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‘Family was something that a lot of people have different thoughts  and opinion once hearing the word depending on their own experiences and their childhood. Some were thankfully lucky enough to be part of a family that was willing to support them throughout anything with loving and understanding parents. Some were privileged enough to be in a household where money wasn’t a problem and were born with a silver spoon in their mouth. Others are the opposite. Others don’t have a family and grew up with other kids who were on the same boat – their parents dead or gave them up. Some unluckily lived in a broken household, sometimes with only with a single parent or perhaps with both yet not even one were giving and caring; not taking the responsibility of their own actions.

The way a person grows up and how their personality is built, doesn’t have anything to do with their background, doesn’t have anything to do with the family they were part of; a factor that determines how a person grows up is the way they brought up themselves. Whether they remained miserable for the rest of their life, or they changed and became happier. In some cases it was the opposite, or perhaps they didn’t change at all – perhaps they didn’t want to change in the first place. And that’s okay.’

‘It’s okay…okay…it’s okay… No. No. No… it’s not okay.’

Jeonghan almost gagged when he read the written piece he had in front of him. Youth homelessness was a thing that happens, that is real and something that not a lot of people are wary about because it was such a hushed topic. So many people call those children who ran away from broken homes immature and childish but they didn’t understand just how much in pain they were in their family that they had to leave, had to get away even if there was no destination in mind in the first place.

Positivity made Jeonghan sick. Majority of the people who yelled out positive remarks are the privileged ones, are the ones that didn’t understand and only claimed to understand. However, there was such a huge difference between actually knowing what happens behind closed doors than assuming what does happen.

He stuck his hand out up in the air. His teacher gaped at him in surprise and even tripped over his words. “You have something to say Mr Yoon?” His teacher was getting old. His black hair was turning grey and Jeonghan could tell that he had coloured and covered his roots over and over again. Plus, his clothes smelt of mothballs mixed with caffeine which he always found him drinking.

Jeonghan ignored the confused gazes that the class gave him. They all turned to their seat and stared at the back right hand corner where they usually pretend never existed. Jeonghan noticed that Mingyu was the only one who had his head facing the front. Jeonghan smirked, he knew that the male was still going to listen closely to what he was about to say even if he acted like he wasn’t paying attention.

“I just wanted a pass to go to the toilet.” Jeonghan said, already standing up.

The disappointment was obvious in the teacher’s face and his classmates all rolled their eyes at him and turned back around. They were blaming him for not attending to their wants, which was some sort of hilarity. What were they waiting for? For him to mess up and make a fool out of himself so that they can have a laugh? What was he? Some type of circus mascot?

‘No, thank you.’

Jeonghan’s mother wasn’t home when he woke up. He felt dumb to think that somehow this time his mum would stay, even if it was just for another day. But of course that was near impossible. He just felt foolish to actually have hope; to think that last night it may be a start of something new, even something small.

His phone buzzed in his front pocket of his school’s trouser. Jeonghan looked around the toilet for some paper towel to wipe his hands dry before taking out his phone. The only people that contact him through his phone was his psychologist, Seungcheol or his mum and sometimes even the principal. He grinned to himself when Jisoo’s name popped up on the screen. The boy always found a way to make him feel a little better.

He didn’t hate Jisoo at first, he was always interesting in Jeonghan’s eye. He had a great singing voice and was confident in his own unique way but also annoying. Really annoying.

‘You doing anything afterschool?’ Jisoo texted.

Jeonghan checked the time, it was still class time. He wondered if Jisoo had a free session. He knew that some seniors had it. He does and all he really does to past time was to continue painting in the arts room. As if that was anything new.

‘No. Don’t have work ‘til next week.’

He saw the little icon to show that Jisoo was typing. Jeonghan stared at his phone until Jisoo’s reply popped up. He didn’t even bother to look up as he opened the door and headed back to his classroom. He’s been gone for over ten minutes and majority of that time was to just stare at his reflection in the mirror. He wondered if he gained weight. His cheeks looked a little fuller and he was looking a little healthier. Jeonghan has been taking some vitamins that were prescribed to him. He didn’t think that it would do any changes. Many he was just being delusional.

‘Didn’t think you’d reply. texting in class as well? what a rebel you are mister yoon.’

Jeonghan snorted. Jisoo had always been so corny.

•♫♪♫♪•♪♫♪♫•

“He seems to have built a liking for you, Miko.” Jeonghan uttered when Miko came to the table that they were sitting in. The older girl laughed as she set down their ordered drinks and ruffled Jisoo’s bangs. Jisoo smiled fondly, not bothering to correct Jeonghan’s sentence. Jeonghan reached for his drink, wondering if Jisoo really did have a crush on Miko or if it was just a random banter between the two of them. He couldn’t tell.

Jisoo picked Jeonghan up from his last class. The two have been texting back and forth, mainly only Jisoo texting him something random and Jeonghan reading it while rolling his eyes. Jisoo knew that deep down, Jeonghan enjoyed the random texts, sometimes puns and majority screen-shotted memes he sent. He wondered what the latter’s classmate thought when they saw Jeonghan on the phone with someone.

The two gathered a handful of pair of eyes when they walked next to one another after school. Jeonghan was walking with his head down on the floor and his hair shielding his face, but he nudged Jisoo back slightly when Jisoo nudged him to check if he was okay. Jisoo felt proud, at least Jeonghan didn’t feel ashamed with walking next to him. It made him smile a little, feeling much more of an appreciated friend rather than a strange company.

