I was smiling as I played the last bar of music on the piano: we'd played in complete harmony with no dissonant notes, and no off beats. And when I say we, I'm referring to Seunghyun and I.

 

Dropping my hands to my side, I looked up, only to find him grinning down at me, his viola in hand. We'd just spent the last hour practicing his coursework piece, and, after several run-throughs, we'd finally perfected it. Seunghyun was – is great. He played with such a fluidity and intuition that, although not as graceful as Jiyong's, was still just as captivating.

 

"That was great," Seunghyun said. "Thanks again for doing this, Dara."

 

"My pleasure," I said. "I love the concerto you've picked. It's beautiful."

 

He gave me a small smile, turned his head to the side, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. I bent down to retrieve my bag, barely discerning his mumbled, "You're beautiful."

 

I freezed, my hand stilled on top of my bag. What? I frowned, waiting for him to say something more, but he didn't. I slipped my music into my bag then, deciding I'd either misheard or imagined Seunghyun's utterance.

 

"We play really well together," he said. "We're perfect playing partners – we make a good team."

 

I nodded, standing up, and smiled. "Yeah, we do play well together."

 

He's still smiling down at me, broad and unrestrained, his electric eyes warm. I can't help but smile back. And I can't help the fleeting thought of how… cute he looked.

 

I instantly cringed away from the thought. I'm done with the male species (yes, I've denounced them as an entirely different entity from females), because all they do is cause more harm than good. I'm best rid of them.

 

"I've got to go," I said, walking towards the door. "I need to pick Durami up from soccer practice," I explained. He followed, and, like a gentleman, held the door open for me (so not necessary – I'm more than capable of opening a door - just saying).

 

"I'll see you on Monday then," he said.

 

"You will indeed."

 

"Can we run-through the concerto again? I want to make sure everything's perfect before I record it."

 

I smiled. "Sure." And waved goodbye. "See you, Seunghyun."

 

"Bye Dara."

 

 

 

 

 

 

I arrived early to pick Durami up from soccer. There were some waiting parents on the stands, so I went over and situated myself on the first row.

 

I watched as Durami dribbles the ball, speedily and skillfully moving up and down the pitch. I haven't seen her play for a while, and felt somewhat bad for not doing so. She had a game coming up soon, so I promised myself I'll be one of her roaring supporters for then.

 

The school's main door whammed loudly against the building, pulling my attention away from the game. Seungri's standing in the doorway, his arm outstretched, supporting the door.

 

"Hey Seungri," I called, walking over to him.

 

His eyebrows rose up in surprise, his sightless eyes fixing a little above my head. "Dara noona?"

 

"Yeah," I said, "it's me. How come you're still at school?"

 

"Extra classes," he explained. "I have a tutor that reads to me, helping me with my school work and stuff." He frowned. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Picking up Durami from soccer practice."

 

Although both Seungri and Durami attend different schools (Durami in junior high and Seungri in high school), both schools share the same sports field due to their close proximity of each other.

 

Seungri tilted his head to the side, listening. "Didn't realize Durami still played soccer. I only saw her play a handful of times – a few years ago now, of course – but I remember her being good."

 

"Yeah," I said, smiling, turning my gaze back to the game. "She's kicking all their asses." I watched as Durami delivered a tackle, swiftly kicking the ball from out of her opponents reach. "She's not bad at all."

 

"How are you getting home?" I asked. I know the family don't have access to a car, their dad having left with it, and, what with having a mother who's always over the alcohol level to drive one, had not invested in one. Jiyong had remarked a couple of times to me how he'd been saving up for driving lessons and a car. He craved the independence, and the ability to drive his siblings around easily.

 

"Oh, there should be a bus coming along in the next half hour," Seungri replied. "I'm catching that."

 

I frowned. "That's a little while to wait," I commented, pulling my coat around me a little tighter. The temperature had really begun plummeting in the last couple of days. Winter is here, officially. "You can catch a lift with me and Durami."

 

"What?"

 

"I'll give you a lift back," I reiterated.

 

He frowned. "You don't have to. It's not that long a wait."

 

"I know," I said, smirking, "but I'm such a nice person, that I can't stand to see someone freeze in these late November temperatures."

