Before I even start, I have to say that part of this was inspired by a dream I had the other night. By the way, this drabble just forced me to turn it into an actual story, which I already created but its in draft mode. It will be titled the same -- Ti Amo // A Novella. I hope to finish at least one of my stories before updating it. So if this drabble doesn’t quench your HoMin feels, the story will ;)

----

AU // Arranged marriage between Yunho, who's hopelessly in love with Changmin -- who's hopelessly in love with another. (Slight Min7en // because deep down I ship that even though I don't know how it started // Oh and I wanted to write in 1st pov :D)

----

When he touched me it was unwanted. The rain trickled down the brick roof of the cabin when it happened. He had been absent most of the day, something about doing business with the neighboring ranch owners. He left me all alone in a room that was decorated by a sole bed, a couple of portraits and a breakfast table where I assumed we’d be eating together. The room was simple yet luxurious, and while I was supposed to contemplate the future with my husband, my heart raced for Dongwook.

It had been raining all day, not once did the sun want to warm up my day with its majestic smile. I stared at the silver band decorating my wedding finger, it was lovely, it would make another being smile and maybe even squeal from the affection, but I felt nothing. I wanted to stare at the silver band and feel butterflies overtake my stomach, to feel the sensation of my cheeks flush at the thought of my husband’s name -- but there was nothing! He held no value in my heart.

When Yunho arrived to the cabin where we were to spend our honeymoon he draped his strong hands around my waist and whispered sweet-nothings against the shell of my ear. His words seemed so genuine, so real it was hard not to imagine falling in love with him. He deserved to be loved, he didn’t deserve this indifference I felt. Of all people he could of possibly have laid his eyes on, why me? Had it been someone else maybe he’d had hope of receiving love, but I? What could I offer? A divided heart?

I don't know how he could love me as much as he does when he had only seen me once. I was walking down the small courtyard at the center of the city apparently, he recalled the event with so much passion. He vowed he’d make me his ‘wife’ sooner or later after that, and he’s a man of his word -- for I am, his ‘wife’.

He must be a strong believer of love at first sight, because I surely do not love him. In fact, in this very moment in which Yunho holds me, I imagine Dongwook holding me instead -- a poor man in comparison to this grand man Yunho is. Yunho’s wealthy, handsome, benevolent, but most of all, he's in love with me, a man who I'll never reciprocate his feelings of affection.

"Did you do anything today?" Yunho asks as he turns me around to cup my face. I look anywhere except into his eyes. I feel self-conscious when he gazes into my brown eyes, its as if he could decipher my thoughts, and that by itself could start a war. He’d hate me for wanting to be in the arms of another, he’d detest me for wanting to be married to another man who cannot provide what he has with just a signature.

I shake my head and say no. Yunho’s bow shaped lips quirk into a smile, he cups my chin and forces me to stare into his eyes. “You don’t say much do you?” he asks while leaning in to plant a kiss along the corner of my lips. Before there can be any contact I withdraw from his hold and pull away from him. He sighs, and it breaks me.

“Changmin,” he says calmly, “I know I’m but a stranger to you, but I’m your husband now, and you my wife. You have certain duties towards me --”

Fury thrashes out my mouth like a waterfall, “Am I to be treated as your then?” I ask as I turn around to face him. It seems I’ve crossed a line because the older lad clenches his jaw and looks away. “To be taken whenever you please against my will? To quench your every desire just because a piece of paper deems it so?”

“That’s not what I meant Changmin,” he replies. He walks towards me and takes a hold of my hands as if saying sorry for what he had implied. He caresses the smooth expanse of my flesh while admiring its softness. Yunho sighs, “There isn’t an easy way to say this Changmin,” he stops to look at me while keeping his gaze fixated on my brown eyes. “I’m your husband, I will take care of you emotionally, physically and financially. We are one now, I want you to trust me. Just please … let me love you. I know you were probably reserving yourself for someone special, but, I vow to do everything in my power to help you feel … at least more comfortable around me.”

“If by comfortable you mean not touching me, then I advise you to get out. I do not want to spend the night with you.”

