Class was boring, as per usual.

The professor droned on and on in his monotone voice on a subject I was only mildly interested it. I really didn't want to be here right now, I had a test in another class to study for, but I hated the idea of skipping. I needed to take notes for it, anyway, but I was having issues concentrating on his words, so I was sure I missed some important things I was supposed to write down.

I sighed as I rested my face on my fist, accidentally letting my mind wonder. I glanced out the window and saw the leaves had started changing colors, and my mind drifted back to high school. To the first time I saw him. Or at least the first time I noticed him.

We had a class together, biology, and while he always sat in the front, I nestled myself in a corner seat by a window in the back of the room. I was never very good at any science class; my brain always turned to rubber in it, and any information that was in any way related to science just bounced off. To make it worse, I wasn't exactly the best student, either. He, on the other hand, was very studious, and liked the front. So we sat on opposite sides of the classroom.

The day I noticed him was during fall, it was our eleventh year, and it was after school had let out. I was walking through the front doors on my way home when I heard him call my name. I turned around, surprised and confused since I didn't know his voice, and honestly I didn't recognize him from class when my eyes found his face. When I turned, I realized one of my shoelaces was untied, so I bent down to tie it while he continued making his way to me. For some reason, I vividly remember the ground, a constellation of leaves that looked more like fire. When he reached me, he said, "Here, you forgot this in class earlier," and held out his hand. I stood up and saw he was holding out my phone to me, and I was surprised I hadn't noticed it'd been missing.

"Thank you," I said cheerily, grabbing it and glancing back up at him to give him a grateful smile.

I was struck. My heart faltered for a moment, like it had tripped over it's own feet, and I hesitated before pulling my hand back from his. I was surprised he was so good looking, and that I had never noticed him before because of it. My smile deteriorated a little from the shock of how attracted I was to him. It wasn't that I had never been attracted to a boy before, I had definitely had crushes. More than I'd care to count. It had just happened so suddenly this time.

I recovered myself after a second, pulling my hand back and shoving my phone in my bag. I mumbled another shy "thank you", which only made me embarrassed since I was definitely not a shy person, and I was scared the way I reacted would make my attraction to him obvious. If it had, he hadn't shown it, though. He just nodded, turned, and headed back to the school.

As I walked home that day, I wondered who he was, and hoped I would see him again. 

I was happy when I saw him in class the next day. I really wanted to go up and talk to him, see what he was like, but that paralyzing shyness crept back up and took control again, and I just couldn't. So I sat in my seat, stealing glances of the back of his head, feeling pathetic. What made it all so much worse was that I kept chickening out every day after that, and as time passed it became difficult just to even think about approaching him. I regretted not saying anything to him earlier, but there wasn't anything I could do about that by the time I realized it had been a mistake.

I sighed again, the familiar regret creeping back up again. After that day, my feelings only grew. I started finding out more about him because I started paying more attention and asking my friends questions. Unfortunately, while we did speak a couple of times after that day, it was usually just as classmates. I never got to know him personally, or confess my feelings for him, at least not properly. On the day of graduation, I made myself speak to him, congratulate him, and share a little bit of the truth, though I didn't mention any of the romantic feelings, I did tell him that I had admired and respected him. That was it, though, because after that we went to college; I stayed in South Korea, and he went to a school in the states. 

I was startled out of my thoughts by the sudden activity in the room; class had ended. I packed up my things, silently cursing myself for not taking notes during the latter half of class. What was the point of even going if I wasn't going to listen to the teacher? There was nothing I could do about it now, though, instead of worrying about it too much, I just headed to the library so I could get started on studying for my test, which I could do something about.

When I got to the library I took a seat at one of the big tables in the study group area, like I usually do, and pulled out my study material. I typically met up with friends to study or do homework so it just became a habit to sit here instead of the quiet area. Those areas were in more demand and I actually preferred a little background noise anyways so it all worked out well. This time, though, it was hard to focus on what was in front of me, as my mind continued to wonder back to high school, to the boy, to Xiumin.

Kim Min Seok.

I sighed again after about half an hour of struggling to take in the information in front of me. I leaned forward, laying my head on the desk, closing my eyes, breathing in and out. I needed to focus. The test wasn't until next week, but this was a course I was weak in, so I needed to take the extra time to make sure I got the information down. I managed to get my mind to go blank before I sat up and tried studying again. Thankfully, it worked.

