“Don’t worry Shin Hye Sung-ssi,” said the person on the other end of the line with a nervous ring to his voice.  “I personally made sure that your car was handled with care all throughout the investigation, as you requested.”

Despite feeling a slight guilt over how scared the officer on the other line sounded, Hye Sung couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief.  His car was his most prized possession and he wouldn’t know how deal with it if it were to be mishandled on top of everything else that he had to worry about.  “Thank you so much.  I’ll relay your report to the members.”

“Ahh, yes!” the officer responded, sounding slightly chipper.  “I’ll let you know as soon as anything else comes up.”

“Yes, please.  Thank you once again and goodbye.”  Hye Sung said just before he ended the call and collapsed on the wicker bench behind him.  The sun has started to set, which gave the sky a fiery orange hue, and the first batch of mosquitoes have started to come out of their hiding to hunt.  He let out a muffled curse as he slapped one away, and contemplated going back into the presumably mosquito-free cabin.  However, if he were to be honest, he much preferred the quiet solitude of the cabin’s back porch—insects and all—than the burdening atmosphere inside the cabin, where the rest of the members were toiling over the assignments given to them in perfect coordination—like a well-oiled machine. 

Of course, it goes without saying that he is grateful for the members’ support, and he can never thank them enough for their concern towards him.  Still, the fact that the members that he loved so much are stressed because of him makes him feel uncomfortable, despite their incessant assurance that they are doing this for their own reasons.

Their assurance was not enough though.  After all, he did not just keep this secret from the public; he kept it from them too.  It was unfair for them to have to work their asses off for something that they barely came into terms with.  Yet, not one member asked him for an explanation, or even bothered to confront him about it.  It felt like he was being let off easy for a bigger crime, despite knowing that admitting who he is was no crime at all. 

He randomly thumbed through the pictures stored in his phone.  Most of them were of the members and their managers, goofing off while having their usual after-work drinking sessions.  Despite the fact that the pictures were mostly out of focus—probably because he was intoxicated while taking them—they reminded him of the fun times he shared with the team, and how much it contrasted with their current situation.  Now, the managers that he swore to treat as brothers were probably harassed with queries of him, while the members are forced into hiding, save for Jun Jin who insisted on finishing his schedule as planned, despite the horde of reporters circling around his filming site.

All because of him.

His thoughts were disrupted as he came across a picture of him and his mother, taken roughly a couple of months ago, which was also the last time he visited his parent’s house.  In the picture, his mum was smiling brightly while hooking her arm with his.  On the other hand, he had a more somber expression on his face, which he knew was because he was forced to agree to another blind date just before the picture was taken.

That was usually how a visit in his parent’s home would go ever since he reached his 30’s.  They would exchange the usual niceties, before his mother would bring out a couple of files of “marriage prospects”. He would then choose the most feminine girl for an arranged meeting, meet up with her 3 more times after their initial date, before he breaks it off, citing stress from work as an excuse.  Sometimes, the girl breaks it off too before he could even finish his four-date schedule, because he was always late for their meeting and never made any real effort in the pseudo-relationship.  He would then say sorry to his mother, and his mother will give him credit for trying his best.

Now that news of his preference is out though, he wondered how his parents were taking the news.  They have probably read about it by now, and were in complete shock.  More importantly, he worries about how everyone else is treating them.  He’d hate to think of his parents being ostracized because of his loose mouth.

For a moment, he toyed over the idea of calling them, but realized that he didn’t really know what to say to make them feel any better.  The only way he could think of was deny it to them, but even that is impossible to do now, seeing as a video of his admittance was circulating.

After a few more seconds of consideration, he opened the message function on his phone and hurriedly typed a message for his mother.  Saying sorry was pretty much useless at this point.  This wasn’t one of those things that he can apologize for and promise never to do again.  Still, he should at least let them know that he was okay. 

Omma, how are you? I am with the members at Eric’s fishing cabin…

Hye Sung paused for a moment to reread what he had typed, and after realizing that he sounded like a sixth-grader asking permission for a sleepover, decided to redo the message.

Omma, don’t worry about me—

That’s not right either, Hye Sung thought, scratching his head in frustration.  Now, it seems a little too confident.  How can he cause the problem, and then ask them not to worry about him?

Omma, how are you? I’m doing fine.

He stared at the blinking cursor for another minute, not sure as to how to end the message.  He knew that saying sorry was not gonna cut it, but should he say it anyway?

Finally, he added two more lines.

No matter what, I love you.  Please remember that.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Hye Sung looked up to see Eric giving him his signature smirk, before taking the seat next to him. 

“Oh, nothing.  Just…”  Hye Sung’s voice trailed off mid-response as he inadvertently turned off his phone’s display.  He didn’t want to reveal another weakness that will only cause the members to worry, but he knew lying to Eric was pointless.  In the end, he decided to divert the topic to something he had more command of.  “Ah, the investigators called.  They’ve found a number of bugs at our place, but everyone else’s is clean.”

