“I’m not telling you to give your feelings all at once. If you think you could give even a little bit of your heart, that’s the beginning. I’ve already begun. I’ll leave first. If you think you can begin to have feelings for me, come with me. I’ll wait for you.” I sighed. I knew she wasn’t really willing to come with me. I had to give her the space she needs. If there’s something I don’t want her to feel, that’s pressure.

“I knew she wouldn’t come. But since I told her that I’ve already begun to have feelings for her, that’s enough.” I gazed at the empty seat beside me. Her leaving me like this is like her leaving half of my heart empty. I decided to keep the ride exciting and tried to stop thinking about her. I tried to remember all the memories I shared with my family before I went to Seoul.

I was woken up by a stewardess, telling me that the plane has arrived. I thanked her and grabbed my things, walking towards the arrival lobby. I dragged myself, trying not to show sadness in me. I hoping, even for a little, that she would follow me. That she would at least think of this as returning the favor. As paying me for the times when I saved her from the scrutinizing eyes of the public.

I waited for a few more hours, trying to convince myself that she will be following me here.

She did not come. That was the only thought that lingered in my mind as I walked slowly towards the airport's exit. I have always known that she wouldn't return my love. That she only takes me as a big brother, not as a man who loves her as a woman. I tried confessing but she always seems to forget about me. I tried to be good to her, I welcomed her with open arms. But when Taekyung calls, she would always come running to his side. I just don't understand why she had chosen TaeKyung over me. Taekyung always frowns and is crabby all the time. He treats her like trash. He always pushes her away. I don’t get why she chooses him over me. But I have always been good and sweet to her. In fact, i have always been the one who protected her. Why can’t she see me? What does Taekyung have that I don’t? Do all nice guys have to suffer like this?

"SHINWOO OPPA!" I heard fangirls shout. Soon, they started crowding around me. Papers are piling up in front of me and cameras keep on flashing. I started to smile to hide my sadness. I tried to sign as most papers as I can. The security guards noticed this and started clearing the place. I held back my breath as the fangirls started complaining that the guards were being too harsh. I raised my hand, waving at them and bowing apologetically towards the crowd. If only MiNam was here then I wouldn't have faked my smile. If she was here, I wouldn’t have been this fake in front of everyone. If only I could be the one who she loves. If only I can be the person whom she chooses then everything would’ve been fine.

The crowd decreased as they saw me walk past the airport gates. I haven't gone home in years. Ever since I auditioned for ANJell, my schedule had become more hectic. I missed my hometown and through those times where I wanted to go home, I would sit in my room and look at the picture of my family. I wonder how the house looks like. I wonder if the neighborhood is still the same. I wonder if my siblings would still be able to recognize me. I know I sound like I’m thinking too much but I can’t help it. I missed them so much. I wanted them to move into Seoul but they didn’t want to. At least my parents said so.

I wanted them to move in with me, or at least near me so that we can see each other frequently. But Mom just couldn’t leave our ancestral house behind. I told her that we can hire a caretaker to live in the house but she said that she can’t entrust the house to anyone else. I had no choice but to let her have it her way.

Knowing that I won’t have much people following me, I decided to walk for a few hours. Just to relive my life that I used to have when I was younger. I went past a bridge and saw a setting sun. The long beach track was illuminated by the orange light that the sun was emitting. It was breathtakingly beautiful. Though the dark orange color of the sun and the darkening sky made the mood gloomy and sad, it was still lovable and people still watch it until it fully sets. Some even wait for it to rise again, just observing its beauty and experiencing the brightness it exerts.

It reminds me of Mi Nam, to be honest. Though seeing her gloomy and sad makes me feel the same, she's still too adorable to ignore. She's even too beautiful to be unnoticed. But knowing that she could not return my love, I am still waiting for her love to bring brightness into my life - though I don't know when that would happen, I am still more than willing to wait. And even if Minam continues to hurt me – though unconsciously – she’s a girl that’s worth waiting for. She’s someone that’s worth everything. Even dying.

It was starting to get dark. I finally hailed a cab and told the driver my destination. I watched the street lamp slowly turn on as the car went past them. Again, it reminded me of her. She kept on shining small lights into my heart and it keeps me hoping that those small lights would come together and pull me entirely out of this darkness.