Yunho doesn’t budge, he doesn’t even make the attempt to move, instead he makes his way towards me and takes a hold of my body forcefully. His lips attack mine with a dominating kiss, his hands grab my waist and I find myself locked between his hold, and his lips. I punch his chest, asking for release, but Yunho doesn’t even contemplate the thought.

Next thing I know I’m on top of the bed, undressed, under him, and -less.

----

It’s been a week since Yunho touched me, I refuse from even coming into contact with him. He has no right to take me as he wishes just because I am his ‘wife’. I’m human, I fall, and I break, and I need someone to understand me.

There’s a knock at my door, and I roll my eyes in annoyance. I do not want to greet anyone, especially not Yunho. “Who is it?” I ask.

“It’s Taemin.”

Cute little lad. “Come on in Taemin.” Taemin opens the door and bows his head, a smile flashing afterwards as he stands in front of me. He’s wearing navy slacks, a white button shirt and a red vest over it. “What is it Taemin? Has Yunho asked for me again?” I inquire with a hint of sarcasm.

“He hasn’t,” he adds to my surprise, “Sir Yunho had to leave the estate and head to the city. Something about planning the construction of a hospital.” I nod at the processed information. So he isn’t a beast as I thought he’d been. He’s kind, especially to those who are poor and have no income.

“Then? Is there a problem?”

Taemin shakes his head, “Sir Yunho has been waiting the arrival of the new accountant. Since Jaejoong’s father died and he was in charge of the Estate’s accounts, Yunho had to hire a new one. He’s downstairs in the living room. It’s just that …”

I knit my eyebrows in confusion and stare at Taemin, “But what?” I ask, this time my voice showing more of its desperation.

“Jaejoong has already welcomed him. I figured that right only belongs to you since you’re in charge of the house whenever Sir Yunho isn’t around … not Jaejoong.”

My blood begins to boil at the mention of Jaejoong. How dare he try and usurp my position? Does he not know he’s nothing but a fiddling piece of help here in the estate? If it weren’t for Yunho’s damned kindness towards him I personally would’ve kicked him out of here. “Is that so?” I ask. Taemin nods, and for the first time since I’ve met the kid, he looks slightly afraid that I might do something rash.

I rush down the hall and down the stairs, and just like Taemin had said, there was Jaejoong drinking tea with the accountant. He was chattering so jovially, as if there were nothing wrong with that scenario, as if there were nothing wrong with his station.

“Just who gave you the right to attend the guests?” Jaejoong stands up and puts the cup down. He stares at me, he does not bat an eye, nor does he waver his thoughts. He speaks his mind and that angers me. Someone needs to teach him to keep his mouth shut, especially when directing himself to me, the wife of Jung Yunho.

“You weren’t here, so I figured I’d take the liberty of welcoming the accountant.”

I clench my jaw and ball my hand into a fist. He’s playing with my patience. “You thought wrong Jaejoong. I don’t care if I’m outside tending the garden or in my room, you will call me and I will greet the guest, you have no right to meddle with people higher in station than you. Do I make myself clear? Yunho will not be happy when he hears about this -- now get out.” Jaejoong swallows his pride and bows his head in the little amount of respect he has for me and leaves the room. I haven’t even glanced at the accountant for he hasn’t even stood up to at least say hi. I exhale the bad and inhale the good. I head towards the antique yet luxurious sofas settled in between the entrance of the house and the rest of the estate.

“I’m so sorry you had to witness all that, I’m Changmin, Yunho’s wife …” my eyes widen when I deliver my hand for a formal greeting to none other than Dongwook -- my first love, the man I almost ran away with the day of my wedding with Yunho.

“D-Dongwook …” my voice thrashes inside the walls of my throat, “W-What are you doing here?” I feel my heart stops beating, it cannot assimilate his presence. This has to be a dream, a cruel and sickening joke. He cannot be here. If Yunho finds out who he is, he will have both of us killed. He will have no mercy …

“I came here for you,” he whispers. “I came to steal you away.”

----

He looks at me with eyes that promise to release a torrent of water, it makes my heart ache in a way I didn’t know possible. “You slept with him didn’t you?” he asks, the sole idea killing him softly.

I don’t answer his question, he can assume whatever he wants, at the end of the day I’m no longer his, I belong to Yunho now. “Did he hurt you?” Dongwook asks through gritted teeth. I can tell he’s trying his best to keep calm but his jealousy is gnawing at his insides. I can hear his pain with the wavering of his smooth and calm voice.