Hye Sung continued to narrate the conversation he had earlier with the officer, partly to update Eric on the investigation, and partly to help clear his own thoughts.  So far, they found out that only his and Eric’s apartments were bugged, but nothing else.  The investigators still couldn’t find anyone suspicious from the CCTV footage they got from the network, and their IT personnel is still trying to locate the original video source, while blocking off any reuploads of the video.

“So, basically, we’ve got nothing?”  Eric replied curtly after his full report, and he shyly nodded in response.

“Well, it’s still the first day.  They’re bound to find out something, so let’s give it time.”  Eric said, passing Hye Sung a packet of cigarettes after pulling out a stick for himself.  “Right now, Andy is discussing the possible lawsuits that we can file.  We’re looking at a couple of cases, including libel and trespassing, but before we can do that, we need to track the person who is responsible for all this.”

Hye Sung let out a loud sigh, as he idly twirled the cigarette stick between his fingers.  “I’d like to meet whoever is doing this too. “He knew he should be afraid of the guy, but he couldn’t hide his curiosity.  After all, the guy released a video of him vaguely admitting that he was gay, but didn’t release the footage of what happened before that, when he hit PD Yeo.  If this person was out to destroy him and Shinhwa, he wouldn’t have held back on releasing that footage too.

Plus, there was the fact that only his and Eric’s apartments were found with recording devices…

“You sure about that? Doing that could be fanning the flame, you know.” Eric said with a frown.

“I know.” Hye Sung replied in a resigned tone.” Still, something about this just feels—off. “ 

Both guys sat in silence for a few minutes, allowing the nicotine to get into their system.  Despite the sun completely vacating the skies, the mosquitoes have stayed clear of them, driven away by the smoke from their cigarettes. 

“If that’s how you feel, then when time comes, I’ll go with you.”

Hye Sung turned to Eric upon hearing this, only to realize how dangerously close Eric was.  Suddenly, the scene from this morning flashed back into his mind, and Hye Sung silently berated himself as he stubbed out his cigarette and moved to the edge of the bench, leaving as much space as he could between the two of them.  He thought he had already gotten past what happened this morning—years of Eric’s teasing should’ve already immuned him to little things like that by now.  In fact, he had been mostly conversing with Eric the whole day, although that was probably because of his unresolved guilt towards the rest of the members. 

However, now that they were alone, he found his own mind wandering back to the feel of Eric’s breath on his skin, and the words that escaped his lips...

“Stop it!” He muttered to himself, frustrated at how little control he had of his own thoughts and emotions.

“Stop what?”

Only after Eric asked him that question did Hye Sung realize that he had scolded himself out loud. “Oh, nothing. The mosquitoes—“ He reasoned as he waived his hand around to drive imaginary bugs away.  As he did so, his mobile phone slid off from his lap and fell between their feet.

Eric started to bend down to pick up Hye Sung’s phone, but he was faster, and immediately pressed the main button, hoping the drop didn’t do much damage to the device.  A sigh of relief escaped him when the display lit up, showing the message that he was drafting for his mum.

 “Sarang…”  Eric read aloud, right before Hye Sung pulled away the phone’s display from him.   Eric continued to eye him as he nervously examined the corners of his phone. “Oh, so that’s what you were doing here?”

 “It’s for my mother, you nitwit!” Hye Sung didn’t know why he suddenly felt so defensive.  He should be irritated at Eric for sneaking a glance at his phone, but his response had been more of a need for him to explain who he was texting than anything else. “ I-I thought it would be good to at least send them a message or something, only I haven’t really decided on what to say yet”

Eric took one last draw from his stick before stubbing it out.  He dusted his hands clean before turning to Hye Sung.  “Well, let me see it then.”

Hye Sung was not sure if it was because of the nicotine high, or because he was too nervous to think for himself, but he found himself showing him the text he had planned on sending his mother.  “How is it?  Too cheesy?  I should just take out the last two lines, right?” 

“Nah, no point.”  

Hye Sung raised his eyebrow at Eric’s vague statement.  “Why?”

With a sly grin on his face, Eric handing him back his phone “Because I’ve already sent it.”

Hye Sung’s mouth dropped in surprise as he turned to check the messages on his phone.  True enough, his drafted message has already moved up to their chat history.  He turned his attention back at Eric, who was laughing his head off .

“Ya! How can you do this?”  He demanded, waving his phone at Eric, who was still laughing hysterically by his side. Just then, he felt his phone vibrate in his hand.  He immediately unlocked the display to find a message from his mother.

Adeul, we’re alright.  Don’t worry so much and know that we love you too, no matter what.  See you soon.

Hye Sung read his mother’s message over and over again, his chest getting heavier every single time.  He could only imagine how confused his parents were right now.  Yet, they chose to set their own feelings aside to make him feel better.

Just like everyone else.

“See, it worked out fine.” Hye Sung heard Eric say as he felt Eric’s hand massaging his shoulders.  However, Eric’s words of comfort only heightened his own feelings of inadequacy.

