AN: Hey guys! Before you start reading this chapter, there's some warnings that I'm gonna say because some dark themes are addressed in here. This chapter is actually really sad but nothing happens really. It's mainly just back story! I also have announcements at the end so I hope you will read them! Anyways, lets get to it!

WARNINGS (highlight to read because spoilers maybe): Mentions of deaths, suicidal thoughts, and a bunch of dark themes

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Jongin groaned when he slowly blinked himself awake. His mind was foggy and he was trying to remember what happened. When his vision returned to him, he found himself sitting on the couch with the TV still on. His neck was aching when he turned his head slightly to glance at the clock.

2:46AM

Why am I awake this early…?

Jongin felt something move beside him and he turned his gaze towards it. Sehun was comfortably resting his head on Jongin’s chest, fast asleep. The older was surprised to find the blind boy having dried up tear trails on his cheeks. Slowly, memories of the past few days started flooding his mind. Jongin couldn’t help but smile to himself as he leaned down to give a kiss to the younger’s head before he adjusted himself to sleep more comfortably.

===

The Kim household was having a peaceful dinner. Jongin was halfway done with his second bowl of rice when his mother spoke up.

“Jongin, sweetheart.” The said boy nodded in response. “Your father and I have something to tell you.”

The boy shifted his gaze between his father and mother, giving them his full attention.

“You’re old enough to take care of yourself, right?” His father asked.

Jongin nodded slowly, confused on what his parents were trying to tell him.

“We were… Asking if you would be fine if… You were alone for a week…?”

He widened his eyes, the realization finally hitting him. “Where are you guys going? When are you guys leaving?”

His parents sighed.

“Don’t misunderstand, we love you very much, but your mother and I were deciding to go on a small winter vacation during Christmas until New Years.” His father explained.

“We know it’s supposed to be family time for the holidays but we were thinking…”

It finally clicked and Jongin broke into a grin. “Oh no, it’s fine! You guys haven’t had much alone time for a long while so I completely understand!” The boy laughed. “Have fun and take lots of pictures! And don’t forget to buy me something, or else I won’t be so forgiving!”

Jongin saw the wave of relief in his parents’ faces.

“Thanks for taking this very maturely, son.” His father ruffled his hair, making him whine in protest.

“We’ll be together for our summer vacation, for sure!” His mother piped in.

Jongin just nodded with a smile and continued eating his dinner. He didn’t mind that his parents were going on vacation without him during his winter holiday. The only thing he had in mind was a certain blind boy and how they’ll spend time together.

~*~

The tan boy plopped himself next to Sehun, who was munching on some crackers. The beagle line were fighting over their own lunches while Kyungsoo was scrolling through his phone. Jongin reminded himself to ask Sehun to join him and gang up against Kyungsoo to tell them who his boyfriend was. However, he had more important questions in mind.

“Hey Sehun, are you free over the winter holidays?”

The blind boy stopped eating his crackers for a moment and nodded. “I should be.”

Jongin smiled and placed a hand on top of Sehun’s. When the younger felt the contact, he turned his head and returned the smile before biting into another cracker.

“So, my parents are going to be out of town for a little over a week and I was wondering if you wanted to come and stay over during that time?”

Sehun tilted his head but then broke out into a large grin. “Sounds like fun. I would love to.”

The answer made Jongin feel a bubbling of happiness erupt in his chest. However, the feeling was soon washed away. “How are we supposed to convince Luhan?”

Sehun thought for a moment. “We don’t.”

“… What?”

“I’ll just ask Minseok for permission and not tell Luhan anything.”

“He’s going to be angry…”

“That’s okay. Minseok can deal with him.”

Jongin blinked before he laughed. “Do you do this often?”

Sehun pulled on a playful grin. “I suppose not often enough if Minseok’s not mad at me yet!”

“At least they’re not as gross as you guys.”

Jongin suddenly remembered that his other friends were there with them when he heard another voice. He turned his head towards the beagles, who were whispering loudly to each other.

“Excuse me, Chanyeol and I are not gross.”

Jongdae scoffed. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you in order for that dense brain of yours to finally accept the truth.”

“I feel insulted by your presence.”

“I feel insulted by your existence.”

“I feel the urge to strangle all three of you.” Kyungsoo muttered without looking up from his phone.

“But I didn’t say anything!” Chanyeol whined.

Sehun giggled. “I bet they were talking about us.”

Jongin smiled. “I think so too.”

“Want to make it more torturous for them?”

“I love it when we think of the same thing.”

When Jongin leaned down to press his lips against Sehun’s, he heard noises of protest around him. This only encouraged him further and he gave Sehun a long kiss. As soon as they parted, Baekhyun started groaning and almost knocked his can of soda over, Jongdae making identical movements.