“He was rough but gentle.”

“I’ll kill him,” Dongwook states as he puts his hand on the gun he carries inside his blazer.

“No Dongwook,” I reply with sad eyes, I remember the whole night and it plays in front of me like a movie with no end. “I had rejected him, and he became angry. It was my fault.”

“Min-ah,” he says coolly, “We can still runaway, we can still make it, just give me a chance,” he begs.

God knows I’ve thought about escaping with this man, I’d give anything to just disappear from the face of this earth and to be with him for the rest of my days. God knows I wouldn’t hesitate, so why am I hesitating now?

“You know I can’t do that,” I reply looking away. Dongwook fervently latches onto my hands, he has no intention of letting me go.

“Please, Min, I’m not asking for much.”

“You’re asking for a lot!” I say in desperation. My feet move on its own accord and stand up, leaving Dongwook on the rock bench. Life isn’t as easy as we had deemed it to be. Who would’ve thought my parents, especially my mom, would’ve rejected him just because he isn’t in our station. Who would’ve thought that a man out of nowhere had keen intentions of making me his way before actually meeting one another? There are so many thoughts flinging back and forth, and nothing makes sense anymore. “I can’t give you that Dongwook … I can’t give you that anymore.”

Dongwook stands up and laces his arms around me, I miss his hold, his scent, everything. He hesitates in saying he doesn’t care, but deep down they all care. My innocence was meant for him only, he was the only one who was supposed to touch me, not my husband, not him.

“I don’t care,” he replies, “I just want you, you’re the only that matters.”

“Look at us Dongwook,” I say as I fling my arms in the air. We’re in the middle of an abandoned brick house. It probably burned down years ago, but here we are, hiding from my husband, hiding from anyone who could possibly rat us out to Yunho. “You and I … we aren’t meant to be. I’m afraid of getting caught. Yunho is my husband now, you have to understand that Dongwook.”

“You love him, don’t you?”

I shake my head and run to Dongwook’s embrace, “Don’t say that Dongwook, you know I’ll only love you, you’re my first love, but you have to understand that I no longer belong to you. I belong to someone else now. You have to leave the estate before Yunho figures out who you really are.”

“I do not care,” Dongwook says as he holds me close and peppers kisses on my forehead, “If he finds out who I am, the better it is for me. I shall take you with me, and only then will you be mine.”

I want to follow through … but I can’t. Something in my heart tells me I shouldn’t, that Dongwook is wrong and that I should just stay in the estate and follow through with my future, my destiny.

----

When I reach home its past evening time. Dongwook left and promised he’d return the following day to meet Yunho; I silently prayed that the day would never end. Having Dongwook near me is nerve-wrecking. I feel like I’m cheating yet I haven’t done anything. My body has solely belonged to one man … that of my husband’s.

I enter through the big double doors of the estate and run my hands through my hair. Being outside most of the day has made me tired, and I seek a deep and peaceful slumber, but the sight before me sends anger rippling through my veins

There goes Yunho, the kind and devoted husband who boasts he loves me all day and all night, but here he is in the living room being much too friendly with Jaejoong. I clear my throat and garner Yunho’s attention. He turns around and flashes a simple grin, sort of indifferent. It lacks the same passion his other loving gestures possess.

“How was your walk? Has it helped you liberate your thoughts?” he asks. Jaejoong stands behind Yunho, eyeing me like a rival. He does not like me, and I … well I’m not quite fond of him either. I can see what he’s trying to do with Yunho, and I don’t appreciate that he’s trying to go about it under my nose as if I didn’t exist in this god-forsaken estate.

“It has,” I reply. I stare at Yunho and look at him with a hateful hint to my eyes. He can exclaim that he loves me but fiddle with anyone he pleases? Please …

“I’m glad. Jaejoong,” Yunho turns to face the raven male, “Please send us our dinner to my quarter. My wife and I will be dining in private.”

“I’m not hungry,” I add quickly. I begin to head up the stairs, but his baritone voice stops me halfway.

