A/N:

I’ll say this beforehand and I’ll say it again later. It is not all about the memories that one should invest his everything into because for sure, sooner or later, it will all fade away like a single drop of a color into the vast ocean. So guys, I hope that this story of mine at least reached you the way I wanted it to. If it left even a smallest impact to you, then I’m happy.

Title: Just a little bit longer with you

It’s not the memories that matter, but the feelings it left us.

The leaves started to fall cause of the early autumn. The trail was starting to get covered by the fallen leaves that vary from orange to golden brown…

.

.

.

Some says that it is out of selfishness that I chose Jongwoon over all the things that I could ever have, they said that I want all the best for myself. For some, it is because of greediness, whispering that I couldn’t afford to let other things go to make room for more and for me, I only let them think whatever they wanted to think about me, it’s okay as long as they leave Jongwoon alone then I’m fine with that. Only few people knew my real reason why I chose this path instead of the life that almost everybody dreamt of having.

I don’t care what they say, because unlike them, I fought hard to get to where I am now. And unlike them, I fought to follow the direction that I wanted. Maybe in the future, someone will appear that’s just like me; not contented on how things are. Maybe someday, when everyone is conscious enough to discover more things around them, then maybe, just perhaps, we’ll live in a world following our own decision.

But for now, it is just me and Jongwoon inside that kind of reality.

I smirked. If that is the arrangement, then I could settle with this for a while.

Kidding aside, I never saw Hyukjae after that, or Heechul. It’s like they disappeared out of nowhere, it’s like they never existed at all but they sure left me with an impression that they will always be around.

Watching every moves of every single person around the city.

“Hey, move faster.” I looked up at the smirking face of Jongwoon who is standing not too far away from me. “For someone who is more athletic than me, you sure move like a turtle.” He said before turning back without waiting for my reply. Jongwoon moved forward without looking back this time and I only watched him; waiting faithfully for him to turn his back one more time but he didn’t. He continued walking, leaving me in the process.

“But you love turtles.” I blurted out desperately. This past few days it seems like Jongwoon developed a new habit of always moving ahead of me. Never stopping. Never looking back.

But with what I’ve said, he ceased walking. Then the next thing I knew, his laugh reached me through the wind blowing from his direction. The knee-tall grasses sway back and forth in a way as if they were choosing between the two of us, the fragrant of the flowers swirled in the background and I can’t help but to feel nostalgic with the view in front of me. “I don’t love turtles.” He said before facing me wearing that beautiful smile I always love about him. “I love you, though.”

I felt my heart soar higher than those doves flying above our head. This is not the first time he said that to me, after what happened years ago, almost every day he would whisper to me how much he loves me. And when I asked him about that, he said that it was his self-made promised to himself to always tell me how he feels. “I love you, too.” I whispered before he could turn his back to me once again.

“I know.” Then he laughed once more. “Now, hurry up, we have to reach that tree before I lose my patience.” I picked up my pace as I tried to catch up with him and in no time, we both finally reached the tree we planned to visit last Saturday night but was unable to since the weather didn’t permit us.

We started preparing the tent as fast as we could before the sun sets so that we could enjoy watching it later without doing anything. After preparing everything, we both sat down under the lone tree in the middle of nowhere that could oversee the city below at the same time, the infinite sky that stretches above us.

The hike was tiresome but looking at the view in front of us now; I could say that it was all worth it.

 “I can’t remember my mother’s name anymore, Kyuhyun.” The silence was broke with a simple sentence from Jongwoon. “Or any of my relatives for that matter. I could only recall my brother’s name and I don’t know what I’ll do when the time comes that I cannot remember him anymore. Or even you.” Little by little, I felt my heart sink in melancholy. I reached for his hand without saying anything. We held each other for a whole minute; I couldn’t tell him that everything will be okay, because I’m not sure anymore. And so I let him spoke.

“I keep on trying but,” he trailed off. “I’m sorry Kyuhyun.”

“Ssshhh…” I shush him, pulled him closer with me before kissing the top of his head. “You don’t have to be sorry. You don’t need to.” I felt him tightened his grip on my hand. “We’re together.”

Experience made me better. Being okay is not the best thing for both of us anymore neither is being alive. Because all through those times, when I was still chasing the impossible to be with him, I realize that being with Jongwoon is all that I wanted. That is what I wanted even from the start.

Jongwoon nodded against my hold. “Yeah, we’re still together.”

It didn’t escape my ears his choice of words. I was about to scold him for that when he started speaking again. “Have I already told you how much I love you?”

I shut my eyes close at that. I could feel my heart waver upon hearing that. Call me bias or whatever, but whenever Jongwoon forgets about something regarding the two of us, I would get this painful squeeze in my heart; sometimes it is so strong that I have to turn away from him to avoid getting caught by him. It’s painful to know that he keeps on forgetting information bit by bit but it is more excruciating to know that I am no exemption to that.