“I take back what I said before. They’re more disgusting than the both of us.”

~*~

The doorbell caused Jongin to rush down the stairs and swing open the door. The boy grinned when he saw Sehun and Minseok standing outside. The blind boy reached out to grab Jongin’s arm, who stretched it out quickly. As soon as Sehun was safely inside the house and away from the cold, Minseok smiled.

“You two have fun.” He said. “I have to go distract Luhan now. He’s still confused on why I sent him out to buy sunflower seeds.”

“Thanks for agreeing to this, Minseok.” Sehun smiled at the oldest.

Minseok ruffled Sehun’s hair. “Of course, Sehun. I can’t let you be locked up in the house forever. Just enjoy the holidays, alright? I’ll come pick you up the evening after New Years.”

Sehun nodded. Before Jongin closed the door, the two teenagers waved farewell to the oldest, who hollered one last good bye before disappearing around the corner. Jongin turned around and finally took in how Sehun looked.

The younger was bundled up tightly, a large coat covering his thin frame and a scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. Sehun’s winter hat had wolf ears on them and the flaps covered his ears. Sehun’s nose and cheeks were dusted with pink from the cold and Jongin realized that Sehun wasn’t wearing his glasses. Sehun’s gloved hands were still holding onto him and Jongin also realized that Sehun’s walking stick wasn’t with him either. Sehun only had a backpack on and a small duffle bag near his leg to spend the 9 days at Jongin’s house.

“Ready to have fun?”

“As much fun as I can.” Sehun replied playfully.

They both laughed. Jongin quickly pulled Sehun forward, earning a squeal from the younger, before placing kisses all over Sehun’s face. Sehun couldn’t stop giggling.

“Jongin!” Sehun playfully punched Jongin in the chest while laughing.

The tan boy couldn’t help it and laughed along, slowly taking off the thick layer of clothing Sehun had on. Sehun was smiling the whole while until he had on only his sweater, sweatpants, and hat.

“Luhan got me this hat and said I looked like a wolf.” Sehun grinned. “How do I look?”

“Honestly,” Jongin stifled a laugh. “You look more like cute little pup.”

Sehun pouted. “Excuse you, I am not cute.”

“Oh, my bad.”

“Yeah, your ba-“

“You’re the most adorable tiny wolf pup in the world.”

Sehun puffed up his cheeks to mimic an angry child. “I’m more manly than yo- Wah! Kim Jongin! What do you think you’re doing?!”

Jongin laughed when he threw Sehun over his shoulder. The blind boy was as light as a feather. He carried Sehun over to the couch and gently placed the other teen down. However, as soon as he set Sehun down, he received a kick to the shoulder. He yelped and fell back.

“What was that for?”

“For picking me up without telling me!” Sehun huffed. “That was terrifying!”

“Aw.” Jongin brushed himself off and sat beside the younger. “I’m sorry, Hunnie!” He said in his most cute voice.

“Ugh, disgusting.” Sehun stuck his tongue out but laughed. “We’re so gross. I don’t want to turn into Chanyeol and Baekhyun or Jongdae and Junmyeon!”

Jongin chuckled. “I think it’s inevitable now.” After a brief moment, he turned his head towards Sehun. “Hey, what do you want to eat?”

Sehun shrugged. “I don’t know. What are the options?”

“Take out or instant noodles.”

“Wow, so many to choose from.”

“I don’t need your sass before dinner.”

~*~

Jongin was holding Sehun’s hand as they walked down the street. Decorations were already up and the mood was extremely cheerful. Joyous music were blaring from every store, causing a jumble of carols to surround the people. Jongin felt Sehun snuggle closer to get warmer. The older couldn’t help but smile and let go of Sehun’s hand to wrap his arm around the younger’s waist. He glanced over and saw Sehun’s cheeks flushed but a smile was on his lips.

“Hey, Jongin.” Sehun said.

“Yeah?”

“Can you… Tell me how everything looks like right now?”

Jongin looked at how embarrassed Sehun looked but smiled. “Of course.”

As the two made their way around the town, he described all the decorations and shops. He told the younger about the stores and sales, the food stands, the people walking around, the clothes (especially the sweaters), and everything that he saw. He could tell how happy Sehun was when he described as much as he could. Sehun excitedly ask many questions and Jongin didn’t mind. As long as it made Sehun happy, he was glad to answer.

“It’s still the same but so different…” Sehun whispered, mainly to himself.

“What is?” Jongin asked.

The blind boy didn’t say anything for a while. Jongin was going to drop the subject but Sehun beat him to it.