 

He smiled, and gave a short chortle.

 

"Durami's game should be finishing in the next five minutes or so. Wanna sit in the stands while we wait?" I asked.

 

He nodded, standing a little closer to me, his arm occasionally brushing against mine as we walk over to the first row of chairs. I didn't normally allow such close proximity, and would usually shuffle away slowly from that person. But I knew what Seungri's doing. He's making sure he's keeping pace with me, and is going in the right direction. For now, I'm his guide.

 

"We haven't seen you at the house for over a week," he commented, placing his bag against the side of his chair, resting his cane across his lap.

 

I hesitated for a moment, eventually replying, "I've had a lot of stuff going on."

 

We sat in silence for a few long seconds, both our attention's absorbed by the game.

 

"Have you had a fight?" Seungri suddenly asked.

 

I turned to look at him, startled. His sightless eyes remained forward in the direction of the game.

 

"What?" I said.

 

"Have you and Jiyong had a fight?"

 

I frowned, my heart sinking at the mention of his name. "What makes you say that?"

 

Seungri shrugged. "Jiyong's been rather withdrawn lately. Doesn't talk as much. And then when Dami wanted to know when you'd be around again, he just snapped at her, telling her that you were too busy." Seungri frowned and mumbled, "He's never snapped at her like that before."

 

Fractured thoughts and feelings flitted through me. Why should any of his mood changes have to do with me? Especially when he's made it clear he wants nothing to do with me.

 

Seungri continued, "You left in a hurry last week, as well. Maybe it's coincidence, but he's just seemed rather depressed since then." He gave a sudden bitter laugh. "Although, I can think of a few other reasons as to why he'd be depressed."

 

I nodded, forgetting he can't see the physical gesture. "Yeah," I agreed, thinking of their absent father and drunken mother.

 

"It's just," he continued, "all that stuff has never seemed to faze him all that much. He's just ploughed on, done all the day-to-day stuff, put on a brave face for Deukkie and Dami. But even they know there's something wrong now. They know something's bothering him."

 

His hands were tightly clenched around his cane. I covered one of my hands with his, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

 

"I've tried speaking to him, asking him what's wrong," Seungri continued. He cutoff, shaking his head, despondent. "He just tells me he's fine, but I know he's not. I don't know what to do." He looked at me then, his sightless eyes looking just above mine. "What do I do?"

 

I fixed my lips in a firm line, locking back all emotions. Jiyong had always remained strong for his siblings, having erected a seemingly impregnable wall in which all were unable to discern any disconcerting emotions. But now, that wall is crumbling. I just don't understand why now and not before… way before, when his life had initially become a downward spiral of problems.

 

"I'll talk to Jiyong," I promised. There's a lump settling at the back of my throat, getting bigger, gradually, as I wondered what could have caused him to break. I can't help but wonder and worry, because although he'd rejected me, I still cared.

 

Seungri sighed, slumping back against his seat. "Thanks, noona. It means a lot. Maybe you'll be able to get through to him."

 

"Don't worry," I said absently, my mind whirring at the thought of having to talk to him. We haven't spoken since last week when I'd bolted out of his house. I hadn't planned on it either, wanting nothing more than to avoid him.

 

"Dara!" Durami called, pulling me out of my thoughts.

 

My eyes snapped forward, locking with a panting, sweating Durami. She's still in her soccer kit, mud plastered on her knees and elbows.

 

"Hey," she said, and then frowned, noticing Seungri beside me.

 

"Seungri?" she asked.

 

He gave a small smile. "Yeah, it's me, Durami."

 

 

She smiled, forgetting he can't see it. Her eyes moved to the cane then, and the eyes that aren't really seeing her. She frowned, and her smile dropped, somewhat.

 

"I haven't seen you in ages," she said. "Not since you'd left us middle-schoolers to depart to Jr. high."

 

"And now you're in Jr. high," Seungri said, "and I've moved on to high school. How's Mr. Woodman doing?"

 

"The music teacher?" Durami asked.

 

"Yeah, he ran the orchestra."

 

"I know," Durami replied, "I play the violin in it."

 

Seungri's eyebrows rise in surprise. "Really? I didn't realize you played. I do, as well… kinda. Jiyong's been teaching me how to the last couple of years."