“I didn’t ask if you were hungry or not,” Yunho states while wiping some dirt off from his khaki riding jeans. “You’re joining me because I’m seeking your company, as my wife it is your duty. Don’t forget that. Jaejoong.” Jaejoong bows his head and leaves us to get the food. Yunho walks up the stairs and clings his hand around my arm, he squeezes it so that I may feel his presence -- so that I do not forget that he is my head, that he’s the one who makes the decisions around the estate.

“I don’t appreciate your defiance in front of the help Changmin.” Yunho states in a whisper while walking down the long hall of rooms. There are no portraits of any kind, someone told me he had them taken down. There are mirrors hanging evenly along the crimson walls of the hallway.

“And I don’t appreciate Jaejoong going up and about like this is his house. I am your wife, he needs to recognize and respect that.”

“Since when do you want to handle the affairs of the house? You’re always locked in your room.”

I gulp down a knot my throat has stored and look into Yunho’s almond shaped eyes, “I care now. I am your wife aren’t I? The least I can do is help around the house while you’re away.”

“You should’ve told me sooner. Anything else?” he inquires, while stopping for a short second, waiting to see if I have anything else to say. Which I do.

“Y-yes,” I stammer, “I don’t like seeing you spending time with Jaejoong as if he were the wife, the one in charge of actually running your house. Why not marry him and grant me my liberty then? You’re always happier when he’s around and bitter when next to me.”

Yunho pulls me towards his chest and ends up trapping me against the wall. He’s so close I can count his eyelashes, I can even see that tiny little black beauty mark along the curve of his lip. He’s breathing hard while his grip remains strong against my wrists. “You would like that wouldn’t you?” his hot breath lingers down my skin, goosebumps begin to decorate my thin layer of skin. “But guess what my love,” he adds with a sinister smile, “You’re mine, and as long as you have my last name you belong to me.”

“Please Yunho,” my voice cracks as I look into his beautiful copper shaded eyes, with the rays of the sun hitting his frame from behind, his eyes are radiant -- they’re mesmerizing and beautiful. I shake those thoughts away. “Just set me free … I can’t love you. I don’t love you.”

“You say this all the time, do you want me to suffer because of you? Do you want me to etch those hateful words into my skin?” he asks, exerting more strength on his hold. I wince at the pain that ripples through my arms. “Why can’t you just give me a chance Changmin … why can’t you see that I love you with all my might. Ever since I saw you months ago …”

I want to reply that I had nothing to do with his sentiments, that this marriage was unjust in all its form, but I’m too late (again) because the moment I want to part my lips to defend myself Yunho seeks my lips in a kiss that throws me off guard.

Yunho is usually rough, and demanding, his way of treating me is unrefined compared to the way I’ve been raised -- but this kiss. It’s soft, and gentle, and full of so much need, and want. I see sparks of red and white flash before me, an electric tingle coursing down my spine. Instead of pulling away I actually comply to the kiss, I’m actually moving against his plump lips.

He feels so warm against my lips, it’s like they’re dancing to a rhythm that is inexistant, to a melody only they know. It scares me to think I could actually fall for this man, it scares me to think that it could happen, and soon. We only part to catch our breaths, his pulse vibrates against the wetness of my lips, he lets go of my wrist and uses the back of his palm to my cheek.

“My beautiful doll,” he whispers, almost as if it took every ounce of energy to say that, “My precious Changdoll …”

Something changed after that.

----

Yunho has respected my only wish to sleep in separate rooms (which implies not sleeping together). He knows I do not love him, but he tries every day to open up conversation, to at least witness a smile I might flash. He tries so hard I pity his efforts -- at times I do give in, and it makes him the happiest person in the world. He seems like a child at times, jealous some moments, yet very adoring and loud in others.

During dinner we keep quiet unless he inquires about myself. I know that a marriage is work between two people, I have to admit that the beginning was mostly him trying to drag me along. It seems at least now we’re both trying to carry the load by supporting one another. He seems to enjoy the minimal amounts we get to spend together during the day; due to his busy work attending the estate and la Quinta, he comes home tired, seeking for food and sleep. At times he comes seeking for more than just a small kiss, but I can't give into him despite my obvious physical attraction for him.

He isn't ugly.

