When a new light arises, the darkness will dissipate.

It has been two weeks since Jaejoong joined Shim Studios and he has improved greatly. CEO Shim decided to bring in another professional pianist and bought some braille music books for him. He started by learning all of the notes and where they were at, then associated them with the notes in the music. Now he is practicing every day with those books, making sure he can play as well as everyone. I admire his willingness and hard-working attitude. He has everything that I want and that makes me slightly envious of him.

I walk the cafeteria and hum my song learn it. I stop and talk to a few friends, joking about a few of the screw ups at the concerts from the set-up crew not being careful enough. Then I run into Jaejoong--or rather, he runs into me. "Hello there." I ruffle his hair, getting a punch the gut from him. "Ow, Jae."

He laughs at me and pushes my hand away. "Hi to you, too. Where are you headed?"

"I was going to eat lunch. I don't have practice until three. Would you care to join me?"

I can see him hesitate. "I actually just ate. Sorry." He shrugs and reaches for my shoulder to nudge it encouragingly. "Maybe next time."

I purse my lips and sigh. I start to think that there will be a small chance of 'next time.' I am not normally the optimistic person, which usually leads me to tell myself I will never achieve anything, no matter how easily. Then, something snaps inside of me. "Wait," I call out. He whips around, his eyes open and looking in my direction. He seems hopeful. "I'm going with you." Before he can ask what I mean, I run to buy myself some food and go back to him, grinning from ear-to-ear. "I'll eat while you practice."

I can tell that makes him happy. My heart thumps a little harder than before. I ignore it, though.

~~~

Watching Jaejoong practice is something else. I thought it would be boring and full of him not understanding how to read the sheet music easily, but I realize that I underestimated him and his abilities.

Every time he gets a note wrong he immediately tries again, pushing further and further to get to his goal. When his fingers slide a little too far down the keys he curses at himself and practices that part over and over so he cannot get it wrong the next time. If something sounds wrong to him, he checks the sheet music to check if he read it wrong, then he tries again, realizing that it was just him hitting the wrong keys. He is by far one of the hardest working people I have met.

When I finish eating I take a seat beside him on the bench. Instead of stiffening up like he does most other times, he slides over, giving me space. "I think it's time I take a break," he mumbles, closing his eyes.

"I agree. It's been about two hours since you started." I lean over and place my head on his shoulder. In the short time we have known each other, he has allowed me into his everyday life. I also realized recently that it would never have happened if I told him that I was the one that saved his life. His reaction to me that day was one I will not forget simply because he seemed so distraught and upset with my helping him. There is, however, a theory that I formulated in my head recently and I cannot stop myself from thinking or wondering about it.

"Jaejoong, I have a question," I whisper after a few minutes of silence.

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember the day you almost got hit by that truck?"

He inhales and exhales slowly. This is the first time either of us has mentioned it to the other and it is obvious that he realizes instantly I was the one that saved him. "Yes. Why?"

"I wanted to ask why you reacted the way you did. Most people would be grateful that someone saved their life. You weren't. Why was that?"

Gently, he scoots away from me, eventually standing up. "I need to go. I just remembered that I had lunch set up with Yoochun." He tries to head for the door, but I end up beating him to it.

"Jaejoong, I just want to know. Don't you trust me?"

"I do, but--"

"But what? We're friends. You can trust me, especially since I was the one who pulled you out of the way. I deserve an explanation."

"Because I don't want to seem weak!" he yells. I see a few tears roll down his cheeks and realize the mistake I have made. "Everyone always wants to help me, the poor blind guy. Life must be so hard, right? I can't do anything on my own. But they're wrong. I can do everything anybody else can and more! Nothing is stopping me, even my lack of eyesight. Want me to read a book? I'll finish it in one day. Want directions to the nearest restaurant? Okay, just follow these landmarks. I don't see what's so hard to understand about me being a grown man and knowing exactly what I'm doing! Maybe I was better off dead!"

He shoves past me and out the door, walking along the wall, feeling his way to the bathrooms. He goes in, leaving my eyesight. I stand there looking like an idiot. I must have sounded like a selfish bastard to him, not even considering that he might be able to do everything that I can, and maybe even a little better. Then it hits me: that is exactly what he is feeling. I close my eyes and take a step outside of my own body and try stepping into his shoes. I imagine having everyone trying to help me with everything. First I think it is nice, but then I realize that it gets annoying and frustrating. No one thinks I can dress myself or find my way around town. I open my eyes and punch the wall. No wonder Jaejoong reacted the way he did. He has had to deal with this stuff his whole life.

I go after him. I have to make this right.