 

Durami's eyes were wide, hanging partly open. "But... how can you…" She cut off suddenly, seemingly nervous as she realizes her question may not be well received.

 

Seungri, however, seems unperturbed. "How can I still play when I'm blind?"

 

Durami nodded, slowly, and then remembering he can't see the gesture, said, "Yeah."

 

"When you lose a sense," he began, "all your others tend to get a lot stronger. I've always been told I have a good ear for music, so when I lost my sight, it just got a hell of a lot stronger. You don't need to see to play the violin, but it would make learning a piece of music a lot easier if I could actually read the music." He smiled, almost a secret smile, before continuing, "You appreciate music a lot more when there's nothing visually to distract you. You hear everything a lot clearer. I can pick out little bits – modulation, dynamic changes – a lot easier now. So I suppose, in a way, blindness has its quirks."

 

"Yeah," Durami said, "I suppose you're right. I better go grab my stuff. Since I'm not running around anymore, I finally realized just how cold it is out here."

 

"See you in a bit," I shouted, as she jogged over to the changing rooms.

 

I turned to Seungri then. "How long has Jiyong been teaching you the violin?"

 

His face twisted in thought for a few contemplative seconds, before finally responding with, "About three years. I was never really that much interested when Gran was teaching Jiyong. I suppose the idea just grew on me, after hearing Jiyong get better and better, and then playing all these great pieces. It made me want to try something new. Only, he doesn't get much chance to teach me nowadays, what with everything going on."

 

I stood up, spotting Durami coming towards us, her schoolbag in hand.

 

Seungri continued, "We used to play duets together, but not now. Time's short for him. He's always rushing around, doing something."

 

Durami's standing beside us then, tightening the ponytail she's fixed her hair into. She's heard Seungri's last comments and frowned. "If you need a duet partner," she said, "we could always play together. It would be fun, especially since Dara just plays that box with keys."

 

"Yeah, that's be really nice," Seungri replied.

 

I gaped, feigning hurt at Durami's totally unjust remark. "Box with keys? You mean my wonderful piano?"

 

Seungri laughed, his face seemingly brighter now. There had been an almost haunted look there before, worry congealing, panic spiking, as he'd wracked his brains for what to do about Jiyong.

 

"Yeah," Durami agreed, referring to my 'box with keys'. "It's nothing compared to the violin. Right Seungri?"

 

I narrowed my eyes at her. "If you want a lift, Seungri," I said, "I suggest you side with the piano."

 

He laughed again, chortling out, "Sorry, but I can't betray my own instrument."

 

I threw my arms up in despair. "I'm outnumbered!"

 

We all burst into laughter then, and clambered into my car.

 

"Dara," Durami began, "I need you to take me to the mall before we go home."

 

I groaned. I hate the mall. It’s a place of torture, mass pain…

 

"So will you, Dara?" she persisted. "I need to pick up your birthday present."

 

I frowned. "My birthday's not until next Friday."

 

"I know," she said, "but I'm not gonna have a chance to go any other time. Please. It is for you, after all. I've had to go to a lot of trouble finding you this, because originally, I'd planned on buying you another charm for your bracelet. But since you've lost that, I've had to get a little creative."

 

I sighed. "Yeah, sure. Anything for me."

 

She scoffed. "Thought that would persuade."

 

"I'll drop you off first, Seungri," I told him, "save you going through the hell that is the mall."

 

"Thanks, Dara," Seungri said. "Mall's are not my thing. Too noisy."

 

I nodded, forgetting, once again, that he wouldn't have registered this gesture. We pulled up alongside Jiyong's drive then. Seungri opened the back door, got out, and turned to me. "Have a good birthday, Dara. And thanks for the lift." He turned to Durami and said, "It was really nice talking to you again, Durami."

 

"I'll call you," she promiseed, "so that we can set up a time when we can play together."

 

"Great. I'll see you then."

