Perfectly Imperfect
Attracted To You “Would you guys stop talking about him?” Youngni raised her voice at her other three friends.
She didn’t work hard to make him leave just to hear more about him.
“Accept it Youngni. Even if you don’t like changes in your life, Jungkook is a change since the day you enter this high school and know about him. The day you know about his existence is a change. And today, without his existence, is also a change. Either way you have to deal with it. You think you’re so happy after breaking another, but I’m sure deep inside your tearing and fighting hard not to cry. Though not once you cry to us or share your thoughts with us, we know you trained yourself to not show it. We don’t know exactly know what we or anyone had done wrong, but don’t you think you should at least give us a bit of your thoughts?” Minji couldn’t take the tension they were going through and spoke a bit harshly then she intended.
Youngni stayed quiet making the environment awkward for the other three. There was a knock on the door as the BTS’s member entered the dance room Youngni usually stayed, which is on the opposite end of the regular BTS dance room.
“Um…can we have a little talk?” Namjoon entered with the other five members excluding Jungkook.
As soon as Youngni saw them she got up from her position aiming for the door.
“Youngni, please stay and listen to what I have to say,” Namjoon turned to her talking with the most sincere voice he could.
Youngni stopped her step as she remained frozen. She didn’t want to look at them. She wasn’t sure why they were making it so hard for her.
“We’re just here to say a few words,” Namjoon started, “As you know and see, our BTS’s member Jungkook does however like you. During the time we’ve met him, we know that he is passionately in love with music just like us. But as soon as you stepped into his life, you became part of his dream and passion. Almost three years, when you entered Big Hit High School, the first time he laid his eyes on you, he said your face was filled with sadness, but when you faced your friends your expression changed immediately like you’re a new person. Because he is curious he does follow you at some point home and around to make sure you’re safe, because he knew you wondered off and away from home often. I don’t know what has gotten into this boy, but in my life that I have known him, the two things that he really works hard for was his dream with us and … you. I hope you really do consider your feelings for him and reject him with a truthful heart. Us all, especially Jungkook, would like it if you can walk forward positively.”
Youngni tightly form a fist with her hands. She suddenly couldn’t understand the mixed emotions she was feeling. She was sure it was just anger. After blinking a few times she didn’t waste any time to walk through the door. They don’t know anything.
“I’m for real, I don’t know why you like such a girl, Jungkook,” Jimin whined after thinking about all the countless times she gave them cold shoulders.
“She’s so dark and unhappy around us all the time,” Seokjin said.
“We must have stir up her emotions,” Namjoon said as they settled into the training room.
“She’s must wanted to cry once she turned her back to you guys but held it in,” Jungkook pressed his lips into a thin line.
“That girl is bad,” Taehyung widen his eyes and shook his head.
Jungkook smiled foolishly as they kept mentioned about her, “she’s can be pretty bad, but if you think about it. She can be the best.”
Hoseok looked at her, “you’re crazy.”
“Am not,” Jungkook threw his sweater over to Hoseok.
“Why then?” Yoongi said, “Why do you like that evil unmannered girl?”
“Because she’s the person that will stick and believe in you no matter what. Even if she hates your guts, she’ll trust you if she does. It’s just that she’s hurt deeply inside because of so many different things. Because she is a bit different from the rest, the rest don’t see her view. It’s hard for her to share her emotion because she already views life harshly—there’s no point to her. She’s stubborn to the point that she believes all her emotions are safely kept inside. But she doesn’t know that her anger shows all her pain. If you watch her closely, she is an easy-going girl but also easily pained. She acted really harsh but the simplest thing you do breaks her heart. The simplest thing makes her happy. I’ve tried but failed to break into her heart. I can’t be someone who she trusts enough. Even though she quite hard to handle, she’s the best person to be with. When you’re happy, she’s happy with you. When you’re sad, even though she doesn’t like the atmosphere, she sits quietly without making a fuss. Her loyalty is what make her, her. Even if she hates you, but if you’re something she chose, she will firmly stick with you though it pains her.”
Jungkook smiled painfully as he thought about all the different time he saw her. All their memories together and time he secretly followed her.
“It’s hard to be in a relationship once our real training starts, but I believe you will choose the right person and handles it professionally. One more try doesn’t hurt,” Namjoon smiled.
“You want him to return to that evil girl?” Taehyung raised an eyebrow.
“Not that evil, she can be quite cute you know,” Jimin said looking at Jungkook to make sure he’s not sending death glares for calling the girl cute.
“One more try doesn’t hurt,” Jungkook repeated.
Youngni thought she would be moving freely like clouds, but how much of a mistake did she make. Everyone seemed to be against her decision and not once did they ask how she actually felt. Not that she would tell, but just to ask to imply that they at least acknowledge that she is also affected by the situation.