“I remember celebrating the holidays back when I was a kid, before I lost my eye sight.” Sehun murmured. “It was beautiful, the lights and the snow. People dancing around a tree were very pleasant to watch. I always wanted to join them…” Sehun paused for a moment. “Everything was beautiful. I’m assuming it still is, judging by what you described.” He turned his head towards Jongin’s and smiled. “Thank you for doing this for me. It really means a lot. It’s almost as if I can see again.”

Jongin didn’t know what to say so he opted to lean over and give Sehun a kiss before they continued to walk. He didn’t miss the way Sehun smiled but he also didn’t miss how Sehun seemed to hide something.

~*~

“Merry Christmas!”

Jongin grinned at Sehun’s shocked expression when he plopped a box on the younger’s lap.

“Y-You got me something?”

“Of course! What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

Sehun smiled at Jongin before he carefully tried to unwrap the box. Jongin watched as the blind boy trailed his hands around the box and slowly started to pick at the taped pieces. The wrapping paper came apart as a whole piece and Sehun continued to feel around the box, discovering a lid and opening it.

“Guess what it is.” Jongin said as he saw Sehun touch the gift.

The younger slowly took out the soft object and traced the outline with his hand. His eyes widen and seemed to sparkle when he realized what it was.

“Don’t tell me you got me an ugly sweater…!”

“What if I did?”

Sehun grinned happily and hugged the sweater close. “I need to wear this right now then!”

Jongin laughed as he helped Sehun take off the sweater that he was wearing to replace it with the new one. It was slightly too big but Sehun always loved oversized sweaters, especially ugly ones for the season.

“What color is it?”

“Red.”

“What’s on it?”

“Cotton ball snowmen and trees.”

“No way!”

“About?”

“Wait right here!”

Jongin was surprised that Sehun stumbled away and up the stairs, returning with a wrapped box in his hand. The blind boy hesitated at the bottom the steps and Jongin rushed over to lead Sehun back to the couch. It’s only been a day and a half since Sehun arrived, it was reasonable he still needed some more time to memorize the layout of Jongin’s house. As soon as they were seated again, Sehun happily shoved the box in Jongin’s arms.

“Merry Christmas!”

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” Jongin said. “You are the greatest present I can ever receive.”

“Shut up, you piece of cheese,” Sehun laughed. “And open your present!”

The older grinned and started opening the present. He opened it a little slowly because he was watching Sehun’s anticipating face. When the sound of the wrapping paper fell to the floor, Jongin could see Sehun slightly bouncing in his seat. Jongin opened the lid and gasped.

Inside the box was a matching sweater to Sehun’s but instead of it being red, the sweater was green.

“No way.” Jongin mumbled.

“I know!” Sehun was giggling. “I can’t believe we basically got the same thing for each other!”

“When did you get this?”

“I was out shopping with Minseok and Luhan a few weeks ago.” Sehun replied. “Luhan ran off somewhere, probably finding something for Minseok, so I was with Minseok and I asked him to help me pick something out for you. He led me to where all the ugly sweaters were and helped describe the clothes for me and then I picked this one because I thought it sounded cute.”

Jongin smiled as Sehun told the story and pulled him into a hug. “Let me wear this so we can match.”

Jongin quickly changed into the sweater and plopped himself back down, Sehun instantly curling up by his side.

“I feel like one of those cheesy couples with matching everything.” Sehun giggled.

“We could be.” Jongin smiled and gave Sehun a kiss on the forehead. “Just wait.”

“Huh?”

“Just wait a little longer, you’ll see.”

“Would I really?” Sehun teased.

“Stop that.”

~*~

It was a few days before New Years and Jongin was planning something special. He still needed to ask Sehun if he was sensitive to fireworks because they were really loud. He wanted to have a late night picnic somewhere with only the two of them and just enjoy the year’s end and start with each other. He wanted it to be peaceful and he was sure Sehun would like it too.

He had two warm mugs of hot chocolate in his hands as he made his way back to the living room. Soft music was playing through the portable speaker on the coffee table. Sehun had Jjangah on his lap while Jjanggu was curled up against his thigh and Monggu sprawled on his feet. The blind boy was gently petting the dog on his lap with his eyes closed and head leaned back. Jongin carefully sat down next to Sehun.

“Here’s your hot choco.”

“Thanks.”

The two sat in comfortable silence while sipping onto their drinks. After a long moment, Monggu stretched and started hopping away. The two other dogs heard their fellow peer going away which caused them to scramble up and after the other. The couple chuckled at the two younger dogs’ clumsiness.

“You know, I think my babies love you more than me.” Jongin laughed.

“I can’t help how charming and amazing I am.” Sehun responded.

They laughed for a bit before letting the silence take over again. The song has long since changed into a beautiful ballad song. Sehun hummed along to the tune, occasionally stopping to sip his drink. It was peaceful and relaxing. Jongin hoped to have more moments like this with Sehun. He wouldn’t trade any time spent with the younger for anything.