I was able to study for another hour or so, focusing as much as I usually do, before I noticed someone had taken the seat across form me. This wasn't unusual, this area was set up with a bunch of tables instead of individual study nooks, so anyone that came to this are alone usually had to share a table with up to three other people. When I turned a page, though, I glanced up to look around the place, giving my brain a few seconds of respite and taking in my surroundings before diving back into the material, but as I my eyes landed on who was in front of me, I froze.

They must have been playing tricks on me.

It was probably just because I was thinking of him earlier that this guy reminded me so much of Xiumin, because it couldn't possibly be him. Xiumin was in the states, studying at a university there. He was not in South Korea, and he did not go to my school. This wasn't him. This couldn't be him.

But even knowing that, and even seeing all the physical changes, not the least of which was seeing him in something that wasn't the school uniform, I knew for certain it was Xiumin sitting in front of me. I stared at him for a moment, watching him work, on homework, I guess. I blinked my eyes, but he was still there.

I was surprised to find what I mostly felt was... surprise. I wasn't exactly over joyed to see him again, but it also wasn't like I was upset that he was right there in front of me. I guess I expected that if we ever ran into each other again, all the feelings would come rushing back even though I had gotten over my crush on him a while ago, especially because I still thought back on what we weren't with regret.

I was definitely still attracted to him. Most girls would be at this point, too. He had changed quite a bit since high school, more than enough to make a noticeable difference. He seemed to have left the last straggling bits of adolescent awkwardness behind, his hair had grown out some, and his body had changed too. He used to be... softer before, but now he was all hard lines. His chubby cheeks had shrunk, taking with them a lot of the endearing-ness his face used to have, instead making him look much more masculine. I couldn't necessarily say it made him look better, he was always really attractive to me and this new look was no exception, but it did make him look older, more his age than he ever had before. 

While I stared at him, I realized that it really had been over a year since I had seen him last. There was no telling who he was now, especially since he had spent at least some time in school in another country on the other side of the globe. Those little pieces I remember about him might not be much more than that; little pieces of him that only exist in memory. I didn't really know him then, and I don't know him at all now. I started thinking how stupid it was for me to have pined so much for him after we graduated. He's just a guy I used to have a crush on, and nothing ever came out of it, and I was just a classmate to him, one he might not even remember. There was nothing special about it.

He shifted in his seat and a spark of panic shot through me. I lowered my head quickly so my hair fell in front of my face and I shoved all my papers into my bag as quickly as I could, zipped it up, slung it over my should, and speed-walked out of the library. It wasn't until I breathed in the fresh air that my heart began to slow down from it's vicious pounding.

I don't know why I was so scared. Hadn't I just come to the conclusion that he was just some guy I used to like, nothing more? Why had I reacted like that? It didn't make any sense. I didn't like him anymore. I didn't even like the high school him anymore. I got over him. I moved on. So why was I so nervous? It's not like me.

I decided to go home. I had already gotten in a good amount of studying for the day, and it was getting close to time for dinner, anyways. As I made my way home, though, I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. What were the odds that we would actually bump into each other again? Especially like that, with him randomly sitting down at the same table in the library, where I go to school when last I had heard he was still in school over seas. I mean, it would make since that he came to this school if he really intended to start going to college in South Korea, it's one of the better schools in the country, which still makes it surprising that they let me in, but why would he come home? I had heard was always interested in America, and he was one of the most fluent in speaking English in my class, and being able to study overseas is a great opportunity. Why come back? It didn't make any since to me.

I sighed again, frustrated that I was thinking so much about something that shouldn't even be a big deal to me. We weren't close, we were never close. It's not my place to wonder about his private life, it didn't have to make any since to me. I had other things I needed to think about, anyway. Like how I had homework due tomorrow night that I could get started on tonight if I wanted. Or I could watch the next couple of episodes of that drama I started yesterday. See? So many important things to think about, I don't have any time to worry about Xiumin. Especially since the probability of us running into each other ever again was so low. I mean, it was low that we would run into each other after we graduated, the likelihood of us running into each other again was even lower. I had a friend who took a statistics course and I helped her with her homework and studying for her tests. I know about these things. I nodded my head, feeling resolute and reassured.

I wasn't going to worry about Xiumin anymore, because I wasn't going to be seeing him anymore, and that was all there was to it.