The silence on Nana’s apartment was deafening. The only sound that she could hear other than the clock’s ticking was the sound of her thumping heart. It felt like her heart could burst out of her chest at any moment. Her eyes blankly stared on her lightly shaking hands, as a chaos took place in her mind.

“I love you,” Sehun’s voice played over and over again on the back of her mind since the first time her ears caught the words coming out from his mouth ten minutes ago. Her mind went crazy since then as well as her body.

Nana felt like her eyes were stinging. The tears formed in her eyes were so ready to fell, but Nana was trying her best to hold it back. She knew if she let it fell off, she wouldn’t be able to stop. She felt like her face was burning. Her lips were even trembling. It felt like there was a lump lodged on ; it was suffocating.

“Nana…” he said, pulling her back to Earth. His voice sent shivers down her spine. She gritted her teeth, trying to get herself together, trying so hard to not to sob.

She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to respond Sehun’s sudden confession. She wasn’t prepared for this. She didn’t expect him to show up on her door at midnight and tell her a thing she didn’t even know whether she actually wanted to hear from him or not.

“Nana, say something,” Sehun demanded; he sounded nervous. From the corner of her eyes, Nana could see that Sehun was staring at her.

There are too many things that she wanted to say; she had too many questions that she didn’t know where to begin. She asked herself how everything got so complicated.

Another couple of minutes passed in total silent, as Nana was deciding on what to say and Sehun was bowing his head down, getting ready for the worst scenario. But the only thing that came out from was-

“Why now?”

Sehun shot his head up; his heart dropped because of the anger and sadness in her voice.

“Why now, Sehun? Why not years ago? Why now after everything that happened?” she asked again, looking at Sehun, now demanding for an answer. “Because now I’ve broken up with him, so you think that this is the chance for you?” she asked. It was one of the reasons of Sehun’s action that he didn’t really want to admit.

She had been waiting for this, whatever this is called, for too long until one day she stopped. Her brain was busy playing over everything that had happened for the past six years, and it was indeed overwhelming.

And now, it was Sehun who lost his words.

He came prepared. He prepared every single word to explain everything that he did. But now it was all gone. The hurt on her voice broke his heart and messed him up; he was even afraid to look back at her. For a second he thought that maybe he shouldn’t even done this. But he reassured himself that he had to do this.

“I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve lost you, and I don’t want it to happen again. I don’t want to make more mistakes,” he answered. “You’ve always been the only one that I want.”

Nana sighed, looking away. “Then why did you let me go? Why did you let me be with him?” she asked. All of the confusions that she had been feeling for the past few years were coming back to her.

Sehun didn’t answer. All he did was cursing himself on his mind. He had expected for this question. He swore to himself that this time, he was really going to do the things he was supposed to do a long time ago. But listening to her voice alone made him felt so guilty; he knew he was the cause of her anger.

“Do you know how much you’ve hurt me? God damn it, Sehun, look at me!” Nana snapped, looking at Sehun who was gluing his eyes to the ground. He sat straighter and pulled all of his courage to look back at her. “Do you understand about what the hell did you do? Do you know how hard it is to hide my feelings for you while being a relationship with someone?”

The tears were now rolling down her cheek, and Nana didn’t care anymore. The words were just coming out of unexpectedly, driven by her frustration of the guy sitting beside her. She couldn’t remember when exactly he started to be afraid and hesitate like this when they talk.

It was first grade of high school, the first time Nana and Sehun met. The only seat left on the bus that night was on the back, beside Nana’s seat. She was looking out the window and hummed to the song she was listening to, not realizing that the person beside her who just took the empty seat was studying her face, until he asked her, “Oh, you like this song too?” making her aware of his presence.

He often saw her on the school’s cafeteria before, and always thought that she was pretty. From the conversation on the bus that night, they found out that they lived in the same neighborhood. And somehow, they started to become friends. And then become best friends; the type of best friends that sticks together everytime.

“I’m sorry,” Sehun was supposed to begin to explain, but his words were stuck on his throat, unwilling to come out. He cursed himself over and over again.

“Is that all what you have? Do you just come here to tell me you’re sorry?” She stood up, suddenly feeling that the room was too hot. She walked across the room and started pacing; she could feel his eyes following her.

“I was falling in love hard with you,” she said. The beginning of her words already stabbed Sehun right on his chest. It hurt him more knowing that she actually liked him back. The thing that he wished he didn’t doubt about a few years ago.

“But then he came, and he was so nice to me, Sehun, he was suddenly always there. And you, for some reasons that only you know, started disappearing,” she stopped pacing and stood in front of him, frustratingly waving her hands. “I assumed that you liked me too, but you kept slipping away from me, making me think that you actually had no feelings for me. How do you think that made me feel?”

Sehun shook his head and stood up, feeling that he couldn’t just stay still any longer. “I never stopped caring about you. I never meant to stay away from you, or hurt you,” he said as he approached her, stopping when there’s just two feet left between them.

“How am I supposed to know about that? You never talked to me,” she sounded even more frustrated. “I had to lie and pretend for two years. I had to lie to myself. My whole life was a lie, it probably still is. Don’t you know how confused I am? Don’t you know how lost and how hurt I am?”

Somehow, everything that happened, happened.

They were best friends for years. They literally spent high school together, then Nana went to the college she was always dreaming of, and Sehun pursued his dream as an entertainer. Although they both were busy, they tried to always be there for each other; but they couldn’t deny that it was hard.

And then one day he came. He was the senior she usually asked about things in college, since he was the first senior she knew; he gave her and other freshman a tour around the first time Nana visited the college. Because of some activities at college, they became closer. They slowly became close friends. His name was Ricky.

Nana didn’t know why, but things suddenly became strange. Ricky clearly showed some signs of interest to Nana. He treated her differently; not as a junior, but as a friend, or more than that. Nana, having no experience with men, was totally feeling confused about how she should act. Besides, she already had a person she likes. There was