“I used to have a cat.” Sehun suddenly said.

“You did?”

“Yeah. We were the best of friends. This all took place before I moved to China, by the way.” Sehun paused before he continued. “I loved him a lot and I knew he loved me back. We would always play together and traveled together. We practically did everything together. You never see us a part.” Sehun smiled sadly. “Thinking about your relationship with your dogs reminded me of him. Sorry for randomly bringing it up.”

Jongin wrapped one arm over Sehun’s shoulder and brought the younger closer to him. “Sehun, you don’t have to be sorry for anything. You can say whatever you want, as much as you want, whenever you want.”

Sehun smiled into his cup that he held to his lips. “Thanks Jongin. I forget, you know… I’m not used to… You know…” He trailed off and took another sip of his drink.

The older sighed and held Sehun closer to him. He shifted their positions so that Sehun was sitting across the couch with his legs draped over Jongin’s lap and could rest his head on Jongin’s chest. Jongin left his mug on the coffee table and started playing with Sehun’s fingers. He nuzzled his face into Sehun’s hair and could smell Sehun’s unique sent mixed with the shampoo he always uses. He smiled.

“It’s okay, Sehun. I know it’ll take time. I just want you to trust me. I will always be here for you and I will never leave you.”

Sehun sighed and stretched his arm out to place the mug on the coffee table as well. It had been a few days so the blind boy could map out the house and walk around with confidence and no assistance. Sehun leaned back and snuggled closer to Jongin’s chest, lightly griping onto the shirt.

“Thank you, Jongin.” Sehun whispered. “I don’t know what I have done, now and in my past lives, to deserve someone like you…”

The older cupped Sehun’s cheeks and turned Sehun’s head so that they were facing each other. Jongin stared deep into Sehun’s dull, half lidded eyes. He tilted his head and leaned down to give a light kiss on Sehun’s lips. The younger closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around the older’s neck, pulling him in closer and deepening the kiss. When they parted, Jongin saw how pink Sehun cheeks were and smiled, giving butterfly kisses all over Sehun’s face, making the younger giggle. He rested his forehead against Sehun’s, examining the blind boy up close.

“Don’t say things like that.” Jongin murmured. “You deserve everything. You’ve been through so much but you still walk around with a smile. You make people around you happy, especially me. Every time I’m with you, I’m the happiest person ever.” Jongin rubbed a thumb on Sehun’s cheek. “You mean the world to me, I want you to know that. Everything that we’ve done together, everything that we’ve said to each other, I would cherish it to the ends of the world.” He gave a light kiss, one full of love and care.

“Oh Sehun… I think I’m in love with you…”

There was a heavy silence. Sehun sat still, not moving and not uttering a sound. Jongin was staring into Sehun’s eyes, searching for a response. No one moved and no one said a thing. It seemed like time had stopped. Jongin didn’t regret what he said but he wanted to know, needed to know, how Sehun felt about it before his hearts starts ramming out of his chest.

It was almost as if Sehun read his mind because right after he thought that, the blind boy leaned in and placed a soft kiss on Jongin’s lips. He pulled back with a heavy blush on his cheeks and a small smile.

“I think I’m in love with you too, Kim Jongin.”

~*~

The sun had long since set. The couple were still awake. A movie was playing on the TV, Jongin whispering the events to Sehun, who was listening carefully to keep up with the plot. By the time the movie credits rolled up, the two already lost interest in the movie and more interested in each other.

The two were sharing a blanket. They were sitting in a similar position like they had earlier that afternoon. Jongin was playing with Sehun’s hair while Sehun was fiddling with Jongin’s free hand. The younger laced their fingers together and giggled, causing a smile to appear on Jongin’s face.

“Hey, Jongin…”

Jongin hummed in response.

“Can I… Can I tell you something…? I never told anyone else, except for Luhan and Minseok. Well, they already knew about it but…” Sehun stopped talking and just rested his head on Jongin’s chest.

“Of course. Like I said, you can tell me anything.” Jongin replied and kissed Sehun’s head to encourage him.

It seemed to do the trick because Sehun started talking.

“I… I want to tell you about what happened.” Sehun whispered. “About my childhood, about my family, about how I lost my eyesight... Not because I want your pity, oh no, anything but that… It’s just… We’re in this relationship and you deserve to know, you know…? I didn’t want to hide it from you anymore.” Sehun took a deep breath.

Jongin sat silently because he just knows Sehun just needs to get something off his chest. He wrapped his arms around the younger and held him close, waiting for the words to tumble out of Sehun’s mouth.

