I know you guys probably hate me as I am updating this story and not "When everything turned to worse". But I just have to somehow write this as well, so that I don't lose this storyline that I started in here. Also, I have to apologise to you, xxDRAGONLOVERxx and maryfemme. It has been forever since you rquested me to write Bang Bang Bang and We Like 2 Party. I will get around to that, once I have finished this P!ink album that I started. Don't want to mix this "storyline" here.... hope you two understand ;) Also, to anyone else anywhere, if you feel like I could perhaps write something that you have thougth of, don't be afraid to comment, write me a message or something like that. It might take forever for me to write it, but I definitely will, at the end of the day. But enough about this, I let you enjoy some Topri ;)

---THE GREAT ESCAPE-----

I know that you read all the hurtful comments directed to your way. You have always cared about your image more than about your own well-being. Sometimes I admire that about you, sometimes I curse that side of you as it makes you look so lost. You love your fans too much and I don't know how you can live with all the malicious comments inside your brain. I have a hard time and I am almost loved by them all. But you have not, right from the start. 

And I know that your other hyungs don't worry about you the same way that I do. They try to brush it off, saying that they can just be sasaengs and that you shouldn't take their words to heart as they might be writing out of spite or in the spur of the moment. And I can see that you really try to do this but at the end of the day, you still curl in to a ball on your bed and hold the pieces of your fragile heart and try to mend it back to the way it used to be with your tears.

At these points, no matter what I say, I know it won't get across to you. No matter how much I yell at you to get a grip, you won't even flinch if I scream right next to your ear. It always seems like I am going to lose you to the inner demons that you have created yourself, thanks to the malicious comments you read online.

What pains me the most is that he doesn't see you when you are at your weakest. You somehow manage to act like you are all right and I don't know if he is just too blind to see the hurt in your eyes or that he just decides to ignore it as you don't come forward about it to him. He might be respecting your privacy, for all I know.

I know you want to get away from this all. And you sometimes succeed. We don't see you for months and the only indication that you are still with us is your constant updates in social media. But I won't let you out of my sight for long. I know that all these feelings, emotions and experiences are going to help you in the future as you might get exposed with him. At that point, you will need all the armour you can find inside yourself and prepare yourself for a full on war between your brain and the fingers and mouths of some of the not so accepting VIPs.

I know all this because I once was "blessed" to receive the same treatment. Before I became famous and wanted, I was no one. Literally. Girls wouldn't even look at my way twice. But that has all made me into who I am today and it has made it possible for me to read some of the comments and not fall into total despair over the harsher words. So I know it will all get better at some point. It might not seem like it but it will.

And I just hope that you could see the concern in my eyes when you get to one of your slumps. And I wish I would be able to say these words to you, not just think of them and write them to my journal. You are very dear to me and I want you to know it. But somehow I just can't get the words out of my mouth.

Ok, I feel like this is a mess. And I apologise for it. It is kinda like a word vomit, didn't check what I wrote and where I wrote. 

And it is not edited at all. So there might be some spelling and grammar mistakes, but who honestly cares about them all that much?

Good night everyone, hope you have your close-ones close to you and I hope none of you went or has to go through something similar that has been happening in the world at the end of this week. Love you all!