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm sitting in my car, prolonging the inevitable of getting out of my car and walking up the steps to the English department. It's Monday, and it's back to college. It's also back to being assaulted by nerves and dread whenever I see Jiyong. He's on my mind, a lot, and I hate it. I just can't dispel his harsh, cutting words, "I led you on I led you on I led you on…" They reverberate in my mind like they're on some sick re-play, "I led you on I led you on…"

 

I shook my head fiercely, futilely trying to dislodge the words. And in a way, the effect is achieved – I certainly forgot his words – as I cradled the side of my head with my hands, having smacked my head against my car door. Yeah, ouch.

 

I stumbled out of the car, slinging my bag across my shoulder and slowly walked to English. I'm just about to open the door when I spied Jiyong talking to Mr. Yang. I can't discern anyone else in there, so I waited, not wanting to interrupt their seemingly tense conversation. Instead, I pressed my ear against the door and listened.

 

"This work is much better, Jiyong,” Mr. Yang said. "But it's still a little short. You know I enjoy reading your prose, so give me something more to read." He paused. "It's another highly emotionally charged piece. I can practically feel your protagonist's emotional turmoil over his decision."

 

Another pause, and then, "Thanks, Sir."

 

"Just keep it up. Don't slip back into your old ways. I've re-entered you for the exam, so hopefully, if you continue as you're doing now, we should see that D turn into something a little more acceptable."

 

"Will do, Sir. I won't let that happen again."

 

"Good." A pause. "The class should be arriving soon. Is there anything else you wanted to ask?"

 

"No, that was all. Thanks."

 

Outside, I hesitated a few moments longer, waiting to glimpse another of my classmates before entering. I couldn't bear it if Jiyong, Mr. Yang and I were the only three in the room. It would just be too awkward.

 

Eventually, a few students arrived and I entered with them.

 

"So," Mr. Yang began, when everyone is seated, "where are we in Ambiguity?"

 

When no one supplied an answer, he turned to me, eyebrows raised questioningly. "Dara? I'm sure you know where we are."

 

I nodded. "Ace wants to endorse Naomi's college tuition. He just doesn't know how to do so yet without her rejecting the money."

 

He smiled and nodded, agreeing. "But what about before that? Where are Ace and Naomi's relationship at?"

 

I frowned. "She rejected him, telling him she 'doesn't love' him. Naomi hurt him badly, and yet he can't help but continue to love her. He knows nothing can ever become of them, because he believes she never cared for him."

 

"Right," Mr. Yang agreed. All eyes are on me, including Jiyong's. He seemed torn, almost. His jaw clenched tightly, his eyes radiating sadness.

 

"But, as we know from Naomi's thoughts," Mr. Yang continued, "she does feel the same way. She loves him, but right now, a relationship would not be the best thing."

 

"It's all very sad, " a girl remarked, absently slipping through her copy of Ambiguity. "They both want to be together, but they can't."

 

I scoffed. "They could be," I objected, "they could make it work. But Naomi's just not willing to try."

 

Jiyong turned round sharply from his position at the front, his eyes narrowed, and retorted, "And bring Ace into her mess? Why should he have to contend with her family problems? It just wouldn't be fair."

 

"And it's not fair on Naomi, either," I said. "Why should she have to suffer alone? Ace was more than willing to help, but she just rejected him. And in the cruelest way."

 

"Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind."

 

"What's kind in it? They're both unhappy."

 

"Ace will get over it," Jiyong coldly stated.

 

I gave a wistful smile. "It's not that easy getting over someone you love."

 

His eyes remained solely on mine, scrutinizing me. But I didn't want him to see how much he's hurt - hurting me, so I schooled my expression, and fixed in place an impassive mask.

 

"Well," Mr. Yang declared, snapping both Jiyong and mine's attention back to the front. Everyone's staring at us, some looking incredulous, others confused, while the empathetic few wore a look of understanding. "Good points," he congratulated, "you're understanding of the characters' actions and perceptions is very impressive. You're really learning how to put yourselves in the characters' positions."

 

"I do understand why Naomi rejected him as well," a girl remarked. "She has to put her family first, and they need her more than Ace needs her right now. And, as Naomi commented before, she doesn't have the time to have a stable relationship, and surely Ace wouldn't want that? She's trying to do what's best for them both."

 

Mr. Yang smiled. "Good. We're seeing alternative views." He moved from off his seat then, grabbed his copy of Ambiguity and positioned himself in front of his desk. "Have we seen any other ambiguous elements?"