“I lived in Korea, as you know, before I moved to China. I had a mom and a dad and an older brother. We were a happy family, everything was peaceful. We adopted a cat when I was two, you know, the one I told you about earlier. Everything was great and… Normal.” Sehun let out a shaky breath. “It was the summer after I turned seven when everything started falling apart. My cat started falling ill and we took him to many hospital visits. The vet told us he only had a few months to live. He was my best friend so it hurt to know that he’ll be gone.

“Well, that day came sooner that I thought. I was sitting outside with him, under our favorite tree. It was really big and it had large branches that stretched out. It was our favorite spot to relax under the shade. We were just sitting there but when I went to pet him, I suddenly felt something wrong. I looked down and saw he wasn’t moving, he wasn’t breathing. I didn’t know what happened after that, it’s still all a blur but I think I took him back to my family. We hurried to the vet and I’m pretty sure I was bawling my eyes out. My brother was comforting me as much as he could but nothing could bring back my best friend…

“We buried him under his favorite tree. I went to visit every single day and sat down and talked for hours. I think I isolated myself from my family for a while. I slowly started going back to my regular self, talking with my friends and family again. But…” Sehun started gripping on Jongin’s shirt.

Jongin rubbed soothing circles on Sehun’s back. “Shh… You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to…”

Sehun shook his head. “No, no… You deserve to know. I… I need to tell someone…” Sehun took several deep breaths before he continued. “It was about… Three months after my cat died that… My parents wanted to take my brother and me on a trip. We were going to go to a few cities over and relax at a small resort. My brother and I were excited to go and my parents looked really happy to see us happy… Everything was alright until… Until it started to rain. We didn’t mind it much because what could rain do? A lot, apparently…

“It started raining harder and harder the further we went. My father was trying to look for a rest stop so we could wait out the rain but… It was raining so hard that we couldn’t see. I suddenly got really scared and I told my brother that but he kept reassuring me that it’ll be okay but… But I… I didn’t feel like it. I knew something bad was going to happen and I…” Sehun’s breath hitched. “I… I was so scared… I’m not too sure what happened after that either… All I remember was that everything was spinning and glass breaking and my mother’s shout and my brother trying to hold on to me… And I… I think I passed out? I don’t know how and I don’t know when but… I…” Sehun flinched at the memory.

Jongin held him close to him, whispering comforting words. He knew Sehun was trying not to cry but he also knew that Sehun would burst soon. Sehun held onto his shirt tightly that Jongin was slightly surprised that it didn’t rip.

“I woke up at the hospital. I felt numb and really empty. It was an unusual feeling for a seven year old.” Sehun sniffed. “I couldn’t talk and I was surrounded with black. At first I thought they put something on my eyes. The doctors and nurses asked me questions and I could only reply with slight finger movements. It continued for weeks before I was able to move more of my limbs and talk a little. My memory was extremely hazy and I barely knew anything. All I remembered was my family. I… I asked a nurse about them but she didn’t say anything. She only patted my arm and left.

“I was still so confused. I didn’t know why I couldn’t see, I didn’t know why I was at the hospital. No one really told me anything. The doctor said that I might not see for a long while but he didn’t elaborate. I think it was because I was still a kid, that’s why they didn’t want to tell me anything. I panicked so much when they told me I couldn’t see for a while. I didn’t know how long a long while was but I didn’t ask any further. I guess I was afraid of the answer?

“My cousin, Luhan, and his parents came to visit me. I didn’t actually recognize them during that time. They were crying really hard and Luhan kept holding my hand. I didn’t know what happened until I was able to walk again. I overheard my aunt and uncle talking about a funeral when I was coming back to my room from physical therapy. I stood right outside my room just listening because I figured this was the only way I could get answers. I didn’t know what a funeral was or anything, I was still young. I was going to give up on just listening in because I didn’t understand until I heard my parent’s and my brother’s name. I almost fell over when I went inside, asking about what happened to my family. W-When… When I heard… I…”

Jongin looked down and hurriedly started wiping away Sehun’s tears with his thumb. Sehun quietly cried, his shoulders shaking. The blind boy buried his face into Jongin’s chest, the older holding him close. There was silence between them with Sehun’s broken sobs occasionally interrupting it. A small patter and a small weight caused Sehun to stop for a moment. Jjangah was nosing her way onto Sehun’s lap. The small dog looked up at Sehun’s tear stained face and started , briefly stopping to stare up at Sehun with questioning eyes. Jjanggu and Monggu were on the floor near the couch, staring up with curious eyes.

Sehun couldn’t help but let out a small, quiet laugh as he petted the dog on his lap. “It’s okay, Jjangah. I’m okay.”

The dog nuzzled into Sehun’s hand and made herself comfortable on his lap. Jongin smiled as the other two dogs climbed back onto the couch and settled themselves at Sehun’s feet.

“They don’t want to see you sad.” Jongin whispered.

