R: ror169
~Summer Breeze Multi Shop~ | closed | finishing requests |M
inah was entirely single for twenty one years and it wasn't a problem to her. Not when suddenly her father arranged a marriage. With a guy two years younger. The reason was to have someone being with her in order to fill up her father's role, who appeared to be the only relative of Minah's. It wasn't something Minah could oppose of. It was her weak father's last wish, afterall. But there's no smoke without fire. What was really behind the scenes.
› Title [ 10/10 ] I can't say I've ever seen a title like this and I find it interesting. It was intruiging especially after reading your foreword and description. It made me wonder how the title would tie in to the story itself.
› Foreword and Description [ 6/10 ] Your description, although a little short, is not bad. It gives the reader an idea of what the story is and your little character profiles give glimpses into conflicts of the story. I will say, though, that I'm still not a fan of character profiles. Introduce them and their connections through the story. If it's really integral that the reader know parts before they start, tie it into the description. Your foreword is where you lost most of your points. It doesn't really entice the reader or give me anything beyond the description to pull me in. Give a little excerpt from the story or something similar to give the reader an idea of what they're getting into. Convince the reader that your story is worth their time. Another side note is when you put "who appeared to be the only relative of Minah's" it's a little confusing. Is he not actually her last relative? That's something I would omit.
› Plot [ 15/20 ] Your plot is not necessarially original and that's where most of your points were docked. There's plenty of stories on this site and others about arranged marriages that neither party are interested in with lovers on the side that complicate things. So far, you haven't really done anything to make your story stand out or be different from all the others. While there's nothing wrong with having
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