Missed Opportunity

My life is mundane.

My world is just shades of black and white, like I am living in an old black and white movie. Everyone around me is bright and colorful, while my world is black and white.

I wake up, get ready for school, attend class, leave school and come to this cafe.

I sit there in the same cafe I always am at. I sit there in the same seat with my same Cafe Mocha everyday with a shot of espresso, and whipped cream. I sit there in that seat in the corner of the cafe next to the window. I sit there some days are to study, other days I just enjoy the atmosphere in the quaint cafe.

I see people come and go in this cafe. I have see people come together, I see people break apart.

I see myself in the same position every day.

The same routine everyday.  

Every day in the same seat; with the same drink, at the same time. Everything is always the same. Same is good to me, routines make me feel safe.

Yet, I hate how I like the same routine.

I despise myself for not being able to take chances. I despise myself since taking a chance scares me.

The thoughts consume my mind and I feel like the walls consume me when I think of taking a chance. The thoughts eat away at my soul.

My one in a million shots, my fateful encounters, my missed chances,

my missed opportunities.

On the flip side there are the other thoughts that drown me. The ones about failure, where I am a failure. I am a disappointment to this world. I fail to be a good child in my parent's eyes. I fail to be someone who society will appreciate.

That is why I stick to routines, because routines are safe, they make me feel safe, and everyone follows routines everyday. We go into a thought of we must always keep up with the latest trends. Routines of getting the top scores. Routines of the thought of making the most money. The routines that we put our right shoe one first then our left shoe. Routines of following the same procedure of cooking, of solving a math problem, building a business.

Risks are not an option in today's society.

~

School ended later than usual, but that does not phase me. I walk to that same comforting cafe and pause right before I enter.

I see someone sitting in that same place I sit. He sits as he is animatedly talking to someone on the phone as he looks at his computer now and then, occasionally typing a couple of sentences.

I freeze, do I run?  Do I hide? Do I tell him that's my spot although, I have no jurisdiction over that?

The human looks up from his computer and looks directly at me.

Oh my.

My breath hitches in my throat before it completely leaves within me; I am speechless.

I feel time stop for a bit looking at this, person.

He is the epitome of perfection in a human being.

How, how can there be someone be as perfect as him existing in this world?

His smile, his smile is so genuine, and real. It is so rare to find those genuine smiles in this day and age. It is like finding that four-leaved clover in the field of the three-leaved clovers. He gives off that innocence type of feeling; that naivety that is rare. Someone who still sees the world as a good place instead of place of corruption, a place where everything is built on lies and bribery.

His laugh, his laugh is beautiful.

It is like a million angels singing at once as it serenades me into a bliss.

A pool of happiness.

My heart flutters at the thought, the butterflies start flying in my stomach.

His smile is like sunshine on a warm sunny day; when the clouds are white and fluffy, the sky is blue, and there is a slight breeze in the air. His smile feels like a day, when you stare up at the sky, you feel your insides filled with warmth and bliss.

I see the world getting brighter and brighter with his smile lighting up this dark world of mine. The dark world of thoughts and disappointment.

We stare in each others eyes for what seems like forever, eternity; an everlasting dream that I never want to end. His eyes, his eyes are warm, and bright, and filled with life.

I am the first one to break eye contact.

His perfection is overwhelming.

Is this what movies say about love at first sight?

The world fades out as I only see him, and no one else. That feeling where, everything starts to seem so, so unimportant to the world as it seems like you and the person you see can conquer the world together, hand in hand.

He looks up at me again, and he smiles.

I freeze and I feel like I cannot move. My body is paralyzed staring at him. I have not been able to look away since our first eye contact, and now we’re staring in each other’s eyes. This time his eyes curious. Curious to who I am. Curious to my story. Curious to my thoughts. Curious to my soul.

Can someone make feel like this just by a first glance? I feel like there’s all those butterflies in my stomach, my heart is beating fast like a rabbit’s heart.

Someone bumps into me and slowly I feel myself reacting normally like a human being. I go up and order the same drink I always get, and I take a seat, not next to him.

No, I could never.

I take my seat away from him, a safe spot, a safe spot where I can look at him safely. Admire this perfection. Admire the fact, that he is a complete stranger and I am completely taken by him.

I pull out my books and other school supplies and start doing my homework.

As time passes on, I always look up at him and see him furiously typing away at his computer, it looks he’s trying to finish a paper or something.

Maybe he’s on Facebook writing a long message to someone. Or not, he has a couple of books in front of him, a pencil and paper.

He’s most likely studying rather than the latter.

Good, that means he will stay here for a while.

I see him answer his phone after what seems to be an hour or two, and his eyes are panicking. I see him quickly gather his stuff and shove it in his bag.

No.

No.

No.

He can't leave yet.

I see him sling his strap over his shoulder as he quickly leaves the cafe. He looks back at the cafe, straight at me, giving me a little wave before he breaks into a sprint.

No.

No.

No.

He just left, and the odds of seeing him again are gone.

He will never know my thoughts, he will never know my story, he will never know who I am. I will just become that memory in the back of his head, that he will occasionally remember as his,

one in a million shot, his fateful encounter, his missed chance,

His missed opportunity.

~End~

07/05/15: current word count : 1235 . I still want a chapter image for this ... I need to find the perfect one .