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Lu Han wakes to the light strumming of a guitar and the scent of antibiotics invading his sense of smell. He blearily opens his eyes, finding himself staring at the white ceiling of what is probably the academy’s nurse office.

“Ah,” The guitar strumming comes to a pause as Yixing’s forever dazed and slightly monotone voice sounds from somewhere in the room. “You’re awake.”

Lu Han almost falls off the bed in surprise. “What the , how’d you know I was awake?”

“You recite prose in your sleep,” Yixing informs him casually, plucking at a few chord before picking up his previous beat once more. “It’s quite inspiring.”

“I don’t even read poetry,” Lu Han says to himself, still a bit confused at just what is going on. He looks around the room and freezes when the horror of the situation hits. “OH MY GOD.”

The strumming stops again. “Hmm??”

Lu Han all but kicks the sheets off of him, scrambling off the patient bed and pointing an accusing finger at the other just like before. “YOU DID IT AGAIN. IT’S THAT ING GUITAR BACKGROUND MUSIC, I SWEAR TO GOD-”

“Wait, what?”

“This.” Lu Han hisses, gesturing to his surroundings with flailing arm gestures. “This is completely off schedule!”

Yixing blinks.

“I wasn’t supposed to lose consciousness until after Yifan and I fell in love and got the approval of his rich disapproving mother! And I was supposed to wake up with memory loss!” Lu Han puts his face into his hands and moans in pure despair. “I’m ruined, ruined!”

“Uhhhh…”

“What have you done, Yixing, what have you done?!” Lu Han shakes his head in disappointment.

“Well, I went to nearby pharmacy and got you some snacks.” Yixing nudges at the bag sitting by his chair with a foot.

“Bless you Yixing, bless you.” Maybe Yixing isn’t so bad. After all, he went through the effort to get-

“With your credit card.”

“ you Yixing, you.”

“Okay, okay, how’s this?” Lu Han takes a deep breath before glaring at Yixing as hard as he can. “Listen here bag! If you think you can go around school acting like you own the place, then you got another thing coming!”

“But I don’t think Yifan-” Yixing starts, only to be cut off.

“Follow the ing cue card Yixing,” Lu Han squeezes out between gritted teeth.

The younger lets out a sigh, before looking down at the ty flashcards Lu Han made him for reference and restarting in a flat tone. “What would you know, you pathetic-”

“More passion,” Lu Han urges.

“What would you know,” Yixing tries once more in a slightly more enthusiastic tone, “you pathetic lowlife? I could have you expelled with just the snap of my fingers. I bet-”

He pauses again as he reads the rest of the line, teeth digging into his bottom lip and eyes furrowing in worry. “Oh, now that’s just mean.”

“Goddamnit Yixing,” Lu Han throws his own script down on the coffee table in frustration. “That’s the point! If we’re practicing insults we have to make it believable!”

“Yifan wouldn’t say this kind of stuff!” Yixing protests, “He’s a nice guy!”

Lu Han groans and lays his head down in Yixing’s lap in temporary defeat, fiddling with the drawstrings of the younger’s hoodie. They’re in one of the academy’s community rooms that can be found all across campus. “Yes, I’m sure he is but because he’s so terribly confused about his sudden attraction to me that the only way he can deal with it is to lash out by bullying me.”

Yixing’s hand subconsciously reaches down to run through Lu Han’s hair, drawing a small happy sigh from the elder. He peers once more at the flashcard in the unoccupied hand, squinting at the lines as though he can’t quite understand them. “I still don’t get why I have to say such awful things.”

“That’s because you’re Yixing,” Lu Han looks up and stares at the other. Yixing doesn’t look away, simply blinking cutely in confusion and giving Lu Han the time to notice things like the plush curve of the younger’s lips, or the ethereal contrast of his warm brown eyes with the cool, pale expanse of his skin, and- holy hell has that dimple always been there?

The longer Lu Han stares, the faster he begins to feel the heat rising to his cheeks. He’s the one to look away first, face colored a light pink before he sits back up and scuttles off toward the bathroom, muttering an unintelligible excuse about bowel movements all the while trying to calm the violent thumping in his chest.

It’s close to midnight by the time Zitao gets back to his dorm room, covered in a light sheen of sweat and a bit out of breath.

Most people that have either seen him before on campus or know of the boy would assume that he was training hard at the gym, or practicing his well-known wushu skills. However, his roommate knew better.

“You , I can’t believe you went to the new fall collection release without me!” Baekhyun whines, plastering himself to the Chinese for about half a second before peeling away with a shriek of disgust. “Ew, you’re sweaty!”

“It’s your fault you didn’t finish your stupid lab report,” Zitao grumbles, setting the shopping bag down on the floor before flopping on the living room couch in exhaustion. “I was almost clubbed to death by this one for a leather clutch.”