She stopped by the Boba Café. Before climbing the stairs up to its entrance, she remembered the day Jungkook was just outside the door when she opened it. Thinking that the scene would happen again she refused to enter the café. When she turned her back, she faced him. Jeon Jungkook.
Youngni was already done dealing with problems relating to him. Everyone just thought about him and his side.
She stepped aside ready to head home.
“Youngni,” he grabbed onto her wrist.
“Let go of me, Jeon Jungkook,” Youngni angrily hissed.
“I know you’re mad, hurt, pain, sad, angry. But can you just listen?”
“I don’t care about what you have to say. I just don’t care so will you just let me go,” Youngni tried to free herself.
“I understand that you don’t like me and probably you won’t ever. But I would just like for you to live much more positive. As I have said even if you don’t have a dream or passion. I have one for you. I’m sure it is also yours but you just haven’t figured it out yet. Even though you don’t favor anything big like how I do, at least I believe you dream to live with someone who will stick by you no matter what. You passionately want to just stay together and live everyday together. For this dream, I hope it comes true to you. We are different, in your eyes, because we view dreams and life oppositely but we are similar because we really do wish for that dream to come true.”
“Are you done now?” Youngni irritatingly asked, “if you’re so passionate, Jeon Jungkook. Shouldn’t you dedicate all your time to achieving your dream? What times do you have for other things? What time do you have to spare for girls?”
“I don’t. But because it’s you, I will make time,” Jungkook spoke directly from his heart as he doesn’t wish to hide anything, “I understand how you feel. Regardless, even though our possibilities is great in distant, it would be great if you can use me as your secret shoulder to lift off all those burdens within your heart. Even if you don’t believe in the possibilities of us, I still want you to think of me as someone who you can cry silently to and share all your worries to. I may not be that one person you want to be with, but I can try. I will put in extra amount of effort if needed. Just know that when you’re ready, my hand will be here for you to take.”
As Youngni walked down the hallway to her class, many things ran through her mind. When she arrived, her other three friends were already in their seats. She casually walked into her seat.
“Did you guys hear BTS is coming back to school?” girls chatted away with news and gossips.
“Why?”
“Clean up their dance room.”
“What? You got me excited for a second. I thought they were coming back to school regularly.”
“I wish too. But one day is better than none at all.”
“Right. Right.”
“You talk to her,” Soomin nudged Minji as the three stared at Youngni’s back.
“Leave her. When she wants to talk, she can talk. When she wants help, she can get help. We can’t do anything if she doesn’t want anything to be done,” Minji sourly said as Chancy and Soomin sat back in their seat, helpless to improve the relationship.
Youngni pretended not to hear a thing. In fact, she only heard partially about what they were talking. For the other part, she was dazing off to something else—someone’s words.
That morning she knew it was the day BTS was coming. For some reason, her mind has been roaming everywhere. She doesn’t even know what she was thinking for a second.
“Youngni…this may be the last time you’re seeing him,” Soomin said, “really the last time.”
“Right…they’re going to go for their hardcore training…it’ll be hard to get in contact afterward,” Chancy reminded her.
“Guys stop it. Whether she goes or not, it’s her problem. We all already said what we need to say. It’s up to her now,” Minji bitterly said. She has been a bit harsh for a while for being the oldest and seeing what the younger ones were putting themselves through.
Youngni walked home feeling blue. The sky was a bit dull. She slowly took her time home, slower than usual. She wasn’t sure why. Perhaps, she might want to return to school.
She lazily slouched on her bed as her head was drain of energy from thinking—something she never do.
“Huh…,” she sighed for the nth time that day.
Her eyes wandered her bedroom. Everything is familiar. She kept it like that for a while. Her eyes landed on something particular on her night table—it was the only thing that was different. A change to her room—his red cap from that day.
She couldn’t take her eyes off that cap. It was like she was in love with the item.
“I hate your owner,” she mumbled to the cap, which was sitting quietly. “I hate him so much.”
“Are you guys almost finished?” Namjoon wrapped up his last piece of belonging.
“Almost…,” they chorused.
“Is it okay for me to step outside for a bit?” Jungkook asked exhaustedly.
“Sure. Go ahead,” Namjoon urged him to as the rest turned their head to watch him out.
They knew he had been sad for the past days but held it in and practice diligently.
“Hurry up,” Namjoon brought the other member’s attention back to their duties.
Jungkook roamed the whole school twice already. He took his time taking the smallest steps he possibly can. But the more steps he took, the more depress he got.
“Jungkook…are you ready to go?” Yoongi called out as they each held their box with Jimin holding Jungkook’s on top of his.
Jungkook faked a smile and nodded.
“We better hurry before it rains,” Taehyung said looking into the sky.
“The sky is blue today,” Seokjin stared up as everyone followed.
