More than 40 victims found dead in two years...

All of them have the same conditions and the same cause of death. The victims' fingers are taken, their guts are torn.

The number of victims are still increasing as hours pass by, with not much time left, 14 must find IT before it finds her. What she is unaware of is that, IT, is a lot closer to her than she think. Everything revolves around one question, who is IT?

I cheated a bit and watched the trailer that was posted on the description, it caught my attention and Paramore’s Decode adds to the mystery of the story. On contrary to the eye-catching video, your description makes it feel like you’re giving away the culprit.

I stopped reading on chapter 7, because even through these chapters it was enough for me to know what you need to work on.

You tend to mention details that aren’t really important, although it is important to have detail sometimes having details on what isn’t important bores people. And what you did is mention how many skinny jeans and shirts Dee gave her—knowing this isn’t important, nobody’s is going to remember how many pairs of jeans and shirts she has.

Your character contradicts herself, in the beginning you say how she’s an elite hunter and make her sound as if she’s cool and collected. She’s hunted creatures before, so she must be used to being in tight situations, but then you make her sound like she’s new to everything because she panics when she’s in a tight spot.

Your story is going too fast, #14’s identity was found out on the first day she entered school and honestly it didn’t raise any tensions or suspicions when it comes to the other characters (aka EXO). It would have been more nail-biting if Lay and 14’s distrusting beginning would have gone a little deeper, they could end up pointing fingers at each other for everything that’s happening.

You also made her “understand” what human interaction is like right away, but honestly human interaction can’t be learned on the first day, especially in a high school.

I don’t know how if you’re going with the flow, or planning your plot but there are a things that you have to fix. I hope this was enough to help, I’ll continue reading the chapters later because I’m a little curious as to who...what IT is.

© d-odorant