 

"We still don't know about Ace's family," a student answered. "We know he had a prestigious job, earned lots and lots of money, and then winded up a chef in a grotty pub. Something had to have happened for him to just suddenly leave that wealthy lifestyle."

 

"Indeed," Mr. Yang agreed, "this story has yet to reach its conclusion."

 

 

 

I'm walking down the hall when Jiyong suddenly came up beside me. "Why are you heading to the music block?" he asked. "We don't have a rehearsal until tomorrow."

 

"I know," I said, my eyes remaining forward. "I'm going to meet Seunghyun."

 

"Seunghyun? Why?"

 

"Does it really matter?" I snapped, stepping up my pace.

 

"Just asking," he said, jogging a few steps to catch up to me. "I just thought you'd wait a little while before moving on from Jae and going off with one of his friends."

 

I came to a halt, gape, and round on him, livid. "How dare you suggest I could ever be that heartless?" I shouted. "I'm not like you who lead people on for their own enjoyment. Was it some sick joke to you, pretending to 'like' me? Or was it a prank that just got out of hand?"

 

He remained impassive after my rant, his eyes, however, conveying his surprise and sadness. I smiled snidely. Anger practically rolled off me in waves. My curled fists swung at my sides, as I chided, "Can't answer? You've never had problems before with your words around me. What's changed? Feel guilty?"

 

He looked away, and I knew my words are having their desired effect. "Well," I continued, "don't worry about me, okay? Because I've never 'liked' you like that. And you're right, kissing you was a mistake."

 

I turned my back on him then, refusing to look back, even once. And I'm still obstinate when I heard his quite utterance, "I'm sorry."

 

I thought shouting at him like that, getting it all out, would make me feel better. But it hasn't. It's just made me feel rejected, rotten, and empty.

 

 

 

 

 

"Hey Dara," Seunghyun chirped, swinging his legs off the table he'd just been sitting on. He noticed my despondency immediately and frowned.

 

"What's wrong?" he asked.

 

I waved it off with a flick of my hand. "Nothing."

 

"Something's wrong," he continued, determined. "Tell me."

 

"It's nothing."

 

The frown became more prominent on his forehead. "I know you better than that, Dara. Something is wrong. Just tell me, because maybe I can help."

 

I gave a bitter laugh and shook my head, incredulous. "I doubt that."

 

His face fell for a moment, saddened by my harsh statement. I felt guilty instantly and forced a smile.

 

"I'm sorry," I said, trying to infuse some warmth into my voice. "I know you're only trying to be nice, and I appreciate it. But it's just something I've got to deal with on my own, y'know."

 

Seunghyun took a step closer towards me, and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to do everything alone," he said. "I care about you a lot, Dara."

 

I never saw it coming, I swear, my eyes having been riveted to the floor when his lips suddenly met mine. It's a quick, fleeting kiss. But ultimately, it's a suggestion of what could be.

 

Seunghyun's face was alight and bright when he pulled away, smiling. But the smile turned to a frown when he noted the look on my face and the way my eyes refused to meet his for more than a second. What did he think he was doing?

 

"Am I that bad of a kisser?" he asked, a little apprehensively.

 

"No," I said, "it's just… right now's not a good time for me to enter into a relationship with anyone, y'know. I've not long broken up with Jae, and then… it's just not a good idea."

 

He nodded, his lips tightly pursed. "Bad timing then," he muttered.

 

"Yeah," I agreed. "Bad timing." Biggest. Understatement. Ever.

 

"Well," he began, forcing a smile, "maybe when you're ready…"

 

He left the question open, giving me the choice. And after a couple of seconds, when my torrent of emotions and thoughts had slowed to a halt, I nodded. "Yeah," I said, "maybe."

 

But right now, honestly, I can't see myself with anyone.

 

 

 

---

 

Hi everyone! So sorry for the late update. Hope you enjoyed this one! ^_^

 

About TOTL, many of you have been asking me about it. I'm so sorry.... :( If you read my A/Ns every end of each chapter, you'd know that I lost what I've writted for TOTL right? I had it in my iPhone but my iPhone was stolen. So yeah. T--T I haven't started writing for it again. Please bare with me... I'm really really really sorry for the long wait. x(