“Thank you.” Sehun murmured and continued to pet Jjangah. After a brief moment of silence, Sehun continued with a more steady voice.

“My parents died on the spot. My brother died at the hospital. I was told there was no hope for me but somehow I survived. There were a lot of other victims but I didn’t hear much about them. I took a big hit near my head, causing the optic nerves to damage and… I was told it could be temporary but it’s permanent blindness now.

“The information was too much to handle at the time. I didn’t talk much after that, knowing that I’m an orphan and that I wouldn’t be able to see again. I spent my eighth birthday at the hospital too but I wasn’t allowed to do much. My aunt and uncle decided to take me back to China with them so I went. We took some time so I could heal and catch up on studies but… I went into relapse on the way. I had to get treatment in China to heal my legs again. That wasn’t it, either. I don’t know what was happening but memories randomly started popping through my mind and my emotions were in hysterics. I screamed, I cried, I pushed everything that tried to get close to me away at random points of the day. Would you believe that an eight year old had all this going on?”

Jongin looked down at Sehun. The younger had tears streaming down his face but he wasn’t sobbing. He just rested his head on Jongin’s chest and sat in silence.

I could never imagine…

Jongin held Sehun tightly. He buried his face into Sehun’s hair. He heard Sehun sniff and tried to get as close to Jongin as possible. The grip on Jongin’s shirt was still tight but loosened slightly.

“It took a long time to get used to. I spent a whole year trying to get over my family’s death, to learn how to use my legs again, to learn how to move around with no sight. It was so hard. I was ready to give up. I kept thinking it was all my fault, that I was the one to blame for my family’s death. I was the only who lived, after all. I started thinking about how it could have been different. What if I wasn’t there? Would my family still have gone on that trip? I don’t know why I started thinking that but it clouded my mind. That’s all I thought about.

“I was diagnosed with depression in middle school, actually, but I’m sure I had it long before that. I always felt like a burden, a waste of space. My medical bills weren’t exactly cheap and I knew it was weighing down my aunt and uncle. I locked myself away. I barely slept, barely ate… I barely had enough energy to do anything. I actually thought about taking my life several times…” Sehun closed his eyes. “I really felt like nothing. I was filled with guilt and emptiness… I don’t know. I was too scared to die, too. I was probably a joke to myself. How can a blind person kill themselves?

“Luhan interfered with my thinking, though. He always made sure that I was okay. He was there every single step of the way and I am so grateful that he was there for me. He was just like my brother, but more protective. Maybe that’s why I got close to him so quickly. I used to just hang out with him because he was with my brother a lot because they were the same age but… I’m so, so thankful. I don’t know what would have happened if he wasn’t there.

“He took out so much of his free time to help me and just kept me company. He always supported me and encouraged me… I understand why he’s so protective of me now and I feel so selfish wanting to do all these things behind his back… He’s always worrying over me and I really didn’t want to be a burden but he kept telling me, reminding me, that I wasn’t. He kept dragging me out of bed to make sure I was eating, he took me out, he kept a good eye on me just to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid.” Sehun sighed.

“I didn’t know he was helping me so much back then. I kept trying to push him away but he would always push back. It surprised me. It was around the beginning of my third year of middle school when he introduced me to Minseok. They were dating during that time and I didn’t know because I was too busy avoiding everyone. Ah, I’m rambling, sorry.” Sehun mumbled. However, he didn’t let Jongin say anything and continued. “Long story short, Minseok helped out with financial stuff because, as you know, he works at Kim Corps and he’s trying to reassure me that nothing was my fault and that I’m not a burden and he wants to help. I’m pretty sure Luhan told him about me and he wants to help as much as he can.

“I didn’t get better right away. It took time. When I came back here, I wasn’t that different but I learned how to pretend. You can get away with a lot of things when you’re blind, did you know? All the smiles and laughter when I first got here were fake. But… I don’t know. This school is different. I still get my fair share of teasing and whatever but it’s different. I felt like I could actually join you guys. I took a lot of time to get used to everything, that’s why I joined in the middle of the school year instead of at the beginning. I was trying to teach myself how to be normal, how to make friends. Luhan didn’t want me to avoid people and told myself to open up to at least one person. That person ended up being you and I’m glad it was you. You helped me more than you think, Jongin.” Sehun slowly started petting Jjangah again. “I’m still struggling but I think I’m actually getting better. I think I’m starting to actually get better… I don’t know how to thank you, really. But yeah… That’s… That’s it... Now you know, I guess… I’m sorry for talking so much…”

Silence filled between them. Jongin didn’t know what to say to all that. Sehun had been through so much. It hurt to know that Sehun was pretending but he was glad that Sehun is being sincere now. He smiled and ran his fingers through Sehun’s hair.

