“C’mon guys!” Junjin protested as he propped himself up the hospital bed.  In a flash, everyone else in the room moved to assist him, but he raised his unbandaged hand up to stop them. “Stop staring at me like I’m some kind of freakshow!”

Minwoo slowly settled himself back on the edge of Junjin’s bed opposite Hye Sung, but he could see how Minwoo tilted himself in a way that would make it easy for him to move forward in a minute’s notice, as with the rest of them.  “Well, hate to break it to you buddy, but that’s exactly how you’re looking right now.”  

Junjin scoffed Minwoo’s words off, pointing at his bandaged head “This little thing?! You know I’ve been through worst than this!”

Hye Sung watched silently as Junjin continued to belittle his injuries. “What’s to worry about a minor sprain? It’s just a minor sprain—it’s even written in the records.  Look!” He exclaimed as he motioned at the hospital log at the foot of his bed.

“Aish, how can a patient be so noisy.” Eric muttered as he shuffled closer to Minwoo.

Dongwan, who was standing behind Hyesung, also stepped forward. “Yah! Did you know how scared we all were because of you?”

“Ei, stop that. You know this isn’t his fault.” Minwoo said as he waved his hand off to signal an end to the topic.

However, Eric ignored Minwoo and instead, chimed in on the conversation. “Not his fault? His stubbornness caused this, if you ask me!  He should’ve just gone with Andy when Andy picked him up this morning. What did he accomplish by staying back?”

“Wae, wae wae?!” Junjin protested in his usual theatrical tone “Why should I go into hiding? I didn’t do anything wrong! None of us did anything wrong! Well—“He turned to look at Hye Sung for a moment, before adding, “Hyung did hit PD Yeo, but that was all!”

His last statement earned him a knock on his shoulder from Andy, who was right beside him.  It didn’t take a second for Junjin to turn the situation to his favor though, as he immediately moaned in mocked pain. “Yah! How can you hit an injured person?!”

“Oh, so now you’re an injured person?! Weren’t you just telling everyone how trivial your injuries were a while ago?” Andy shot back.

Once again, Junjin frivolously waved his hand over his bandages, “Injuries? C’mon guys, let’s just call them for what they really are, arasso? These are really more like battle scars!”

Everyone scoffed at Junjin’s comical outburst.  Even Hye Sung who had only been silently following their conversation, managed a faint smile.

“Ahh...finally hyung!”

Hye Sung turned to Junjin, who apparently was watching his expression the entire time. “Hey, would you mind if I ask you guys to step out for a while? I’d like to talk to Hye Sung hyung in private.”

The rest of the members gave their silent consent and exited the room, with Andy giving Junjin a slight squeeze in the shoulder before leaving “Hyung, don’t scare us like that again, arasso?”

Junjin waited for Andy, who was the last person to leave, to close the door before turning his attention back to Hye Sung. “You okay, hyung?”

He gave a slight nod in response, not even daring to meet the younger man’s gaze. How could he? It was his fault that the guy was holed up in the hospital.  Interrogation was still going on, but apparently, the culprit behind Junjin’s accident admitted to causing the incident as a radical form of protest against homouals—something Junjin didn’t deserve because firstly, he was not gay, and even if he was, he was not the one who was careless enough to admit it on camera.  The fault was all his.

“Just so you know, I’m blaming you for this.”

Hye Sung’s head jerked up at Junjin’s unexpected remark.  He had been so involved in his self-blaming that hearing an external voice do the blaming was a nuance to him.

 “Seriously hyung, what the hell were you thinking, going off like that?  Weren’t you the one who nagged on and on about keeping your secret? Why did you have to go and reveal it in the worst possible way? I mean—hitting PD Yeo—have you gone crazy?!” 

Maybe it was the guilt of seeing everyone try to shift the blame away from him, or because he desperately needed someone to say the things that his own conscience had been nagging him about, but Junjin’s words seemed oddly refreshing—welcomed even—and for the first time since what felt like forever, he allowed himself to loosen up.

“I know. And now you’re at a hospital while Shinhwa is facing public backlash, all because of me, and still, I have not been able to do anything to even help.  I feel like such an imbecile! I’m angry and embarrassed at my uselessness!”

The confessions seemed to flow out naturally from him, like water flowing free from a broken dam, and every confession felt like metal thorns being pulled out from his mangled body.  There was pain, but there was also gratification from the release.  It didn’t take long for him to realize just how much he needed this.  Needed someone who didn’t try to ignore or fix his mistakes, someone who’d simply listen and accept him for the imperfect person that he was.  Someone like Junjin.

“What are you smiling at?” Hye Sung asked when he found Junjin wearing an amused expression on his face.

“Nothing.  Just that, it’s funny seeing you nag yourself senseless.  We’re usually the ones getting the losing end of that cursed tongue, you know!”

“Yah!”

Hye Sung raised his arm, as if preparing to strike his dongsaeng.  However, Junjin only responded with a hearty laugh. “Now that’s the Jung Pil Kyo that I know!” Junjin quipped and, soon, the room echoed with the sound of their laughter.

“So, how did he take it?”

Hye Sung was filling Junjin in with the details of the case when the question popped up

 “Pretty well, I think.” He answered with pursed lips, knowing full well who Junjin was asking about. ” Although, if you ask me, he’s trying too hard to protect me and prove that he’s fine with the idea of me being gay that, you know, it kind of makes me even more uncomfortable”

Hye Sung turned to avoid Junjin’s gaze, knowing that his junior could catch the lie once he sees his expression.  Because uncomfortable surely was not the word he’d use to describe how he felt about Eric’s recent behaviour.  At least, it wasn’t all he was feeling.