His roommate shamelessly saunters over to scavenge through the bags of recently purchased Gucci products. “Oh my god, I am totally borrowing this sweater.”

“If I see you near my closet, I’ll stick my wushu stick up your ,” comes the muffled threat.

“,” Baekhyun wrinkles his nose, “I don’t know what crazy would want to send you flowers with that attitude of yours.”

“Flowers?” Zitao stretches out from his spot on the couch rolling over to look at the Korean. Baekhyun takes that as a welcoming sign and proceeds to gracefully flop onto the other in what can only be described as a severe one-sided cuddle.

“, you make an awful cuddler.”

After much wiggling around and whining from his roommate, Zitao finally resigns and pats the elder on the head with an exasperated eye roll. “Then why are you still on top of me?”

“Because I’m lonely and need affection,” Baekhyun carefully maneuvers his way to edge of the couch, curling into the younger’s side once he confirms that he won’t fall off and throwing a leg over Zitao. “The best part is I’m still getting more action with you than whoever sent you those flowers.”

“How do you know they’re for me?” Zitao cranes his neck to look over the fluffy mass of Baekhyun’s hair at the bouquet of red carnations lying on the coffee table.

“Because there’s a sappy- poem in Chinese on the card and if you didn’t notice, I don’t know Chinese.”

“And you say I’m sassy,” Zitao furrows his brow. “Wait, then how do you know that the poem’s sappy?”

Baekhyun gives him the ‘are you ing kidding me right now’ look. “They gave you a ing bouquet of flowers.”

“So?”

“What do you mean so?!” Baekhyun squawks indignantly, “So they like you! Why the else would they write you a poem and stick it in a bouquet?!”

“Did they leave a name?”

“What- no!”

“Then what’s the point in sending some stupid bouquet if I don’t know who they are?”

“They’re trying to be romantic!”

“They’re a wuss.”

“Says the one that can’t take a shower without me because they’re scared of ghosts!”

Zitao pushes him over the edge of the sofa.

“I’m confused,” Yixing says as he and Lu Han take the elder’s belongings to what will now be his dorm room. Lu Han hasn’t met his new roommate yet but that honestly doesn’t matter. What does matter, however, is that he finds out where Yifan’s new dorm will be so that he can carefully plan out their ‘accidental’ meetings.

“I’m not surprised,” Lu Han says as he tugs his suitcase up the stairs. For such a rich pompous academy you’d think they would at least have the decency to give the dormitories an elevator or two. “What are you confused about this time Yixing?”

“You’re going to act super sassy toward Yifan at the beginning,” Yixing starts, “but once he falls in love with you you’re just going to become some spineless damsel that always needs help with something?”

Lu Han almost faceplants into the hallway’s luxury carpet- they can ing afford Persian rugs in their dormitory hallways but not an elevator?!- but barely manages to save himself. “Not a damsel! I am a man.”

“But still spineless,” Yixing adds.

“I don’t make the rules Yixing,” Lu Han hisses as he jams the key the administration lady gave him for his dorm room into the keyhole. “Sometimes life is about giving up your personality for true love.”

“That doesn’t really sound like love,” Yixing his head to the side and Lu Han almost slaps himself for finding it so ing adorable. “Love should change you for the better.”

Lu Han swings the now unlocked door wide open, dragging his belongings into his new dorm. “Yixing, no one asked y-”

With unimaginable grace, Lu Han trips over a familiar looking pair of shoes by the doorway, letting go of his suitcase and key in favor of flailing his arms in a panic as he finds himself headed towards the floor once again. This time however, he isn’t disappointed when a pair of strong, lean arms catches him and prevents him from kissing the ground a second time.

“Oh hey,” Yifan’s baritone rings loud and clear in Lu Han’s ears, “it looks like you’re my new roommate.”

Yeah I ing went there. The whole roommates thing.

Red Carnations = My Heart Aches For You, which also loosely translate to "Yifan is a f0ckin' loser that can't confess straight up like a man".

CAN YOU FEEL THE SATIRE.

P.S. Baektao roommies are life. If you would like to see a specific EXO member show up next feel free to leave a suggestion in the comments!

It's like 2 AM and I should honestly be asleep right now.

I already edited this into the foreword, but it's been brought to my attention that the description or plot of this fic so far seems similar to another pretty popular fic on this site. I'd just like to say that I in no way had any intent for plagarism and have had this idiotic fic idea before I was even aware of that fic's existence. I can only hope that my writing will speak for itself so please do look forward to that ^~^

That said, if you enjoyed reading or would like to keep up, please subscribe, upvote and comment <3

Also if you like Sulay, I did a thing: Nice Guy. It's a newbie. I'll probably be working on that next.

Have a lovely Thursday!

Less than three,

PalmerPie