“Sehun… Don’t apologize. I already told you that you can say however much you want. You don’t have to thank me, either. I’m thankful to have met you. You mean so much to me and to hear all this… I don’t know what to say because I’m terrible with words but I want you to know that you’re never a waste space. There are people out there who love you so much. You don’t have to give me anything but if you continue to let some people in and help you, that’s enough for me. As long as you’re happy, truly happy, then I will be happy.” Jongin smiled into Sehun’s hair. “I know we haven’t known each other for long and our relationship is still young but I believe that we’ll continue to be close. I don’t know what the future will hold but I can only hope that you will be happy. You’re happiness is my happiness and I really mean it.”

Jongin felt Sehun start shaking and he let the younger cry into his chest again. Jongin figured it must have taken a lot of courage and effort to be willing to tell someone everything. Sehun must have held it to himself for so long. Jongin couldn’t imagine living in a life full of tragedy and not let anyone know. Jongin sat still. Everything started to make sense to him. How Sehun always degraded himself, how Sehun always seems to avoid talking to anyone about certain events, how Sehun just didn’t think about himself at all.

He continued to rub soothing patterns on Sehun’s back. All the crying and talking, plus the late time, must have tired the younger out because Jongin felt Sehun’s shaking stop and Sehun’s breathing leveled out. He smiled and kissed Sehun’s forehead.

“You’re never alone in this, Sehun. I hope you will let me in and help you.”

===

The second time Jongin woke up; he was sprawled out on the couch and tangled up in the blankets. He sat up and tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes. He was in the middle of stretching when he suddenly smelled a delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. Jongin stood up and started following the scent. He poked his head into the kitchen and widened his eyes when he saw Sehun standing near the stove, stirring something in a pan.

“Good morning, Jongin.” Sehun greeted.

Jongin was surprised but stepped into the kitchen anyway. He wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist and rested his head on Sehun’s shoulder.

“Good morning. How did you know I was there?”

“Because I can recognize your stares.”

Jongin laughed and Sehun followed suit. He saw how Sehun was skillfully scrambling eggs.

“I didn’t know you cooked.”

“Yeah, well, Minseok said it’s something I should learn. He taught me how to recognize tastes of certain spices and stuff and how to make basic things on my own.” Sehun smiled. “I didn’t think they would be of any use because he was doing everything for me but I guess it came in handy now.” After a brief silence, Sehun added, “I practically tasted everything in your cabinets and felt around and I have a few concerns to address with you, Jongin.”

Sehun turned his head and smiled. Jongin stared at this smile. It was different than all the other ones that Jongin had seen. This one wasn’t big but Jongin could see how sincere and how much love is filled into this smile. Sehun’s eyes seemed to twinkle and Jongin couldn’t help but lean in to place a kiss on Sehun’s lips.

“Ugh, gross.”

“Gross?!”

“You and your morning breath. It’s so disgusting. How am I supposed to eat our breakfast now?”

“I guess you have to deal with it.”

“… I’m throwing the eggs out.”

“No! Please don’t!”

~*~

It was eleven in the evening on New Year’s Eve. Jongin was leading Sehun back to the lake he had taken Sehun on their first date. He smiled as he saw the excitement on Sehun’s face. The two had napped all day in order to stay awake for the turning of the New Year. Jongin even brought his dogs along with them to celebrate.

When they entered park, there was no one. Jongin was actually surprised that no one was near the lake because it was a nice open area to shoot fireworks but he was glad. They settled near the lake and started munching on small snacks they brought with them. The dogs were chasing each other but Jongin made sure to keep them nearby, even though he knew his dogs could head back home on their own if they needed.

“Guess what I brought with me?”

Sehun perked his head up, his mouth full of the sandwich he was shoving into his mouth.

“Hm..?” He hummed while chewing.

Jongin laughed at Sehun’s cute expression. “Sparklers!”

Sehun made some incoherent noises while he was talking with his mouth full. He quickly tried to chew and swallow before he started talking.

“No way! I heard that sparklers are super pretty…!”

Jongin smiled. “I brought them because I thought you were sensitive to fireworks’ loud noises but I never got the chance to ask so I decided to play it safe and brought sparklers.”

Sehun smiled and reached out to pat Jongin’s cheek. He managed to pat the area between Jongin’s neck and cheek.

“Aw, you’re so sweet!”

“Not as sweet as you.”

“Disgusting.”

“More like filled with cavities.”

“Ew, gross. Get away from me.”

“But Hunnie! I love you!!”

Sehun started laughing very hard as Jongin tackled him over and started showering him with kisses. The older felt so proud to make Sehun laugh this way that he stopped just admire the blind boy’s face. Sehun stopped laughing and smile u.

