Standing at the corner of the street, strange yet familiar 

Even if I'm lost it's still clear

I will follow my heart, because you are my purpose

Just like the wind, following you everywhere you travel

"Xiumin, please.......I'm......"

"No." 

" I'm....sorry."

"......"

The words were lodged firmly in my throat as they refused to face the reality of the situation. 

"I--It's okay, Luhan. I want you to be happy."

Lies. Things were never going to be okay again. I need you like a heart needs a beat, but you're leaving, leaving me alone with a broken, unmoving heart. 

"I'm sorry, Baozi, but I just can't take it anymore....I love you and want to stay with you, but not when my health is declining every single day.....Don't you know that I will never abandon you. I will always be here for you.....Please, I'm begging, try to understand. " 

The words came between wracking sobs in a voice choked with raw pain. 
Head down, desperately blinking back the emotion that now clouded my vision, I stood facing you, who was now trembling before me with tears streaming down your face. My resolve shattered and like you, tears of the most bitter and salty kind stained my cheeks with the memento of grief. 

"It's okay, Luhan.....I.......understand." 

With salted cheeks and wounded lips, we said our goodbyes not only to each other but to the kisses, the hugs, the smiles, the love we shared together. For me that was the hardest moments of my life, for I knew that by leaving, my heart would also go with you because it beats for no one else in this world as strongly as it beats for you. 

Sticking closely to the wind, I'll follow the paths you take 

I believe love is in my hands Yeah 

It was official. "9:00AM KST, EXO Member Luhan Files Lawsuit to Leave K-Pop Group" was headline that shook the Korean entertainment industry. Already, you were gone, well beyond my reach. The dorm that morning was unnaturally quiet despite the presence of all 10 members, who like the millions of fans, were shaken to the core, not so much with shock as we had been expecting as much from the recent conditions, but rather from sorrow and grief. Sorrow and grief that we had lost another of our brothers. Sorrow and grief that we had let this happen a second time. Sorrow and grief as we blamed ourselves for Luhan's unhappiness. 

Like lifeless porcelain dolls, we stared into space as though a solution will appear out of thin air. How I wish. 

Crouching in the corner of the room, willing to let the shadows cast by the sun conceal me, I stared unthinkingly. I wasn't sad anymore. I wasn't upset anymore. Those feelings had long since disappeared into the bottom of my profusion of emotions, only to be replaced by an aching numbness. Heaviness weighed on my chest, as if my heart has been ripped from its cavity and replaced by solid stone, restricting my airways. Tears wouldn't come, even if I willed them. Like my emotions, they too had long disappeared and run out. Staring out of the window, I glared accusingly at the sun whose brightness I usually adored, now filling me with annoyance for shining so brilliant, as it mocked and made my desolate state all the more obvious. 

Time was irrelevant. It doesn't matter if I stayed there for 1 minute, for 1 hour or even for 1 day. I was trapped in the maze of my own....well nothingness. The world around me was a blur, I could feel, hear and see all the happenings, but none of it registered in my brain. Occasionally, an arm would wound its way around my shoulders and other times a voice would whisper soothing words, all of which I knew were attempts at comfort from my members, yet I couldn't appreciate them. I know this was selfish of me, but only the arms of one person could warm me, the voice of one person would soothe me and that person was gone, flying away from my life like a butterfly. 

A lot of time must have passed because the sky was bleeding red now, when the maknae of our group, Sehun, who was hit just as hard by Luhan's departure due to their close friendship and the naviety of his youth, approached me. Honestly, I didn't want anyone near me at the moment, but I didn't have the energy nor the heart to tell my younger to leave. I figured that if I just stayed silent and still, Sehun would soon or later leave me alone like the others, but minutes passed and the younger stood there, immobile, just in sight out of the corner of my eye. 

".....What are you doing, Sehun?" 

".......I know what you're feeling, Hyung. You don't have to suffer alone.........."

As still as a statue, I stayed.

"Hyung, let us......let me help you. We need to get through this together. "

A moment of silence passed, before I felt the warmth of another body pressed against my own. Sehun had settled down close next to me. I stiffened. A hand rubbed my back as a mother would to her child, softening the muscles, tense with nervousness.

"How ironic. I'm the eldest, who should be the strongest, the big brother, yet here I am, being comforted by the youngest. " I thought silently to myself. 

"Hyung, I know that as the oldest, you feel you have to carry the burdens and responsibilities alone, but you don't. If you would only let me share that burden with you...."

I swear that kid must be a psychic or a mind reader. 

Involuntarily, my body inched closer to the warmth radiating from the maknae's body. Only now did I realize how cold the evening had become, when the sun, which I begrudged this morning, fled in retreat to the west. I realized now there is some truth to the saying, "You only miss something when it is gone". I felt the gentle but reassuring weight of Sehun's head upon my shoulder and my lips couldn't help but curl up in a smile. As a sign of understanding and appreciation, I nuzzled my nose into Sehun's hair. We stayed in this position for some time until night descended, relishing in the companionship which has evaded me ever since Luhan left. Sehun's solicitude returned warmth, if only a little bit, to my heart.