Sheep Xing?? Oh my gahd so ke ai;;;;;;; Hope you're all doing well!