“Are you sure that’s all he’s doing?”

Hye Sung started to reply, before realizing that he had no answer to Junjin’s question.  Earlier, he had been too worried—too guilty—of Junjin’s condition to even consider anything else. But now, he found himself musing over his would-be reply.

Was he sure?

Going over the events that day, Hye Sung can’t help but wonder if Eric had been completely oblivious to how his closeness was affecting him—from his light touches, to his hugs, to that almost-kiss just a few hours ago—or if he knew, and if he did, was he merely teasing him, or did it mean something else?  What about the things that Eric said?  Was he simply being his usual tactless self, not considering how his words might affect him, or was he being sincere?

Hye Sung let out a loud sigh in an attempt to clear his mind of his silly thoughts. Did he not just remind himself earlier that day of the extent of Eric’s cheesiness? Why is he giving in again to ideas that are obviously riddled with his own personal interest? He should already know by now how painful it was to ride on to false hopes.

Am I not enough?

Hye Sung let out a little snort at the memory of Eric’s words.  Eric may have said that in his desire to help him.  He may have felt powerless against the loneliness that Hye Sung was forcing on himself.  However,  Eric wasn’t the one that was lacking.  Rather, it was him.  He was the one who was never able to move past his own insecurities—his own fears.  The fact that he would rather focus on whimsical ideas when he should be focusing on how to rectify the mess he made, proved just how undeserving he was of Eric. Of anyone.

Yet, here he was, inside his own little fantasy bubble, while indulging in the protection of everyone around him.  The members that he swore to be brothers for life were doing all they can to help him out of the problem that he caused, while he’s barely been of any use at all.  He even had the gall to feel burdened with their concern, instead of just being grateful to them for not turning away from him.

“Choongjae” Hye Sung whimpered in a voice so frail, he barely recognized it as his own. It was that moment that he realized how very scared he was.  Scared, not just of his situation, but of the honesty in his next words. “I think—I think I’m turning into a really hateful person.”

How did he end up like this? All he wanted was to make everyone he loved happy, not give them these kind of problems.  But now, he not only lost sight of his goals, he also lost sight of himself, and that makes him angry.  And scared.

Silence fell on both of them, and that silence once again allowed his mind to wander to thoughts of guilt.  What was he doing sharing his pathetic problems with a patient, especially a patient that was there because of him? When he used to pride himself as the logical one in Shinhwa, was he really the most unreliable? Would they actually be better off without him?

The feelings of guilt were starting to take root, and would have once again consumed him, had his train of thought not been disturbed by a sniffling sound. He looked up just in time to see a tear trickle down Junjin’s eye, and immediately jumped in response. “Wait, are you hurt? Should I call the doctor?”

“Ani ani” Junjin mumbled as he motioned for Hyesung to stop fretting while wiping off the tears with his bandaged hand.

Puzzled, Hye Sung asked, “Then, why are you crying?”

“Well, because of you, dammit! Who wouldn’t cry seeing that painful expression on your face?”

Junjin’s declaration stunned him so much that before he knew what he was doing, he was already in a laughing fit.

“You crybaby!” He said in between ragged intakes of breath,as he tried to recompose himself.

“Yah! Who do you think I got this from?”

Junjin’s voice was strong—accusing—but his face was gently wrinkled into a smile, just like his own, and he was suprised how that one moment instantly made him feel a lot better. Was it the effect of laughter, or Junjin?

“Hyung, do you know how I felt when I heard about the video leak?”

Junjin asked once they were able to gather their composure, and Hye Sung shook his head in response.

 “I was happy.”

Junjin’s smile turned wistful as he spoke, pausing for a while as if recalling something precious in his mind, before he turned his gaze back to Hyesung “Because that meant you no longer had to try so hard to be someone you’re not just to please everyone else.  Because, finally, you’d be able to open up to the world and be who you really are, because the Jung Pilkyo that I know is a wonderful man.”

“But instead of taking this chance to step up, why are you cowering away?  Why are you holding back? Don’t you think you deserve happiness too?”  Somehow, Junjin’s words reminded Hye Sung of what Eric told him at the lighthouse, and his heart ached as another realization came to him. While he was so caught up with wanting to make it right for everyone else, all the members really wanted from him was for him to be himself. 

Just be yourself.

Hye Sung allowed another smile to play on his lips at the memory, as Junjin grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently. “Hyung, don’t be so hard on yourself that you end up letting go of the things that mattered. I have been there before, and I’m telling you, that world is a dark and lonely place. Plus, I told you that I’m blaming you for what happened, right? So, own up and take responsibility, and you can only do that by proving to the world that there is nothing wrong with who you are!”

“So, jebal, give yourself a chance.”

A/N:  Sorry for the really late update! This chapter took a really long time to write because it was such a turning point in the series, and I didn't want to rush it.  Plus, the conversations are lengthyyyyy!!!lol

Also, I have been pretty distracted lately...so many shinhwa vids, so little time!kkk

Anyway, I am making up for the lack of Baby Bird in this series with an extra dose of jinnie!kkk  Seriously though, I purposely left him out because I wanted Jinnie to be the one to wake HS out of his stupidity,or at least be the one to nudge him in that direction, coz I believe only Junjin can do that.  As much as I think Ricsung is end game, I doubt he can do what Junjin can do for Hye Sung.

Also, I purposely had Jinnie use Hye Sung's real name, to show just how close they are.  As for ricsung...well, let's all just be patient okay?kkk

Once again, thanks to everyone who subscribed, upvoted and commented on my stories, and as always, do keep them coming!I'll welcome them all with open arms!kkk