“Will you stop doing that?!” Hye Sung exclaimed as he jerked Eric’s hand off him. He paused to face Eric, who looked surprised at his sudden outburst. “Did you think this would make me feel better?”

“Sunggie-ah…”

“All of you…” He continued, ignoring Eric’s outstretched hands as he stood up and moved towards the porch railings. “Doing things on your own when this is supposed to be my problem!  My problem! You got that?”

He was shaking now, all those pent up feelings of helplessness in the past two days coming back to him in an instant. “Did you think involving you guys would make me feel better? That relying on you guys to solve the problem that I made would sit right with me? That bringing everyone down with me would—“

Warm, strong arms wrapped around Hye Sung, breaking his train of thought.  He tried to break free, tried to fight it off, fearing that he’d once again give in to the warmth and the security that came along with it.  However, the more he fought, the more he was pulled in. “I don’t care what you think.  I won’t let you go through this alone.”

“This is my problem!” He cried out loud as he continued to fight off Eric’s unrelenting grip on him. “It has nothing to do with you!”

“It has everything to do with me!”

Both paused at Eric’s words, and Hye Sung found himself tilting his gaze to meet Eric’s, only to be greeted with a new wave of heat that travelled across his spine and settled in his groin. 

They were face to face now, legs intertwined and torsos brought together by Eric’s arms, his anger slowly melting to a heated hunger at each rise and fall of Eric’s ragged breathing. His hands, trapped between their chests, started to claw into Eric’s chest.  He watched breathlessly as Eric moistened his lips with his tongue, and the growing need to feel Eric’s lips on his has started to overwhelm his senses.

Yes, he yearned for it.  Ever since that drunken night almost a decade ago, where they had innocently locked lips in a dare, he had yearned to know how it would feel like to truly take Eric’s lips with his, to drink in his breath and to explore his mouth.  All this time though, it had been nothing but a secret fantasy for Hye Sung, something he’d guiltily allow his mind to wander on days when laughing and playing with Eric simply wasn’t enough.

But now, he found himself moving towards Eric’s lips.  Or was it Eric’s lips that were moving closer to his, he was no longer sure. All he knew was that their lips were just a breath away from each other, and all he needed to do was lean a little bit more. Of course, Eric might pull away, might even hit him for it, but he’d deal with the rejection later.  Right now, all he needed to do was close his eyes and lean in a bit more to close the gap between their lips. Just a little bit more.

He couldn’t do it.

He wanted Eric, but not like this. He didn’t want to force himself to someone who didn’t feel the same way about him, didn’t want to waste a lifetime of friendship over a lust-driven thought.  More than that, he didn’t want to lose what little self respect he had for himself over another moment of indiscretion.

Slowly, he pushed Eric away, not surprised when the taller guy didn’t resist.  He was surprised though, when he opened his eyes to find Eric still staring at him with a pained expression. “Am I—not enough?”

Those few words were enough to send Hye Sung’s emotions in another state of disarray. He had expected Eric to confront him regarding his earlier actions.  He had even been ready to throw the blame back at Eric.  After all, Eric did hug him first.  However, Eric’s question was unexpected—almost pleading.  It was as if he had wanted more from Hye Sung. Or wanted him.

That’s impossible, right?

Hye Sung searched Eric’s expression for an answer, but only found Eric staring back at him with the same querying look.

Suddenly, the door to the back porch swung open, and an agitated Minwoo hurried towards them, followed by Dongwan, who was aiding an ashen-faced Andy.

“What happened?” Eric asked as soon as Minwoo reached them, and he too, tried his best to act nonchalant, although his mind was still in a daze.

The nervous look that Minwoo gave both of them was enough to bring him back to reality though, and he started to worry about what could have happened. Minwoo was the kind that doesn’t fret over things that can be deemed worrisome to others. Even earlier in the day, Minwoo had been the most calm among them all.  So, Minwoo’s anxiousness alone is a cause for worry.

Finally, Minwoo passed the tablet he was holding on to Eric. “You guys better look at this.”

Over the course of the past two days, Hye Sung felt a multitude of emotions—anxiety, joy, angst, hope—with just a couple of uttered words. There was no doubt in his mind of just how much power words can hold, and how they can shake up one’s world at any given moment.

However, only now did he realized just how powerful words can be, and how much fear they can instill into someone, when he saw the headline of the article that Minwoo passed for them to read.

 [Breaking News] Shinhwa’s Junjin rushed to hospital – filming accident or hate crime?

Sorry guys for taking very long to update. It may seem like an excuse, but my eye allergies have been keeping me from writing. To compensate, I’m giving you an extra-long chapter!kkk

Anyway, I would also like to apologize to those of you who were offended with the smoking scene.  I don’t smoke (I’ve had asthma since I was a kid) and don’t condone it either, but I’ve written it in as a symbolic scene for the high stress that they’re facing.  Hope you guys understand! ^^

Once again, I’m ending this note with a thank you to all of you who are still following this story.  Thank you so much for the comments, the subs, and the upvotes!  They keep me alive!kkk

Till next chapter y'all!!! ^^