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Special shoutout to mylittleemo for dealing with my writer's block and laughing at half of this to convince me it was funny :') You're the real MVP <3

Lu Han pushes up his fake nerd glasses with a finger, readjusting the backpack slung over his shoulder. He’s dressed to the nines in his prim and proper EXO school uniform, campus map in hand as he steps through the two huge metal gates and onto the academy grounds. A soft breeze blows past him, tussling his “I can’t afford a professional stylist but still looks perfect” hair as he walks down the paved cobblestone path leading to the enormous main building, an architectural treasure that practically screams rich.

The gentle strum of a guitar sounds in the air, and for a moment Lu Han thinks that it’s the heavens officially giving him a sign through personal background music: that he is going to fulfil his sassy Mary Sue quota, and win the heart of this school’s one and only douchebag popular guy, whoever it may be.

Then he turns his head and realizes that it’s just some good looking student nearby, staring off into space as his slender fingers caress the guitar’s strings.

Unfortunately, just as Lu Han turns his head to look at the other guy, his oh-so clumsy feet happen to trip across each other, and Lu Han flips his fabulous hair back in slow motion as he closes his eyes awaits for his one true love to catch him before he makes contact the ground.

Reality hits hard, and so does Lu Han’s body as it slams into the ground, loose dirt flying into his nose and hair as he thumps on the surprisingly not uncomfortable cobblestone path.

Before he can get back up and cuss out that damn guitar player responsible for his predicament, a heavenly voice calls out in a low baritone. “Oh my god, are you alright?!”

Lu Han beams as he looks up at what can only be the man of his dreams. He’s tall and blonde, facial features rather ragged and sharp. He carries himself in such a way that Lu Han has no doubt that this is the one he has been waiting for. His Prince Douchey, his rich tsundere lover, his-

All thoughts about the figure in front of him are dissipated when he’s suddenly thrown to the side, hitting the ground the second time that morning. He quickly gets back up, only to realize that it was mystery dream guy that threw him to the side and the reason Lu Han hadn’t felt any pain falling to the ground is because he had accidentally fallen on someone else and softened the blow.

The boy Lu Han’s one-and-only helps back up is tall as well (obviously not as tall as the other because no one could possibly compare to Lu Han’s future man), hair black as night and contrasting handsomely with his slightly tanned skin. He takes one look at Mr. Tall, Blonde, and Handsome and spares a brief glance at Lu Han before brushing the dust off his pants and casually walking away.

The guitar player is still strumming a gentle tune, and Lu Han looks at Mr. Dreamy expectantly, almost unable to hide his excitement at finding his one true love. He’ll probably walk over and act like a complete , only to realize how amazing Lu Han looks now that his fake nerd glasses have been knocked off his face and onto the ground. Then they’ll fall in love and-

“Hey, wait up!” Lu Han’s Prince takes off after the boy Lu Han had accidentally landed on, completely leaving Lu Han and his broken fantasies in the dust.

A twanging noise of dissonance sounds as one of the guitar strings breaks in the background, and Lu Han spins around to confront the innocent bystander looking down at his poor instrument. “YOU!”

The boy looks up and Lu Han almost chokes on his spit. , he’s good looking. How is Lu Han supposed to rag on him if he’s good looking?! “Yes?”

Lu Han struggles with his words for a moment before regaining his wits. “You’re ing attractive!”

.

SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

Confusion gently graces the other’s expression. “But I’m a ?”

Lu Han falters at the reply, but nevertheless continues (He’s already lost his dignity, might as well go all out). “How dare you ruin my moment!”

The boy looks around, dazed and muddled at the situation. “Huh?”

“Your unintentional background music must have scared him away!” Lu Han crosses his arms in overdramatic anger. “How is he going to fall for me if your incessant guitar playing gets in the way?!”

“Unintentional background music?”

“This is an outrage!” Lu Han picks up his fake nerd glasses off the ground and shoves them into his book bag before grabbing the handsome guitar player by his arm. “Come on, as payment, you will buy me lunch.”

“Wait, who are you???”

“I can’t believe you don’t have your wallet,” Lu Han grumbles as he shoves several crumpled bills toward the cashier in frustration.

Irritatingly attractive guitar guy, or Yixing, carries their tray of food towards an empty table in the dining hall. “I still don’t understand why you’re buying me lunch.”

“You were supposed to buy me lunch!” Lu Han huffs, taking a seat across from Yixing and slurping at his bubble tea. “For ruining my moment with Yifan!”

