minho's pov

the beeping of the heart monitor  and the sound of the breathing machine was the only noise in the room taemin was on the other end of each cord that was connected to the machine his chest slowly rising and falling with its help . i sat in a chair next to his bed jonghyun and key are passed outin the coner of the room in the key on jongs lap with his head resting on the older's shoulder two days had passed since the incident i haven't slept in those two days more like i can’t the scene keeps replaying in my head every touch, sound, and final breath i was reliving it all i was stuck in a nightmare. each time i woke up i hope to be in bed with jinki, him lying awake beside me the look of love coated in his eyes waiting patiently for me to wake just so he could kiss me before i even had the chance to say good morning but instead  i woke to was the horrible reality that he was gone a tear escapes my eyes and onto my hand. there was rustling under key i wiped my eyes before jong could see.  i wished he go back to dreamland i didn’t want to talk or look at anyone. he looks around in shock he to was having a nightmare only to wake up to the real one he sat up gently careful not to wake up kibum who looked to be resting peacefuly. jong stood and draped a little blanket around his boyfriend and left his side letting his hand linger on his head. he walked to the other side of taemins bed

“how’s he doing?”

“good” i don’t look at him

“how are you doing?” he walks over to rest his hands on my shoulder to comfort my pain but his touch was an uncomfortable fire i feel so guilty what will taemin think when he wakes up?, jinki and taemin had a bond that no one could ever share. i remember the first day he brought taemin in he was so small and weak  skinny like a stick his eyes read scared he was around the age of  8 each day he opened up little by little his personality showed each day  he would be so clumsy at times he’d run into things and have them fall and break no one ever got mad they all loved him to much for that agents would ask where he’d like to go, what he would like to have he never answer to them for the longest he only talked to jinki and even that was a few words in public but behind closed doors you could here him rebmling to jinki eventually he opened up to the idea of the agency being his new home even so taemin chose to imprint himself on jinki he followed him everywhere jinki didn’t mind he treated him like a younger brother. it only brings tears and heartache when remembering their happy past.

“you should rest, it not healthy for you to stay up this long”  jong tries to look me in the face but i had to flinch away i wasnt ready to look at his caring eyes they would reminded me of how onew would look at everyone he cared about, the way he would look at me. jong removed his hand and walked over in keys direction.

“i going to put him to bed i’ll be back in the morning let me know if anything happens”

i only shook my head has a conformation. he struggled to lift  key on his back but he got it to work in the end when they were out the room it was just taemin and i, i reached to touch his hair but i rejected the idea and stopped my hand.the last time i touched someone they died in my hands i just didn’t want  taemin to fade as well. i sat in my same postion until exhaustion hit me like i had run into a brick wall my eyelids became heavy i didn't sleep that night no sleeping always leads to dreaming, dreaming would only strear me awake it was a rest a black rest.

“minho” my name was called softly but it was worried why was my name being called 

“minho, get up” my body was slightly moving but still i didn’t wake up

“minho, where’s jinki” jinki? he’s……. i jumped up in my seat to see a crying red eyed taemin.

“hyung what happened where’s  jinki go get jinki i want to see him now!” his voice was dry, he was straining to talk i wiped his tears with my hand  i stood and got him a glass of water i sat on his bed and handed it to him i slid him toward me tears were still running down his cheeks even though i wiped them a thousand times he had calmed down some but not completely.

“how is he is he hurt bad did the doctor say he’d be okay?” taemin's words cut me hard please taemin don’t make me say this

“he’ll be fine right he’s not paralyzed or anything” by this time tears were running down my cheeks.

“stop talking please”

“will you take me to him?, even if he's asleep” taemin stop it hurts his voice keeps cracking he doesn't believe what he’s saying i know he saw jinki shot down please stop denying it.

“i wana see him smile, why aren’t moving take me to him” i grabbed taemin closes hand and squeezed it, 

“he’s fine right?,”

“taemin,”

“when he’s better well go out to eat chicken his favorite”

“he’s”

“then we'll go play games at the arcade like he always promised"

“not coming back” taemin tensed up but quickly calmed his body he wasn’t going to try to believe how true my words were.

“no,no thats not true you dropped me and ran toward him like you’re supposed”

“taemin”

“you, carried him back i know you did”he was staring blankly at our interlocked hands  his unstable tears falling from his eyes silently   but he wasn't sobbing he looked lost trying to find his way out of this horrible reality.

“no i didn’t, he’s still there”

taemin jerked his hand away like my body was a diseases i reached to wipe his tears but he pushed me away he began to tell his story that never happened.

“and you took him back to the agency and had him fixed up“he went to sleep and then you went to get me thats why i’m here thats why i’m fine”

 it hurt to hear his voice he was trying so hard to convince himself to believe that his story was true.i grabbed both arms and made him look at me his red eyes pleaded he wanted him to be alive to be okay.

