“Shin… Are you okay?” She tapped me on the shoulder. She had that concerned look in her eye but I’m pretty sure that she’s very oblivious to what’s really going on in my mind.

"Mi...Ka...? Why?" I stuttered. MiKa was my first love. She left me for no reason four years ago. How can hyung do this to me? I mean, I’m really looking up to him. He was the first friend I had. I trusted him. He can’t really be doing this to me, right?

"Shin, it's fine. Besides, MiNyu is already by your side." Mom smiled reassuringly. How can they do this to me? I stood there, still frozen from the shocking news. What should I do now? What should I think about now?

At that thought, more questions popped into my head. Could it be possible that MiKa left me for my hyung? No. Hyung couldn't do this to me - he can't. We treasure each other too much to be doing something so low like this. I mean, he was the perfect brother anyone can have! Or at least so I thought.

"Shall we eat now?" Mom tugged at my sweater, her pleading eyes pulling me back to the reality I was starting to leave.

I reluctantly followed her to the dining room where I can smell delicious meat being cooked. I wanted to feel happy. I wanted to at least smile in front of my family. But what’s happening right now is making me think again. I mean, can I really be happy when things are like this? When the person I trusted the most had been backstabbing me all this while? When the most important member of my family had been supporting something so... indecent, something so immoral?

"Where's hyung?" I asked as I sat down the dining table. My eyes darted from one wall to another, searching for any changes in the kitchen but I found none. How can mom stay in a place like this for years? Not that I hate it. But I find things get boring when you see the same things for so long.

"He's cleaning the backyard with your Appa." She served me samgyupsal. "Shall I call them and announce that you have arrived?" She smiled as she sat in front of me. I haven’t taken a good look at my mother since I came home. I must’ve been so distracted by the earlier events that I failed to notice that my mother’s age is starting to take its toll on her face. Wrinkles have accumulated around her eyes and on her forehead. But that didn’t stop her from giving that warm smile. The smile that would make me feel safe even if there was a war going on. A smile that would make me feel happy even if I was falling apart… just like right now.

"No thanks, mom. I'll go later." I smiled as I started eating my mom’s cooking. “I missed you cooking, mom.”

“You should come home more often, then.” She chuckled, preparing her own food.

“You know how our schedules go…” I sighed. “We can’t even come home on holidays…” I shook my head.

“Aigoo. My poor baby.” She cooed and ruffled my hair.

“Mom, I’m not a kid anymore…” I whined.

“You will always be my baby Shinwoo, though.”

"Ah, right.” I clucked my tongue. “I brought you something…” I started to stand up.

“Give it to me later. You know I don’t like it when you stand up during a meal.”

“Aigoo.” I smiled to myself. She hasn’t changed at all.

A few minutes after chatting with Mom, I decided to have a rest and go to my room.

"Don't forget to change the sheets, Shinwoo-ah. I haven't changed that since last month." Mom called after me as I ascended the stairs.

"Okay, I'll be down when I finally get some rest." I shouted from the middle of the staircase.

Nothing had changed in my room. I missed this place. A lot of memories are made in here. I sat on my bed, taking in the view of my room. This place is actually more comfortable than the dorms. As huge as ANJELL's house is, I would honestly won't trade it for the comfort this room gives me.

I changed into more comfortable clothes and started changing my bedsheets. If only MiNam was here, then she could've helped me in cleaning the place. I sighed. She can't leave my mind. I really think I'm going crazy.

"Shin?" Mom's voice cut through my thoughts. "Your hyung's here!" She called from outside the room.

I froze, took a deep breath and responded, trying to sound as natural as I can. "I'll be over in a few moments. I just have to finish cleaning my room." I replied. Few moments, tch. Can I not come and see him at all? I scoffed. Well, that was very bad of me, I'm sorry.

I pulled my pillow to remove the case and replace it. Something had fallen from inside the case. I picked it up and tears automatically welled up as I saw the picture.

It was my 17th birthday. I spent it with MiKa at the amusement park. It was a few weeks before I went to Seoul for my audition. I closed my eyes to keep the tears from falling but I only saw every detail of the past more clearly.

"Shin~!" I heard MiKa's sweet voice call me. I spun around and was shocked as she reached up and pulled me close. She kissed me. Though we have been going out for more than a year, this kiss was different from all the others. It was my first kiss on the lips.

MiKa pulled away and smiled at me. I was too shocked, I couldn't even move. "Yah. If you continue to be like that, we wouldn't enjoy the rides here." She giggled. Still, I stared at her, not knowing what to really do.

That was the best birthday I had so far. It was one of the unforgetteble moments in my life.

I heard a knock on my door. That was enough to bring me back to reality. MiKa has a daughter now. She couldn't be mine anymore. Hyung has her already. I thought bitterly.

The door opened and I saw my big brother coming in."Yah. Shin. Aren't you planning to meet with us downstairs?" Hyung smiled at me. 

Can I not? I'm having a moment here. I held back my tongue as the sarcastic retort came in my mind. I just gave him a small nod and continued cleaning my room. I placed the picture on my study table decided not to look at it anymore. Well, at least not tonight.