On the way to the dining hall, Lu Han has managed to ween all the information possible from Yixing’s questionable memory, including the name of Dream Guy, Wu Yifan, as well as other mysterious-but-irrelevant-black-haired-figure-that-Lu-Han-may-or-may-not-have-used-as-a-fall-cushion, whose name is Huang Zitao and is known for his hatred of everyone and everything except for maybe pandas and Gucci. At least Yixing is somewhat useful.

“I still don’t understand,” Yixing says through a mouthful of beef stew. “What moment?”

“Of course you don’t,” Lu Han pats his new friend(?)’s very nicely toned bicep sympathetically and ignoring the unintentional low key shade in the previous comment. “Not many are able to see just how perfectly destined I am for this life.”

“What life?”

Lu Han suddenly pushes his chair back and stands up dramatically, startling the students sitting nearby. “Don’t you see Yixing? I was born for this! A new student in a rich as school, fated to gain the attention of the campus’s most sought after popular guy, Yifan. He’s multilingual, plays sports, and he has the looks of an Adonis! We’re meant to be! He’s probably the son of the dean of this academy-”

“He’s actually a scholarship student like you,” Yixing mumbles.

“Shh! And his mother will disapprove of me-”

“She’s pretty easygoing in my opinion…”

“And then I’ll get in a car accident and forget about him! But he’ll stay by my side until I remember him and our love, or maybe there’ll be a love triangle!”

“I don’t-”

“That reminds me!” Lu Han sits back down after his beguiling speech about his future drama with Yifan, who mind you, doesn’t even know of Lu Han’s existence. “It’s time for my daily dose of pills.”

“You take medicine?” Yixing asks, sleepy but curious eyes peering at Lu Han as the elder pulls out a pack of Tic Tacs and pops two of the mints into his mouth.

“Of course not,” Lu Han gulps down some water before adding, “but I wasn’t born with some life threatening disease so this will have to do.”

Yixing silently judges the older as they finish their meal and leave the dining hall, holding hands because Lu Han insists that he’s nervous and wants some practice before the real deal with Yifan. Yixing just kind of goes with it.

“Oh my god,” Lu Han lets go of Yixing’s really soft and warm hand and freezes in his tracks as they approach the outdoor basketball courts. Because among the group of shirtless hormonal students there is a very shirtless Yifan. “Oh my ing- Yixing, there he is what do I say? Should I put my fake glasses back on? Yixing, don’t you ing dare start playing your guitar and on my chances again. God just look at him! Yixing, what should I- Yixing? YIXING.”

Lu Han watches in undisguisable horror as Yixing casually makes his way over to the group of shirtless basketball players, waving at a very familiar face. “Hey Yifan!”

The man of Lu Han’s dreams looks over mid laugh at a teammate’s joke, blessing Lu Han’s vision with a gummy white smile. “Xing! Eyy, what’s up?”

Yifan bounds over to Lu Han’s new friend and, to the elder’s shock, pulls Yixing into a very bromantic side hug. Yixing says something too soft for Lu Han to hear, but it doesn’t take a genius to guess Yixing’s words when Yifan suddenly looks at him, before starting in Lu Han’s direction, Yixing still stuck under his glorious armpit hold.

Lu Han internally screams. Yixing knows Yifan. Yifan know Yixing and is currently HEADED OVER HERE AND OH MY GOD HE DIDN’T FIX HIS HAIR AFTER THEIR FIRST ENCOUNTER AND NOW YIFAN IS GOING TO THINK HE’S A SLOB BUT IT SHOULD BE ALRIGHT BECAUSE THEY’RE DESTINED TO FALL IN LOVE ANYWAY BUT HOLY -

“This is Lu Han,” Yixing gestures toward the elder who looks like he’s about to crap his pants. “You helped him up earlier today.”

“Oh yeah! Nice to meet you.” Yifan nods at Lu Han, NODS AT HIM, in his ever laid back manner. “Sup, I’m Yifan.”

Lu Han faints.

Because what's a Korean drama without some fainting?

This is super hella late but I've been on a sorta hiatus with school and writer's block and I should honestly be working on some other fics but crack is the only thing really coming to me ;;

Thank you to everyone that has showed this fic support with just a silly foreword, I hope it was able to meet your expectations. There will be a ton of satirizing k-dramas, so if you like it so far, you're in luck?

If you enjoyed reading and would like to keep up, please do subscribe, upvote and comment! They are all very much appreciated and cuddled and loved  <3

I'll most likely be updating Perks next despite my constant reminders to go work on the other more important priorities so you know where to find me~

Happy Saturday!

Less than three,

PalmerPie