“Thank you again, Jongin, for everything.” Sehun whispered. “It means a lot to me.”

Jongin smiled. “Anything for you, Sehun.”

“Jongin…”

“Hm…?”

“Can I be selfish one more time before the year ends?”

Jongin sighed. “The things that you have done for the past few days weren’t selfish, Sehun. Anything you have done weren’t selfish. You had every right to do any of it. Even if they were, you deserve to be selfish.”

Sehun smiled. “Okay. Can I ask for a favor then?”

The older chuckled. “That’s better. And yes, you can.”

Sehun blinked before he shyly fiddled with his own coat’s buttons. “Can I… Can I touch your face?”

“Touch my face?”

The blind boy started blushing in embarrassment. “I… I don’t know how you look like and I want to feel how you look but it doesn’t change anything about our relationship! I’m just curious on how you looked like and I kind of just wanted to feel…” Sehun rambled.

Jongin stared at the younger for a few moments before he let out a laugh. “Of course you can.”

“W-What…?”

“Of course you can touch my face. Go ahead.”

Jongin watched how the flash of surprise appeared on Sehun’s face before he was blushing again. He didn’t say a thing when he took off his gloves and reached up to lightly place his fingers on Jongin’s cheeks. Jongin felt how cold they were despite being in gloves. Sehun slowly moved his fingers up; gliding over Jongin’s closed eye lids. Jongin felt his lashes brush against the tips of Sehun’s fingers and how the cold fingers left trails to his eyebrows and slide over to his temple. One hand moved to feel Jongin’s nose and there was a light tap, followed by a giggle. Jongin smiled at the noise, right when Sehun’s fingers brushed over his lips. Jongin noticed how Sehun’s finger lingered over his lips longer than his other facial features. Sehun smiled, looked like he was contemplating something, before he trailed his fingers down to Jongin’s jawline and down his neck. He rested his hands on Jongin’s shoulders for a second. Then he lifted his hands to run them up into Jongin’s hair.

“You’re beautiful.” Sehun whispered after he pulled his hands back.

Jongin reached to grab Sehun’s hands and kissed them. “Not as beautiful as you.”

Half an hour before the new year, Jongin and Sehun were fiddling with the sparklers. Jongin described how the sparklers looked like and Sehun commented on how the noise was relaxing to his ears. On Jongin’s phone, there was an app that was a countdown for the new year. It was an audio app therefore it counted down out loud so Jongin and Sehun could hear.

When Jongin’s phone called one minute, Jongin and Sehun made their way near the lake with sparklers in their hands. The three dogs were munching on some left over snacks that the couple had left a few feet away. Jongin took a deep breath and turned to Sehun.

“Sehun…”

“Yeah?”

“I know it hasn’t been too long since we’ve became a couple and I don’t know if we’re going too fast but you really do mean a lot to me. I’m not sure if this is because you’re my first love but I really do care for you a lot.”

“… Jongin…”

The older took another deep breath. “I know for sure that these feelings are sincere and I want to be with you forever. I want you to know that I’m always going to be here for you, no matter what. You can tell me anything, lean on me, rely on me, whatever. Just know that I’m here for you. That’s why… I got you this as a reminder.”

Jongin heard Sehun gasp when Jongin slipped a ring onto Sehun’s finger.

“J-Jongin..?”

“I got us matching promise rings. They both say forever on them. I saw them in the store when I was out looking for a Christmas gift for you so I got them. I didn’t know when to give them to you but I thought now would be a good time. Remember on Christmas when I told you to wait and see for the cheesy matching couple thing? Well, this was what I meant.”

The two could hear the phone starting to count down from ten.

“Jongin…” Sehun started tearing up. “I… I’ll treasure this forever.”

Eight. Seven.

“I’m glad you would. Promise me… That you can count on me for whatever you need.”

Six. Five. Four

“As long as you promise to do the same with me.”

Three. Two.

“I promise.”

One.

“I do too.”

Fireworks could be heard in the distance as the two leaned in to give each other a kiss.

---

AN: Can you tell I was trying to make it up to you guys by adding a lot of fluff because there was more sad stuff than I was hoping in this hahaha sorry. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! To clear some things up, the moments between the "===" is basically a "flashback" hahaha. The chapter begins the morning after Sehun told Jongin about his past. I hope I didn't make it too confusing! Anyways, here's some announcements I'm going to make!

I might not be updating in awhile because I'm going to be out of town for a whole week and then some later! That's why I made this chapter longer than usual to make up for the time I might not be here! I hope you guys won't be disappointed! I'm also planning to wrap this story up with another 2 or 3 chapters! Would you guys like me to write random bonus chapters/separate stories for this? I might make a series hahaha

Thank you to all those subscribed, upvoted, commented, and read this story! You guys are awesome! :-)