When I’m alone with my thoughts I actually find myself wishing he were next to me -- even if both are quiet. Dongwook comes to mind some moments, and when he does guilt consumes me alive. I will burn in hell if I keep thinking of a man who’s not my husband.

I owe Yunho respect, and maybe like he says … in time I’ll learn to love him. The day I do, I hope to not end up like my mother and father. She learned to ‘interact’ with him, to at least learn to like what he did despite her obvious disinterest, but she never loved him.

I want to love what Yunho loves … I want to love Yunho, but only with time will that be possible.

----

Yunho leaves early one morning. He comes to my room to bid goodbye, he's leaving because he has to acquire the latest cattle into the ranch. Dongwook will go with him.

Yunho is quite fond of Dongwook, that is because he still doesn’t know who Dongwook is and what he meant to me at some point of my life. I don’t hate Dongwook, but I simply dislike what he’s doing. It’s as if he’s trying to get me in trouble when I on the other hand just want to reside in peace with my husband. He lurks the estate as if he owned it, as if he owned me too.

We’ve met a few times in secret, but my attempts at making him leave result in failure. He’s stubborn, and won’t heed to my simple wishes of simply leaving. I cannot afford seeing him again, Jaejoong is starting to get suspicious, and he’s even had the audacity to tell Yunho that Dongwook and I chat frequently some days, which makes Yunho suspicious. He hasn’t questioned anything yet.

“I promise to be back soon Changmin," he says in a whisper, he tries to not wake me up completely, but the sleep has far left my body by now. "When I return I promise I'll look into having a proper honeymoon okay?"

The thought of spending an intimate night with him makes me blush. It makes my heart throb while my stomach tries to keep everything from last night's meal inside. "Okay," I reply. He leans in as if wanting to give me a kiss, but he pulls back in hesitation. He leaves me wanting, desiring, yearning for a kiss. He stands up to leave, a petty smile curled into his lips. "Yunho ..." I murmur. He stops midway from reaching the door and turns to face me.

The sun is beginning to reach the horizon, its orange and purplish rays swim past Yunho, making his face seem almost ethereal.

I get up from bed and head towards my husband. I cup his face into my hands and kiss him sweetly on his lips. He's intact, he doesn't believe that I've initiated the kiss. His eyes are wide but slowly he gives in to my goodbye kiss. He smells of fresh cotton, and a hint of spicy forest. His scent permeates my nightwear, I’ll remember Taemin not to wash them. Yunho parts from me and nuzzles his nose gently against mine. “I love you Changmin.”

He leaves before I too can whisper a goodbye.

----

I’m in my room when Taemin comes crashing down through my door. He’s breathless, and speechless. He looks as if he’s seen a dead corpse, his skin pale and ghostly white. “Taemin, what’s wrong?” I ask with a smile. “Why do you look like that? Are you that nervous to ask me what I’d like for today’s evening meal?”

Taemin shakes his head, his chest heaves up and down. I begin to worry when no words come out of his mouth. “Taemin, what is it?”

“M-Master Y-Yunho … he’s been shot.”

I stand to my feet and run past Taemin, I don’t wait for the young lad to follow behind me, I have to see how my husband is doing. I run as fast as my limbs can take me. I cannot lose Yunho, not know when I finally feel at ease and at peace with him. Not now. Please … I head outside of the estate where all the commotion is. Jaejoong is sobbing as if he were the rightful wife, he’s holding onto Yunho’s lifeless hand and it throws me off guard. “Leave!” I shout at the raven male.

“I will not leave Yunho by himself,” Jaejoong cries in return.

I push him to the ground and stare at him with tears in my eyes, “Yunho is not by himself, he has me, his wife. Now go and fetch the doctor, hurry!” I take a hold of Yunho’s hand and cry into his chest as I see how soaked his shirt is with the thick crimson liquid. There is blood everywhere, I can’t hear the sound of his beating heart. “Yunho … you cannot leave me, don’t leave me please.”

“We were riding past a shortcut and got ambushed,” Dongwook says. I look up to see him soaked in blood too, Yunho’s blood. He looks as if he were in the verge of dying, there are tears in his eyes, and it’s not because Yunho is in the verge of dying -- no. It’s because he’s realized he’s lost, that my heart is slowly yearning for that of my husband’s.