“Surprising huh?” Jisoo joked around, twirling his straw in his hands. “Who would’ve thought that the place I wanted to hang out was in this café.”

Jeonghan didn’t bother to answer, knowing that Jisoo was only trying to annoy him. He tried to not show any nuisance in his face but he failed. Jisoo giggled, pleased at his reaction.

“No but honestly,” Jisoo’s voice changed. It was calming and soft. It was the same voice Jeonghan heard ringing in his ear whenever he soothed him. It was so comforting and addicting. Jeonghan wanted to hear more. Heck, he wanted Jisoo to sing if he could. Perhaps sing him a lullaby so he can drift off to a comfortable sleep. Without a doubt Jisoo’s voice would make him at ease at night.

“I like this place. It feels homey. Even the way to get here feels, I don’t know, comfortable and safe? Its very neighbourhood like, kind of like a small community.” Jisoo grinned to himself. His eyes remained watching his drink swirl around as he turned his wrist to make a mini whirlpool with the straw.

“You said that before.” Jeonghan reminded him.

He felt the cup cooled down from the last time he touched it. He waited till his coffee was at least warm. He couldn’t understand how others could take a sip of their burning coffee. Were their tongue made of steel? Or was he just weak?

Jisoo nodded, remembering. “Still. I just can’t get enough of it. Are your neighbours nice though?”

Jeonghan shrugged. The last time he saw his neighbours was when he was five and he accidentally chucked his ball over to their backyard. His mum forced him to go ask for it back since she didn’t want to buy him another one. He remembered his little five year old self crying on their porch while holding his mother’s hands when the neighbours opened their door. He was so petrified of strangers back then. No changed seemed to be obvious up until his eighteen year old self.

“So I’m going to get my P plates soon.” Jisoo said, changing the subject. His eyes shined the way it usually does whenever he was excited.

Jeonghan gnawed his lip. He didn’t understand how Jisoo did it, how he could get so happy over the smallest things and how he could be so bright even after all the lack of attention, reply and half-assed answers he gave him. It angered Jeonghan that Jisoo let himself be pushed around so easily.

“The problem is, my family always takes their car since their work is always out of the city. So there’s really no point in me getting a license when I have no car to drive.” Jisoo chortled, laughing at his own self. “Oh well, at least that’s one skill sorted. If you ever need a ride back home when you’re drunk just give me a call, lost or don’t have enough money to take the bus, I got you. Only thing is, you gotta have a car with you.”

“Idiot.” Jeonghan grumbled. “If you didn’t have a car in the first place how are you supposed to get to the place where I am?”

Jisoo stuck out his bottom lip and pondered. “Uh…cab?”

Jeonghan heaved a sigh and Jisoo started laughing out loud.

Before Jeonghan left to go home in the previous day, Miko told him something that he couldn’t stop thinking about no matter how much he tried. He found himself recalling the memory during his walk home, even before he went to bed when he decided that thinking about something else was better than remembering the numerous tears he had shed a few hours before sleep and Jeonghan even woke up wondering that perhaps Miko was trying to tell him something. Of course that thought went away when he realise that the house was too quiet. Like the usual. He ended up just rolling off the bed and tried to not be bothered by the fact that he was greatly disappointed.

“You sure you guys aren’t…friends?” Miko asked him, not bothering to mention who she was talking about. She moved to the table which he was wiping. Even after his shift ended he decided to stay back yesterday, even if it was only for at least ten minutes or so. Besides, it wasn’t like Kei was going to offer a helping hand. Also, he owed Miko when he found out she had given Jisoo a free drink. It was the least he could do.

She looked up at him, arching a brow. Her eyes repeated her question and he responded with a nod. He was sure. Jisoo wasn’t his friend. They were simply just two guys who happen to bump into each other, talk to each other when they could and greet each other with a shared nod. Friends are what Wonwoo and Mingyu were – inseparable. They were always hanging out together, during and outside of school. Laughing and sharing jokes. It was almost sickening in Jeonghan’s eyes. How annoying would it be to be with someone day and night, seeing each other every single day? How could they have so many things to talk about, how could they create new jokes when all the two of them do was talk to each other. It was insane to think about; to have different topic daily, a different thing to chuckle at every single day. Highly impossible.

Besides, Jeonghan didn’t like labels. He didn’t like calling someone a friend, a lover, a parent, or anything because labels can change easily. One can easily become your ex – ex-friend, ex-lover, ex-wife, ex-husband, ex anything. What was the use of labelling someone as something when you don’t know how long you’ll last? What was the point of it all?

Jeonghan gripped tightly onto the cloth in his hands, “I don’t like calling people as my friends.” Miko looked at him differently this time. The way his comment came out was not like how he usually talked. Anger and pure hate covered his words and was spatted without any second thought. It was no wonder she gaped at him with large eyes. Jeonghan hauled a deep breath. There was really no use in trying to cover what he really felt. Anyway, he had already started. Why not just end it?

“They all turn away, they all change and leave you. And then what, what are they to you now? A stranger? Just like the first time the two of you meet; a stranger but this time with shared memories.” He scoffed disgustedly. “Tragic.”

He was expecting Miko to end the conversation, or to at least be unsure of what to say or to do. He was expecting her to turn away when their eyes met. But she didn’t. Her glint changed as he spoke. As though she could see right through him. She was smiling deep down and normally he would’ve felt that sudden burst of irritation because she was making fun of him, he could tell and she wasn’t hiding the fact. Jeonghan was too shocked to react.

Her short hair escaped from her cap. She tucked it behind her ear and tilted her head.