I remember him saying that whenever he forgets about something, I should remind him so that he’ll know. “I can’t remember too, do you mind saying it to me once again?” I whispered to his ears.

Jongwoon laughed above the whistle of the wind and the rustling of the leaves around them. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re trying to outsmart me with something?”

“You know that I would always get the things that I wanted.” I said jokingly. You’re more than what I wanted.

He slapped my forearm teasingly before leaning his full weight on me; being comfortable on his position. “I love you.” The smile automatically crawls on my face but I tried to force it down by nodding. “And I love you more than anything in this lifetime. In another life, I don’t know what will happen that’s why I can’t assure you anything but for this one; I’m telling you, it is only you whom I will love.”

I placed my head on the crook of his neck with a smile still plastered on my face. I started playing with his hands while getting nostalgic at the same time since those were the very same words that he uttered the first time he told me that. I consulted it with the doctor once when I came with him to one of his check-ups. The doctor said that, the thing which really gives impact to the patient under that disease, whether they forgot about it or not, they’ll be able to say or note it the exact same way they did the first time around.

“Jongwoon?” I called though we were so close. When he acknowledged me with a smile I tightened my grip on him.

“Kyuhyun.” He said in reply. It has always been our little inside joke to call one another even if we’re just strand away from each other.

I chuckled a little bit. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“Of course.” He replied confidently as he stared at the now setting sun.

I looked up briefly at the scenery unfolding before us before looking down to stare at him. “And I will not get tired reminding you that.” Jongwoon only smiled at that but remained gazing forward; always forward.

Three years have passed since then. I never saw neither Hyukjae nor Heechul after that but I think it is for the best. Maybe, I am not yet ready to have a connection with the likes of them yet; maybe it’s time to move on.

But even with that said, I still can’t forget about the things that we’ve been through even after all the years passed by. They were still carved deeply in my head, like they all happened yesterday. Still fresh. Still alive. But aside from that, it is not just about the bitterness, because alongside with all of that I could remember clearly the very first night I met Jongwoon.

And the second time.

And the third, fourth, and every single memory I have with this guy in my arm at the moment. I have all of those with me until now and maybe up to my last breath. It’s sad though, because between the two of us, me and Jongwoon, only I could remember every single bit of it. Every single detail for Jongwoon already forgot most of it. But it’s okay, as long as one could remember then that’s fine, right?

And aside from that, it is not the memories which serves as proof that we’re alive, but rather the feelings it left us.

“Kyuhyun.” I heard him call once again. “You’ll still be there when I can’t remember you anymore, right?” He asked in his most quiet voice. “You’ll remind me, right?”

I chuckled half-heartedly as I distract him so that he wouldn’t look up at me. “Of course. I told you that already.” I tightly hugged him from my position; blinking once, twice, and thrice to keep the tears at bay. “You don’t have to have doubts about it.”

He slapped my forearm playfully once again. “I knew you’d always be there.” He mumbled lowly that I wasn’t even sure if those were the exact words that he said.

“What’s that?” I asked him.

“I said,” he sighed before continuing; voice louder than earlier. “Perhaps I’m not even scared at all that I’ll possibly forget about you sooner or later. Because I know that you’ll always be there. I know that you won’t ever leave me behind.” Then he smirked loudly and announced confidently, “you love me too much for you to do that.”

I laughed so hard easily. Really, only Jongwoon could make me like this.

“But maybe looking back once in a while isn’t so bad at all.” And before I knew it, a pair of lips touched mine and without wasting any seconds, I reciprocated back and just like the first time our lips met, I could now taste the sweet aroma of freedom and happiness together with the slight flavor of forever.

.

.

.

But before he knew it, the leaves of memory from where they are standing already runs out that only their feelings for each other was left for only one to reminisce.

.

.

.

And just like that, more years have passed.

“I wanted to ask you something.” Jongwoon said through his husky voice. He stared down at his feet and fiddled with his hand. He bit his lower lip as he avoided my gaze; a sign that he is embarrassed about something. “But I’m not sure because you might get offended.”

I released a soft chuckle. The wind blew past us so I fixed the quilt draped over his shoulder to save him from the coldness. The tall building of the institution looms from in front of us, hiding the setting sun from our view.

I know that I’ll get hurt when he started asking me his question. The pain, it will be excruciating but over the years that I’m with him, I’ve learned to accept it. I may have experienced pain and sadness in the course of our relationship but at least I get to know and be with him, and maybe that is already something. I’ve learned how to endure it and so I nodded. “It’s okay, ask me.”

Pain doesn’t always gives us bad memories, in fact it makes us stronger for the one we love and for that, I couldn’t ask for more.

Here it goes.

I leaned my back at the backrest of the bench we are occupying and stare ahead. Away from his eyes, away from his questioning gaze.

“You, you’ve been with me since earlier but I never get to ask you this question; you’re always doing things for me…”

I’ve always been with you since the very beginning, Jongwoon.

 “…but…who are you?”

A/N II:

Thank you all and that’s it, yeah! *hugs and kisses*