“T-thank you Dongwook,” I mutter while staring at my husband, I take in his handsome features -- his straight nose, the beauty mark I adore, his bow-shaped lips. “Thank you for bringing him back to me.” Dongwook nods and remains quiet. I know it must’ve been hard for him to make a decision, somewhere in the back of his mind I know he thought about leaving Yunho to die. It would’ve given us the opportunity to be together again, like before … but my heart is no longer divided. It beats and waits for Yunho.

Dongwook leaves, he lets the men carry Yunho inside the estate. I follow Yunho like a lost puppy, afraid of losing its owner. I stay with Yunho the remaining of the night, aiding the doctor, but never leaving his side.

----

Yunho doesn’t wake up in three days, I’m beginning to feel anxious now. My heart races every single day that passes without Yunho opening his eyes. I pace uncontrollably around the room trying to keep sane.

Jaejoong doesn’t help calm my anxiety. He bangs on the door screaming that I let him in, that he too has a right to see his master. I order the help to kick him out from the estate. Yunho needs a tranquil environment to recuperate.

He has to get better, I know he’s strong, he has to live. He cannot leave me here. I sit down beside him and hold his hand when the doctor enters the room.

He glances at me with a concerned look, “Yunho will be alright Changmin. His body is just recuperating from the wound,” he keeps quiet for a moment, “Would you like to bathe him?”

My eyes widen, “Me? What? I …”

“It’s a sponge bath Changmin, relax. His body needs to feel something cool. I’ll help you.”

Yunho isn’t wearing a shirt, his caramel skin glows slightly with the allowing of some sun to enter the room. His body is defined, muscles rippling in his arms and abdomen. There is a white bandage wrapped around his chest, near his heart -- where the bullet had hit. The Doctor gently places Yunho on his side and he orders me to clean his back.

I let the sponge drop when I take in Yunho’s back. It’s marred with scars of lashes, one over the other. I squeal at the horrendous sight. I take a step back and try to acknowledge what I just witnessed. “His father would beat him in front of the workers when he was a child,” the doctor explained. “His father wasn’t a kind man, it wasn’t until he was in his death bed that he apologized to Yunho for what he had done to him.”

“Did Yunho forgive him?”

The doctor nods and gestures that I pick up the sponge to clean his back. I do so and dip the sponge in the bowl of cool water next to the bed. I caress the sponge along Yunho’s back, I’m afraid of hurting him. If I would’ve known this side of Yunho from the beginning maybe our marriage would have been different. I can see why he adores kids, and why he helps the less fortunate. He didn’t have a glorious childhood. He had been beat by his own father, who could do such a thing?

After the sponge bath I remain by Yunho’s side. My fingers lace with his elegant fingers and I keep in that position while I stare at the sublime perfection I’ve come to realize he possesses. I begin to tell him that I miss him, that I miss his smile, his voice, his everything.

I even promise to be a good wife to him, to be patient and to love him like he deserves.

“Just come back Yunho … I promise I’ll change.” I rest my head along his chest and close my eyes to the melody of his thumping heart. I want to fall asleep when I feel fingers thread through the strands of my hair.

“My precious Changdoll … you’re here.”

His sweet baritone voice wakes me up, I could cry. He’s awake! He’s finally awake! “Yunho” I yell in delight as I squeeze him in an embrace. He winces in pain and I flinch back -- I had forgotten he was injured. “You’re finally awake. I was beginning to worry.”

“Did you really mean all those things you said earlier?” he asks, changing the topic so subtly. I avoid gazing into his eyes, but I nod and accept that those words did come from my mouth. “Don’t worry Min,” he says in a whisper, “I love us enough for the both of us.”

Tears blur my sight, and I look away while holding onto Yunho’s hand. “Don’t say that Yunho … I ….”

“It’s okay Min,” he says almost out of breath, “I realize I can’t force you to love me. Only time will tell if your heart will belong to me or not.”

I kiss his hand and press it against my cheek, “Don’t worry so much about that Yunho. I already know to whom my heart belongs.”

Yunho’s lips curl into a smile and he pulls me into his chest. He doesn’t say much, but with the soft kiss he plants on my forehead I’m sure of one thing. He loves me … and I … well … I love him too.