Review by OutspokenGirl612 of Sweet Delicacy :: Sour Stripes Reviews, Graphics and Oneshots!
RunawayTitle (5/5) It goes well with the story, it makes the reader wonder the reason and condition of escape.
Description (6/10) The description is good, although it could use one or two more sentences to catch the eye of the reader even faster.
Foreword (10/10) Putting an extract of the story in the foreword is one of the most effective techniques to catch the eye of the reader. The segment you selected for this serves perfectly for this purpose, leaving it in suspense to make the reader want more.
Characters (15/20) The story is still beginning, so I suppose that’s why the characters don’t feel fully developed yet. Though, I think that it’s necessary to have Krystal and Jessica’s background or personalities a little bit more explained. Also Krystal needs to have some strong point, she’s described as a really weak princess, and in my personal opinion, I don’t see her strong enough in terms of character and personality to save and rule a kingdom; because she is your main character you need to give her a strong point, even if it’s in giving speeches, since Jessica is already strong. Minho’s mysterious aura is perfect, as well as his personality. You also need to give some details regarding the queen, which is your enemy, so the protagonist and antagonist can be better seen. In the other story with Jonghyun and Key, if you plan on giving it more importance instead of being a fill in to give originality to the main story, then you need to give the reader an idea of how Jonghyun is, cause he still hasn’t been given steady characteristics that describe him as a person, apart from being a womanizer.
Plot (18/20) The plot isn’t fully developed yet, it’s way too early to fully know what you’re planning to do with the main story: will it focus on the war for the kingdom or will it focus more on Krystal’s love life? As advice, it’s important that you make an outline of what you want so later on your story doesn’t get dull. As of the other story with Key and Jonghyun, it isn’t clear yet whether it’s just a fill in to make the other story more original or if you’re actually going to do something about their relationship.
Grammar and Spelling (19/20) Frankly, I didn’t find grammar or spelling mistakes, except for a typo in chapter three, where you wrote booming, and I think you were trying to say blooming. You seem to proof read your work, I congratulate you!
Originality (10/10) The idea of having a story inside of another story is super original, I don’t remember reading a story in AFF with that style; probably there must be another one, but you pull it off amazingly.
Ending (0/5)No ending yet.
Bonus (5/5) For the pretty poster, and for the good choice of words for your story, keeping it away from becoming dull.
Total: 83/ 95 *The ending is not included in the total, since there isn’t any.
A/N: I frankly couldn’t find any bigger mistakes or things that you should fix in your story; my comments are mostly advices and tips on how to make your story even better. It’s still starting, but I think it’s going to be great. You seem to have very clear idea on what you want to do with your story. I’ve already recommended it to my friends, and I hope to see what you’ll do with it! Keep up the great work!
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Okay, honestly, when I read the other reviews in Sweet Delicacy, I thought they were honest, but pretty harsh...so I wanted to cancel my request. However, I had already sent it so there was nothing I could do.
I thought this story would get criticized a lot. That's why I was really surprised and happy when the review turned out to be positive :)
I'll do my best to make this story better and try to update as often as I can. Thank you so much for all your support ^_^
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