It was midnight in Gangnam and the place was still wide-awake. The night owls had risen from their afternoon-evening slumber to go out on a stroll, clubbing or go for a sip of coffee; and Lee Taemin was pretty much doing the same. He was carrying an unusual heavy feeling inside and thought he had to drink it off with a cup of iced green tea latte, as if the weather wasn’t cold enough. A growing anxiety was weighing him down slowly as the days gone by. This was prior to Son Naeun, the girl he loved the most, being gradually colder like the coming winter. He remembered how Naeun has changed during their last conversations weeks ago. How she grew bland. How her sweet words were replaced by piercing remarks. How she rejected his expressions of love more and more. Taemin felt less special towards her day by day; he felt pushed away. Not for long, she started fading until Taemin never heard a word from her. He doesn’t recall any recent conflicts with her either. This situation is taboo to him, knowing how much problems they’ve resolved together. These filled Taemin’s days with confusion. He kept trying to find out where he went wrong for Naeun to grow distant just like that. He kept trying to check up on her. He tried to contact her on how she was; he tried to find where she was every other day. He was dead worried. He wasn’t so used to spending his nights alone. Normally he would be cuddled beside her inside a blanket on cold nights like this or if not, they’d be draining their phones, talking to each other until the break of dawn. It was a nightly routine; there was no normal day wherein they wouldn’t talk to each other. Her absence puzzled him. He was stuck on her. It was puppy love.

            It was 2 am and Taemin was heading out of the coffee shop, as it was about to close. He zipped up his jacket to his collar, put on his trench coat and snuggled his hands in its pockets. He was headed back to his dorm in Apgujeong when he suddenly felt his phone vibrate (something that hasn’t happened in a while).  “Maybe it’s just Minho asking why I haven’t gone home with them tonight,” Taemin thought to himself. In his negativity, he hesitated to pick up his phone. He didn’t want to hope that the message alert was from her. Though he felt like this, he couldn’t just ignore the phone anymore. Chills ran down his spine as he pulled the phone out of his pocket, he was afraid of false hope.

            “Received at 2:34 am from Naeun-bb <3: Taemin meet me at the exit of Samseong station”

He didn’t get it. It was a message from Naeun after a few weeks of her being silent. Why didn’t he feel happy? Why didn’t blood rush to his cheeks? Why didn’t he palpitate? This isn’t normal. Though she asked him to meet up, Taemin knew it wasn’t going to be a happy meeting of reconciliation. He knew that she barely called him by his real name. He was used to hearing her sweetly calling him out “Oppa!” and he knew that she never texts so sternly straightforward. The message that he just received just fed his anxiety even more. As shallow as it may seem, he was fragile to these things. He worries and cares a little bit too much. Taemin texted back right away, hoping that her reply would change his negative speculations.

            “Sent on 2:36 : Baby, are you alright? Is there something wrong? I’m on my way, alright?  Hold on.”
           

            “Received at 2:40 am from Naeun-bb <3: Nothing. Just hurry.”
 

“This is gonna be rough....” Taemin said to himself as he ran towards their meeting place. He let all the vacant buses and taxis pass by. He didn’t care about his convenience anymore. He chose to run because he wanted to shake off the worries that were killing him from the inside. He wanted to know the answers to his questions; questions that he knew Naeun wouldn’t answer. He rushed himself.
            As he was approaching the exit of Samseong Station, he saw her standing by the lamppost. Her eyes weren’t the same eyes he loved. They weren’t the round eyes that give him comfort and joy; they were stern like an eagle’s. She didn’t wear his favorite smile but had an unusual smirk. He missed her so damn much; he was hurting though she looked totally fine. This was the time he knew that something had changed; that she really did change for her to just suddenly be distant. He walked slowly towards her, mustering up every ounce of courage, hoping that his emotions wouldn’t get in the way.

            “Son Naeun…bogoshipda (i missed you)” said Taemin as he forced a smile to express his longing for her.
            “Hi..” Naeun replied blankly.
            “I’m here no---“
            “I don’t want to hurt you any longer, Taemin”
            “What did I do this time?....” said Taemin.
            “It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything.” Naeun replied monotonously.

Taemin couldn’t read Naeun’s mind. On unfortunate moments like this, he knew exactly what she could be thinking but not this time. Naeun’s blank expression was very alien to Taemin. She was either very happy or very sad. But this, this was something very new. He felt her coldness. He felt like she didn’t want him close.
“Then what? Why are you saying this?” 
“Taemin, just……I can’t anymore. I don’t want this anymore,” replied Naeun.
“Dear, I’m---”
“Don’t. Just don’t. I’m sorry Taemin. I thank you for your love and care. I appreciate it....really. This…just isn’t healthy for us anymore.” Naeun replied, stiffly placing her hand on Taemin’s shoulder.  Her touch didn’t comfort him like it used to. Her touch felt cold, both literally and emotionally. Taemin dropped his head in disbelief. His pain felt like a knife twisting up his gut, squeezing out the tears from his eyes. He couldn’t believe that the girl he gave his life to, was slipping away just like that, not knowing how or why.
“Is there…anything I can do to fix it?...I’m not giving up on you just like this….” Taemin replied, face down, tears dropping on the pavement. Naeun lifted up his chin and wiped his tears.

“I want you to be happy okay?” Naeun said, smiling with but not her eyes.
“Son Naeun….I’m happy with you…” Taemin replied while reaching out to touch her face. She dodged his hand and backed away slowly.
“Lee Taemin….I shouldn’t be your happiness. Thank you for everything” Naeun said as she started to walk away.

 Taemin dropped on his knees, unable to control the tears from falling. He was falling apart because he knew he gave her his all. As he was about to break down even more, a little hope sparked up inside him. He heard his bestfriend’s voice in his head, saying “I’d rather bend than break”. Not wanting to give up, Taemin got up on his feet, and lifted up his head and ran after Naeun on the other end of the sidewalk. She was about to cross the road when he screamed “SON NAEUN! KAJIMA!”
 

She halted, but didn’t look back. Taemin ran as fast as he can to hug her from behind.
 

“I love you! I’m sorry I should’ve done better. I know I should’ve done better” Taemin said as he held her tightly while resting his face on her shoulder, drenching it with his warm tears.
“Taemin…please don’t make this harder for me...” replied Naeun as her eyes started to fill up.
“Please don’t go….” Taemin said as he held tightly on the lady that was dearest to him. Naeun tried to slip away from his embrace, so he decided to just let go because he still wanted to respect her.
“Goodbye, Lee Taemin….promise me you’ll take good care of yourself…” said Naeun. She proceeded to cross the road and head home without looking back, leaving Taemin standing still, under the glow of the lamppost. She left the young man without explanation. He was left alone with no one but his despair, unanswered questions and confusion to accompany him.