I wanna stop, I don’t want you anymore

I can’t do it, this

Yoongi felt the urge to do it again. His ex had bothered him all day, and his anger was rising. He cursed to himself. He couldn’t do it, his brain told him to stop, but his body moved towards the gasoline and the matches he had hid in his drawer. Yoongi was a pyromaniac, and he hated it.

He poured the gas all over his room and lit the match. His brain tried to tell him to stop, but it was already too late. The match he had lit dropped to the floor and his room caught fire quicker than he had thought. He had tried to stop doing this, he really had, the heat from the fire made his eyes water but he was sure he was crying too.

The fire alarm started to scream and Yoongi ran out of his room to find the fire extinguisher. He was quick enough to put it out in time. The white foam covered his now black and burned room. The fire alarm still rang obnoxiously and his ears hurt. Yoongi stepped on what used to be his bed and reached to pluck out the batteries of the fire alarm. Once it stopped ringing, it became dead silent.

His phone beeped. It was his ex again. He asked if they could meet. Yoongi was calmer now and quickly looked up a phone central’s number and asked them to block the number that kept texting him. Yoongi cursed, why couldn’t he think straight when he was angry, why did he burn things, why couldn’t he stop. He wanted to stop for Hoseok, his boyfriend.

Hoseok, he should text his boyfriend. They had promised the other boys to go to the hideout. Yoongi felt his head clear out from all bad thoughts and anger as he looked up Hoseok from his contacts to text him.

To Hoseok: Wanna hang today? How about we go to the hideout? We promised the boys to meet them, remember?

From Hoseok: Today has been really hard, I’ll see if I can come.

To Hoseok: Want me to come over?

From Hoseok: Please.

It didn’t take long for Yoongi to leave, he threw a last look over his room and cursed to himself, he would have to sleep on the floor from now on, since there was no other place to sleep on in his small apartment. Yoongi felt restless so he ran most of the way, luckily Hoseok happened to live in his neighbourhood and he was at his boyfriend’s doorstep in no time.

He knocked on the door and smiled at Hoseok’s mother who opened the door, she had always been really sweet and supportive. Yoongi quickly wished his mother would be like that too but forgot it as soon as he stepped inside Hoseok’s room. Hoseok looked really pale but Yoongi had seen him look worse. Yoongi talked with Hoseok for a while, before they decided to go to the hideout.

Yoongi was excited, he loved hanging out with the boys, especially when Hoseok came along. They were the last one’s to arrive and sat down on the floor next to Jimin.

    “What are we doing today?” Yoongi asked as he leaned down on Hoseok’s shoulder. No one seemed to have a clear plan but Yoongi didn’t mind. They would come up with something.

Yoongi looked at the boys gathered around the fire. Fire, he didn’t know why, but it made him feel less stressed. Maybe that was the reason he burned things, to feel calm. He knew it was a bad habit, and he didn’t know how to stop. He stared into the fire and felt himself tense up.

    “Hey! Are you ok,” Hoseok shook Yoongi out of his daze. Yoongi looked down, Hoseok was the only one who knew how bad his problem was, the other boys just knew he “burned things sometimes.”

Yoongi turned his attention to the boys this time after assuring Hoseok he was calm. Taehyung and Namjoon were whispering something on the couch they were sitting on. On the other couch Jungkook held his arm around Seokjin, while Seokjin talked with Jimin about something that Yoongi was too lazy to concentrate on. Jimin sat on the floor wrapped in a blanket, it was really weird how he was the only single one of them, Yoongi had always adored Jimin’s passion and good looks.

Yoongi could feel that Hoseok was about to fall asleep, Yoongi had learned to know when it was about to happen.

    “Hey hey, Hoseok, look at me, you have to stay awake. Do you need any medicine, I have some extra pills with me,” Yoongi worried about the younger one. Hoseok nodded and Yoongi looked for the pills in his pocket. He got a water bottle from Jungkook and Hoseok swallowed the pill in no time. Yoongi hugged his boyfriend tightly, he knew Hoseok felt weak at the moment, and he wanted to be there for him. Yoongi wanted to be there for all of the boys, they all needed it.