Suffocated
It hurtsMir walked around the corner. They had just finished their stage turn when GO walked away from them and Seungho immediately traced after and Mir followed suit after giving back the microphone in his hands to the backstage crew.
He looked around the quiet hallway, looking for his two hyungs but none of them were in sight. He kept walking in a random direction when he stopped for a while for a breather. He didn't know why, but these days, he felt like he was having a difficulty in breathing. He was tired all the time and it was as if no matter how deep he inhaled, he couldn't get enough oxygen into his system. It was like him having an asthma. Suffocating slowly.
Or maybe it was because of his exhausted mind? Because he was psychologically unstable and it slowly manifested into physical pain. Was he losing his strength already... Mir shook his head. No! He needed to be strong for both Seungho and GO. He must be strong.
Mir tilted his head when he heard sounds of soft sobbing not that far from where he was standing. Following that sound, he almost rounded a corner where he saw GO was sitting on the bench along the hallway with Seungho standing in front of the main vocalist.
GO's face was buried into Seungho's stomach and his hands clinging on Seungho's side while Seungho kept giving the slightly younger man comforting pat on the back. Mir saw GO's frame was shaking as the man was crying into Seungho's shirt.
Mir frowned and stepped back, hiding behind the wall instinctively. He clutched on his shirt on the chest area, gasping a bit for air. He felt suffocated again. As if there was invisible large rock sitting on his chest.
"Don't you think we should tell Cheolyong?" Seungho asked.
GO shook his head before pulling away. "He's going to be more worried. This stupid vocal nodes will disappear eventually. I'll keep taking the meds."
"He always worried for us, Byunghee. It will be unfair to hide it from him. Plus, he need to know the reason our promotion period getting shorten." GO looked away. "You said it yourself this isn't a big issue." Seungho reasoned. He thought there was no need to keep this from Mir. At this point, there was no secret anymore between them, well except from Mir. Mir was hiding something though he couldn't really call that a secret since he knew all well.
"I did." GO mumbled.
"Even the doctor said it isn't a big problem." Seungho added and GO nodded. "You'll tell him, right?" Again, GO nodded.
"I hurt him a lot." GO muttered. "Our maknae. I hurt him a lot. I just want to protect him but I end up hurting him. He's changing."
"We both do." Seungho sighed and sat next to GO. "He keep trying to look strong for us. Letting us use him until he is at the brink of breaking down."
GO looked up to Seungho in surprised. "You notice that too?" He asked in between his small sobs.
Seungho nodded. Sad smile on his lips. "He's falling. Slowly and quietly."
Mir his heels and broke into a run. His legs took him far from where his two hyungs were. His fingers clutched tighter on his shirt. They knew. They knew! Panic was hammering his being, rushed into his vein, minggling with his blood. They knew!
Mir stopped and leaned on the wall as he gasped for air. He was drowning. He was slowly and quietly drowning. But, they knew. They always knew! Why was he such a failure? He couldn't even hide his own misery. How could he fix his two hyungs if he couldn't even do such a simple thing? He was a failure!
Mir kept blaming himself. He was supposed to be the strong one. He was supposed to protect his two hyungs. He was supposed to be strong so his two hyungs could lean on him. But the reality is different. He was weak. He was helpless.
"My son is a strong boy." The voice echoed in his mind.
"Appa... I'm not strong enough..." He writhed in unbearable pain. The memories of his father smiling at him played in front of his eyes. He was weak... "Your son is not strong." He wheezed. He was weak... He was weak...
Mir felt his heart was beating frantically against the ribcage. His head felt dizzy and he felt the ground under his feet was moving around. He was drowning...
○○○○○
Sanghyun exhaled a long breath as he stepped into the building. He came here to visit his sister again and he did hear about MBLAQ having to perform right here too. Guess he needed to be extra careful so he wouldn't ran into any of the three. But did he really need to?
It wasn't like the building was MBLAQ's. He had just as much right to be here. Why the hell would he be the one sneaking around like a thief? If Mir or Seungho or even GO didn't want to see him, well, too bad, they just have to it up. And if they hated him that much, then he would gave as much hatred to them.
He kept telling himself that though deep in his heart, he knew that knowing MBLAQ was here, he could have just told his sister that he couldn't come, they live in the same house after all and could meet at anytime, but he still came anyhow. He still came because a small part of his heart wanted to come. Wanted to... He didn't really sure of what he wanted to. To meet the three members of MBLAQ? But, they didn't even want to see him... And last time they did the three had outright ignored his existence. That night. That night at the function was the longest night he had ever felt. And why the heck would he still wanted to meet them knowing he would still get the same hateful treatment? He didn't know. Sanghyun exhaled. It's useless to keep thinking this. He was just stressing himself out.
Just as he was finishing his train of thoughts, he saw a very familiar figure with back on him standing in the middle of the hallway. It was Mir, no doubt. Mir was leaning on the wall, doing... Hell if he knew.
Sanghyun just decided to walk past the younger as if he didn't see the younger there. If Mir wanted to treat him like stranger, then so be it. They were strangers!
However, just as he was a few steps away from walking past the MBLAQ maknae, he heard that. Mir's heavy and shaky breathing. The maknae sounded almost like he couldn't breath. Later, he saw how Mir was wavering and slumped against the wall and the rapper slid down onto the floor weakly like a fallen dried autumn leaf that would fall apart once he touched the ground.
Forgetting all the hatred and anger in his mind, Sanghyun rushed to the collapsing figure and immediately caught the smaller boy before his back could hit the floor.
"Cheolyongie?" He called, voice heavy with worries as he pulled Mir closer until the rapper's back was against his chest. He saw how unfocused Mir's eyes look and slowly, those soft brown orbs were finally hidden behind the closed eyelids. "Cheolyong!" He shook the limp body but there was not a single response came from the younger.
Sanghyun looked around. No one was here. He couldn't think. He didn't know what he was supposed to do. His mind was purely blank. All the common senses he had learned throughout his life apparently chose to leave him right at the moment when he needed them most. Cursing under his breath, he bent down and carried the smaller man into his arms and made his way towards a direction. The only place he could think of. With Mir was as pale as death in his hold, his steps became faster.
○○○○○
GO sat on the couch as he kept tapping his fingers on his knees. He and Seungho had already back in the dorm. Without Mir. Kyungho too was in frenzy at Mir's dissappearance. Mir's wallet and phone was with him since the maknae handed them over to the manager when MBLAQ started their stage rehearsal.
"Should we report it?" GO asked anxiously. They had spent three full hours searching the maknae around the building but there was no sign of Mir when Kyungho decided Seungho and GO needed to get back to the dorm, especially GO, when the main vocalist seemed was starting to freak out a bit. Good thing Seungho was there for GO.
Seungho reached for GO's hand, succeeding in stopping GO from his anxious squirming. "We can't. It's not even twenty four hour yet and we can't draw attention." He reasoned.
Kyungho nodded. "Seungho is right. I'll try to contact his other friends in case they know something." Kyungho decided. "You two just wait here okay? Don't worry too much and just trust me." The manager said and went off.
"He's an adult. I'm sure he will be just fine." Seungho tried to calm GO down even when he, himself was worrying sick over the maknae. It was already not an unknown issue between them. Mir was on the verge of breaking down. And him went missing was probably... Oh no... He didn't even want to think about it. Please... Let him be wrong.
sorry for late update. Been busy doing.... ah well... cooking (>///<)
But, it's not that you guys been waiting everyday right since even I notice this fic getting boring but since I already promise some of you to try to finish this, well... I'll just keep trying
my food taste weird (T^T)
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