Jungkook could see the grey clouds slowing moving but also gradually distancing.
“We better hurry,” Hoseok brought back all their attention.
“Jungkook…mind grabbing your box,” Jimin smiled, peeking his head out to the side.
“Thanks, Jimin,” Jungkook walked over and grabbed his box as they walked to their car.
As they were loading their boxes into the back trunk, light rains wetted their clothes. The members looked at Jungkook, who couldn’t take his eyes off the school entrance and the path leading home.
“Jungkook,” Namjoon called seeing the sorrowful expression on his face.
“Sorry guys, we…we can go,” Jungkook choked out his bitter words.
“You know, one more try doesn’t hurt,” Namjoon repeated his past words.
Jungkook looked at s as he felt sorry to them for always causing them trouble. His eyes teared, but in return they all smiled happily at him.
“Just like we are not giving up on our dream, you shouldn’t for this part of your dream either,” Yoongi mentioned.
“She never really rejected you, that can still be your last hope,” Hoseok said.
“What are you waiting for?” Seokjin pushed him toward the direction he’d been staring.
“Hurry,” Jimin and Taehyung shooed him away.
Jungkook never failed to smile with his group of brothers. They understood what dreams meant to him and to them. So, of course, never giving up is always in their dictionary.
With a last smile to s, he took off into the distance as the members started punching and laughing at each other.
He didn’t think she would be home—it was a place she was never really fond of. While thinking on his way to the neighborhood, he stopped his trace as he came across the Boba Café. It was closed, just like her heart. As he stood afar looking at the lightless building before him, rains slowly dripped one by one onto him. By that time, he wasn’t sure if it was the rain or his tears. His heart ached painfully, watching everything slowly gloomed in tears around him. Though the rain was very light, just sprinkling, it described his pained heart.
He looked at the pathway to her house once again, “goodbye,” he uttered.
He turned his back and daring to walk away. Though each step means a bullet in his heart it’s okay. They weren’t named bulletproof for no reason.
He reached to his neck and touched the two necklaces he had put on. One with last kiss on the metal item, he sped up his pace.
Jungkook walked further and further away with a smile. He knew it was all he could do for her. He was happy he was able to express his heart for her. Though he lacks to express his emotions, he was contented to the extend he did. She was probably annoyed by it. It was the best path he believed she chose for herself. Even if he doesn’t exist in it, he was happy she would able to live well like before.
His eyes widen as soon as someone ran passed him and stopped in front of him. It was no other than the person he longed to see—Oh Youngni.
She was panting hard. He couldn’t take his eyes off her beautiful face though she was catching up her breath like crazy. Jungkook was brought back to reality when he realized something was blocking her full face. His smile couldn’t be hidden when he knew the red cap on her head was the one put on her that day.
Youngni finally gathered the courage to look up at him. She couldn’t tell anything from his face beside the fact that he was staring at her hard like he was studying her for a research.
“You…you forgot your cap,” she took it off and handed to him.
Jungkook stared at it, so this is what she was here for—to return his belonging.
The smallest memories, she doesn’t even want to remember.
Youngni saw him staring only at the red cap without extending his hand. She looked up and the necklaces on his neck caught her attention. Half of each heart contained a letter. One side-J. The other side-Y.
Youngni didn’t wait for his response and roughly put the cap on his head. But what surprised him was she didn’t move. She was awfully closed to him. Without him knowing, she took one of the necklace off of him—the half with the letter J. She stepped a few step back and put in on her neck as he watched her do so. He saw the half heart dangling from her neck.
“I’m keeping the cap too,” she quickly took off the cap on him and put it back on her head to hide her embarrassment.
Jungkook couldn’t hide his smile. For whatever reason she was doing this, he was only taking it for one reason. He watched her figured moving uncomfortably in front of him.
“Shouldn’t you at least say something to me?” he questioned, “at least indirectly?”
“I don’t have anything to say,” she quickly replied.
He already knew she took much courage to do what she did. He wasn’t going to push her.
“Alright, I have to go then,” he said and she obediently nodded. Jungkook turned his back away; it was already the best thing he could have experienced.
He knew understanding her and their relationship wouldn’t just perfect overnight. He still has much to learn and know about her, but that will happen over time. As time progressed, knowing about her thoughts and feelings will eventually come. He didn’t expect her to express everything in one moment or over a short period. He will be there. And he knows for a fact she will too. She will eventually open up just like she did. Though he understood they are different, but they are similar. They’re attracted to each other like magnet despite the difference. Perfectly fit into each other like contradicting words. Perfectly imperfect is what it is.
Youngni watched as his figure slowly drifted away. It was either now or never.
“Jungkook!” Youngni played with the cap on her head and smiled before calling a bit too loud.
.
.
.
“I’m attracted to you!”
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