“taemin he’s dead” his body went limp his face total shock ”jinki’s dead” a sharp knife played in my heart when i muttered those distasteful words.

“no”

“taemin yes he wanted you to live”

“no, jin….ki” his breathing started to pick up

“taemin breath, you need to breath”

“NO!, JUST SHUT UP MINHO YOU'RE LYING, JINKI WOULDN’T DIE, NO JINKI CAN’T DIE HE PROMISED ALL THOSE OTHER TIMES THAT HE COME BACK SAFLY,THIS IS NO DIFFRENT!” taemin shake loose he started thrash around on the bed

“taemin he told me-” he began to hit my chest over and over like jinki was captive in the doors of my chest

“NO BRING ME JINKI WHERE IS JINKI, JINKI!,JINKI!” and continue to beat my chest yelling in my face  i deserved it all of it

“”JINIK I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY I WON'T BE AN ASSASSIN ANYMORE I DON’T WANT”

“taemin” it hurt to hear him say these words that was his dream all he ever wanted was to become like jinki. every day he trained  till his bones ached or he passed out but even when he was beatin down to many time he’d chant over and over ‘i have get stronger, i have to show jniki i can be a great assassin like him’ jinki was his motive for everything he plan to one day save jiki form trouble to make him see that he didn't save a weakling but a man to be.

“JINKI COME BACK PLEASE,PLEASE I SORRY I DIDN’T SAVE YOU I’M SORRYYYY”

i took hold of the bawling mess before me trying my best pulling him onto my lap he kicked and thrashed every touch that wasn’t jinkis must’ve felt like hell. it had always been when ever he get in trouble jinki would hug him and tell him it's alright or it's okay but now that he’s not hear the fear of never hearing those word again were getting to him and all i can do is sit and watch his pain and agony that electrifies me as i hold him.

“taemin-” he hit me in the face  and pushed me down he straddled my waist and stared daggers in to my eyes.

   “IF YOU LOVED HIM YOU WOULD HAVE FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME AND SAVED HIM!, WHY DIDN’T YOU!" he bangedon my chest  " BRING MY HYUNG BACK BRING BACK MY BROTHER" his voice calmed for a second but the rage and hart ach was still there  "why him, all he ever did in life was survive while looking after me and all i’ve ever done was did disobey him so why save me” each tear that fell from his eyes landed on my face they were so warm they burned my skin and seeped to the bone marrow it hurt my heart to see his face construed with so much pain his voice laced with some much pain.

“its, okay taemin, blame me, it okay to blame me”

was he right?, should i have just gone and saved jinki or would it have been better if i hadn’t come jinki probably would’ve saved taemin and himself if i hadn't  showed up he wouldn’t have had  a choice or would they both be dead.

eventually taemin stopped crying he allowed me to sit up and rub his back his head lay upon my tear soaked shoulder. his hard hits became soft thumps his intense yelling changed to soft insults his voice barely above a whisper it was sore and groggy.

“idiot,stupid, i hate you” my only reply

“i know” it's okay taemin,hate me, taemin fell asleep out of exhaustion while laying on my chest and i not to far off i lied us both down as we drifted to see jinki.

  taemin pov

a week had passed since jinkis death i wouldn’t speak to anyone i had realized soon after that it wasn’t minho's fault for jinkis death it was mine and it sickened me the fact that i was alive and he was dead. every day i sat in my bed without a wink of sleep if i closed my eyes i could hear him his cry of pain as the head pounding shot was fired, i’d see the the clear image of him falling, i see minho crying cradling jinkis limp body the image would terrorize me and i’d be forced awake i ended up crying every night under the dim light the only thing aglow in my dark world. every morning  there was only one person i allowed in my room was ,key  brought food but i never ate it  he'd be  mad  but i didn’t care .key knew i didn’t want to talk or hear the sympathy of other about my loss he would tell me it's bad to stay in bed that i should get up and go outside they but the only thing remotely close to his advice that i did was let the cold water run into my hair and down my back as i sat curled in the corner of the shower i was all dried up from the inside tears wouldn’t run like the shower head. key would come in and notice my place skin and purple lips how i would shiver as every cold drop hit my skin he’d scold me while turning the water to hot and stay till he felt like i was warm enough. i’d silently get dressed and go back to my bed and lay there befor key can get fed up with my tactic of dealing with my emotions jong understood i really don’t want to hear key nag me about lying awake all day and night  he’d come in to take him away.leaving me alone to think about my past about jinki and how he saved me in more ways then one.

so i have school now and club activites so i may be a liitle delayed when wrrting i plane to up date every friday and saterday so here you go  pleas enjoy and leave comments