M

ichelle Yang was hard to tame. She was the rebellious daughter who sought her parents' attention. Liling was the obedient daughter everyone wished to have. And Luhan was the fun-loving yet responsible filial son. Even with the stark differences in their personalities, they were the closest of friends. They were literally inseparable. However, things begin to change when Luhan claims to have developed feelings for Liling, calling her the ideal girl to marry. Michelle, who's always been in love with Luhan, tries to change her ways to show him that she too could be the perfect wife.

› Title [ 5/10 ] It's long. That's honestly the first thing I noticed. Your title is a bit of a mouthful and it wasn't too intruiging. It also sounds a little light hearted and like a fluff story which is the exact opposite of what your story is.

› Foreword and Description [ 6/10 ] Your description is spot on. I loved it and it definitely pulled me in as a reader. Where you lost points was your foreword. I'm all for excerpts of the story and that's usually what I'm looking for. But here, you just threw the reader into the middle of a huge plot point. Mostly, I was confused while reading it more than interested. It was also quite long for an excerpt. Try something shorter. Maybe a passage that introduces a character or hints at a major point in the plot.

› Plot [ 15/20 ] I know you address that your plot is cliché, but that doesn't magically fix it. That